If you can dream it you can do it
If you believe in something
Believe in it all the way

I lie all the time
I lie because I cannot put into words
How I feel
How my emotions rise on the surface and spread around me
How I cannot contain the intensity of my being
How I am
THAT
But have to pretend I am
A murmur
Like everyone else
And no one can handle me
I am a
HURRICANE
I am a
THUNDERSTORM
I am a
HUMAN BEING
Who feels too much
And my fingers try to keep up
Because how else can I control
The devastation in my soul
The elation in my heart
And all the other emotions
That appear and disappear every other second
I am a chemical reaction
And all the molecules collide with me
I repulse and attract and hold and push and in the end I am

Alone

But I am an EXPLOSION
And whoever lights up the match
Will be surrounded by who I am
And I am love, hate, affection, anger, concern, desire, despair, empathy, excitement, fervor, grief, happiness, joy, passion, pride, rage, remorse, sadness, shame, sorrow, calm, quiet, peace
But one thing I am not
One thing I will never be
Is
Indifferent to you.

She turned to me and said
I think you should write songs instead of poems
She said
You have a great singing voice
She said
Maybe you are taking the easy way out
She said
Poems are easier to write than songs
She said
Songs cannot exist if you do not perform
She said
You should perform your poems
Transform them into songs

She turned to me and thought
I see something in you
I see potential

And it has been such a long time
Since someone looked at me and saw
Something that could be
My heart exploded
And I smiled
Because who is lucky enough to have such amazing friends?

Hands are amazing
Hands express feelings, speak their own language
Hands have their own identities.
Hands also hold.
They hold yourself when you collapse
They hold other people to keep them close
Or to keep them from falling apart
They intertwine. Link. Caress. Touch. Grip.
They can be loose or tight
They can mean the world or nothing at all
But hands also disappear
Hands can be missed more than a person
Because hands are the reflection of our soul
And when a soul touches another soul
Sparks explode
And when two hands hold each other
Nothing can be more perfect
But perfection never lasts long
Perfection is a fleeting moment
An instant of pure happiness.
The emptiness that follows
Knows no bound
But no matter how long I must wait
I live for those moments

I am a sunflower
None of my breaths are wasted when the sun
Is not there
You are my sun
You make me wish for warmth
And light
And happiness in a smile
I would turn my face up to stare at you
For hours
To breathe you in

Blue is the color
I see in your eyes
When they look down into mine
And I see how you've changed
My life upside down
A labyrinth I can't walk into
Without falling and tripping
But you know I don't care
About those little details
Because you've discovered
My heart
Is bigger than yours
Stronger than yours
Beating louder
Than yours ever will

He made me sarcastic.
He made me ironic.
Bitter.
I opened up to him and let him crush me like a ripe fruit
He stepped and burned and spit on what was left.
Then...
Last year I thought I would burn again,
Bring fire back.
But I am so *lost

Perhaps I
Was the first draft
And she
Was the work of art
You stained my face with your fingers
And left your print all over me
You never bothered to clean the edges
Left me in the rough
Left me in the dark
In the pages of a sketchbook you never open
Anymore and
I would rather be dead

My hands are frozen and my feet are ice
I never knew I needed your undercover
To keep me warm from the tornado of snow
Licking at my feet and burning my hands
I am in pain but I am not a weak flame
I am a universe
Made up of songs and poems
A lake of memories and depthless deepness
And eye seeing the future
And watching the present
I am a universe
Made up of the people I have met
In the end what matters is
Who I am
Where I have been
Where I am headed
                                   Does not mean anything at all

I am between the shadows of human bodies and those of ghosts
My skin is fire and my smell is rotten
My everything
Burns
Bright against the canvas of the dark night
Reaching its long black fingers into my hair of flames
I burn brighter than the moon
Brighter than the stars
I am not a Sun
I am my own dynamite.

**And I will explode.

It's funny how dreams turn out sometimes
You wake up and suddenly
It's not a dream anymore.
You are awake, but the dream lingers…

Insecure people make me angry.
I get upset when someone talks themselves down  over and over again.
Find something beautiful about yourself and stick to it.
If you cannot find anything that you love about yourself, you are going to be sad forever.
If you cannot see the beautiful in yourself how can you find the beautiful in other people?
I wish everyone would realize they shine a different light, and all lights are beautiful.
They light up a different way, they light up different people.
It's a magic light that some people can see, and some others can't.
I wish it were enough for everyone.
You do not need to shine for the world.
You need to shine for the people who can see it.
For the people who can love it.
Who can love you.
I wish it was enough for me.

Your fingers linger on the bruises
You put there just last night
Covering
Last week's addition with thoughtful convenience
Streaks of red and blue around my throat
A word too fast
A breath too short
I made you angry
You did not realize
This one time would be the last
A second too long
A lifetime lost
My body in a bag
A macabre sculpture you created like an artisan
Molding my face into a canvas of fear and pain
Into the blank face of death
You created art and like most artists
I(t) will haunt your sleepless night
With every memory of me

I wouldn't change the way I am
But I am a passionate person
I react strongly to everything
I love fast and hard
If only I could
Stop…
As easily as switching a light
On
        And
                   Off
But it only works one way
And I am destroying myself
Each time a little more
I pour my entire being in one go
I give and give and give until nothing is left
But
So often I am rewarded with silence
Then the pain
The pain
Is the worst kind
A burning blade slicing and burning
Fire in your veins
The pain makes my mind go numb
And attempt at shutting it all off
But always comes back
With a vengeance
I am a passionate person
And as they all do
Passions come with a price
I wonder how long I will be willing
**To pay.

You destroyed me with one simple look
Eyes collide and the universe empties itself out
Floating in ether with stare unblinking
Who will back out first I wonder

The game we play is a dangerous one
You make the rules and I move along
Addicted to you I follow blindly
Into this dangerous path you trace for me

I wonder how you knew
That humouring me would be the way in
And I cannot get you out
I cannot push you away
From the little nest in my heart where you stay
Planning your way in
Deeper and deeper in

The lights are blinking furiously
Sending alarms across my body
But I am tuned to you I don't want to hear
The alarm ringing I'm addicted, I fear
Do not trick me into loving you
You know I'll be hurt if you do
Take that chance and jump aboard
On the crazy train we ride abroad
In a country where I am no longer afraid
To say the words that hurt me before

Give me faith
Don't let me down
I don't know if I can handle
Being left again this time around

He was never scared, back then
He was a fighter ready to jump into the battle
And nothing could break him
He was invincible
Unstoppable
He was never scared, back then
But that's only because
He didn't have anything to fight for

The day she appeared in his life
He knew she was the love of his life
He would have gone anywhere with her
He would have done anything for her
And as he gets back up again
Beaten and bloodied
She beats him down again
Barely breathing
And
Anything can break him
She is invincible
Unstoppable

She's crushing his heart in her hands
She doesn't have anything to live for
Anymore

Inside a dungeon my heart lies quietly
Not beating for anybody
Still waiting for the magic kiss
To make it flutter alive again
But
The first time a man held it
Dropped it and let it break
Since then I couldn't repair it
But I believe if you
Hold my hand tight
Pull me close to you
Give me your strength
Together we could do anything
I believe in you
I believe you can make me believe in us
Reassemble the pieces of my broken heart
Do not let it code of the floor
My heart was a stone
But it's beating again
I thought I would never feel it drum
But…

… Boom
Boom…
…Boom

…Found that extraordinary guy
I simply hope he won't be a lie
Please open my locked heart
Please save my stone heart

You broke my wings
You dragged me down
With every word you let me down
Nearly touching the ground
I knew what I had to do
Escape from you
Yet I kept listening to your lies
Staring death right in the eye
You dropped me down a cliff
Down in the water
I couldn't breathe

Still under deep water
I try to find my way out of the dark

On the edge of the cliff I imagine
You watched me fall with a smirk
I can still see the smile on your face
It was my turn to fly
But you cut out my wings and threw me down
Give me back my freedom
I've been drowning for too long,
Release me now
I would do anything to swim back out

I am stuck
My feet are stones
Enchained into this dream
Unable to wake up
Unable to move on
I just watch disaster
Settling into my bones
As I run into the arms of the Devil
I am burning alive
Unable to wake up
Unable to slow down
I just watch disaster
Messing up everything I had faith in
And I cannot free myself from this nightmare
I need your arms to chase them away
But my pride pushed them away
You know I am weak
But I won't show it
And when I wake up
I cannot move on
You've disappeared into the night
You're the dust of my dream
Living when I am
Asleep
Dead when I am
Alive

It could have been anybody
But you chose me
Did I have a good profile?
Was I your target from the beginning?
Did you plan it all?
Or was I a brand new invention
A new toy you could play with
Until boredom kicks and you throw me away?
You could have been honest
Admit you're just another man but
Hell,
You wanted to be a gangster
You're not a bad guy, you're not even dangerous,
But boy you drove me insane
I would have given anything for you
I would have given anything to you
You knew how badly I wanted you but
Hell,
You always wanted more
So what you have now
Is dust in the wind
Floating away and you're all alone
I cannot wait to see you fall.

I am ashamed of what I did for
                                            Your attention
                    My skin did not deserve
                              All those

B
     l
         o
              o
                   d
                         y
                                               



  *scars

I have become angry.
I was sad, and now I am angry.
I have been told you pass through stages of grief
When the one who got away is indifferent
Indifference hurts.
So does anger.
And anger is building inside me like a volcano
Anger is rising to the surface like burnt milk forgotten on a stove
Anger is seeping into my veins because I have been nothing but nice
Nothing but convenient
Yet
You make me feel like I am a bother
A stain on your carpet you cannot wash out
A nail sticking out of the furniture, just a little
Out of place
You make me feel out of place
I am right where I need to be
Right where I belong
You do not get to kick me out because I have become
Inconvenient
I won't accommodate you any longer
I have been nothing but truthful
Honest
Myself
And you do not get to make me feel any less than that.
I will not stoop so low.
I will not bow down.
I am here to stay.
This is my life.

I am pretty sure
I am a very good person
And I need to remember that
In dark times

I used to say
I just want to fall in love

And then

I fell from the clouds and into your world
My heart still hurts from the crash
My soul still remembers the first time
The first time
I saw your face
And I thought

****.

Here it goes.

I feel the veins of my heart leaking blood
Inside my body I am drowning in love
And I can remember I used to say
I just want to fall in love
And though the fall was thrilling
And though you helped me up
You turned around almost instantly
Like switching a light on and off
You light me up and forgot I was shining
You left the room and I still I shine
For you
You left the house and still I shine
For you
You left the world I fell in and still I shine
For you
But you are not watching me.
You found the sun in the garden and I am just a light you forgot in a room.

(I HOPE IT ******* RAINS AND YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE BUT TO COME BACK TO ME AND I SWEAR I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE.)

I won't.

I used to say

I just want to fall in love.

I had forgotten how much
Watching someone you love
Love someone else
Burns
My skin is on fire and I wish I could remove this physical cloak of pain to jump in a lake and forget the touch of your finger
On my flesh
I want to expand my soul until I the hurt disappears
My body is too small to feel so much
I am suffocating in my own body
I love you so much
And I hurt so much
I want to feel it all
I want my cries to be a storm
I want to wake up the whole neighbourhood and tell them with rain and lighting and thunder how you were my home
I want to find your house and destroy the roof so you understand what it is like
to be homeless
I want you to look me up straight into the eyes and say
I'm sorry I forgot to turn you off

I used to think I would be alone forever
I used to believe it would be all right
It took me a year to realize
Nothing is that easy
And though loneliness is easier to deal with than other people
Nothing is more gratifying than a group of friends
A run with your peers
A long discussion with your flatmate
Nothing beats company
Nothing at all

Art is beautiful
It makes life worth it
No matter what you do, whether you write, paint, sew, dance, act, sculpt, all of it is valuable.
It makes our community worth so much more than just a few people worrying about bills and stock market.
Art gives the rest of the world an idea of what your community is like.
What your community enjoys.
What your community is at heart.
Who we are.
As a whole.

I am torn between
Running to your door
And telling you I love you
Face to face
Or
Crawling in my bed
And whispering I love you
From far away

**(I wonder which one you would hear better)

Einstein said "a man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be."
And so I write you this last poem,
To tell you I have opened my eyes
And realized we were both feeding on the illusion
She would love you
You would love me
And I can see things for what they are
I will never find my happy ending
In a heartbreak
So I know what I have to do
Say goodbye
And move forward
Leave my heart behind myself
In case you stumble upon it and decide
To pick it up and bring it to me but
I have to say goodbye
I need to say goodbye
And take a step forward
Leave my love for you behind
And though I wish you would see
And though I wish you would choose me
What I think does not matter because
What is is painful
And I am tired of the pain
I just want happiness
The way you gave it to me once
But cannot provide any longer
So I have to say goodbye

(I just wish I could say it out loud)

*goodbye