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Sep 2014 · 1.2k
You were my sun
I want a love that changes the world
The way I view it
I want a love so deep the deepest ocean would seem shallow in comparison
I want an all-burning love that makes me pity the stars for looking at the moon when the true star is the sun.
I want a love like the sun.

You were my sun, and you eclipsed my world.

*Now I live in darkness.
But when the clouds clear and I get a good look at the stars... ****.
Sep 2014 · 313
The memories of us
Your name is written across my bed
And I cannot sleep in the same room
For fear you will invade my dreams
And when I wake up your hand will be nowhere to be found
And you are gone
You are gone
You are gone


You are gone.

She stole your heart and the rest of you followed
Looking for it in all the wrong places
I captured a piece of our memories in my hands
The ones you gave to me, and the ones I stole from you
I put in a box in my heart
Like the poems I wrote in my head
I keep them warm and loved
For you to one day remember
Each night I look at them and let them shine a little
Let them hope a little
Hope you will come knocking
And all the memories will burst alive
So you'll realize
I can carve you a brand new heart
A brand new love
And maybe you'll learn to love me
As much as I do you
come out, come out, come to me
Sep 2014 · 426
This one is for her
You play him
You lead him on
But I know you feel threatened by me
For uttering a rude comment about me
When I walk by
It only makes me smile
Because I know you know
I never made him cry
I only made him smile
And I have never broken him
The way you did so many times
He came to me and said "I want to die"
Three minutes later he was laughing
I made him forget how you hurt him
Because I am the band aid to his pain
And if I can never be more than that
I will be content with healing the wounds you inflict
For as long as he'll have me but I know
You are threatened because I am the better choice
I am honest and trustworthy and I would never hurt him
And though he cannot see
How good to him I'd be
Because your hands are holding his face
In fear he'll turn around and see me
I swear I will stand here for as long as needed
Until your hands get cramps
And your face crumbles to reveal the person you are
Your fingers will fall and he'll turn around
I will be here to see him move away from you
And closer to me
And I will trap him with my smile
Sep 2014 · 766
I used to run away
I have ran away for so long
Always wondering if he would follow

When I was 12 I ran on the other side of the courtyard
Blushing because he knew I loved him
And crying because he'd laughed and brushed it away
He did not follow

When I was 15 I ran on the other side of the world
On another continent for a year
Because he was enjoying the destruction he caused in me
Complimenting me to tear me apart
Talking to me to ignore me better
Looking at me to make me feel special
And kissing another girl while staring into my eyes
So away I ran
And follow me he did not

When I was 18 I ran back into my house
Rushing to leave yours
Because after stealing my lips and my heart
You told me you had a girlfriend and wouldn't leave her
You betrayed her and made me a mistress for a day
I loved you and hoped you would turn around
But your back is the last memory I have of you
Like all the others you never followed me

When I was 19 I ran away on the beach
Pretended I needed a walk
Smoked a cigarette and drank too much
Because the girl in your arms you had just met
Had made of her lips your new home
You saw me leave and you
Waved me away

When I was 20 I
Stopped running away
I am standing right here
And if you decide one day
You are tired of being played with
Treated like a ***** secret
And thrown away when convenient for her
Please remember
I am standing right here
And I am not going anywhere
I swear I will open the door for you
Sep 2014 · 1.5k
You told me
You told me you were glad
I had taken a chance on you
You told you would love
To have me at your house
You told me to feel free
To stay as long as I wanted
You told me I could be your friend
Only if you could be mine
You told me you would be there
Whenever I needed someone to talk to
***** data roaming
You told me to shout really loudly
If I could not reach you another way
You told me I wasn't a fool but if I was
I was your kind of fool
You told me you couldn't believe I couldn't dance
Because we were the best dancing partners
You told me that if you brought the best in me
Then the best was pretty ****** amazing
You told me it was hard being us
Always so awesome
You told me you liked having me there
In the same bed as you
You told me the both of us
Made a pretty good team
You told me you did not intend on stopping
Talking to me, laughing with me
You told me you would teach me anything
How to cuddle and whatever I wanted
You told me you would take me to the beach
Because I had not yet been
You told me you would take me to do something fun
Whenever I would get some free time
You told me we made a great team…
… Unless we were playing Monopoly
You told me you would come and try the cheese nan
If I came and tried your fondue
You told me you liked staying up
Just so you could talk to me
You told me you were glad you took the ferry
To meet me a universe away
You told me we would make a perfect team
I could be the olive skinned French beauty, and you the eternal white Englishman
You told me I was too lovely
You told me you would come and get me
Even if you had to walk to get to me
You told me you wanted to go to Venice
And asked me if I wanted to join you.

You told me so many beautiful things and for that I am so grateful
You made me smile so many times
You made me happy every day
For a while
Then you forgot I was alive but I still have the memories of us
In my mind, next to the could have been drawer
Where all the things we could have done, could have been,
Lay still in silence.
You told me so many beautiful things and I
Believed them all.
You made me believe I could fall again.
You broke my heart but you made me believe,
And for the next one who will come along
I will open my heart wide open
Because you made me believe I could,
Maybe,
Love again.
But really, all I want is for you to make me fall again. Catch me this time. Hold my hand and kiss my jaw and never hurt me agai
Sep 2014 · 249
I wish I could say
I wish that I could say I miss
The taste of your lips against mine
But you never touched them
I wish I could say I miss
The way the words "I love you" left your mouth
But you never even said them
I wish I could say I miss
You
But you were never mine to miss
I stole you away for a week and you let me, you knew what you were doing
Sep 2014 · 239
Giving up
I don't want to give up on you
Eventhough you gave up on me
So easily
I'm not ready to tell you goodbye
Though you seem to be just fine
Turning your back on me
Oh, it's not easy
For me
I wish I could still say
Life goes on and I move on
But the tears, they come at night
And I wake up with a half heart
Gave you a piece of me
Never to be seen again
Left with it in the dark hours
Before the sun rises and I wake up
To an empty bed
I just wish you would stay longer
Just a little while longer
Just a little bit longer
Please stay a little longer
I swear I'll be good to you
I'll be so ******* good to you
There is the day before and the day after.

The day before you'd poured sunshine into my cereal, brought me breakfast in bed and let the light shine through your eyes like I was the gold you'd been digging for your entire life. The day before you wanted to know if I would get teased about you, and I didn't say it wasn't necessary to worry, they were all already rooting for you. The day before I walked on a cloud, oblivious to the rain dampening my shoes like a warning sign. The day before you made me believe there was hope for me, for you, for us both to create a magical unicorn and ride into the sunset. The day before I was keeping you awake because neither of us wanted to stop talking. The day before we made plans. The day before you went out of your way for me. The day before I mattered. The day before I was so happy. The day before I walked down to the shop to buy your favourite cereal and spent the day watching sport to understand what you were talking about.

Then the day after arrived.

The day after, the cereal box sat the entire day at the same place and you forgot to text me. The day after I ran circles wondering if I should text you first and I caved. It took you 4 hours to write back two words. The day after I doubted for the first time in weeks. The day after I drank so I would forget the feel of your body curled into mine. The day after I was falling off the cliff you'd brought me to to admire the view and you weren't watching me. The day after you left me dangling because you were watching her. The day after, and even now, you are still staring away and I am still waiting for you to pull me up. The day after is as empty as a beach without an ocean, a winter without snow, a storm without thunder, a bed where I lay without you. The day after is my personal apocalypse where the memories of you crawl up like the undead from every direction. The day after is a desert and no oasis to quench my thirst. The day after is turning my phone on silent because I cannot bear my jumping heart every time it chimes and it isn't you. The day after is drowning my thoughts in alcohol until I cannot breathe and pray for it to be over. The day after is wondering when "after" becomes "now".
I bought you ******* crunchy nut and I a nerf gun and they're still sealed and everytime I see them I want to die
Sep 2014 · 817
Your hands are cold
It’s been a while now
You keep telling me there is no difference
But I remember the way it was before
Once so warm your touch is like ice
I shiver whenever you breathe on my skin
The feeling is gone
Your hands are cold
And freeze mine when you hold them in yours
My grip is too tight
I don’t want to ever let you go
But the frost crawls up my heart like a vicious snake
And now I can’t feel anything anymore
I’m numb and blue
My skin turns to stone
And the memory of the past freezes my thoughts
Until nothing is left but the pain of the present.
Sep 2014 · 292
Darkness
Sometimes something happens in my head,
Like an explosion
And from it a universe of words and feelings are born
And I try to write it all down
All the misery and the joy
But there are so many thoughts rushing to be heard
And I can't make sense of all of it
More often than not art takes roots in darkness
And darnkess changes things.
Sep 2014 · 464
She loved you
She loved you but you loved someone else
She cared for you but you cared for someone else
She only wanted to matter to you
She was not desperate for your attention
Just for a little smile
A little care
She didn't know life like you did
She was stuck in the middle of a war
At home she would put her arms around herself
A bundle of pain
A burden of desperation
To disappear she would go to sleep
Only to wake up to cries and shouts
Of madness
And anger
She would wake up to fists and blood
Raining on her like the apocalypse
She would try to disappear
With blades and tears
Dig up her grave to reappear on the other side
Untouched
I think a part of her will always be waiting for you
For you to save her from the monsters
Save her from the nightmares
Because she…
… she loved you so much but you…
…you loved someone else.
Sep 2014 · 2.1k
She
She
She looks at him like you never looked at me
I gaze longingly while you struggle to get away
After all,
You never promised me you would stay.
Sep 2014 · 3.1k
Shadows
There are so many shadows on the planet.
The ones of the living, bodiless, moving along, appreciating the complicated road the humans are taking to enjoy each beat of their heart. But then there are others.
Shadows inside of those who live.
Hiding beneath the flesh lies an empty carcass of what used to be the poem of a life yet to be lived. Hiding beneath lies a ruined soul waiting to be picked up by death. You do not always recognize those who have died inside. They know how to put up a front, but… the inside is rotten and empty and sad and destroyed and I wonder how you can possibly live a life like that.
The real question, though… is how that happens? How do you die inside? Does it happen all at once?
Someone tells you they do not love you anymore, and everything goes through you, your heart, your soul, your happiness, everything vital just crushes down and breaks all over the floor in an invisible flood of despair that swallows your entire being?
Or is it done slowly, almost imperceptibly? You go through the motions, you smile and laugh, but somehow, the laugh empties itself out, as if, suddenly, you only had one reserve that would never replenish. The reserve runs out and the laugh is empty. The smile faints into a neutral expression, and then it's gone, too. The rest follows the same path. After a while, every gesture, every word, every look is empty. But the change is so subtle, almost natural. And no one notices. And you are the last one to leave. Your body is a shadow and you are gone.
"As good as dead".
Sep 2014 · 956
Pluie
J'ai de la pluie dans les yeux
Et de l'eau sur le Coeur
Je n'ai pas vu la sécheresse depuis que tu es entré dans ma vie
Ni le soleil caché derrière des nuages de problèmes
Des torrents de colère cascades de nos paroles
Et nos conversations ne sont que des explosions de lave
Elles coulent du volcan de notre exaspération
Et brûlent tout sur leur passage
Le doux lac de notre amour s'assèche
Et la mer s'agite chaque instant un peu plus
Mais la terre n'a plus de contrôle
Et ne tremble plus sous l'effort de l'intimidation
La pluie se transforme en brume
Et doucement le voile de la peine se lève
Pour peindre un jour plus clément.

J'ai de la pluie dans les yeux
Et de l'eau sur le Coeur
Mais je vois à travers les larmes un jour nouveau
Une vie nouvelle
Un commencement
Le début d'un jour ensoleillé
Ou je plisserais les yeux
Enfin
Pour voir un sourire sur ton visage
Et te regarder le peindre sur le mien.
Sep 2014 · 760
My heart is like the moon
My heart is like the moon
Two sides divide its entirety
One lighten up by the sun
One hidden the in the shadows

In the back of my heart there is a door
Upon which someone continues to knock
Knock Knock
Knock Knock

It is the sound I hear when I am with you
The sound of a heart hammering
Yearning to be held tight
Hoping to be kissed goodnight

In the back of my heart there is a door
That I am ready to open for you
No lock, no knock,
Come in, come in,
Fill the shadows with light
Sep 2014 · 9.7k
Papa
A chaque fois que tu rentres de bonne heure,
Mon coeur se remplit de Bonheur.
Tu illumines nos soirées monotones,
Tu nous fais rire avec tes blagues, même si elles redondonnent.
Avec toi on ne s'ennuie jamais,
On parle, on crie, on s'échange des secrets.
Tu n'hésites pas à nous faire des câlins,
Même quand tu t'en vas de bon matin.
On n'aime pas te voir partir si ****,
On préfère quand tu restes dans le coin.
La Russie, c'est comme le bout du monde,
Heureusement que tu n'es pas James Bond!
On aime te voir à la maison,
Avec tes pyjamas troués et ta barbe de bison.
Même pas peur quand tu vas chez le coiffeur,
On connaît ta tête de pomme par cœur!
On a beau se plaindre de ton penchant pour les sucreries,
Il faut avouer qu'un peu de graisse, c'est aussi confortable qu'un lit.
Même si tu trempes ton pain au fromage dans ton café,
Nous, on a même pas peur de t'embrasser.
On a toujours hâte que tu reviennes,
Même si ca ne fait pas une heure que tu es parti.
Ne t'inquiètes pas on restera les mêmes,
On sera toujours là pour te faire des guilis.
T'es le roi des bisous, t'es le roi des Papas,
On t'aimera toujours, même si tu manges du chocolat!
Sep 2014 · 1.9k
Mercy
My emptiness pounds in my ears
My emptiness is killing me I fear
Like the miles I eat up while running
Trying to fill the gaping hole deep within
With gasping breaths
And hollow sounds
Struggling to stay afloat
Already drowning down
Boom boom boom
Pounding relentlessly
Boom boom boom
Calling for your mercy
Sep 2014 · 1.0k
Papy
Mon Papy.
Mon Papy n'a jamais eu de poème,
Afin de lui faire comprendre à quel point je l'aime.
J'ai donc le devoir de rectifier cette erreur,
Qui, depuis quelques temps, ronge mon coeur.
Depuis que je suis petite, tu m'as fait découvrir la belle vie,
Apprendre à faire du vélo sur deux roues en fait partie.
Tu m'as montré comment jouer aux boules,
Et comment orienter mon cerf-volant pour qu'il s'envole plus haut.
Tu m'as fais goûter le meilleur miel du monde,
Celui que tu allais chercher dans ta combinaison de super-héro.
Moi je pensais que tu étais James Bond,
Tu me disais, "ca roule, ma poule",
Comme si tu n'avais peur de rien,
Même pas des oies qui nous courraient après dans le jardin.
Avec toi je joue au scrabble et aux petits chevaux,
Tu gagnes toujours haut la main, et on ne peut s'empêcher de crier "Bravo!"
Je me souviens de nos soirées Fort Boyard et Koh-Lanta,
Rien de mieux qu'un bon feu, une famille réunie, et du chocolat.
T'avoir dans ma vie est un cadeau de chaque seconde,
Parfois j'aimerai le crier sur le toit du monde,
Pour qu'ils sachent tous la chance que j'ai,
D'avoir un papy comme toi, que je suis si fière d'aimer.
Même **** de toi je te sens près de moi,
Tu réchauffes mon cœur avec des sourires.
Tu sais bien qu'avec toi je ne peux que rire.
Tu m'aides à donner le meilleur de moi-même,
Tu sais bien que ta fierté fait la mienne.
Dans ma tête tes chansons résonnent avec clarté,
De la souris verte à la claire fontaine,
Ta voix berce mes souvenirs chaque jour,
Et mon angoisse disparaît dès que j'en entends les contours.
Mon sourire apparaît dès que je pense à toi,
Et mon cœur se remplit automatiquement de joie.
Sep 2014 · 925
Maman
Mon Papa c'est le roi, ma maman c'est la reine,
Elle arrive à nous faire rire,
Même quand on a de la peine.
Tu nous prépares des jus d'oranges du guerrier,
Et des petits plats biens mitonnés.
Même si parfois on critique ta cuisine,
Tu sais bien, qu'en fait, on te taquine.
Tu nous fais des bisous tous les soirs,
Tu n'oublies jamais, même s'il est ****.
Avec toi on peut toujours se confier,
Bien que souvent, on a peur de t'inquiéter.
Tu nous soutiens dans les moments difficiles,
Tu sais toujours comment rendre notre vie plus facile.
On adore te faire plaisir,
Et encore plus te faire rire!
Je ne sais pas ce qu'on ferait sans toi,
Heureusement que ce n'est pas le cas!
Même pas peur des monstres sous mon lit
Ils sont chassés dès que tu viens la nuit;
Tu nous fais un bisou protecteur,
Avec lui je peux affronter toutes mes peurs.
Sep 2014 · 679
Pour Julia
Ma sœur n'est pas un cachalot ordinaire,
Elle ne se met presque jamais en colère.
Depuis que je suis née,
Elle et moi sommes liées.
Elle me plantait son doigt dodu dans la joue,
Et je pleurais parce qu'elle me prenait pour son joujou.
Nous avons fais de nombreux voyages,
Et ensemble nous n'avons jamais été sages.
A l'arrière de la voiture on se léchait la tête,
Bien qu'à chaque fois qu'on voyageait, c'était jour de fête.
On se léchait les mains graisseuses de Cheetos au fromage, c'était le pied!
Et on chantait à tue-tête du Jennifer, Najoua Belyzel et Jesse McCartney.
Comme toutes les sœurs on se chamaille, on se bat,
Mais au fond, on sait bien que ce n'est que du cinéma.
On se soutient, on partage nos secrets,
Et quand l'une est triste, l'autre sait toujours comment la réconforter.
Les kilomètres entre nous ne nous effraient même pas,
L'avion, le bus, la voiture, le train, le bateau, rien ne nous séparera.
Ma grande sœur est tout ce que j'aime,
Et c'est pourquoi je lui dédis ce poème.
J'ai peur de ne jamais faire les choses bien,
Et parfois j'oublie l'amour dont elle a besoin,
Mais je ne pourrai jamais lui faire du mal,
J'ai trop besoin d'elle, elle est mon petit soleil.
Je sais bien qu'elle me surveille de ****,
Et ne t'inquiètes pas, bientôt, je serai dans le coin.
Sep 2014 · 974
Mamie
Ma Mamie.
Mamie a toujours été là pour nous,
Que ce soit pour faire des confitures ou bien des bisous.
Julia et moi sautons de joie à chaque fois qu'on la voit,
On ne compte jamais les heures pour arriver chez toi.
Tu m'as appris à tricoter et me grondait quand j'étais dissipée,
Mais chaque matin, sans faute, tu me faisais des pâtes au lait.
Grâce à toi nous avons toujours des bons petits plats,
Qu'il pleuve, qu'il vente, qu'il neige ou qu'il fasse froid.
Tu râles parfois parce que je suis difficile,
Et que je refuse d'avaler un champignon,
Cela dit je ne me fais pas de bile,
Je sais bien que tes repas seront toujours bons.
Je ne me considère pas une petite fille parfaite,
Puisque je suis souvent au bout du monde,
Mais j'espère que tu ne me feras jamais la tête,
Car rien pour moi ne compte plus au monde,
Que de te savoir heureuse, joyeuse et en bonne santé.
Bien qu'aujourd'hui, je parte pour l'Université,
Je veux que tu saches que je ne t'ai pas oubliée.
Tu es toujours bien au chaud dans mon cœur,
Une place spéciale qui fait tout mon bonheur.
Tu accompagnes tous mes voyages,
En pensée et souvent même en image.
Je me revois toute petite m'endormir dans tes bras,
Alors je ne suis plus seule, je sais que tu es là.
Je t'écris ce petit poème,
Pour que jamais tu n'oublies à quel point je t'aime.
"**** des yeux, **** du cœur" ne s'applique pas,
Nous sommes une famille unie et ça, ca ne s'invente pas.
Cette place dans mon cœur n'appartient à personne d'autre que toi,
N'aie pas peur de la perdre, elle sera toujours là.
Sep 2014 · 675
Moving on (isn't easy)
I am exactly the way you left me
In the wintery day you said I wasn't worthy
The snow has turned me to ice
Like the words spit from your lips turned my heart to glass
So easily shattered
Icebergs of the past revealing the truth of thousands of years in hiding
Brittle bones and DNA
As if you didn't know pain is only temporary
But traces of love last forever
No matter how broken I am
Memories of completeness linger at the back of my mind
Surface back in my dreams like ice cubes in water
Slowly dissolving, transparent and ever changing
Ever alive
A few deep breaths and I see smoke
From the dragon lungs I own
Since the day you turned my heart to ashes
And every season it burst aflame again
Each time a breath comes out
So does the smoke from my burned spirit
And I am back on track
Not the girl I once was
But stronger and weaker at the same time
Hard to love
And be loved
Hard to break
Too tough for you
Sparks flew then it was over
And the only memories I own are those the flames consumed
With burning passion the love evaporated in the heat
Just like the breath of life
I insuflated in your lungs
With my cold cold soul

I am exactly the way you left me
And moving on isn't easy
Sep 2014 · 219
(...)
I would hurt myself

             A thousand times

                         If that meant you

                                    Would never hurt me
Sep 2014 · 237
Being enough
I am paralyzed.
I do not know how to be around others anymore.
I stall, freeze, stop, escape.
I cannot be with others.
I am lonely and seek such loneliness because in people's presence I feel suffocated.
I feel judged.
Insecure.
I defend myself only because I seek approval.
I defend myself and lose everytime.
I am barely human anymore.
Music fills my pores with longing and people's voices fill me with emptiness.
I do not belong.
I am not enough I am different.
I seek support but cannot find any walls.
I am down I stand tall.
I am fighting a battle I cannot win.
I am once again alone and facing an army of disapproval.
I am once again no longer enough.
Being myself no longer suffices.
I have to be someone else or battle against them.
I am Troy.
I am surrounded.
My fall in imminent.
I cannot escape.
No one is on my side. I am on no one's side.
I face the battle alone.
I have nothing. No swords no army no power.
I have my own lonely, broken, crumbling mind.
I am burdened with the pressure to be normal. I do not seek normalcy, yet I have no other choice.
**I am losing my mind.
Sep 2014 · 302
Can anything truly be lost?
How can something that was once there, suddenly disappear in the land of forgotten things?  Can you ever get back from this land, or is the journey a one way ticket into oblivion? When you are lost, do you disappear, or do you hang on? Do you exist, can you exist in a world that does not remember you? In a world where no one, nothing looks out for you? Are you still human if no one cares? Or do you become this memory wandering in the path of memories, sometimes thought about but never wished back?

Is it the reason why people **** themselves? Because they left the land of the living by accident, realized it all of a sudden, tried to get back there but realized no one wished them back? Maybe that's what fairies are. People who ended their lives because they were lost, and were offered the possibilities to grow wings and come back to grant wished to those who were getting so lost, the only resort was to wish upon a star to help them be found? Maybe, when you are truly lost, you cn never be found again. Maybe, if you get lost, no matter how many times you **** yourself to be found again, it just ends up killing you anyway. Mayeb there is no escape.
Getting lost must be awful. But getting lost and never finding your way back… that… It knows no pain. You belong in a pit of depthless sorrow and missing objects no one ever bothered to claim. And even as you disappear, you realize it may be the last time you ever see the light.
Being found, though? I wish I knew that feelings. But I can only imagine. The explosion of your heart as it breaks only to build itself up again. The tights chest suddenly relieved from all the pain. And the eyes of the person who found you. Thoses stay forever engraved in your mind, their name on your lips and their soul on your heart.
Sep 2014 · 326
Seven years
I try to be the girl I want to be
Everyday I try
Everyday I find out I can't
Not because I don't want to
Because I'm missing something.
Something inside of me is twisted
And this twisted aprt is in hiding
Wishing for me to stop looking

I'm a little bit twisted
In the way I talk, the way I act
But my heart is full and overloaded
Every cell in our body is recreated every seven years
But my heart doesn't get to recreate
Because everything inside of it is still
Still as a lake
Not moving, almost dead
Waiting

I'm a little bit twisted
In the way I hope, the way I dream
And my head is full of doubt
Wondering if, in seven years,
My heart will get to burst open
Seven years to be alive
Seven years to start over
Seven years to heal
Seven years to untwist myself.
Sep 2014 · 466
You don't know me
You don't get to call me out on my actions
You don't know me at all
You don't know I lost my soul to the devil spying on me
Watching from the ceiling my life pass by
In the bed where I lay
Still
Silent
A statue as strong as the universe
As heavy as the weight of the world
When the sun comes up and down
Bashing me in sunlight only to dim the light
Until nothing is left but darkness
And in those moments of quiet restlessness
I stay silent and let my mind drift to places
Where hidden monsters peek from underneath my healthy mind
Filling my head with thoughts as dark as the night
And I see it
The light at the end of the tunnel
The escape I can't run to
Without sharing my last breath with the empty space next to me
Where you were supposed to appear
To take all my worries away
And lift me in the sky
With the force of your bare heart
Lifting my spirit up in space  where I look up to see you
But you are nowhere to be found
And I am nowhere to be
And the stars won't answer me
They blink and watch upon my story
With a frown upon their faces
Wondering when I will be strong enough
To join them.
And that is why you don't know a thing about me
You don't know my ribcage is empty
You don't know my world is my poetry
You don't know and it doesn't matter
You are nothing to me as I am a shell without a heart
Disappeared years ago in the night
Where I would hold your hand and pray for you
A rescue, a bandaid to my pain
But I bled and ruined you
And now you're gone.
Sep 2014 · 370
I, You, They
You are the wind and the sea
You are the sun and the stars
You are everything
When I look around all I see is
Everything reminds me of you I am
Lost in translation
No words can describe
You
Are not a three letter word
Or a sound in someone's mouth
You
Are not a simple pronoun used to be refered to
You
Are the galaxy in my universe
The ray of sunshine on a rainy day
You
Are not an exact definition of the word
You
Are so much more than
You
Do not know what it is like to be
Me
A simple two letter word which is never
A sound in someone's mouth I
Am not recognizable or worthy of attention
I
Am slowly disappearing into oblivion
I
Am a one letter word never used in any way
I
Am neither one or the other
I
Used to believe I would be a part of
Them
But I do not exist in their eyes
I
Am only a one letter word and
They
Are so much more than I could ever hope to be
You
Can grow one letter bigger but
I
Am to far away from
You
So I cease my useless efforts because
I
Am only a one letter word
Which is never relevant as it is never used
My mouth never opens to make me appear
Behind the mask of silence I hide my name
I
Am not only a one letter word but
I feel like an unsignificant piece of life
I
Do not want to disappear but
Who am I?
A one letter word in a silent mouth attached to an invisible soul.
Sep 2014 · 867
Unhappy
Unable to let go of the past
Null and void of any emotions
Happy is a word you don't remember
A time that passes and leaves you empty and hollow
Pretty soon you will sigh again and
Possibly think about tomorrow
Yesterday never meant anything at all anyway

It doesn't mean we won't see the sun shine again

Solitude is my new name
Turning my back to the world
Accepting he darkness inside
Relieved to breathe in and out
Expecting my last breath any second

At last I breathe in again
Turning on my heels I face forward

True to myself I ignore the rest of the world
Honestly is what remains of my soul
Every time you talk to me

Wild flowers gather at my feet
I stare and stare and stare and…
Nothing is alive anymore
Do not look at me this way
On the count of three I will explode
Wild flowers gather on my tomb

A strange feeling grips at my guts
Nothing can save me from the terrible vision
Dine on my grave and laugh at my death

Hope is dead
Open your mouth and let out a scream
Possible escape, possible prison
Even your dreams are hand-me-down

Fewer and fewer they stand
On the bridge of life and death
Reality snaps their necks

And let them fall into the grey abyss

New life ahead of me once again
Endings call for new beginnings
When you dive for oblivion I will grab your arm

Day after day I will hold on
And drag you back up on the bridge
Yearn to hold you one last time
Sep 2014 · 254
Coffee
They call it
The liquid of Gods
The reason our eyes open, come morning
As the aromatic taste dances in our mouths we
Close our eyes to feel the magic
Of the drink designed to wake us up
And the bitter taste on our tongues
Eliciting smiles or hard faces
They call it
The liquid of Gods
But I know for sure
It's
Just
Coffee
Sep 2014 · 249
I wanted to be
When I was younger I wanted to be
A fairy
But now that I'm older I want to be
A writer
I cannot pretend I know how to fly anymore but I
Can still move in the sky of my imagination I
Am a bird with written wings
I fly away with the words in my head I
Create a path in the sky of my dreams I
Wanted to be a princess
But now that I'm older I want to be
A poet
I cannot ask for a prince to come and rescue me
Like I did before but I can ask for a
Pen and paper to write down my escape
Because my hands are skilled with the words to
Create a staircase from my golden cage I
Can write down each step I take as I
Slay the dragon with my own sword I
Can rescue myself
Words are powerful I
Wanted to be a bird
But now that I'm older I want to be
An artist
I can paint a world with the tips of my fingers I
Can write a perfect ending with the talented tip of my pen I
Can create everything from the top of my head to the tip of my toe
Tippy toe tippy toe
I am a happy drunk
I drink down the poetry in my head I
Get drunk on words and colors
I **** myself with passion but
I survive everytime I
Create a world I want to live in I
Wanted to be
Happy
And now that I'm older I still want to be
Happy
I work everyday to be glad I am alive
In a ****** world but still I
Imagine a perfect world and as I write down the words of perfection I
Feel the smile upon my face
I am the creator of my own happiness I
Create a perfect world I
Am
Happy.
Sep 2014 · 618
Warm hugs
I know it shouldn't matter at this date
Because relations are made on the net
But have you realized
Truly
Really
Realized how amazing having someone you care about around you feels?
When you are separated from your loved one for a long while,
the first thing you do when you see them is
Hug them
Not kiss them
Not say "hi"
Not text it to your friend
Not post it on Facebook
You just hug the hell out of that person
Because humans need contact
We need what we deprive ourselves of knowingly
We hang by ourselves and think it's fine
It's not.
It's never okay.
Hug people
Tell them how you feel, de vive voix
Why linger around when anything could happen?
Tell them
Tell them all
And love them right
Sep 2014 · 1.8k
Stardust
We are made of stardust
All the way from the tip of our toes
To the top of our heads
All stardust
But we don't shine like a star
Or glow like a light
Because we're only particules
Of stardust
And everybody knows
A star can't shine until she's whole again
Which we aren't.
Because we yell, we fight, we die
And we avoid the others
Stardust has to be complete to shine
And until we stop what we do best
Our wars, our threats, our insults
We won't be complete
But
The day we all figure it out
The Earth won't be the blue planet anymore
It'll be the brighest star in the Galaxy
Because we would have figured out a way
To be whole
Helping each other
Loving each other
Being kind to each other
All simple concepts
That most can't comprehend
And that is, I believe, the saddest thing of all.
Not that we are destroying our planet
Not that we are selfish people over all
Not that we let others be sad in front of us
Not that we let the misery of the world happen as though it was a 'thing'
But that we cannot understand
How much happier everyone would be if
If …
Hunger wasn't a thing.
Wars weren't a thing.
Poverty wasn't a thing.
****** wasn't a thing.
Suicide wasn't a thing.
Hopelessness wasn't a thing.
Bullying wasn't a thing.
If we could push away all those senseless 'things'
Then there would be a chance.
For us the start again.
For us the live again.
For us to be happy.
For us to be complete.
Sep 2014 · 245
Someone to think of
Life is always prettier when I have someone to think of.
Life has been prettier since I met you.
Everything about you shine, and it sparkles on me, making me blush every time.
You sprinkle love on my heart, like snow on the earth.
When you smile, my heart blooms.
Butterflies keep flying in my stomach.
Lightheaded, that’s how I feel whenever you’re around,
You stole my heart heavy of love.
I wish I could keep it inside my chest.
I wish I wouldn’t stutter over words.
I wish I could think properly.
It’s what you do to me.
You’re the thief and I’m the victim.
Oh so lovely prey.
A beating heart. Fluttering for you.
No one else makes it rush like that.
Oh so lovely thief.
What if I say I love you?
What if I say you made my life worth living again?
You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.
You’re the one.
Life is so much easier when I think about you.
Oh how I wish you were mine!
Oh how I wish you’d feel the same!
Sep 2014 · 7.1k
Umbrella
I own an umbrella
A black umbrella
With all the colors of the rainbow underneath
I own an umbrella
Which protects me from the rain and the bad days
I own an umbrella
Dark outside and colorful inside
I own an umbrella
That looks just like me
I own an umbrella that reflects my soul
I own an umbrella
And it makes me smile
Because the irony is not lost on me
That everytime I open the ****** object
My heart blooms with hope
That someone would notice
It's not simply an umbrella
It's not a random pick
It's a black umbrella
With all the colors of the rainbow underneath
It's an umbrella
Dark outside and colorful inside
Which, when closed, lets appear a sneak peek
Of how it truly is inside
Sparks of colors
Sparks of light
Life
Happiness
But no one will know
Unless they open it
And look up
Into the rainbow
That protects me from the rain
Sep 2014 · 198
December
It cannot be hard to fall in love with you.
Your eyes fill my heart with longing, hope, happiness.
I do not know how to be sad when you’re around. Everything smells of Christmas and the ground lights up under the soft touch of your feet.
Looking like a lepreuchaun, by your stance, your enthusiasm, the way you look at everyone like they all matter to you.
You represent the spirit of December.
Your honesty, the way your heart opens up to anyone, so spontaneous and scary... yet absolutely enthrancing.
The way you are everything I am not, the way I dream I could be.
Open, true, real, that’s what you are.
My head is filled with songs of snow, night, stars and lights.
Like walking in the snow under the bright lights on the 23rd of December, when the crowd is out, enjoying the weather with their loved ones, wearing fluffy hats and long scarves.
The coats may be dark, but the faces are flushed, the cheeks are pink, the eyes are bright and shine in the evening.
They shine with joy and excitement.
Just like mine when I look at you.
I don’t need a fireplace.
I don’t need a coat.
I don’t need a hat or some gloves.
I just need to see you believe in me, you believe this is right.
That we are made for this.
Each other.
I need to see the hesitation before you take my hand, the hope I’ll still be here when you open your eyes, as though you were scared I’d fall apart in your touch.
I need to see the slight flinch of your gaze when I hold onto you like a lifeline.
I just need you and your eyes.
Because I am warm in the hope of your eyes.
Sep 2014 · 408
Young gen
We are the young generation
The change of the world
The better part of Humans
The ones with new ideas and a vision of the future,
Or so you say. You say we are better than you, you say we won't make the same mistakes
But you treat us like children who don't have a clue
You do not teach us to throw litter in the bins
You do not teach us to respect our elders
To respect the younger ones
To respect our friends
Our family
Anyone
We steal, we ****, we litter, we smoke, we pollute, we insult, we waste, we tag the walls, we break the windows, we cheat on our lovers, we bully the weak and the poor
And no one
No one
Says anything
And we don't care
It is not normal
We are supposed to be better than you, we are supposed to outsmart you
But you don't teach us better
You let us make the mistakes again and again and again without telling us how to solve the issues
I have heard dreadful things from young adults my age
"If you don't like the smoke, you can leave or I'll blow it in your face"
"Everyone throws their cigarettes **** on the floor, so I can, too"
"Someone will clean my **** for men they're paid for it"
"They're losers"
"My parents are *****"
"They only give my 600 euros per month to enjoy myself in Paris, it's *******"
"I'm not tipping, those Pakis get enough money as it is" when they earn 10 to 20 Dhs per day
"They don't have a family but at least they don't get yelled at"
"You don't drink? What a loser."
"Come on, come upstairs with me, you'll like it", when I've said no ten times already
"If you don't want to be picked up, don't walk so suggestively"
"Leave your **** here, they will clean it up for you"
DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
I respect people, their jobs, what they do, what they do it for, who they do it for
We are not the ******* kings of the planet.
Just because some people leave their **** does not mean you get to do the same
Just because some people go in the desert or at the beach and leave all their plastic bottles and wraps on the sand does not mean you get to do the same
Just because millions of people throw their cigarettes **** on the floor does not mean you get to do the same
Just because someone decided it was cool to stick your gum under the table or to spit it on the floor does not mean you get to do the same
What the **** is wrong with you people, thinking you own the place?
You're just visitors and your children will get to live in a ****** up world because of you
Not thanks to you!
Move it, do something, and don't give me that fatality **** "we all have to die one day"
Stupid excuse!
You grew up playing in the sand, the green grass, the white snow.
What do you want for your kids?
You want them to play in the sand covered in cig butts and empty broken beer bottles?
You want them to play in the brown, disgusting mud because grass can't grow anymore?
You want them to wonder what snow looks like, and if they will ever get to see it?
You want them to wonder how people used to die of old age instead of cancer?
Did you know every single on of our generation will die of cancer? All of us.
No exceptions.
Why?
Because of us.
We are the cause of our own deaths.
We already killed ourselves and we continue to go on the wrong direction
We have decided of our fates
And we think we get to choose our children's fate.
I say we don't.
We ******* ourselves into thinking nothing can be done now.
Wrong.
We can.
We just choose not to.
You choose not to.
You chose to be part of the bad part of the population, the one who decided to settle for less than what we deserve.
I refuse to stoop so low.
I chose to be part of the better part of population.
The one who thinks of a future that can still be improved, even if we won't be there to see it.
Be the change you want to see in the world, and don't settle for anything less than perfection.
Sep 2014 · 914
Pimple
Pimple
You have won the battle
But you will not win the war
I will remove you from my face
Where you think you own the place
Sep 2014 · 202
So long ago
It was so long ago
I still remember
The feel of your lips against mine
The taste of your soul
Against my bare heart
Lay down on the ground
Like a holly spirit
I will wash in the sun of your face
Until my mouth doesn't form words anymore
I am a shadow
Following your love
With the tip of my tongue I
March towards the light
Die when I hear your name
In someone else's voice I
Die everyday a beautiful death
Where I lay in the warm sand
And feel the water lick at my toes
Taking my form and adjusting to make me feel whole
But the hole you digged into my chest is deeper
Deeper than a black hole
Deeper than the universe
Washing over me with the force of the waves I
Die a million deaths
To be with you again I
Drown into the sea
Drown into the oceans of the tears I shed
When you told me you wouldn't stay with me
When you told me you didn't love me
Anymore
I am nothing
Anymore
I am not the sun sky universe anything at all I am
A chapter
In the book of your life
Turn the page and I disappear
Once a word carved in stone
Now the past of letters combined together but
I am an ocean
And I seep through the pages
Inking my way down the chapters of your life I
Am alive in your dreams
Your nightmares but I am still

Alive.
Sep 2014 · 425
Instead of running away
You came to me as a stranger
Settled in my heart as a friend
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

The contact was close enough for me
Not close enough for you but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You let your heart bleed out with love
I didn't know how to cure you but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

I wanted a love as passionate as yours was for me
But couldn't find it in you no matter how hard I tried yet
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You wouldn't talk to me because it hurt too much
I had no idea how to reverse the evil spell of love but still
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

I was desperate to see you again
Hear your voice
See your face
Listen to our hearts beating
Looking out at the stars
Longing to be a part of them
Wondering why your heart had chosen me
Wondering why mine hadn't chosen you

There are a lot of things I have done wrong
But doing you wrong was what hurt me the most
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

So I wrote you a letter, explaining why love wasn't in me
Explaining why I could not love you
Why I was broken,
Why I may forever be in pieces
And why no matter how hard you tried to put me back together
You may never succeed to be something else but a friend
Because I did not know how to love myself enough
To let someone else love me

I do not have an excuse for what I have done
And I will never be able to change things
I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away

You drove to my house, knocked on my door
And I knew what you had come here to say
I had seen the glimmer in your eyes
Of hope and courage, the kind a man has to have
To come and pour his heart out to the girl he loves
But I never let you say it.
I hurt you deeper than a bullet wound,
Because I never let the words pour out of your mouth
No the way words are pouring out of me now
Ashamed and guilty for writing down what I had to say
But being too much of a coward to say it out loud
And you had this courage, and I refused to acknowledge it,
Instead leaving you on the porch,
Running away from all the love you had to give me

Please know that I long for it
Please know that I regret it every day
Please know that after months, I still think about you
Please know that I'm sorry for letting you down
Please know that you are my best friend
Please know that I still love you more than I thought I could love someone
Please know that this love is deeper than friendship and deeper than love
Please know that I never knew this kind of feeling existed
Please know that I hurt everyday
Please know that I probably wouldn't be able to change my reaction
Please know that you surprised me
Please know that you scared me
Please know that I'm not used to love
Please know that I love you
Please know that I am not in love with you
Please know that I never wanted to hurt you
Please know all the things I've been meaning to tell you
Please know that I wish you knew I wrote this poem

Please know that I wish I had hugged you that day
Instead of running away
Sep 2014 · 608
Warm blanket
I like my men like I like my coffee
Strong and dark
Hot and silent
Now go away I
Like my coffee like I like my ***
Strong and dark
Hot and silent
Now go away I
Like my *** like I like my men
Strong and dark
Hot and silent
Now please stay I
Am just a shell made of superflus things
I am a bean of coffee that hasn't been discovered
I have a different flavor I
Am not like every bean I
Am whole and raw
New and scared I
Am a woman that hasn't had a chance to bloom yet I
Have not aced the stages of life like the others I
Have not been taken on a date
Or gotten a real first kiss I
Have been used for *** by people who did not care I
Thought no one would ever want me I
Let myself be used because I was too scared
To wake up and realize I would wait my whole life I
Am insecurity itself
Hiding behind the awful shield of over confidence and disdain
I am a ****** in love I
Ran away and I am terrified to fall in love I
Have been used as a ****** object I
Let myself believe it was all I was good for and I
Don't know pleasure or trust or kindness or love or care or passion I know
Hard and strong
Hot and silent
Sad and terrifying
Guilt and shame
Fear and loneliness I
Am a master at hiding away
My emotions I
Have not been taken on a date I
Have never gotten a real first kiss I
Don't know how to make love in a world where everyone *****
Am a abomination I
Don't know how to let people in because I
Am expected to put out and enjoy it I
Am expected to be okay with hands touching my body I
Am expected to know what to do I
Am expected to know how to give and receive I
Am a child I
Am a shaking thirteen year old I
Don't know what butterflies in my stomach are and I
Need someone who understands I
Can't be treated like every other girl I
Am a shaking fourteen year old I
Don't know what lips against mine feel like I
Have the emotional drive of a toddler I
Need to be explained everything and I
Need to be shown how to walk I
Can't be expected to be a twenty year old I
Have the ****** drive of a plant I
Don't know how good it could be or
How anything works I
Need to be watered everyday before I can bloom I
Need the pressure to be a ****** object to stop I
Don't know how to cope with any of the hormones rushing  my brain I
Want things like holding hands to be a huge step I
Want things like the brush of his lips on my forehead to mean the world I
Can't skip any steps I
Am a toddler and I
Can't be expected to run before I can walk I
Have done horrible things to myself and now I
Want to start over but
How would this ever work in a world so focused on ***.
I want my man like I want my blanket
Warm and secure
Hugging me all night to keep the nightmares away
Soaking in my fears and protecting me from the monsters under my bed I
Am only a child.
Sep 2014 · 181
Figuring it out
At first I thought I had it all figured out
The future
The pressure
The expectations
I thought I knew what I was getting into
The responsibilities
The bills
The only person to turn the lock in when I go to sleep
At first I thought I knew what growing up meant
The friendship
The loss
The love
The bare soul to a friend who you thought would be the only precious person you'd ever need
And now I realize it was all just a lie
It was all just a dream
I thought I had nailed my way through teen years by being on my own and ignoring the rest of the world
The world that could hurt me
The world that made me fall in love
The world that made me fall to my knees and pray for an end to my heartbreak
I hadn't realized the nail had been ******* to my coffin instead
We all live and we all die
We all breeze through life
Without even
Understanding
Why
We're here for
I still don't know why I'm here for
What's the purpose of my life
At first I thought I knew why I was here for
The easy life
The travels
But as time goes by I start to understand
It's not what it all meant
Now I know that I know nothing
Because at first I thought I had it all figured out
And I grew up to realize I had nothing
Sep 2014 · 256
Dark wings
I can see them swirling over me
Shadows of our past, shadows of our love
Like angels with dark wings
They try to bring me back down
Back down in your loving
But they won’t fool me again
Because they’re lying, there’s no more loving
How should I believe it
When you held me so tight ?
How should I believe it
When you loved me so right ?
Sep 2014 · 318
A rope to you
I have left wide heart wide open
Out of its cage for the first time in years
And in the ocean of emotions
Filtering through the waves of feelings
I found you heart next to mine
Sent a line spiralling for you
A line gripping at your heart
Tugging it to me
I want this rope to grow and never dissolve
I want your heart beating with mine
I want your heart all for myself
I want you to love me as strongly
As I love you
Sep 2014 · 215
Healing
I don't know how to heal
I don't know how to smile
I wonder if I should just
Take the easy way out
Leave this painful world behind
And breathe the air
Of the sky up high
Let the wind carry my spirit away
To join the family God did not let stay
Sep 2014 · 337
Madness
People never know how low you can sink, how deep into the rabbit hole you can drop. Madness picks you up.
Madness is a weird thing.
It's a process. It's so small at first, so undetectable, that no one realizes what is happening until it is too late.
Once it happens, there is no going back.
But the descent is slow. It takes little bits of you everyday, every time someone or something hurt you.

Chip, chip, chip.

Like workers in a mine, chipping at the ground to find gold.
But there is no gold to be found in destruction.
There is only sadness, anger and despair. Despair leads the way to madness. Despair has no remorse, no boundaries. Despair will crush you down and won't stop. Despair leads you down and with it tumbles other feelings, incomprehension, frustration, desires, love, hate, they all follow you down and form this clumps of horrors you can't get out of. They keep you from breathing, speaking, hearing anything but your own despair.
And maybe you can't feel yourself change, but you do.
Slowly.
What once made you smile makes you smirk.
What once made you upset makes you smile.
Despair drills a hole in you body and, from it, everything that makes you you tumbles down and your body doesn't host a human anymore. It hosts a terrible thing. A shell of a human being with nothing left to lose. And that is the worst that can happen to anyone.
If there is no hope, no feelings, nothing, you become a danger.
There is nothing you wouldn't do.
Insanity doesn't destroy you.
It destroys everything around you.
Those who loved you one, those who cross your path. Anyone in contact with you loses a piece of themselves.
A hopeless person is a slow bomb. Its detonation is silent and lasts a long time, hurting hundreds of people.
Then, one day, it's over.
What if we could detect madness and cure it? I imagine a little goes a long way with madness.
I imagine a little love and care can solve the problem. Love is hope. Care shows importance. And if you matter, you don't get desperate.
I hope I never get desperate. I think, maybe, my family is keeping me sane. I would go insane without them. They are my hope. They show me I matter when no one else does.
But that isn't despair.
It's extreme, excruciating loneliness.
It hurts in your whole body, hurts on a cellular level. I think… it may be the worst kind of pain, when no one chooses to love you. Not because they are your family and feel the need to love you because you share blood. But because they think you are worth it.
I am not worth anyone's love.
And that is.
Just.
So.
****.
Painful.
My skin is one fire and I just stand there, burning alive forever.
But I am willing to burn forever more if it means I get to drown in hope one day.
Sep 2014 · 230
The map of me
My skin used to be the map of me
An address in a world full of more interesting places to visit but
Since you came into my life
My skin is a map of the universe
My freckles are stars
My scars are meteor hits
And my eyes are the only planets that matter
As long as they can watch you make me a universe
A galaxy that longs to be explored
With careful fingers and soft touches
Creating black holes and constellations
All of me is a map you created.
Sep 2014 · 353
the way in
The sparkle in his eye
The dimple in his smile
She looks around and stares
At the life that passes her by
Each step she takes
Drives her backwards
Into a darkness
She can never escape
It pulls her under
And the memories rush back
The sparkle in his eye
The dimple in his smile
The breath she was desperately holding
To stay awake and keep her eyes open
Into the sea, the water clogging at her
Searching for a way in,
Deeper and deeper in.
Sep 2014 · 154
untitled
The last person to touch my lips was you
Three years ago but I still remember you
The ice of your fingers on my skin
And every little detail in between
The moment you looked up
The moment you walked out
And the three little words you never said
Suspended like water drops
In an another universe
Sep 2014 · 202
You had me at hello
You had me at hello
You had me
You crushed me
You had me and kept me
For weeks on the palm of your hand
Until you were tired
Until she came along
And you forgot I was alive
Forgot I was there
Forgot everything about me
In an attempt to hug her
You spread my blood on her shoulder
From hugging her too tight
And crushing me into the enemy
I know I had you too, so what happened?
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