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13.8k · May 2018
Love me Less
Bec May 2018
The first time
you said you loved
me, it was as if
I had been pulled aboard
a life raft after being
lost at sea. But
I see now that this
raft is littered with
holes and
we are sinking, but
you are convinced
that your love is a
teacup to scoop out
the water pooling around
my ankles and you will save
us, but the teacup has a crack
down one side and
do you see where I
am going with this?
A tablespoon of water
will never put out
a forest fire; I am burning
through acres.
6.3k · Jun 2014
Clothes
Bec Jun 2014
I am not your tattered sweatshirt that you keep in the back of your closet,

The one you wear only when you get high.

I am not the too small pair of jeans that you keep around,

In hopes that one day you'll fit back into them.

I am not your ***** running shoes that you keep on a shelf in your room,

The one’s that make you sad every time you look at them because you did not win that race.

You will wear me with pride, or not at all

- R. H.
3.2k · Jul 2014
Library
Bec Jul 2014
My mother always used to tell me
that I could read anyone.
"Give them an hour with you", she'd laugh,
"and you'd just know."
Then I met you
and it seems that your book is
written a language that I just don't understand.
This illiteracy is driving me mad
and I know I would spend years just to
decipher one page.

- R. H.
2.4k · Jul 2014
Burn
Bec Jul 2014
I've read a lot of words about
people who make
flowers grow in the deepest
parts of others. But you,
you lit a fire in me and now
I am burning.
Instead of petals at my feet,
there are flames in my wake.
And every touch is another hot
coal upon my skin and
I have never seen more
beautiful scars.

- R.H.
2.0k · Dec 2014
Discipline (7w)
Bec Dec 2014
Do not cry
You'll ruin your make-up
1.9k · Jun 2017
Too Much, Not Enough
Bec Jun 2017
Long drives
replay long
conversations
that sit with me
through longer
nights.
But your stay
was so
short,
sometimes I'm
not even sure
you were real.
1.6k · Feb 2015
Falling In Love
Bec Feb 2015
I am 16
And I have found love in a
boy who is 5 years older than me.
He tells me he loves me and I
lose myself in him.
He breaks my heart, twice.
We still keep in touch.

I am 20
I have found love in a girl
with curly blonde hair and eyes
like the sea. She holds my hand
and sings to me, kisses my forehead.
We haven't spoken in a year.

I am 21
I think I have found love.
He doesn't acknowledge what we
are in public and he thinks insulting
me is funny. He kisses me like he loves me
though, so I tell myself it's enough.
He moved miles away; I think he was
just as lonely as I was.

I am 22*
She's the one. Her hair is never
the same color and sometimes
she laughs too loud. She has scars
that she regrets, but she's doing
everything she can to keep going.
She is me, and I am in love.
1.2k · Oct 2015
Bigger
Bec Oct 2015
When I met him,
he was two years younger
and at least twice as thin.
I wanted so badly what
I couldn't have.
The first time he kissed me,
I thought maybe I was wrong.
Why couldn't it have stopped at
kissing?
He wanted to touch me,
to run his hands over my skin.
He understood when I told him "no",
but he didn't get it.
I loved him,
and I was terrified to be seen by him.
Underneath my clothes is not
a skinny girl, like maybe
he expected to find.
God, do I love him,
so I will not let him love me.
1.2k · Jun 2016
You Were a Match
Bec Jun 2016
I've never felt more beautiful
than when I have been
tangled in the sheets of your bed.
The first rays of the morning
coming through the window.
The warmth of your skin
igniting a spark in me.
People tell me that this love is a sin,
that I am living in a Hell all my own.
I will gladly shun a Heaven
where you don't exist.
1.2k · May 2015
Maybe You Were Just Bored
Bec May 2015
A year of silence, then suddenly "I missed you"
becomes heated, frantic whispers of
"just as friends though, right?"
in blacked out rooms.
Where trembling fingers grasp
shaking legs
and every "is this okay?" is a safe haven
and occasionally an escape.
Sometimes no feelings is easier to stomach
than reality
Because loneliness is a sickness
that can be cured by everyone and no one,
and pretending that every touch
means just a little something more,
might somehow save your life.
1.1k · Dec 2014
Irrational
Bec Dec 2014
I was so happy,
so high.
And just as I looked down,
I remembered my fear of heights
and I forgot how to land.
i go through spells where i'm unbelievably happy and then my anxiety comes on full force and i can't seem to figure out how to deal with it
1.1k · Jun 2016
Silence Like a Cancer Grows
Bec Jun 2016
I cannot comprehend
that there are still numerous
people who wish death upon me
and my brothers and sisters,
simply because of who we love.
'Not straight' is not synonymous
with 'not human'.
We exist in a world that
has made it very clear
that we should feel unwelcome.
That we should cower and hide.
What more has to happen
before things change?
I am tired and
I refuse to be silent.
Even if my voice become hoarse,
and the words barely
trickle out of my mouth.
I encourage everyone
to stand together.
Love is love
and no amount of hate
can change that.
1.1k · Jul 2014
Intoxicated
Bec Jul 2014
It's four in the afternoon
and
I have been drunk for two days.
I was hoping that
maybe
with blurred vision, I wouldn't have to
see your face in my
head.
Now, I cannot tell if this
nausea
is a side effect of the ***** or of
you.

- R. H.
1.1k · Jul 2014
Water
Bec Jul 2014
I stopped treading water
and dove head first into the ocean
with you.
And God if it wasn't a mistake.
But you taught me that I value trust
over one good night
and that it is okay to love myself before
I love you.
You were a tidal wave I saw coming
a mile away.
I have moved to higher ground.

- R. H.
1.0k · Jan 2015
Please, Please
Bec Jan 2015
The crescent moons of my
fingernails are set in my palms
permanently
and my feelings are splayed
across my face like a black eye.
Now I feel my teeth cracking
from my painfully clenched jaw
after holding back
everything that I can.
My body is breaking and I
am praying to anyone who
will listen that this
is the last time.
999 · Jul 2018
Just One More Drink
Bec Jul 2018
When I’m sober I’m
so good,
so high on myself.
I talk to my friends and
I love that they love me
just the way I am.
But right now I’m drunk
and I’m falling in love
with all my exes,
all the people who are
poisonous.
I need validation
so I text boys who
I know will get off
on my words, on the
pictures I send them.
I have a whole list of their numbers
for nights like these.
I don’t even know
if they’d recognize me
in the morning.
I don’t even recognize myself
as I delete messages,
words, feelings.
No one will ever know
all the things I crave
if they don’t know me
sober.
957 · Oct 2015
Rocks
Bec Oct 2015
I found a rock and
it reminded me of you
because when I threw it I
expected it to break but
instead it broke what
it hit and now you're
fine while I'm still
picking up the pieces
921 · Aug 2016
Spoiled
Bec Aug 2016
Years, I think it was,
that you told me you
wanted me.
I just wasn't ready
for that kind of love.
Still you stayed in my life.
The day I knew was like
the sun being pulled out from
months of overcast skies.
Loving you was the
easiest thing I've ever done.
Some days I think
leaving me
was the easiest thing
you've ever done.
I should have known
when you started comparing
your paper cuts to
bullet holes,
convinced I was holding
the gun.
Desperate
for what you didn't have
and nothing changed
when you got it.
You were nothing
but sunshine
that couldn't handle
the rain.
920 · Jul 2014
Dear Illness
Bec Jul 2014
This is my white flag and
I surrender with every ounce of me.
I refuse to fight you anymore;
this battle cannot be won.
Because this war in my mind
is never ending
and I am the only soldier left standing.
I am certain that the smoke will never clear
and I have become terrified of what
has made it's home within it.
Please, do not send help,
I've given up on my own terms
and I will lose graciously.

- R. H.
915 · Apr 2020
Tales of Pride and Heart
Bec Apr 2020
4:30 a.m.
I wake up to a text.
She says "I miss you".
Heart says "I miss you more than anything".
Pride goes back to sleep.
Heart opens the text again at 11, then 2,
then 8 at night.
Pride responds the next day.
Pride says "I hope you're well."
Heart says "I want to see you. I want to be us again."
Pride slowly starts to remove you
from all my social media.
Heart keeps the cards you gave me,
and the ring.
Pride keeps them in a box hidden
under my bed.
Pride stops talking about you.
Heart aches to hear from you
so I have a reason to
talk about you.
Pride makes a face at the
word "love".
Heart wants to know real love.
Heart pleads with
wanting hands for affection,
for attention.
Pride locks Heart in a
steel cage for
protection, for
my safety.
Pride says, "This is for your own good".
Heart weeps.
Pride is worn on my sleeve,
pulled down to
cover the bracelet you gave me.
Pride says, "This is good enough".
908 · Jun 2014
Inked
Bec Jun 2014
******* and ****
her.
And every tattoo you have
to celebrate your perfect
relationship.
I guess 8 months mean more to some people than an upwards
of 5 years.
"You are my favorite human."
"No matter where we go in life, I will always love you."
"You will forever hold the biggest place in my heart."
Who knew that such a pretty face could conceal
so many lies?
So please forgive me if I no longer
wish you the best.
Apparently you've already got it.

- R. H.
my ex-girlfriend got a tattoo of the date her and her new person started dating. it was about a week and a half after she dumped me.
866 · Jun 2015
Fake It 'Til You Make It
Bec Jun 2015
Don't tell me I'm pretty.
I'm not interested in hearing
how beautiful you think my eyes are,
or how you could listen to my
voice for hours.
I don't need gentle, sweet or kind.
Instead I'll be begging for bruises
on my thighs and scratches down my back,
fingertips pressed into my throat.
Make me completely give in to
your artificial affection.
I need to know this isn't real.
Bec Jun 2014
You said,

"Tell me something amazing"

And all I could think of

Was to describe you

Exactly as you are

- R. H.
859 · Feb 2016
I Really Did Love You
Bec Feb 2016
I love you.
I love you.
This isn't working out,
we should go back to being
just friends.
We should jump to
not talking
and avoiding the inevitable.
"How's your girlfriend?"
"Ex."
"..Oh I'm so sorry."
I swear to God,
I'm going to miss you
for the rest of my life.
It's been like 3 years since she broke up with me and every now and then I still get ******* hung up on it.
830 · Jun 2014
First
Bec Jun 2014
Our first date,
you took me back to your place
and I stretched myself out
on your air mattress.
You refused to sit,
wanting to stand a bit longer so you could
watch the way I moved.
You played guitar and sang for me
and it was so unbelievably cliche,
that I had to kiss you in the middle of your song
because I needed you to know how happy I was.
I cannot count how many times your lips
found my cheek that night.
You were perfect
and I was a sucker for dark hair
and blue eyes.

- R. H.
i considered this our first date. he always tells me he considers our first date to be the time he took me out to dinner after he came home from his trip, which was a few weeks before this, before i even knew he liked me.
815 · Jun 2017
No Pictures, Please
Bec Jun 2017
You told me
I was like a crime scene;
intriguing, but you couldn't
handle getting too close.
So I wrapped my existence
in neon yellow caution tape
and hung a "keep back" sign
above my heart.
You only wanted
to view me from afar.
To stare and mimic
the generic "how sad".
Sometimes the killer stays around
to witness what they've done.
Tell me,
what do you see?
812 · Jun 2014
Numbers
Bec Jun 2014
It’s 2 a.m. and I can’t remember the count

That this drink puts me at

But I so clearly recall

The lingering feeling of your lips against mine

After every kiss you remind me I deserve

- R. H.
807 · Sep 2015
Fear
Bec Sep 2015
Most people are afraid of
spiders, clowns, thunderstorms;
the usual.
But if you asked me
what my greatest fear is,
I would speak of nothing
but your name.
Because what would I do,
who would I be,
should one day
you decide that you're
over me?
782 · Jul 2014
Living
Bec Jul 2014
I count kisses in time with your heartbeat
thump thump
and I wonder if you notice the
slight uptick in mine,
every time you lean forward.
Isn't it nice how the simplest things
can make you feel so...
alive?

-R.H.
756 · Sep 2015
For The Rest of My Life
Bec Sep 2015
If love is blind,
then may I never see again
744 · May 2014
Persistence
Bec May 2014
Every bottle I put to my lips

Has not yet been deep enough to drown in

But I still search for something, because

Dear God

Nothing seems to silence

The constant screaming in my head

That no one hears

But me.

Maybe if you pull your trigger

I will finally have peace and

Quiet

- R. H.
Bec May 2016
I get it, okay?
Everyone that knows you
thinks you're amazing.
Don't get me wrong,
you are.
But I will never know
what it's like to be
in your shoes.
Girls want you.
Guys want you.
You've been with more people
than I have friends.
I thought I had a chance
with him,
but then there you were,
getting him to tell you
that he thought you were
the most attractive person.
You come home from the mall
with bags of the hottest new fashions
yet complain when one store
doesn't have your size.
I leave empty handed,
"hot" does not coincide
with the size I wear.
The dressing room mirror
despises me.
All your other friends are
beautiful, flawless.
I am just a piece trying
to fit into the wrong puzzle.
I love you to death,
I always will.
But I really think that
I hate you.
Bec Sep 2015
Come home with me.
The empty side of
my bed has been calling out
for warmth.
Forever it seems
that I have been waiting
to share myself with you.
I already know how
perfectly my hand fits
in yours;
now I'm dying to see
how the rest of me
fits against you.
Come home with me.
718 · Dec 2015
I Swear The Devil Loves Me
Bec Dec 2015
On Sunday mornings,
my father likes to leave for
church before he can see me
just getting home.
Cigarettes in the back pocket
of yesterday's jeans and another
strangers' fingerprints littered
across my body.
Do you pray for my soul, father?
While you're on your knees
at the pew, do you think about
the tears in the knees of my jeans?
Do you ask God why he has
burdened you with a
daughter like me?
The blank pages of the bible
you clutch will not save you
and my Holy Water cocktail
will not save me.
707 · May 2014
Parasite
Bec May 2014
You dug your way into my veins

Made yourself at home

And I can’t decide if I should let you stay

Or burn down this body you’ve made your own

- R. H.
696 · Jun 2015
Where Was My Warning
Bec Jun 2015
Yesterday, I came home to an
eviction notice-
a box filled with everything
I kept at your place,
every gift I had ever given you.
You moved me out of your home,
your mind, your heart.
Now I sit, homeless,
inside the four walls of this house.
668 · Jun 2015
You Had No Clue
Bec Jun 2015
You defiled me
without a thought,
without a single touch
from your hand.
But somehow I felt you -
I still feel you.
And for as long as I live
you will hang above my head,
a noose woven through
with my name.
664 · Dec 2014
Red
Bec Dec 2014
Red
I fear that my heart
has lost its' color of life.
Cut me open and you will see
black and blue,
a bruise buried deep within me.
Still so young, I know,
but after so many bullets
the force within my ribcage now
stutters and stalls.
Could I survive,
should I replace it with steel?
662 · Aug 2014
Humor
Bec Aug 2014
It's funny because
I loved you and
you always told me that
you loved me too,
but now it's her house you show up
unannounced at, just to surprise her.
So now I'm sitting here laughing
because I've realized that I am the
punchline to your favorite joke.

- R.H.
651 · Jul 2015
We Shared a Home
Bec Jul 2015
I swear, even on my deathbed,
I would remember
exactly where you lived.
How your room looked
and which side of the bed
was yours.
And even if all of me
knows you're gone,
I would still knock on the door
and ask if you were around.
You've moved on and I will never get over you
641 · Dec 2015
Religion
Bec Dec 2015
You make me want to confess
my deepest fears,
my darkest secrets.
Trade in my life as a sinner
and become faithful to
you and you alone.
Please, lay your hands
upon me, soothe my demons
and calm my heart.
I am only just
beginning to live.
634 · Jun 2015
Somebody Needs This Today
Bec Jun 2015
Dear You,
I know this is probably long overdue.
I'm sure the weight that has been
not-so-gently thrown onto your
shoulders feels like it's about to
break your back.
Please, whatever you do,
don't let it win.
I know how strong you really are.
Your steps may falter,
but you cannot fall.
Every obstacle you overcome,
no matter how minor it may seem,
is one less mile you have to go.
I am so, so proud of you.
Keep. Going.
~Stormy
I know someone, including myself, needs to hear this today.
Bec Dec 2014
If you let me,
I would kiss you like
we were airport lovers.
The right people who
met at the wrong time.
Because I know you will
constantly be taking flight,
while I stay so heavily grounded
to this place.
591 · Jul 2014
A Friend
Bec Jul 2014
If Death came tonight, knocking at my door, asking for my hand,
I would not hesitate to go with him.
This place, this home, is not meant for everyone.
I will lock my fingers with his, cling tightly to his bones,
follow him anywhere.
This life has worn me down,
"tired" has become a part of who I am.
I refuse to stay here, perpetually sad.
I will go.

- R. H.
Bec Dec 2014
Relapse, n.
a return of a disease or illness after partial recovery from it*

I'm curious as to know if there is a limit here.
Whether or not after all these times
I can still call it "relapsing".
I can't seem to figure out if I have either
partially recovered,
or if what I deal with is a constant that
just takes breaks.
I refuse to place myself in the bubble
of the sentence or two of a
generalized description.
I have relapsed.
But I am so much more than that.
587 · Mar 2016
Some Assembly Required
Bec Mar 2016
I'm sorry that
I do not come with a manual,
a warning.
All I've got is the
"Handle With Care"
stamp, marked on my forehead.
Please forgive me for I tend
to malfunction from
time to time.
I wish it was easy.
When I get so sad that
I cannot leave my bed,
turn to page 37, section B
for care instructions.
But loving me
is not that simple.
I ask that you
proceed with caution,
some parts of me
are still being repaired.
579 · Jul 2014
Art
Bec Jul 2014
Art
You sat with your canvas and
a rainbow of paint.
Though I was beside you, you were
alone
in that room.
I prayed you did not realize how strongly
I envied your brush; I could only
hope that one day
you would hold me like
that.

- R. H.
Bec Sep 2016
Simple hello's
turned to casual conversation,
turned to me seated
in the passenger seat
of your car.
Talks on the phone
that lasted long after
the stars came out.
I really can't say I mind losing sleep,
as long as you're looking
for it with me.
You asked me what I thought
of you,
what I really thought.
Never in my life before then
had I been at a loss
for words.
I couldn't bear to ask you the same,
I'm afraid the answer
will be both too much
and not enough.
569 · Jun 2019
Fat
Bec Jun 2019
Fat
Fat.
The word falls from your lips
like venom.
I know your throat burns every time
you say it.
I see the tears you try to brush off.
Fat.
Because what could be worse, right?
You could be mean,
or selfish,
or violent.
But no, you had to be
Fat.
If only you knew the years I've spent
learning to love every single inch of me,
teaching myself that "fat" is not a
curse word.
Years spent undoing long nights
that I've stayed awake,
sobbing,
praying to every god I knew
that I could wake up and be
skinny.
You tell me I am beautiful.
You promise me
that you have eyes for
no one else.
But I know your eyes lust for
thin.
552 · Oct 2014
Try Not To Forget
Bec Oct 2014
I have but one match left,
to ignite a flame in the darkened
heart you call home. I know that after
becoming as cold as it seems
you have, the fire can be difficult
to feel. But I promise, I swear,
should that light go out,
your hand shall remain in mine and
I will stay in the dark with you.
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