When the car door shut & lock clicked on
I step on the gas, home is the destination
Fingers hanging around the streering wheels
I am the prodigal daughter sending mom to her workplace
Solitude is greatest gift, riding solo in my black four wheels
Radio playing but silences gulping
Every turns, every slam on the break
How mesmerizing the way muscle memory takes over
Bandung,
Here we go again, my dearest hometown
Glorified as romance blooming town
Humble city where poor, rich, & in between live side-by-side
Some landmarks greet me like old friends
While much has changed, much remains the same
Blury lights surrounded by the dark sky
Everything is achingly familiar
Nostalgia decided to popped up in the middle of this crowded road
Stillness of traffic, is so relaxing yet emotions tighten my throat
The friction between my skin & the seat belt that pinned me feels real
My memory banks wanders, hunting for some scenarios I buried down deep
My falling out with you
The red lights of the traffic light feels like forever
My fingertips left a steam circle on cold the window pane
Honey, were you sweet on the surface, like javanese giving false compliments just to be polite?
Did you really loved me when you gave me those goodnight kisses?
Were all of these time 'we are' only a forced kinship?
Do you ever regret leaving me for your ego?
Do you remember me?
Do you ever wanted to contact me?
Was my presence not significant enough in your life?
Was the distance washed away all the connection we grew over the years ?
Our "seperate lives" is not to blame. I never found proof, you play innocence all the time
I shrinked, I feel small, hurt, guilty
Switching gears, speeding up, exploring familiar neigboorhood
Heart feels heavy, moral compass kicked in
Wish I could ran away from my gross inaccuracies assumptions
Eyes sting, teardrop slipping
Eyes on the road, won't even blink
I asked myself for the millionth time, if it's really worth the grief
I'm fine, nothing to lose
I got a way much better person that love me now, so why you still haunts me
Accepting, the universe is filtering you out of my life for a good cause
When we're both good enough our path may cross again
I'm still adjusting, please understand
Nope, I don't want you back, at all
You disgust me, it's Bandung that fed me up with this nostalgic spiral
I'm leaving
While much has changed, much remains the same.
180719 | malam, Bandung, besok nikahnya mede mas tmon, hari ini udah setelah anter-anter baru berasa sendirinya. Setiap tempat, setiap jalan, segala rasanya reminds me of **** doesn't need to be mentioned. Kirain udah menang dari pikirian2 cloudy ini, taunya muncul lagi, malah diperparah sm berbagai asumsi buruk yg dimasukin sm c ttg alasan utama. Tapi gpp, perjalanan tetep perjalanan. Hati riang karena ada yg peluk dari jauh setiap saat. Ini hanya serupa tumpahan perasaan.