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Megitta Ignacia May 2019
Let me tell you, it happened to me once,

She left.
The worst part of it all were the questions
Why didn't she give me a reason
Why didn't she waits for me
A puzzle to be decoded,
I carefully studied past memories,
dutifully analyzing every words I said
What was wrong?
It's unfair how she left without a reason

Every night & day
I spiralled downwards into despair
The pain barely registers
My world were gray
Hyperbolic, but it is
Life was pointless
The future was a fog
I cursed myself, hoped something could happened so I didn't have to be alive

"Should I go find him? I'll wait for him, I trust him, he exclusive to me."

Don’t be fooled
On the first 3 months, I thought that too
But she cuts her hearts into 3 & gave it away
That's how she cope with the pain
She heals faster that way
No point to stay like a dog sitting & waiting for its owner to come home behind the closed door
Complexity of human beings
Don't be a burden of feelings
Yours and another’s
There's still a residual damage

Eventually after 4 months I got her back
My heart was so happy that she comes home
I loved her, but she wasn't entirely mine
I could force a marrige & have a family with her
But I realized if I did that, it will be only pressured me
Everything that's not supposed to yours will slipped out of you grip sooner or later, no matter how hard you hold it.

"What about my theory if some black magic witch played a trick on him? we're in Indonesia, you know sometimes it happens illogicaly"

Feelings become stronger than reasoning. Even though I’m ideologically opposed to your theory, if it happened then it happened with God 's permission. It could be a way to save you from him. All for a good cause.

It's his choice
An active action
Accept that
It's just a matter of breaking a habit you're attached to

I'm not forbid you to go there
If you still wan't to fight for him, does he deserve your efffort?
Choose your battle wisely
Don't go alone & promise me
If it's not what you expect,
If you encounteres a road to disappointment
Do not do anything stupid
I don't want to hear you did any lame attempt to escape from this world

Don’t push the thoughts away
Let them in,
Embrace the sadness and heart break
Accept them and let them be there
This is a learning journey, you'll be fine
Time will erase the pain away.
160519 | 5 PM | Office on a sundown curhat session with my beloved coworker. Aku percaya tuhan segitu baiknya sampe kenalin Ipul ke aku & dia bisa ceritain kisahnya biar aku tetep kuat. I'm still undecided, cuma nunggu konfrimasi dari tante ttg tiketnya dibiarin hangus atau tetep pergi. Tapi buat apa kita coba kejar sesuatu yg gamau dikejar.
waktu tidak serta merta memberi salam maupun pamit
ia berjalan saja mengikuti poros
dan terkadang aku tak merasanya
kemarin rasanya aku baru akrab denganmu, setalah kebungkaman yang berbicara menahun
aku hanya bisa tertawa, jika aku ingat dulu.
kamu dan aku kemudian dibawa waktu untuk saling bicara untuk pertama kali
sebenernya aku dipaksa karena aku membutuhkan bantuanmu
aku memanfaatmu..agar kita dekat mungkin itulah cara-Nya
sampailah kita diakhir studi kuliah
topi bertali dan jubah sudah mantap kita kenakan
tapi dihari itu aku tak melihatmu
mauku melihatmu dengan jas hitam dan kemeja merah mudamu yang manis
tapi aku senang.
semoga kamu gapai maumu selalu
dan selamat.. aku masih merepotkanmu hingga detik ini
Oka Dec 2017
Ketika ku menumpahkan isi raga,
ku tak yakin ku membasahi manusia.
Setiap suara yang ku simak bukanlah mulut berbicara
melainkan insan memuntahkan sastra.

— The End —