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Eighty years young
Speaking in tounge

Your body fought
Head full of bizarre thought

Arms and legs restrained
How are you not frightened

Are they violent, Yah?
We tried, everything,
for the shake of your revival

I can't bear to see you like this
I wish you are dismiss

Heavily sedated & exhausted
To tired to wrestled & agitated
Lord please take his pain away
090422 | 18:28 in Borromeus ICU's waiting room. Dari kemarin dadakan dari kantor langsung ke airport ke bandung. Ayah kritis. I go bcs mama papa minta langsung ke bdg. It's painful to see him like this. God give him mercy please.
malam ini,
si bocah rewel berhenti menyamar
pikirannya terlalu gerah
jiwanya renta, terkekang
tempurung dahi hanya terisi geram
kantong kapuk bersaksi
atas tangis kelelahan tanpa suara

ia sempat doyan bekerja
berpayah-payah memunguti kerikil
satu demi satu
tiap pijakannya bukan tindakan acak
menempa diri demi bilangan

kini yang tersisa
hanya pendar-pendar ambisi & setungku kekosongan menjemukan
Ia berkutat pada teka teki yang tersuguh manis
mencari pembebasan yang sepadan
berharap segera merdeka dari jerat alur yang mengikat keras

berlumuran lamunan
ia berserah, membakar doa
sambil melempar akal
'adakah satu dari seluruh umat manusia yang masih belum paham, kita ini gerombolan wayang bukan dalang!'
080422 | 00:01 Anjani itu salah satu nama tokoh pewayangan yang artinya ketekunan. Dari bawah selimut, tempat tidur di kosan gunung talang lantai 3, AC dingin banget, diluar panas banget. Hari-hari ini sedang benar-benar burnt out. I work 7-days-a-week, Masuk early & pulang paling malem dibanding orang lain, and achieve a tremendous result, but I'm tired & apperently nothing can be done from company side. Praying for new - better -more relaxed job soon. I can't do this anymore. Balik lagi, pada ahirnya kita bisa punya banyak may tapi Tuhan yang atur apa, dimana, gimana, kapan yg terbaik buat kita. I know the blessings are coming, just need to surrender to God💆
There's secrets exchanged
Under the round peachy city light,
Across Gadjah Mada street

Between 4 privilege kids
Denpasar has it ways
To unite west-east-north-south at once

Here, to the feast
To the riddle of longing
To floating dilemmas
To confusing adulthood
We've been together before
Not just a narrative hunters

When the wind oppress
We are lost,
but we're not gonna lose
020122 |23:08
Nasi jinggo stall near pasar kumbasari gajah mada street. Deep conversation between four mid-late-twenties kids about life, struggle about adulthood, guilty of being privelleged, choosing work that fulfill us as a human, pressure to take care of aging parents, going back to hometown or live freely wherever we want, journey to commitment/married life, and everything in between me, Andri, Blide, Rza. It eases my soul. Happy new year.
Megitta Ignacia May 2021
The glow of city lights
reflecting on the fountain waters
it lighting up the grey brick floor.
Renon is sleeping.

After the anesthesia wore off,
it seems as if
the Drawarapla is starring at me.

Are we all
too entitled to be willing to “suffer” ?
we're clay molded, put in the work?

There’s a fine line
between submission and abuse.
090521 | 5:05PM
Sunday afternoon well spent - my weekly guest come visit me again - anxiety. And I feel this sadness, weirdness, anxiety mostly in my stomach. About what? I don't know. Oh to be adults, to be "obligated" working all the time & live an unselfish life where you provide for ever else around you. Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful to be able to work, but I think this is my hormonal talking. I have no energy whatsoever, could be effect of the vaccine. Now I'm rumbling.
Megitta Ignacia Apr 2021
catch some rays
where the sun blaze
on the **** days

I'm Moses
where can I flee
between the red sea
Egyptian army
are behind me

sink into a deckchair
boulder inside my chest
dancing with a feet bare
on a sandy beach, I know I'm very blessed

tranquil waters
let me be uncaged
140421 | 10:47am
today is galungan day & 3rd of fasting day, so I can spend my day at the beach. My mind is a mess, everything's good, but anxiety hugging me tight. Triggered about google drive sharing, stressing out about the floor, still sad cause Norton gone, scared. about everything. I just want to soak in the sea, because salt water heals.
  Oct 2020 Megitta Ignacia
mark soltero
let me rip away the ivory
from the elephant in the room
rebuke its presence
cover my ears
so i don’t have to realize
these anxieties you bring
they long to dethrone me
rip apart each bone
pick apart this broken brain of mine
with each triggered nerve
i scream it’s okay
putrid false indifference
hopeful lies
for the barren sober pain
Megitta Ignacia Sep 2020
Chatterbox, face-to-face
Nine o'clock, brace the pace
Sign the docs, stop the chase
I quit! You're a disgrace.

Allegation: "double agent?"
Your brain is too ancient
Keep testing my patience
I'm done! from your insulting statement.

Nothing you say, can rearrange my perception
I ain't got time, for your desperate deception
Suffered enough, running out of option
Uncaged! Claiming liberation.
130920 | 18:00 PM, I'm so grateful,  in the midst of second wave pandemic situation, God found me a new job. A few days before, I was so frustrated because someone threw a stupid allegation, pressed my button. After all these time, after everything that I did, he still spit out that allegation to my face. I'm so much better than that, thank you for treating me like ****, I've had enough. Buh bye.
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