We love our sunburnt Christmas,
Hot for Christmas Day, no less,
Maybe a hint of eucalyptus,
Good old Australian Christmas,
We pray for a peaceful day,
The slow news Christmas way,
Encircle the world in a Christmas embrace,
Hot for Christmas, no less,
Yes, we do  love our sunburnt Christmas!

Let's raise a bitter glass,
Football's here at last,
And that's not all,
Teams do crowds enthrall,
From a victory,
****** defeat, you see,
No flag again this year,
Bitter glass, my dears,
Football's finally a'loose,
Pour that glass of bitter juice!

Don't let thoughts drag you down,
No need to wear such frowns,
Don't let the bastardos win,
Greet such people with a grin,
Make your own motivation, indeed,
Productive, but rest as well, prithee,
Make the most of today's interim,
Yes, that's the way, carpe diem!!!

A white wedding, bride and groom,
A fairy tale start, to total gloom,
Their mothers argued at the reception,
Soon he was an expert at deception,
She waited hours for her handsome prince,
To stagger home drunk, with lipstick prints,
No happy ever after for this bride and groom,
A miserable divorce, marriage doomed,
It's an anti-fairy tale, you see,
Some couples are luckier than he and me.....

We set off for a long weekend,
Does this Carmageddon ever end?
Eventually, we arrive,
That was a long hot drive!
See our tent as it collapses!
"He" does bust all  his synapses!
I unpack, rain commences,
"Let's go home!" he mentions,
Yeah, right, now the dog wants loo,
Did I bring a coat and gumboots too?
Armed escort of mosquitoes,
Forgot insect repellent, oh Woe!
Never mind, not long to go,
Finally made it all the way home,
A weekend of staring at the rain,
Last word to him I say,
"I am never going camping again!"
(And no more I did)... from my brain,
The poet in someone's heart,
From indoor ablutions, I'll never part.........

My closest friend is my oldest friend,
Old friendships never end,
Long understanding times,
I celebrate her in this rhyme,
She never judges anyone,
We still have cuppas of fun,
Yes, old friendships never end,
As onwards golden amity does wend......

An ode to Cosmology,
where does the universe get its energy?
.Billions of humans with their synergy,
.Does this ode belong in a trilogy?
Let's play our love infinitely,
Give our eternal love a serve,
The big bang at the end of the Universe,
Now we collapse into entropy,
Stardust clusters in cosmology,
Universal loving energy!

Here is a nonsense ode,
About the chicken crossing the road,
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why are its motives being questioned?
Maybe the chicken had the best of intentions,
Perhaps the road moved, eh,
And the chicken stayed,
Yes, the abstract road, still, did remain,
But, pure and simple, here's the nub,
The chicken crossed the road to go to the pub,
Yes, that was its good intention,
A day at the pub, beer inventions,
Why are the chicken's motives questioned?

Hail, Hail, ole Chuck Berry,
I'll write you an obituary,
Baby boomers not so merry,
Hail, Hail, ole Chuck Berry,
His rock'n'roll shall never die,
The legends rock on in the sky,
Now none of us are quite so merry,
Goodbye, bon chance, to ole Chuck Berry,
God speed, you made us all feel merry,
Hail, Hail, ole Chuck Berry....

Dear Mary, Queen of Heaven above,
Please bless us with the peace of doves.
You showed us the meaning of true love,
Your beauty is like none before,
Bless us now, as in times of yore,
Your soul shines through your smiling eyes,
Bless us all from Heaven's skies,
Please bless us with the peace of doves,
Showing us the meaning of true love.

                                              AMEN
                                              Planet Earth.

What was the Best Day ever?
Was it in Bethlehem, well I never!
When a little baby boy was born,
Was that the greatest miracle of all?
Begat, begot, begat, begot, let's say,
Bred in the purple to  be a royal babe,
Wasn't Angel Gabriel so very clever?
Was that humanity's Best Day ever?

If I sound jaundiced, so be it!
All men are liars, get over it,
All men are unfaithful, that's it!
They like being miserable, leave 'em to it,
If  I sound jaundiced, so be it,
All men are liars,  I got over it!

Way back when, in olden days,
Did you all play those old board games?
Snakes and ladders, you see,
Internecine family rivalry,
The last snake does you in,
Then your little sister gets to win,
Then there's Monopoly,
Breeding ground for hostility,
"Having fun, all you kids?"
Who took off Monopoly's lid?
It's a big ******* of a game,
Sisterhood is never the same,
Way back when, in olden days......

We work-to-rule, we're molls,
We are not unfeeling dolls,
Molls don't make extra cuppas for you,
We write our own rules to suit,
It's up to you to not be rude,
I say, "Pappa don't preach!" to you,
Molls write lots of rules,
They've got their own cooking school,
We cook when we want to,
The world is not run for you,
Yes, molls now have  work-to-rules.

What bores you?
Do you accept BS too?
Yawn! Can't you get anyone better, grot,
Whining is so tiring, boring, I've got
so 'over' your whinging, you see,
I'm sure you can get someone better than me!

Here is the primal male to keep,
Food, TV, ***, sport and sleep,
All this under the carpet we sweep,
Really no need for chicks to weep,
Our brains have more thoughts to keep,
That's why women need far more sleep,
Compared to our primal males we keep,
Food, TV, ***, sport, and sleep,
That's the way males are,
Definitely originate from Mars!

Simply irresistible, let's say,
Is chocolate calling you today?
Simply irresistible,
Fat and sugar so edible,
Endorphins so pleasurable,
Is chocolate calling you today?
Simple irresistible, let's say....

What is a doctor to you,
Is he your guru?
Or does he write a script,
Off to the pharmacist,
Symptoms he treats,
Do healers you meet?
Or does he turf and bounce,
Off for pathologist's amounts,
Then back to the doctor to you,
Is this your local guru?
Then does he turf and bounce,
off to a radiologist's amount,
Then it's all clear,
Good photos of your limbs here,
Time for poisoned jellybeans,
Modern medicine, it seems,
All with a copayment fee,
Is he your guru?
What is a doctor to you?

How do we get to memory lane?
Why bother to go there again?
Dull contemplation of the ex,
Lil' ole witch gives him the hex.....
Why bother to go there again?
How futile, trips down memory lane......

Pollyanna can do,
Sounds optimistic to you,
Idealism for me and you,
No  need to wake up blue,
Women are a capable crew,
Most stuff we're equal to,
Put on your positive thinking cap,
Pollyanna can do, that's that.

What can I say about my sisters?
Are they a thorn in my side, like blisters?
Or my oldest friends, indeed,
Always mentors in time of need,
The family ties that bind,
Ever ready to say' never mind,'
We look alike, but think apart,
Oldest friends from times gone past,
'Older ladies', we've ripened,
Can't buy sisters with a stipend,
Are sisters thorns in my side, like blisters?
No, you cannot buy my sisters!

I designed my own Planet,
My name is Interplanet Janet!
What's so good about my planet?
There's no wars or disagreements,
Only Peace among all my little green men,
There's a chocolate bush on every block,
Chocolate meditation, no dumb shocks,
Everyone wears a smile on my Planet,
Come and see, signed Interplanet Janet!

Let's hear it for incremental Christians,
And ascetic vegetarians,
Hail the queen of heavens,
Blessings for us, a holy girl,
Roman around the world!
Well, she was born in the Roman empire,
A good Jewish maid, it did transpire,
A faith healer in this very day,
No holy dilemmas for her today,
Let's pray for lady luck, shines on us all,
Let's hope Armageddon does stall,
One for ascetic vegetarians,
And for incremental Christians!!

A member of the dating scene,
Only online, giggles it seems,
Today a man did 'wink' at me,
Can you imagine, hilarity,
He lives 3000 miles away, by the sea,
****** fungus covers he,
He has more than slight obesity,
Should I wink at the walrus? Tee hee,
I'llpack up my gear and get out of here,
You'll manage without me, non-dear,
I'm off to a walrus by the sea,
You'll learn to cook your lunch and tea,
Byeee! Yeah, well in reality,
I've got cellulite and jocularity!

Food for the soul, no grimace,
Or is it more food for the stomach?
In observational methodology,
No crumbs ever left here, you see,
It's malnutrition villa, I dream,
We're the failures of  the Weight Loss industry!

What are your favourite songs?
Play good vibes, sing along,
Good idea to start the day,
Music is the favourite way!

I have found some weird things in my time,
I went to a footy dinner along the line,
The young lads were flicking peas,
And all their vegetables, if you please,
When home, my hair was full of carrots and peas,
Never went to footy dinners again, you see,
We do learn from experience, dodge them peas!
"Boys will be boys!"  I ponder so wisely......

Is loving better than ******?
Yes, so good for the endorphins,
As into golden years we're a'morphing,
So, better than ****** is our loving,
My hair and skin are a'glowing,
Through the window you are going,
Any loving is good loving,
As my olden age is greying,
To my lover I'm imagining,
You are in my brain's imagination,
For guaranteed satisfaction,
So, is this good for the endorphins?
Yes, loving is better than ******!

Sublime, subliminal sublimation,
Fantasies of our creation,
Dream Lover? First contact!
Whispers of love we can't retract,
A world of our own,
Lovers never alone,
Fantasies of our creation,
Sublime, subliminal sublimation.......

If Jesus is the question,
What is the question?
Is it, let's say,
Youth disaffection?
Kids need to be taught to say,
"Back off' to drugs and bullies these days,
Jesus as a forever friend,
To wisdom their lives to wend,
How can we reach more of them?
In this modern, digital age,
Introductions need to be made,
If an issue, is, indeed,
Youth disaffection,
Is Jesus the answer to this question?

What is in  your best interests, gals?
Find some like-minded pals,
Always look at the big picture,
Usually, nothing happened, the fixture,
Always look after your best interests, gals,
Find some like-minded pals........

Here is a rare read,
About a whisper of love, indeed,
I see love even in every tree,
I see love in flowers like these,
As  I feed my miracles of birds, like doves,
I sense a whisper of love,
Maybe there is a God above,
To make all the whispers of love,
There is no glory in a world of dust,
We all know planting trees is a must,
I'll stand here, and feed my wild doves,
Indubitably, these are whispers of love........

Where to be found?
Lost world where Love abounds,
Adult friendly cities,
Only smiles for all, prithee,
Like the Garden of Eden,
Our Planet preceding,
After anarchy
and bigotry,
Our visions shall achieve,
Our human dreams,
A lost world found,
Where Love and Peace abound.......

Yo, Earth, this is Australia calling,
Oz has decided to stop stalling,
We have finally sent you our bless,
We've agreed to share our feral pets,
Yes, it's time at last Oz did its share,
Feral gift pet sets from Australia fair,
First, to enable total world peace,
We're mailing crocodiles to the Middle East,
You know, "Never smile at a crocodile,"
They'll eat your ISIS guns with a toothy smile,
Next, we'll donate Red Back spiders,
Look out militants, they'll sit down  beside yer!
Our third gift is some great white sharks,
All programmed for Peace in their hearts,
Finally, funnel web spiders and Taipans,
We're sharing our pets with hostile lands,
All your wars shall be a failure,
Peace on Earth, from Aussies in Australia!

I have invented a sport called Yogates,
What, indeed, is this, if you please?
Why, for you, it is inertia, you see,
You lie under a blanket, only breathe,
You wear what you like in Yogates,
A steady state of not doing,
No, you are not doing Yoga or jogging,
In cute couture like shorties,
You are not swimming in pool or sea,
No chlorination fever for thee or me,
No lycra or spandex triathletes,
No marathons for fluoro funnies,
So, this is multi age or gender, see,
Yes, all you do is lie there and breathe,
Now you can opt to do Yogates,
Or not, it is not compulsory!

Bullying is an evil way,
Dystopia spreads today,
Most damaged is the bully, eh?
Got anything better to do today?
Whether bullies are young or old,
Don't bully, you need to  be told.......

This Christmas we want a cure for Cancer,
Cancer, that grave callous dancer,
We've all been touched by Cancer's Grim Reaper,
This a malady that has no barriers,
This Christmas we want health and happiness,
Young Einsteins, it's your issue to address,
A cure for Cancer would surely bless,
That's what we want to say,
F.U. Cancer, begone by Christmas Day.

I sense the silent Heaven singing,
Angels in the night us blessing,
Prayers to the Lord are winging,
Old souls at our sides for guiding,
If we could only be perceiving...
Only a constant thought away,
Loved ones beside us every day,
Yes, I sense the silent Heaven singing,
In perpetual light abiding,
Angels in the night us blessing.

In this town, I am a stranger,
Around the shops, I am a ranger,
I study the crowds, no immediate danger,
Glitzy shops, such strange lands,
Consumerism not so grand,
Around these shops, I am a ranger,
In strange lands, I am a stranger............

Would that we were a tortoise, or a snail,
A portable house for a lifelong trail,
You could take your home without fail,
Add a letterbox for your mail,
A human tortoise or a snail,
A mobile home along the trail..........

This is a subject worth a look,
Is love an excuse to write trite books?
Or is it so we can write silly songs,
Only because we get along?
Or is love,  magic and chemistry?
Between people like you and me,
A loving couple, a perfect union,
Does society fill us with this ambition?
Or is love only a fable, a myth?
Only part of humanity's monoliths?
I guess love is a normal human emotion,
All feelings are part of being human,
Yes, love appears in diverse ranges,
We, can, indeed, love total strangers,
I'll note this one in my poetry book,
The topic of love is worth a look!

As I meander over this stage,
I see older women who turn the page,
They seem to hunt down more heels,
Luring in them in with their melons of steel,
Big bazoomas,  strong derrieres,
But, they don't have much luck, it appears,
I wonder  what they're hoping for,
Those widow spider predators.......
Melons of steel, melons of steel,
Let me know when you catch your eels!

This is sage advice,
At gigolos don't look twice,
It's a pandemic world,
Solo *******, guys and girls,
All around the  world,'
Blip yourselves, dudes and girls,
Then on with the happy pants,
Back to online work, us ants,
How do I know all this?
Google's life coaching is the blip!

One fragment of my life,
I became a wife,
Nice day for a black wedding,
I 'achieved' the golden ring,
Did I marry for housework?
Is divorce all it's worth?
Way back when I was a wife,
One fragment of my life.

Lord, bless us with a wing and a prayer,
Guardian angels to shine on Earth here,
For all the folk down under, my dears,
Let angels pray for mendicants on charities and welfare,
For druggies and  their dealers, somewhere,
For these folk, not much Christmas cheer,
Lord, bless us with a wing and a prayer,
Guardian angels to pray for Peace on Earth this year,
Please guide wise leaders, our buccaneers,
Towards Peace on Earth, all of us, to steer,
For all humanity, angels pray, my dears,
Lord, bless us with a wing and prayer.

Would this be true love to you?
He put up his dukes, so hot,
He hit me with his best shot,
I kicked him with my best shot,
Right in the groin, he was boy blue,
No one walks a mile in my shoes,
Would this be true love to you?
I missed the woman's right to choose!
Then Ma got pugilistic dementia,
Is this what God meant for ya?
She punched us all in the *****,
No one walks a mile in my shoes!
When stranger danger is at home,
Now I'm better off alone,
Was that true love, so hot?
He hit me with his best shot!

Wouldn't you like to be a 'fly on the wall',
What would be the best moment of all?
in history, when Jesus was born in a stall,
To behold the greatest miracle of all,
Be blessed, earthlings, for ever more!

How to turn the tables?
To respond to all those fables,
If we could make men love us,
Like we love them, less fuss,
But that's the way they are, no less,
Not much sapience for men, I guess........

Today I went to the bank,
Smart remarks, drew a blank,
Walked away, fuming,
Hours late, resuming.
Perfect comeback, too late,
People aim to manipulate,
Provoke a response,
Futile, silly nongs!

He smiled with his eyes at me,
Is that a cliché to thee,
One for my treasury,
He smiled with his eyes at me.