Stop digging it up
Bury the hatchet
You’ll be okay soon
Just repeat the word stop
And take a deep breath
You need to stop racing
Thoughts in your mind
The past is the past,
Just leave it behind

I am a heavyweight
I carry heavy weights
I can lift heavy weights
I own these heavy weights
I am over these heavy weights
I will banish these heavy weights
I am more than these heavy weights

How bad can I be?
When I’m safe and happy
Something crumbles apart
I start questioning myself
Am I a bad person?
Is this my fault?
Why am I like this?
Yes, the thoughts go away
But I’m afraid, waiting
For the moment when they’ll return

I’m tired of bodies and thinking
I’m tired of hiding, I’m tired of restricting.
Sometimes the weight bears lighter, but today I was undeniably human
So animalistic,
So human.

I own a heart                  
                     Dark and pumping
It helps
        And it hurts.                                                           It’s near to me
It’s always here

                 Blue and red flashes,
Flesh.  
Blood red.
                                             Soul.

Humble on a mirror
Is something you won’t find
Because humble is a virtue
That people hide inside

positivity is being slow...
in a slew of good and bad,
opposing moments
roll through my brain
and every day
i pick and choose:
analyze
detect
absorb
deflect
and every day
I feel the pain of
better days
that’s haven’t happened
yet

I am obsessed with technology.
The noises from other people's lives are just loud enough to drown out my own.
The bright lights give my eyes something better to look at then this eternal mess I've created.
The videos distract me just long enough to survive into the next day instead of becoming another casualty of this world.
The people give me hope that there's something better out there, that if I can hold on a bit longer, something good might happen.
So yes, I am utterly o-b-s-e-s-s-e-d with technology.

I rummaged around the attic and found emptiness
I pass the hours by filling my head with other people’s voices
Because silence is ice cold
They say it gets better
But here I am, frozen solid ~

It was beautiful,
The way he touched me.
He could be ashamed,
But I'd never tell anyone about
The way he grabbed my waist.

I don’t know what love is but I’ve tasted it before. I’ve danced this dance with you a thousand times. The dreaming took place, no matter the hour as I imagined your head next to mine. I’ve tried to forget you and your boundless warmth and I’ve tried to resist the desire to reach. But I’m afraid that you’ve slipped from me, my life, and my grip, leaving only saudade behind. You won’t remember me in her arms. “Do you miss me?” I think in the dark. “Do you think of me, even at all?” —

If I killed myself tonight,
Would this stabbing pain inside my soul go away?
Would you have regrets?
Would you want to be close to me?
If I died, would you want to be away from me?
Then why do you say these things that make me cry...
You love me, but then why does it hurt
You hurt me
And I’m not going to end it
But I wish something would change

Something has to change.

I have seen love
So quiet and so pure
Two people moving
Through their lives like
An intertwining silent dance
Not one word may slip through their lips
Or a single noise out the mouth
For they do not need speech
Or even touch
Just the feeling of a twin soul
Being kindled near

it’s 2 am
a world I never get to see
i’d stay up all night for you
i love you

Everything begins with I,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
These two words go together, my
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
They make me say or not be able to,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
They usually come in a pair, the two,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
I know that they will go away,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.
But some days they just flood my brain,
Impulsivity and Indecisiveness.

Insomnia, insomnia
Oh, how I loathe you so
You only come and visit
Every month or so

But you come uninvited,
Put monsters in my head
Oh, why can't you go visit
Another person's bed?

I wish a had a friend
Someone kind and silly
Innocent yet troublesome
Beautiful, unknowingly so
I wish I had someone to giggle with
To be like a sister
To be a listening ear
Without judgement
Without jealousy
Just a friend.

I love him and I worry about him
I wonder if he’s in good health
Or whether he’s found someone new
Is he in need of a friend?
Is he back at school?
His whole world was disrupted,
But my world is distorted
So I couldn’t be the good friend
When it was needed.

As the hate pours in, I’ll stand my ground
I don’t stand for fake friends
Hopefully they’ll apologize and it can be good again

I’m lazy, not depressed
That’s why I lay in bed all day
My room is a mess
And my limbs don’t work anymore
I’m lazy, not depressed
I’m sad because I’m irresponsible
I cry because I’m guilty,
I don’t cry because I’m depressed
I cry because I’m lazy.
That’s all I’ll ever be
No one said that to me
But actions are more than speak

Intoxicatingly, mistakenly
You’ve caught my eye and now you’re leaving me
Hanging
At least in my head, I’m better off dead
When you leave me hanging
And you’ve ghosted for days
I’m waiting and waiting
Contsantly thinking about what you might say
Or what I said wrong
Will you reply?
Or just write me off...
Or maybe you’re busy
Maybe you’re tired
Maybe you haven’t checked your phone in a while,
Maybe he’s camping and service is bad

Haha I made myself sad and happy again.

But I’m still left here waiting and hanging and waiting... to see what you’ve said.

Mixed with shame,
A tint of red that calls my name.
Tiptoe around the subject,
Or else you’ll see me burst.
Holding all these things inside
Makes me feel worse.

I miss you so much, it’s unbearable.
You are much more than just a friend to me.
I love you.
I’ve wanted to tell you that for a very long time... Years, actually.
Please tell me you love me, too.
I can’t imagine my life without you.
I don’t even want to try, I know it’s impossible.
You’re everything I could possibly want.
You’re the only one I see,
The only one.

I hope you get this letter one day...
Soon.

I’m so much bigger now.
I’ve grown into a young woman.
You were my brother and it honestly hurt when you left without a trace.
I was just a child.
I felt abandoned.

I saw your profile today...
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to request your friendship, your attention, your acknowledgment of my existence.

But things are different now,
I’ve learned a lot.
And I know you’ve done the same.

What name should I call you by?
I’m unsure.
Are you still the old you?
The person I knew?
Or are you him? The one I never met?

Please know that I still love you.
We’re not friends, but I still love you.

Let me let you go, I beg
Tell me that you hate me
Erase your joking smile from my memory
And just leave me aching
I’d rather blame you for leaving than have this never ending fling
I thought we’d be forever
But to you, best friend and boyfriend don’t seem to go together

When did lies become the promise
And tears become a certainty - ?

i’m
      in
          a
             state
of
            lucidity,

dreaming
                      e
     ­              n
                     D
                       l
                       e
                         s
                      s
                       l
                         y      
of
   company.