i loved
how I'd always
end the day
with your voice

when they
broke
your walls
I
climbed
yours

the countless times
the clock struck
11:11
always involves
me
wishing
for u

it hurt more
to strike
the match
than it did
to start the fire

i kissed you
and the faint taste of alcohol
lingered
on the tip of your tongue
it reminded me
of when we
danced
recklessly
endlessly
breathlessly
under the influence
of liquor.
of such a vile that is
strong and bitter
that matches my soul  
nobody could handle except me.
but when i devoured your lips,
soft and mild
bittersweet like
champagne mixed with strawberries
under a starry night
i
savored
every moment.
never have i ever
seized
something
that could be addictive
and destructive at the
same time.
with lust and liquor
stirred on the same glass
there's bound to be some trouble
and i admired your bravery.

if i stopped loving you,
wouldn't
all
the
love letters
i wrote
lose
its
meaning
?

"she loves me, she loves me not."

those six words rang on my eardrums like alarum bells
reminding me in every beat my heart makes.
they swam through my throat and into my chest; knocking on my
rib cage telling my heart not to fly whenever she says hi.
doubt comes barging on my door like an unwanted guest.
reminding me that in every moment, every gesture she makes are a product
of
mixed signals.

as you went home,
the faint scent of your
perfume
wafted around the room.
waiting,
hoping i would notice
the remnants you left
in hopes
that the entrails
of memories  of you
would keep me company
through the night.

how could a person
ever muster the courage
to say
"im sorry."
when he's used to saying
"i forgive you."

you were beautiful,
like a light,
And I,
Being the fly,
drove straight into you
Out of sight

you pasted scars all over my back
And showered it with salt
"Did you shout?"
Darling, how I wish I could.
I struggled to make a sound.
Any sound.
A mere whimper is enough to suffice my ears,
Ears that have been worn out by the walls.
Screaming at them.
screaming at me.
only the sound of the whip slashing against my bare skin has been keeping me company.
Hell, it almost sounded like a song.

i remember the way your hair shined through the sunny day
studying the way your eyes flutter every time you stutter
the words you cant say
i remember how pleasing your voice was beneath my ears
i remember being with you
washed away my fears
do you remember the days where we used to lay in the shade?
forming figures in the clouds
having long conversations for hours
nights where we stayed up late
getting into stupid debates about who's right or wrong,
picking out the right song to play over and over again.
remember how we fought over stupid stuff?
and even though times get rough, we'd just laugh it all up
do you remember when we met in September?
in english class where the hours didn't last
and that's where it happened so fast
creating memories that we thought would remain
but all we created
was pain
and that was the last day i saw you.
sitting on the bench
with another girl
my heart clenched
cheeks tear-drenched
my pride craving for revenge.
listen darling,
i just want you to remember
from the beginning of september
remember the long-lasting splendor
the last moments of us being together
because i remembered
and dare i keep it in my heart forever.

i never understood your motive sweetheart
it was either
loving me like I'm your only salvation
or
cutting my lifeline out of pure misery
and neither of them
almost felt the same.