many days I feel it isn't worth it
it is better I end it
I just do not fit
right

Small disappointments
unfilled expectations
make my daily lessons
I am no longer surprised

gifted with so many unused liberties
armed with many facilities
having all basic amenities
why still unsatisfied?

my thirst for what?

but compare it to so many of them
where do my problems stand
should my opinions even matter

God still has to hear my many complaints
every other day
No wonder he doesn't listen,
I wouldn't too.

Blessed with so much
wasted it all
on being this bitter self I hate
my present state draws the ugly future
and the only cure
is to feel gratitude
on the things I still have
on my conscience who still cares.

The compassion I keep
is lost
when I find the need,
it is so low
during the day
that it crawls back in the night
all at once,
feeling ruthless in my mess state
of what I felt
the whole day.


My heart is so cold
in the warm sun.
I flip internally
as the moon comes by.
Empathize
to every device,
my tiny heart increases in size.
Feelings swarm around,
I feel them all
and by the morning,
I am empty
again.

Dark surrounds the sun
even when it spread its light
the moment its gone
it makes its presence known
Though the sun reaches million miles
but the darkness is far beyond
will it conquer it?

He thought he found his dream girl
but he is actually living in her dream.

It seemed like yesterday, but was it?
Days disappearing and what remains
Is feelings lingering
in places, we can't go back again,
For we refuse to,
It would be too, too much to
be feeling like an open wound
after what felt like yesterday, an eternity in truth
But it is still bleeding with a twinge touch,
it is an ache, just beneath
the surface.

what  is  emptiness..
~
is it a void, or an absence
or maybe the presence
of nothing, no space
or a place of blankness
is it possible to experience
in a true sense
in a broad expanse
emptiness, or is it a state of self
or mind lens
to visualise the dense residence
of empty thoughts at a glance
do I raise myself to face this
emptiness when I see all senses be
out of their command remains
me in a different essence
a blank state within good reasons
be neutralising the outlook
cleaning mind, corners and nooks.

one step outside
and thousand thoughts in my head
five feet distance to maintain
the mask, check
the gloves, check
can I breath, I don't know
my heart pounding, yes
it is crazy, I know
but paranoia won't go
Empty streets, here I come
got to stock up the essentials

the restless peace cries inside
calm but there is pain
who cares what is underneath
she is sipping on her tea
picture of normalcy
there is hidden trauma
it was missing the usual sugar
tasting the bitter
as her vision of the truth
her morning of clearing dust
touching the rust
and all what was hidden
beneath the carpet
came clear.
The false sense of security
vanished away
foolish to the fault
good awakening
to welcome the new resident misery
for expecting a good fantasy
in this fair world.

Long time back ,
When I was little ,
I read a story ,
A fairytale


Once upon a time
-------------------------------
----------------------------­---
--------------------------------
----------------------------­-----
and
They lived happily ever after
The End


And my young mind believed
That is how my life will be
when I'll grow up .

And then I realised
this is not how
Realtale ends .

Dabbling in to faith
such a serious note,
Corrupt is on the throne
considered the God,
Blindfolded our eyes,
all the words mistranslated
and misconstrued,
I don't wish to speak about
this heavy subject.

It weighs heavily on my soul,
are they true or hollow?
should I listen, learn
to who do I follow?
Cannot trust my brother
in this century,
Then are those people
even holy, undue glory?

Sudden storm in my mind
pressure very unkind
People are on divide
Just blow on the horns
Whispers of taint
Rumour mills manufactured
urgency ungraded,
my faith repents
the spirit latent.

A void, the emptiness, there is a window open
To bring in the sadness, it is the only feeling to come
And it comes.

My both set of grandmothers departed this land,
The start and the end of year as it happened
Above eighty, they lived through the eras
Saw the nation defeat and built.

Lasted longer than their spouses, outlived their peers
Lived through the crowd and loneliness,
Fed their kids and grandkids.

Their memories and their things,
Their words, they repeat in my mind
I keep thinking of them, them again.

They loved me and other dozen cousins,
They worried each day if I eat my meals,
catch my bus, reach home safe and sound.

It is funny how it comes to humans,,
When it is time to depart, their body deteriorates
The heartbeats comes to rest.

I really wish to have more of them,
I yearn to hear the same stories yet again,
Their hardship and the beautiful life.

I wish I had more time with them now,
I deeply wish I could go a year behind.

This comes to more than what I post
The life I lived and the moments I lost
In bringing the dreams together
All my wishes flew like butterfly
Birds shedding their feather
I leave each hope behind
Now I just live and breathe in unrest
Because I have got no conquest
Now all I do is wait
Wait to see what is stored in my fate
To turn my life around.

Few years ago,
The story started so ...

It was a starry night ,
With a beautiful moonlight
and we did meet
we had a formal greet
on a lonely street .

You were standing by the street light,
A very alluring sight .
My eyes were captured by your eyes .
We were accompanied by dark skies,
And the blow of wind.
I had left all my thoughts behind
Enamoured by you !

You were perfection
but, in the end , a figment of my imagination .