Sitting here, pen in hand.
Waiting for my next idea to land.

Pictures and moments flying around my mind.
And now their true emphasis has weakened; split, only leaving shards and fragments behind.

Then crash, an idea hits.
For a while, it simmers, it sits.

All of a sudden, my thoughts take a turn.
All new routes, I try to learn.
I endeavour to permanently mark or burn.
Everything that enters, I wish to keep; I yearn.

And yet. 
Sadly, it is almost inevitable or unavoidable that the human mind will deteriorate.
Forget.
While the other faculties may, at present remain unaffected the loss of this once automatic function is bound to frustrate.
Day-to-day life, it does now only serve to complicate.
To infuriate.

Every day a heavy sigh.
I do so deeply cry.
"Why?! Oh why?!"
So cruel of fate to deny.
It no longer seems to matter how hard I try.

Sleep is the devil, sleep is such a tease. Dreams a plenty. Some leave me full of hope. The others leave me empty. 
Happy endings, fun and silliness, these little shorts of pure joy, thrilling us, we are fooled by a false sense of security. Like our emotions are a toy. With every one nightmares are close by. No! Please! So now, whenever I go to bed I only shut a single eye.

Words are my sword.
Out my heart will be poured.
With your thoughts and/or comments my poetic skill will be scored.

So go ahead and read my pieces, if that is your intent.
But be warned, even I never really know what my brain will invent.

I have aspired to perform on stage.
This I discovered that a very young age.

Inhale, exhale.
Step out, into the spotlight.
Multiple times in a week. Night after night.
Nerves try to overtake but once again, as the curtain is lifted.
Reality, it seems to have drifted.
Somehow each and every time that I fear that I may fail.
The music starts to swell.
The final notes, I nail.
I think to myself: That went rather well.
I can honestly say the feelings of overriding happiness and pride always come flooding back when I prevail.

I wish with rapidly increasing frequency that I could stay securely within the parameters of my fantasy bubble.
So I could be safe. Far away from the terror and trouble.

When the roar of the crowd stops.
My heart drops.

Many people believe that my attitude when I am not in character incredibly annoying.
The reason for this is probably because I find my normal life soul destroying.

Some believe we’re placed, brought.
Yes, but for what? To leave our mark?
Nah, my ever hopeful brethren, we’ve all just been assigned a sinister character arc.
You see, this isn’t your story, not a brave journey upon which you must embark.
You have no control, it's simply a sadistically cruel lark.
To see how long it takes each one of us to reach our last resort.

See, no one really wants to know the truth.
Parents like to pretend that their family is lovely, maybe even verging on sappy.
And that everything is oh so happy-clappy.
Nobody shows an interest in the overly-quiet child, they know not of her tortured youth.

Hugs and kisses, rare.
Broken bones and squashed wishes, that is how they show that they care.

Any doctor or paediatric psychiatrist will tell you, that a child at several junctions, while growing up, craves attention.
Was it beyond the comprehension?

Mommy and Daddy just get annoyed.
So, a sad little eight year old has to find something to fill the void.

One day that shiny metal catches her eye.
Drawn to it, almost as if she were a magpie.

Trust me people, something like this does not happen when one is simply bored.
Destructive behaviours such as these, usually strike when a person believes that something within themselves is fundamentally flawed.

The repetitive action of causing friction.
It soon becomes some form of a compulsion and/or an addiction.
Encounters with Mr Knife...
Become part of normal life.

Living
In
Fear
Every day.
___________________­

Continually, my heart does stutter.
My head is full of all this painful clutter.
I wish that I could draw the blinds or pull down a lockable shutter.

I know that they are waiting, in the shadows. Waiting to pounce.
What they're not aware of is that my wish is their wish too.
The doctor may look at his watch, a time he will announce. My dream will become a reality and their wish will become true.

Feelings: I have none.
A thought; only one.
If only I had a gun.

My oh my.
Doesn't time fly.
You blink and whoosh! Another year rushes by.

Today is the anniversary of your birth.
The day that the angels decided to pluck you from the clouds and send you to earth.

Delivered to your parents by the stalk.
The winding roads of life you now walk.

I wonder what you'll do with your next 365.
Whatever happens, stay strong.
Endure and survive.
Keep holding on. If you do that then you'll never put a single foot wrong.
I love seeing you grow and thrive.

Deeply, I tremble.
Courage, I must try to assemble.

Limbs shake.
My stomach does so quake.
Calming breaths, I attempt to take.

I scold myself, thinking: Come on girl, get a ******* grip!
Feeling yet another crack of the whip…..
Hold it in! I beg to myself, biting my lip.
But from my eye one tear manages to slip.

Block out all of the light.
Holding on so tight.
I try to **** every instinct especially the one calling for me to fight.  

THWACK!
A gut-wrenching scream I cannot hold back…
The edges of my vison are now framed in black…

Not long now, I’ll be away from this
My last thought as I slowly sink into the abyss.

Someone has called my creativity into question.
Frankly I am dismayed at the mere suggestion.

I can barely concentrate.
I am beyond irate!

How can you even ******* dare?!
Who are you?
Some narrow-minded ***** or ******* with your nose in the air?
I post what I write to share. It is my choice, my god given right
no-one and I mean NO-ONE will ever tell me what I can or cannot do!

Since when was using my imagination a crime?!
Please feel free to tell me, I'll make the time.

I'll listen to your point of view.
And if it's needed I will give credit where credit is due.

Characterisation, creating a sense of fascination.
Making you stop, think, pause even just a momentary hesitation.

Wonder, frustration, happiness, anger and more. The whole emotional range.
You may find the experience unfamiliar, alien or strange.

True poetry is not restrictive.
Many can find the act of reading it quite addictive.

Poetry is unique to each and every reader.
No single person's opinion can enable them to be given the title of "Leader."

Today, November 18th is the date that springs to mind.
That was the day that I could only see you. To everything else I had become temporarily blind.

I walked into that room.
Now, to be fair, when I first saw you it didn't hit me like some kind of sonic boom.

Our eyes only met fleetingly, maybe just for a second.
But from the moment that my peripheral vision returned. It was as if I felt drawn to you. Something was calling me, I was being beckoned.

And then there was your note.
Simple and short. But it somehow still has the ability to make my breath hitch in the back of my throat.
When we're together I feel so light, so carefree.
That if you were to let go of me....
I would begin to slowly float.

I still can't believe my luck.
Gold, I have surely struck?

So much I want to say.
But I know your response: "Shh Monkey, I know. Okay?"
When I'm with you, time, well it just melts away.

They don't understand.
How much it means to me, to just be able to hold your hand.

To lay with you.
To 'waste' the day with you.

Love, before you, I knew not.
I thought misery was to be my lot.
But as it turns out, I've found the end of my rainbow. And I'm ecstatic to know that you are the contents of my little black ***.

Inside me there lives an urge.
The human equivalent of a power surge.
I have no control over when it chooses to emerge. 

When it rears its head.
Well, people have often said that ones' temperament changes its shade.
Outsiders and onlookers should be very afraid.
"Its color?" I hear you ask; red. 

There is a transition that takes place: I see a mist.
That is impossible to resist.

It descends and sits just in front of my eyes.
This can lead to someones' demise
I thrive.
Upon my victims strangled cries.
Negativity and depressive thoughts always make me feel alive.
I love to torment and terrorize.
If torture were to become a competitive sport, I know that I would win first prize.
Screams and howls; these are my glistening moon, my burning sunrise.

I long to cause immense pain.
To create what I hope will be an everlasting blood stain.
Each and every time for my own selfish gain.

Reflection, reflection how can this be?
Who is this girl staring back at me?*

Her face full of doubt and disbelief.
Who is responsible for stealing her innocence?
Who is her confidence thief?

Her skin pale, eyes dark.
She couldn't stop herself from being fixated on one of the spots where he left his mark.
The differences in her now were stark.
She was once happy, at times even elated
Now she felt debilitated, scared and hated.

Now all she wants to do is go to bed.
Lie down to rest her head.
But as soon as she closes her eyes the dreams that she has are full of fright and dread.
The miserable nightmares unfolding in her head, make her wish that she was dead.

All the memories are still there just hanging in the air.
Every sight, sound, touch and even his god awful disgusting taste.
Every single thing left its trace.

My blood is now running cold, like a newly thawed river.
Down my spine a huge shiver.

This whole situation is is beyond strange.
How can someone suddenly have such a drastic personality change.

Something like this cannot just happen over night.
So when? I ask myself. Over the years we have barely been out of each others sight.. How could I have not noticed? Were the alterations simply that slight?

A body looms above.
The one formally known as my first love.

Her breath hitting the shell of my ear.
She speak fast, lips near.

Her words, for whatever reason I cannot figure.
A targeted touch sets off a trigger.
Her face lights up and she does not even attempt to conceal a snigger.

Held here against my will.
Just so she can live out some kind of twisted thrill.
A waterfall of tears begins to spill.
The glint in her eye makes me feel awfully ill.

Has the girl I once knew gone? Leaving behind memories as faint as a ghost?
Is the devil now using her as a host?

You know that a song is good when you remember it after all these years. 
When those notes hit your ears.
And they still bring you to tears.

The tune seeps into every single pore.
Once again triggering a memory, opening a door.
Moving you to your very core.
The words still hold their original message and yet somehow..
Now...
They mean so much more.

Being away.
It matters not the specific amount of time.
Constantly I wish that you could just always stay. 
Previously feelings of distress and desperation; the rhyme.

HaHa, I am actually surprised that I have not made a shrine.
Although maybe I should have, to help stabilize my emotions; keep them level; in line.

I'm busy tidying my friends' house.
As quiet as a mouse.

The doorbell rings.
The short tune, it sings.

I quickly glide across the freshly cleaned floor.
Drawing back the door.

"Hey!"
"You?...I?....Here?.....AH!......NOWAY! NOWAY! NOWA­Y!"
Despite my best efforts to self-compose.
I cannot keep the repeating chant at bay.
And judging by the look on your face, it shows.

"HaHa. So Spider Monkey, can I come in or should I just stand out here and let my body decay?"
I pull you over the threshold without delay.
"Whoa! So, I'm guessing that you missed me? Is that safe to say?"
"Hmm?...Let me think...Only more and more with each passing day!!"

Looking for another girl to be underneath.
A frenzy of tongues and teeth.
Because I've no more self respect left to lose.
So? Care to accompany me on my **** cruise?

"Hey Monkey, you okay?"
I look up at the sound of your voice but I am at a complete lost as to what I should say.

My eyes are still bloodshot and red.
You enter my room and kiss the top of my head.
Kneeling just in front of me, you give your thighs a light tap.
Waiting to see if I move. Nothing. So you gently tug me on to your lap.

Again I start to cry.
"Oh hey baby, shhh I'm here. It's okay." You assure me as you continually attempt to keep my face dry.
Then I release a shaky sigh.
"Let it go Monkey...... 
.....Let all those tears flow."

"I-I-I want to-I need to leave." 
I say, wiping my face with the back of my sleeve.

"Oh no cutie you don't, 'sides I need my Cuddle Bunny..WHO! Also happens to be very, very funny!"

"I am?....
.....Y'know, you sound like Sam."
"Well ****!"
You say with a big cheesy grin.
Then you tickle my chin.

"HEY! HaHa. N-No! Stop!" I say laughing while playfully, trying to push your hands away.
"Now stay!....."

"...She's my big sis."
"Aww your face when you say her name. But yes Monkey we know both this."

We lay on my bed for a while. Then you smile.

"So?? Now that you're okay, what do you wanna do?"
"I told you."
"....."
"HaHa. Stay. Oh! And this..."

"...Can't start our day without a morning kiss"

You're the one that’s always there.
You don’t judge, you don’t laugh and you don’t stare.
You make me so happy. No more feeling ******.

The feeling you give me, it’s unlike any other.
It’s not like a lover, mother or a brother.

You are truly one of a kind.
Such an open mind.
You see when everyone else is blind.

You know me inside and out.
Of that I have no doubt.

You never intentionally pry.
You never make me cry.
You say: “Hey, the important thing is that you DID try.”

You always make time for me.
Whether it’s about something serious.
Or “*** I've just seen Glee!!”

I bet when you see my name flash across your screen.
You think: Oh no here comes little miss drama queen!
That or: Oh ****!! Queue the ****** teen.

You love me no matter what
With everythin’ that ya got!

Even when I falter.
Hell, you endure my alter!

You’re the light in the dark.
You're helping me reignite my internal spark.
When I say: “I think I've lost it, now more than ever…..”
You say: “No sweetie, never.”

The bond that we have formed, I will treasure.
You are my big sister Sam, always and forever.

She is an amazing writer.
A Little One delighter.
And a kick *** demon fighter
When she appears my day gets so much brighter.

Her name, I have discovered, can be used as an acronym for the phrase; Sun And Moon.
When was I hit by this new revelation? Why some day during this week, maybe late afternoon.
I think that it is almost, if not, the perfect way to define what she honestly means to me. Oh how I love my nonbiological big sister; the awesome loon! :D
Seriously! I mean it guys, she is killer! Whackier than the best possible cartoon!
I can tell you guys this one thing.
When she gave me my nickname.
I felt so high, like I was standing on the tip of an inflight airplane wing. 
With a smile that just might put the Cheshire Cats' to shame.
So happy that I wanted to sing.
My heat nearly burst, as if it was an overinflated hot air balloon.

Don't
Overthink
Uniqueness,
Be
True.

Strong
Hearted
And
Unique
Nerd
...Essentially

Often, it has been said that I am prone to over emphasize.
Today, they will not hurt me with such childish criticism, the importance of today they shall not minimize.

On this day, awhile ago.
The universe was randomly kind.
It wasn't until sometime later that I realized the enormity of how though.
Maybe the stars were aligned.

The fact that she cares.
Unconditionally so, while everyone else looks for an easy way out.
Splitting hairs.
Sam is there, ringside.
During each bout.
My goal isn't to win. I just want to make this woman glow with pride.

Silence scares me.
For many, it enables them to feel free.
Not me.
It makes me want to flee.

Noise is my cover, it enables me to hide from all around.
In its din, refuge, I have found.
I can listen to any noise, varying in volume. Sound.

It is my truest friend.
With sound I do not have to pretend.

If the melodies cease.
My anxiety is sure to increase.

The continuity of a sound wave.
This is when you can be sure that my mind will behave.
To any tune you could say that I am a slave.

If I do not have some form of music or backing track. 
Self esteem, confidence and control you'll find I will lack.
I may become uncharacteristically nervous; always looking back.

Music enables me to come out of my shell. 
Transporting from my internal, mental and emotional hell.

If my playlist is on, of my problems you will most likely be unaware.
I would appear outwardly, to be a normal person without a care.
If it is turned off, I would be virtually incoherent maybe even pulling out my hair.
And human contact, WHOA! NO! I simply could not bear.
As long as I'm sitting atop my sound cloud I am happy there.

Love knows no gender.
If Cupids' arrow does strike you will no choice but to surrender.

Love knows no race.
It pays no heed to the color of your face.

Love knows no bounds.
It can often engulf the people that it surrounds.

We have all, that some point opened our hearts.
We are all at risk of being hit by one the angel-winged baby's darts.
That is how some pairs will tell people that this is how a loving relationship starts.

Some believe they are sure to find.
Other, feel they have been regularly denied.

The feelings that love brings are intense.
For which many hold up little or no defence.

Love does not see imperfections.
It just strives to reach one goal; to seek a mate for one's soul.
Forming pure, honest, and unbreakable connections.

Love, at times can be hard for some to define or express.
True? Hundreds will say: "Yes."
Why not just simplify. With the definition below you could have a lot of success.

Love is??????????
..................Love!!! <3

You are all I want, all I need.
I swear, I will beg, I will cry, I will plead!
Please?!.......Just take the lead!
.........Make me weep until my eyes bleed!

I can not proceed in such a fashion.
I long...
For your care and compassion.
I can still hear it, it is our love; its song.

I wish to never forget this tune.
If I ever do, God forbid, it will be too soon.

Hey, do you remember the night I caught you staring at the moon?
You turned and found my eyes.
"Oh why hello Beautiful, won't you join me? Hmmm...? I am watching the night skies."
"I will...Can you- I mean please..Be my spoon?"

With you? Us? Being as close as this?
I am sure that I have said before that It is all just a constant sense of pure bliss.

I want you always.
I am eternally grateful that our paths became crossed.
If they had not I would still be lost.
I love these days........

.........When you slip effortlessly into your dominant role.
When I relinquish all my power. Giving you complete control.

Take me.
Shake me.
Get me all worked up just so you can break me.

She

Loves

Us,

Together

Don't let silence be your foe.
Let it in, think, ponder. allow your imagination to wander because you never know

After spending a few hours trying to fulfil a mountainous list of chores.
I finally arrive back at the apartment block, stepping into the elevator, only just beating the partially closed doors.
I emerge moments later, having travelled past all the other floors.

I enter our abode.
Something is different, what exactly I know not so I instinctively switch into my detective mode.

I am searching through everything slowly, carefully and systematically.
Then my head turns automatically.

That sound??? I think to myself. For a millisecond I am stood still, bolt straight.
Trying to adjust to my now hammering heart rate.

My feet start to move, quickening with every pace.
The look on my face.....
Shock. It's phase and or status: undeniable.
So much so that my balance is now very unreliable.

I have found the sounds source.
It emanates from you. *You-I mean OH!-you're p-pleasuring yourself whilst sitting naked upon a rocking horse.

Kick, punch, slap!!
Why do I always fall into this trap?

One minute everything is civil and nice. 
Next a glare....As cold as ice.
Every day is different, A chance, a gamble. Like rolling dice.

It's like walking on egg shells.
Your mood changes, it has fits and spells.

As nice as pie...
Then boom!! I have a new black eye.

Always tread lightly.
Only moving slightly.

Inch by inch.
Sometimes if I'm lucky I escape with something minor, maybe a graze or a pinch.
You love me, you say.
I know but I get scared by your "Physical Affection Display."

Yet again you have that itch.
Everything goes form "Yeah sure Sweet-pea." to "YOU *****!"
Deceitful, conniving and misleading.
Leaving me; coughing, wincing and bleeding.

I attempt to make a desperate dash.
But you're right there again, quick as a flash.

You feed off of my undiluted fear.
Something akin to a terrified baby dear.

Pinned between you and my door.
I'm knocked abruptly to the floor.
The blows continue. Several dozen more.
Paired with an announcement of a "Personality flaw."

My throat: constricting.
Due to the pain that you are inflicting.

Before I've tried to object.
Old and faded bruises. I have been given, my prompt to pause and reflect.

These "Special Gifts" I wish to return.
"Oh pumpkin, Mama is just helping you Live, Love and Learn."

Hi, I go by the name Lock&Ke;; #1139. I don't think I need to tell you that I like to read in my spare time.
As you will see I also like to rhyme.

To just simply say that I love to read.
Well that would be a very big understatement indeed.

Reading allows me to escape.
I always find It amazing that every authors' stories can be started by a single idea or prompt and then somehow a whole universe can begin to take shape.

I have never been all that good at describing or talking about myself.
To tell you the truth I'd far rather be immersed in cyberspaces' version of the traditional bookshelf.

My "friends" often refer to me as a "Computer Nerd"
I am most certainly not what I hear some people being called a "Social Sheep." If I ever have been, (highly improbable) I think I've now become detached from the "Herd."
And yes I know it's commonly known as a flock, I just wanted it to fit. Is that so absurd?

I have never belonged to any specific club, society or click.
I how can I when I'm a wanna-be Broadway or West End actress / world renowned pianist / punk band drummer chick.

Someone once called me a square peg in a round hole.
Or to use a different  analogy, socializing for me is like that first walk for newborn foal.

Meeting new people, I don't cope with well. 
From these examples you may be able to tell.

"God! You're such a freak!"
"Excuse me?! Did I give you permission to speak?!"
Y'know somethin'? You've just got one of those faces I wanna hit!"
"Hey Loser! Guess what, no-one gives a ****!"

So yeah, y'all now know why I love to read.
It makes me feel as if my soul has been freed.

We can never completely wipe the slate. There will always be things that are left to fester and stagnate.

All we can do is turn to the next page while waiting for our memories to degrade as we inevitably progress further into old age.

Will my misery entertain?
Will he salivate at the prospects and their resulting effects?
Joy, he wouldn't contain.

"Oh girl, the things I could do." He did almost coo.
"I want you to remember this encounter long after I'm through."

"With fire, you chose to play. Such a childish fool, one only gets burnt that way."

Why does my creativity choose to bloom?
Why does it grow as I contemplate delving into the darkness, pitching my tent in the blackness, amongst all of the doom and gloom?
Will my soul be efficiently sort out and collected for The Man In Red to consume?

Often it's a fine line. Elements of the two will overlap and intertwine.

Lust coupled with a prominent *******.

Longing, faith and need, founded upon an unexplainably true connection.

I go back and forth.
My world's always turning, tilting. Its poles constantly changing positions South becomes North.

I never honestly know.
What to look for or where to go.
I wish for a sign to show.
They've said: "Find your path."
Well, I'm trying to but I'm sure that whichever one I choose to follow, I will encounter someones' wrath.

One sniff, flying.
With every other dying.
To abstain I am no longer trying.

I am once again a slave.
I have to simple goal, to feed my addiction.
With my family this fact constantly causes friction.
It was never my intention to cave.
And now with each score I'm edging closer to a premature grave.

The fragility of life is often easy to forget.
A lot of people constantly refuse to see life that way.
Or at least until their final day.
Where they may find themselves being struck by the thought:I'm not ready to leave, not now, not yet.

Everyday each one of us will face battles that need to be fought.
The value of ones' life is a lesson that should always be taught.

Heartbeat and breathing erratic.

Mindset; frazzled, like static.



There is never a rhyme or reason. 
My life is just an ever-changing season.


Looping yet broken. Like a record that is scratched.
In my head, the devils plan, will it be hatched?

Or will I be intercepted beforehand. My only warning sign could be the lights and/or sirens, when the men in white coats are dispatched

Wishing for a safety net.
So many scary memories she hopes she'll forget.
________

Daddy's always working - never around.
When mommy's here: Shh! She dare not make an unpermitted sound.

All too often she wakes with a start.
BANG! "AH!" Like a defibrillator shocking her heart.

Bedroom door rebounds off the wall.
Under the covers she tries to crawl.

I mustn't move. Have to keep still.
Please leave. Please leave. She prays that she will.

"Where's Mommys' girl? Hmm? My little star?"
The sheets are slowly withdrawn.
"There you are!"
That tone of voice makes her wish that she was never born.

Pop a vein. Let it spill
. Just breathe....Slash!
 Angels and demons, battle and clash.
It's just a matter of time until....

They refer to me as “The Mystery”
Such a clouded history.

They say that I’m a closed book.
But maybe that’s just because not enough time was took,

They see me as a mammoth task.
When really all they have to do is ask.

One mistake is all it did take.
Now I only seem to shake.
So much sometimes that it can look fake.

Asking for help.
With a whimper or a yelp.

Heart wrenched.
Jaw clenched.
Forehead sweat drenched.

Keep hearing that evil voice,
But it appears not to be a conscious choice.

Tainted at such a young age,
So hateful and full of undiluted rage.
Now confined to this “cage.”

Unwanted and unloved,
Constantly just pushed, pulled and shoved.

I am a curse.
“Please, just put me in my hearse!”

He asks me: "Hey kid, you alright?"
But I don't reply, wishing to be hypnotised by the firelight.

I crave the heat.
Nothing can ever compete.
He moves over to me and takes the empty seat.

"Shouldn't you be tucked up in bed? It's late."
The answer I do not need to contemplate.
"No."
My voice is firm, irritated and low.
"It can be dangerous out here at night y'know?"

"No ****." I spit.
I turn away slightly, running a hand through my hair.
"What's that you got there?"
He questions, probably referring to the scar on my wrist.
"Why do you care?" I retort, steadily getting more and more ******.

"Okay..So I'm guessing that you're not the sharing type?"
"Nah, I don't believe the hype."
He laughs and grins at me.
"Where is she?"
"What? Who?"
"The other one that always runs with you."

"She's de-...She's not here." I say thickly, trying to focus solely on the flame.
"Oh, I'm sorry dear. That's such a shame...Went by  Zoe, am I right?"
I am lost for words. How the **** does this man know my sisters' name?!
"Normally, I could see you two passing by, almost every night."
"Ha!" I scoff. "Stalker."
"Oh, okay I get ya. So that would make you 'The Midnight Walker'?"

I try-and fail-to hide my growing smile. "Well, who knew my newly acquired creep could be funny."
"Oh I'll have you know I'm just full of jokes honey."

I rise to my feet.
And that is when, for the first time, our eyes fully meet.
That's when he says: "I'll pray for you...and her."
My words stick a little: "Th-thank you sir."

I take three steps. "Kid? We're all safe in the hands of God..."
All I can do is nod.

Deception mistaken for protection.
 Oh so naive.
Unwittingly taking fiction as gospel, wholeheartedly, they believe.
The art of lying, simply unable to conceive.

In these formative years, all the elders did was sugarcoat.
 Upon uncovering the truth.
They realize all that they've been fed is poison, slowly, it has been secreted.
 Down their throat.
 Cruelly cheated.
The innocence of youth.

Pain I know well.
With pain I can deal.
As the heat does radiate and the soreness does swell.
I finally begin to feel.
Yes, it has the power to bring me back but it can also make me crash and derail.
This sweet hurt will forever have me chasing my tail.
Oh such heavenly hell.

You think that I am a attention seeker.
The reality is far, far bleaker.
You don't believe.
You think it untrue.
The horror you cannot conceive.
Well congratulations, lucky you.

You get up, heading to leave. 
Then you feel that familiar tug upon your sleeve.

At this all your actions halt with ease. 
You freeze.

“Please......?”

One word and you retreat. 
Slowly reversing the direction of your feet.

At once you turn on the spot. Oh God!....Mmm…Yeah..Hot!
Surely with this intense connection our love is true, is it not?
Your body comes back to rest just beside me on your cot. 

A playful smile resides upon your lips.
Which means that my heart skips.

Inch by inch you close gap. Eventually you’re hovering just above me.
Your eyes are systematically changing their hue, turning as blue as the deep sea.

I can feel the coolness of the air.
My hand reaches up, nesting in your hair.

The back of your neck, my fingers lightly grazing.
She is amazing!

Our foreheads meet. 

Thump, thump, leap. 
My heart, basically on repeat.

A heated kiss.
A whimper, a passion filled hiss.

The back of your hand finds my cheek.
My smile is nervous and weak.

From you a soft chuckle.
My insides melt and buckle.

“Are you ever not this dreamy?” You ask then you lick my ear lobe.
Now you begin to disrobe.
 
Shifting your position, you're siting astride my middle.
With the hem of your sleeping shirt you do fiddle.

It's then flung over the top of your head.
Drifting far from our place on the bed.

But I don't care.
I just stare.

My view is the best. 
Your beautiful. Gorgeous. Bare chest.
You take one of your hands and touch your left breast.

With your fingertips you tease the already hardening ******.
And thousands of goose pimples erupt over my entire body, in the form of a giant ripple.

The sounds that you are making.
Are beyond breathtaking.
This moment, for me; ground-breaking.

The next few minutes are all a blur.
All remaining threads have been discarded. We are now both completely unguarded.
The next thing I hear from you is an animalistic type purr.
For a split second I wonder .....When did this change occur?

Our bodies begin working together - In sync.
Between us lives a non-perishable link.

As we find our perfect pace.
It seems that our fingers have subconsciously been able to interlace. 

In our state of perpetual motion.
This is when I am truly hit by the intensity of your love and devotion.
Incapsulated deep within this physical act lies layer after layer of previously inexpressible emotion.

I've never felt this way before.
You're the one I will always adore.
Without question and forevermore.
You pepper ultra soft kisses everywhere, your intention is to explore. 

Our hands detach.
One of yours intent on reaching my increasingly sodden lower wet patch.

"Well someone seems ready." You say with a light smirk.
To which my hips reply with a rather large ****.
"Oh no ah-ah-ah Monkey, keep those steady I hardly think now is the time to practice your twerk."

"Babe?....." You call to gain my attention.
My head turns at the mention.
It's at this time that you search my face for any signs of apprehension.
".....All you have to do is let me know, okay?"
I can only nod right now. Not knowing what to say.
Another kiss is planted. As a loose hair strand is gently brushed away.

My sensitive bundle of nerves are met with your flicking thumb.
All I can do is release a continual and deep pleasure-filled hum.
No more feeling ******* numb!!!

"Baby G?....." 
Comes your plea.
"....Talk to me?"

"I..Er..Uh..Mmmm...M-more?" I ask with a clenched jaw.
"Okay honey. Only if you're sure."

"****." I whisper as you run a finger along the length of my suitably moistened slit.
Never lessening your relentless assault on my ****.

Before you enter two slender digits. You further part my legs.
My response; desperate and almost painful high-pitched begs.

You marvel at the view within your eye line.
"Mine." That is what you decree.
And with that statement I wholeheartedly agree.

A series of purposeful stokes.
And you have me praying for the love of God that this isn't some beautiful dreamlike hoax.

All of a sudden a mind-blowingly powerful ******.
Arching my back, I release a throaty moan. My horse voice full of lust.

My toes curl.
My head is caught in a swirl.
"*** for me baby girl."

And as if on que.....
"That's it darling, I got you." You coo.
"I-I- lov-"
"Aww shh sweetheart I already know you do...Guess what I love you too, honest and true."

She will astound.
She will amaze.
Her thought process is more often than not unique and profound.
We have been in near-constant contact for hundreds of days.

One email; complementing an author for writing a truly wonderful work of fiction.
Has become so much more. I certainly didn’t foresee. I doubt anyone could have, well not without assistance, perhaps a psychic prediction.

I find it immensely difficult to verbalize, even now.  
And I feel that I must...Just….Hmmm…How?

We have talked for hours on end, about any and all things.
Who knew?
But what I write is true.
An unbreakable bond we have. With the clicking of a Send button, that is how I say it begins.

Her voice at times, is the only thing that allows me to regain or maintain my focus.
No amount of medication, therapy or any other kumbaya related hokus pokus.

She is always reminding me that I have, and can find inner strength and powers.
Countless times, she has been the reason for me not to yield.
She has saved me in my darkest of hours.
She is my shield.

Gal?
Pal?
Wait, what now?
How?

Bound to get some questions from this, some hate; a backlash. The funny side of this is my middle name can basically be a backslash.

Some will say I don't have to mention.
Others will say I'm doing it for attention.

I'm doing it because I don't know.
I'm putting my confusion fully on show.
Whoohoo! Yippie! Let's go!

I don't have to be shy.
So what? Sometimes, I feel pretty much, like a guy
Perhaps, the majority will stigmatise.
For you see, my gender does not fit into a pretty little box, at least not in society’s eyes

All I want is to sit in a dark corner and cry.
But I have no tears my ducts have run dry.

I've had this feeling for months and months. I can't lose him, my devil still hunts.
Voices in my head trying to put me under his spell. I know one thing, I do not want to carry out their instruction, and perform there near-death stunts.

But you see, my resolve is week so it begins, through flesh I will saw.
With this there is no big mystery, there is only one conclusion one must draw....

This girl simply wishes to hurt no more.
"Please don't revive me!" She would implore.
From her final resting place; the bathroom floor