Dear fellow
Tibetan woman
Who are
Ignored over whites....

You are better than them
You are beautiful
Unique
Strong and
You’re a tantric goddess.

Dear  fellow ethinic woman
Who
Is rejected
For whites.....

You are artistic
Creative
One of a kind
Lovable
Emotional


To the African American woman
Who is cheated on
By your boy friend
For a blond.....

You’re strong willed
Passionate
Loyal
Beautiful

Love your self first.

Worship me
Acknowledge me
Love me
My love

Eat me
Breath me
Drink me
You yeti

Making love to me
Pleasure me with you tongue
Other parts
As I scatter my self
Around you
Darling.

I shape shift into
A wolf
To be with my pack
My only family
To lead them to food.
Meals to eat
We must.
Every full moon

I shape shift in to
A wolf
So I can lead
My pack to victory
And beyond
To the moon
That we howl at.
Every full moon

I shape shift into
A wolf
To lead my pack
To help humans
Find bombs
And drugs at the airport
The enemy shall not
Be victorious
This full moon.  

Every full moon I
Change from woman
To a she wolf
Leader of my pack.

I did something stupid
I look around your ******
Appartment
And found some pictures
Not of rockers or Bruce lee
But that if I strange part of the world
It looked like the slasher but g rated and not gory.
I saw some pactuclar yet beautiful flags
And mountains
Then I found a creepy
Shrine to some middle aged
Bald monk with the strange writing
Around it.
Freaked out I thought you were
Secretally in love
With the Dalai Lama
“Boris! What the **** is going on?!”
I screamed
I was thinking that my parents
Were right
That you were junk
“You bi? No don’t answer
If you go to my classes great
If you don’t fantastic.”
I heard you say “I love you Claudia,”
But in a rage I left
And went to my friends house
In upper Manhattan
I only came back
To teach a class and for my lessons.
But before I secretly checked on you
You were too busy watching that ****** up movie... again.
So I went on my way
During my lessons
I noticed you standing outside
I was going to make you suffer
And sweat
So I thought that my instructor was
Single
I went up and made out out with him in a corner
“Claudia, what the...?” He asked
And he took me to his place up top
Of the training hall
And we were going to have ***
We were kissing
I saw his full body tattoo
And we started to couple
When I heard you yelling my name
The instructor
Said  something in Japanese with rolling r’s
I asked and he said that the ******* ******* was back screaming.
I kissed him and said maybe tomorrow
I got dressed and run to you
You had some gifts
And I had to tell you that my sensei
The owner banned you
And that he was yakuza
You weren’t afraid
And said that you wanted me to get some tattoos
Most of my choiceexcept for one
We went and I got a strange tattoo near my womanhood
That was in the freaky text
You said that you it was tibetan for Om mani Padme hum
The rest I got were stars and flowers
Stars for the arm and the flowers for the chest and throat.
At home you undressed me I
You
While we kissed heavily and passionately
“Claudia I am sorry for that picture freaking you out”
I just kept kissing
We got into bed and
You messaged your mantra
Near my womanhood with you lips and tounge
Then my womanhood.
You then gave me the treats and drape the colourful
Flags around my neck
Then
Continued
As you were pleasuring me I thought of my instructor
But your piercings
We’re a pleasurable reminder
They were right
I was a *****.

Spreading the truth
Helpful
Useful member of society
Not garbage
Not ****
Everest submitting mountaineer
Deserving of happiness

We met in
A simple land
In a simple time
The people shunned
Us because your were a senior Lama
And I was young woman
We were both broken souls
Who fell in forbidden love

Now things are not
As simple
I am still a broken soul
A loner
Who turned tough
Until I had visions of you
And our love
But was in denial
Until I realized you loved
Me.
Still.

One day when I was walking
When I saw some prayer flags
Prayer flags swaying
Swaying in the wind
Just swaying
Bring people luck
Making them the luckiest of the lucky
I ask what a simple life
A simple job
A simple bunch of flags
Then I become jealous
Jealous of their simplicity
Wishing
Just wishing
Just wish for their lifestyle
Prayer flags
Simple life, simple job:
Simple flags.

There in the night
There was a girl
Sitting on the crescent
Moon
To see the constellations
Better.
Don’t you wish
You can sit
On the moon to
See the Dipper.

As I look in
The mirror
I don’t see a 30 year old
Curvy woman
Instead
I see the 13 year old
Mad coroner
Who was skinny
No use
But to **** friendships.
What should I do.

I live in a
World where the trees
And neighbourhoods
Are upside in the sky
And there is stars on the ground.
One summer day
A woman decides to
Jump falling
To the stars.

A lot of stupid people
Ask stupid freakin’
Questions
Like why do you
Do this
Or what makes you tick
Or if I believe what I say
If you believe those questions
Its none of your business.  
Haha.

Dear snow flake
You might not like me
For my skin
And odd beliefs
Since 9/11
But I am going to tell
You this
I was a vicimt of terrorism
Talk to me and
You may know
A decent human.

‪As the snow‬
‪Falls in the‬
‪Sun light‬
‪I imagine ‬
‪Living in a perfect‬
‪Snowglobe‬
‪Even though‬
‪I hate winter.  ‬

In a Marilyn Manson concert
There are two bears
Screaming
Trying to
Out do the singer
To the point
That everything reverberates.  
Even souls.

Two hearts longing
For one another
when two souls
Lonely.

Two lips collide
In love and passion
When the two souls
Actually find eachother


Two bodies couple
And twist with
Each other
When the souls
love one another.

As I stargaze
I notice
Two perfect
Triangles in the sky
And goldfish
Jumping through them
Like a ring of fire.

As I and my worker
Take a walk
At the local trail
The leave change
Colour
And we see
The goddess of autumn.
Dresssed in a dress of fall
Leaves.

I’m a buddhist woman living with mental illness.

It does not make me weak.

It does not make me any less of a of a Buddhist

Buddhists live with mental illness too.
It’s ok not to be ok.

As I go
Outside late spring night
The moon is full
The flowers fragrant
The flowers glowing
In the moon light
So
Does my heart chakra.

As the flowers
Spring up from the ground
I breathe a sigh
Of relief
Hated that snow.

As I tell my story
Of my stigma
And of my past
I release
The squirrels
Out of my head
And into the Wild.  



Where they belong.

As I see the
Sun sets
In the summers eve
I get excited
For I
Get to see many patterned
Diamonds
In the North
The great Dipper.

Sticks and stones will break
My bones
But the names you called
Me hurt.  

Sticks and stones will break
My bones
But the pranks you
Pulled where traumatic

Sticks and stones
Will break my bones
But the cat fights
have scarred me.

Shunned
Tough times and life
Ignorance of others
Gifted girl
Medication being taken
Attempted suicide many times

Just swirling them Baodings
Crud
I hope I have a better day tomorrow
Thus the Baoding *****.

I will
Find my love
Man or woman
For I am beautiful
Inside and out
I will
Master
My self
With out your help
I will find my enlightenment
With your tantric love
Your false hood.  
For I hate fakes and liars.
And especially cheaters.  
I did not
You
To make me happy
Will do it my self
Or with another.

As I escape this
Tropical hell
To be with my family
And friends
Far in the east
I am reminded
Of the friends
I left
Just to be tortured
In this tropical hell
I weep as I swim to safety
It wasn’t a successful
Escape
For my friends are
Still suffering.
This “dead” girl will
Tell their story
And fight for them.

‪Things you don’t say to‬
People who
Suffer from trauma
And traumatic life
Those worlds are....
Spazz
Spazzing out
And spazzed out.  
Say that and you
Will see how ******
The universe really
Is!!!

The sun breaks the
Darkness
Uncovering a latent
Pair of eyes
Looking over the farm.

Soon she was called into
For a job interview
At the FBI
And she gave her whatever resume
She had
And that she spoke in tibetan, Japanese, Russian and of course English
They told her she was accepted into the academy
4 monthes of shear hell
But she has been through worse
And she proved her metal
And passed
Not she was an FBI agent
But celebration was short lived
When she went to
Bed
In her dreams Boris haunted her dreams
She did a lot of good and saw action
But lived as a loner
And wrote to her daughters
Though she couldn’t bare to see them
For they reminded Claudia of her first
She just hope that they never saw her sketches
One October day
On the year of 83
Claudia’s tragically cut short
In action
Before she died in her hospital room
From complications
Of being shot
She sat up
Mediated
And breathed out Om mani Padme hum
And drifted off
Not a care in the world
For she was with her
Beloved Russian punk
In shambala.
In paradise.

The next morning after their morning loving making session
After whispering sweet nothings to eachother
Boris said that he going to announce that
He at a young age had found enlightenment
She thought her scronny tattooed lover was going to do that
Claudia said that she loved him
But since they came here
He went insane
Yet was still loving
She realized that she had missed her period three months in a row
Could she still teach
While carrying their child.
Could she take care of them
Here in this waste land
She thought know and she
Called her tattooed monk that
She was carrying his kid
Claudia then she she was going to open up a dojo in
Upper manhattan
To make a better life
For her and the kid
She kissed him farewell
Feeling those piecing for the last time
And turned her back
On the punk Lama.
When she arrived Claudia left
Her beloved
In Tibet
And wished him well
She also found out that she was having multiples.
When she got to a doctor
Claudia stayed with her friends
Until she gave birth
Made a name for herself again
Every night she cried herself to
Sleep
And dreamed of Boris
And in the day she took her
Sketch book out and
Started drawing tantric art
Who involved her and Boris
The friends asked
What happened to him
And she said
That he was happier in the mountains
And she couldn’t live there
For the sake of the children
When it came time to give birth
She had for daughters
To whom she promised not
To breathe a word of their
Father.
Over the years
She got stronger both emotionally
And physically
And the girls grew up
Like wild flowers
When the daughters whent to school
She opened her own dojo
And found another
Who her daughters called
Dad.
She never told him about Boris
Trying to pretend like they
Never met in that alley
Once a upon a time
Then her new husband saw the tattoos and the name
Who was Boris
He asked her
And then as the children slept
She said that she
Was once in love with a street punk
Who dragged her
To Tibet
And he lost touch of reality
She said that he was called Lama Tashi Surya
But she knew him as Boris
Claudia cried and then tried to move on with life
Until her one of daughters
Discovered in the mail
A letter in what she called Egyptian
And normal
It said that her husband
Lama Tashi Surya
Killed himself
The letter in tibetan was both a love letter and suicide note.
Her and her new husband
Got the others around and
Told the daughters
Of their real father
Lama Boris as Claudia called him.
She found the only suitable sketch of her beloved
And showed it do her daughters
Claudia felt like it was her fault
That the love
Of her life was dead.
She closed her school
And went to be a secretary
First she was a martial arts expert
And mistress
Then some insane punk’s lover
Now a mother
And wife.
She had to leave her passion karate behind along with Boris.
She framed the sketch and
Hung it up
Above the tv so when her daughters
Watched cartoons
They knew where they came from.
From time
To time
Claudia still had feelings
For the Russian punk
Who rocked her world.

You said nice
Things about
About me and my looks
If I didn’t know
Any better
I wouldn’t believe
You

You said that you
Wanted me all to yourself
I want to be your lover
And have you all to my self
I want to be with you

You said
That you wouldn’t get
Off your knees if
You had the choice
I saw that you coming to
Bed to kiss
And massage my
Womanhood
With your tounge
In

You called me
Your tantric goddess
So I tell you
To name me Tantra.

I hope we
Still talk
*****.

My heart has
Turned blue
Liquidity and
Cold
From empty romance
And empty promises
Do take a swim
In my cold heart.

We chatted
Over the net
Getting to know one another
And your language
And we exchange pictures
We have things in common
But we are in two different worlds
Like life and death
Night and day
I don’t know if your heart
Belongs to another.

Why do I go into the talklamakan desert
To trace the steps of my love
His gentle Buddha like face
Engraved in both
Mind and heart.
I travel with a broken heart.  

Why do I go into the talklamakan desert
To see the last places
That my love
Went to.
The memories
Of our coupling
Seared into my being
I travel with a broken heart

Why do I go into the talklamakan desert
To find the disembodied
Soul of my love
Memories of talking about the teachings
Bookmarked in the heart.
I travel with a broken heart.


Why do I go into the talklamakan
Desert
To be reunited with my love
Into a place of souls and demons
It’s night
I sleep next to
A watch tower
Hearing: “nga kayrangla gawpo nebo, I always will!”
Was this the last place he went
I travel with a broken heart.

I dream of the times in Lhasa
When you were still with me
Coupling in the eachothers arms.
Then I hear his voice
“Nga kayrangla gawpo yo nebo, I always will!”


I awake in the middle of the night
In the middle of the talklamakan
I finally see him
Still that monk I loved
But he was undead

I did not care
We embraced
And kissed
Our tounges danced
We both wanted to couple
But he was a zombie
And I was alive.

I hold him
As if he was so precious
I gently kiss him
And I walk into a town
Crying to my self.  

I traveled with a broken heart.

Depression
Is not just sadness
Depression
is not just tiredness
Depression
Is not just a loss of interest
It is a tangle
Of complex emotions
Of complex symptoms
That cause from
Your past
That created an imbalance
Both in the
Mind
And in the soul.

I was threatened
With tantric ****
Online
I refuse to be a statistic
I want to be a survivor
I refuse to be a survivor
I need to thrive
Through this
I found
Why I am on this planet
To stop this
From happening
To someone else
Not enlightenment
I know
The sad fact
That I am
Still a statistic.
But I am much more
Than that.  
I am a human.

The next morning
Claudia looked
At her strange tattoo in her
Right thigh
Hoping he ruined it
No such
Luck.
She was branded
****
Then Boris stirred
Reaching for her
He got up and asked
If she wanted to learn
The karma sutra
And Tantra
She said if he only went to her karate classes since she was
A new instructor
And that she wouldn’t charge him
Maybe for a few kisses.
All morning
Boris taught her everything
Positions
She practiced with him
For most of the day
And
She felt one with him and the universe
While she though this isn’t that
Bad
But great.
As she let out a moan.
“My crazy looking monk!” She said
Endearing.
Kissed him
Leaving for her classes.
He soon followed and attended the lessons
And when his class was over
He watched
As she was being taught
More advanced moves
Ever so gracefully.
That night she got her kisses
And then went back to apartment
To make love
But she soon asked to be
In a strange
Position
Instead
While making out.
The trigger his
Piercings.
They drove her wild
Like an animal.  
As they practiced positions.

When the
Universe
Works to find
Two souls to match
They should be loyal
As they couple
And make love
Connect to the universe.

When the moon
Is full
It is you see
The ghosts of a senior Lama
And I young lady
Tantrically couple
With each other
As they kiss
The before you know it
As you blink
They disappear
To fall in love
At the next full moon.

MY RELIGION IS SIMPLE
kindness is tantra’s
MY RELIGION IS KINDNESS.
evil spell on the vulnerable.  

MY RELIGION SIMPLE
evil is not the answer to everything
MY RELIGION IS NECROMANCY
tantra is necromancy and evil.

As I sleep
I dream I was visiting
A friend
Alas I She comes
Closer she becomes
This tantric demon
Trying to choke me
Wakes me up
From a death like sleep.

These flashbacks
Of an old life
In a mountainous land
Where I was in love
Cause discomfort
How can I love anyone
Other then my parents.

These dreams
I have of the old times
With my monk lover
Freaks me out
Causing distress
How can I have a lover.

These tantric urges
I developed
Disturbed me
Because I
Thought
I wasn’t that kind of girl.

When I kiss you
My love
It’s magical

When we embrace
Each other
My darling monk
I feel safe

When I see
The sparkle
in your eyes
I see joy and love

When we couple
My Yeshe
We take Our love to
To new heights

Love is strange
One in the  remote mountains
Lived an a evil Tibetan Lama
Who was exiled from
The monastery
For practicing
Tantric necromancy
So he can bring
His lover
A younger woman
Still a girl
Who died a year ago
The he practiced Buddhism
And his evil ways
Until he started
Vision being back
With his lover
She came back
Body mind and spirit
When the Lama
Saw her at the door way
He heart rejoiced
And he was both
Enlightened and fall
Back in love.
She was as beautiful
As the day he met her
After hearing her sweet voice
They kissed
Their tounges meet and dance
The Lama god between his
Undead lover’s legs
They coupled
Tenderly and passionately
So he wouldn’t hurt her.
For he did not want to hurt her
Or break
His heart again.

As you send message
Saying that you love
And the you worship
Me
I know you are potentially
A Buddhist monk
If years beyond mine
Time passes
My heart opens to you
And I wonder what
Tantric deeds
You may do to my
Senual body.

Since you called me
A tantric goddess
I feel like that I
Want to enchant
You
To put an spell on
You
For wanting me
I slowly ****** you
As we couple
Ever so slowly.