Does my motivation lead my potential?
Is my fulfillment in the hands of my dreams?
I know there’s hope in God,
But do I believe the ends don’t justify the means?

I also know I have to share, share what I have to give, or what I’ve been given.
If I keep the doors closed to the worlds of who I am,
I would be just as treacherous as the man who buried his talents.
There must be meaning behind,
Something so great.
Fantasy is beautiful and has its own power,
But my character and past are revealed in truth that won’t cower.

The warmth of our voyage slowly dims with every passing storm.
The darkness grows in waves as the compass floats its own way.
The screens cover windows, filtering life with past and subtle dust.
Nothing said or heard is lost with the wind, and this cramped cabin only gains wit with its each and every passing lightless day.

Covered by leafy canopy
No one knows where the light comes from
Led by a vague presence of direction
Look at the green,
That’s all you see.
Lost in melancholy,
Lost in being lost
Looking for a reason to be found,
Looking for an idea of who could find.

You made me feel like I had to earn your love.
Like I didn’t deserve your attention
Your age played a factor in my worth or my voice.
But I couldn’t go to you for advice.
I wish I could go back a little to face some of these truths,
With the freshness of memories I no longer have.

I miss where I'm supposed to be.
As the snow falls and all heaven is set free.
I can't ignore the draw inside,
Every photo and video, I know there's something missing here.
I inhale the beauty of the trees.
The smell stays and hides in my dreams.
I feel imprisoned in my mind,
All the thoughts that keep me from accepting what's near.
I know I have a center point up there.
Over and over I'm reminded of the flare.
It flashes most unexpectedly,
When I think I'm comfortable it blinds me with its fear.

I can’t stand it,
It’s like a constant pressure,
A destiny that may never measure up.
Why do I feel this,
Where does it come from?
Does my mind make it greater than it truly is for a reason?
Because that would be the greatest treason.
You run, you hide, you follow me, and hurt me.
Nothing but the end, if it even exists, can stop the burning.

You don’t light up the world, but you allow me to see.
The truth still hurts,
But everything is now warm and full of life.
All the beauty around me,
I can feel it and touch it,
It wraps me like fog hugs the mountains.
I can’t help but slip into dreams,
Even while it’s right in front of me.
The worlds that you create break my mind into rosy memories to fuel my sentiment and comfort every day.

You’re a flipped mirror upside wrong, right side right where you don’t belong,
Can’t tell where the end begins,
The horizon is the only thing that lives,
Unless the bottom drops out into a free fall heaven,
Taking with it the hopes that the reflection could be more than a hand made inception.
Let me fall back into my own right side wrong.
I wanna be in the background that finds its basis in the foreground,
So maybe I’d believe that the beauty exists in me,
So maybe the creativity could set me free.

How quickly can truth be changed?
Presumably fixed by fact,
Realistically loose in sway of speech.
How successful may our search be, for truth,
If society and popularity guide the masses' findings?
Our success will be lost in the denial of ignorant passionates.
Compassion, a straight line may be the fastest route to, but goodness isn’t just the destination,
It’s everything you cut through.

I don’t think the possibility of the emptiness of unfulfilled passions changes the magnetism that radiates from the same possibility of the joy in their fruition.

Is the confidence foolish,
Is the necessity folly?
But no, all the incantations of my past have yet to ruin me.
And despite all of the pain, it doesn’t ruin the lover’s prophecy.

So take my hand,
Even if it’s just to examine.
So take my eyes,
Even if they’re deceived
So take my heart,
Because I rather have you crush it, then to never see it bend or fold.

But I don’t see your heart the same,
No, I want you to be protected with the utmost security,
To be free of heart ache even if ruining my name.
But I know this doesn’t make sense.
The fullness of your heart would experience pain to find the greatest love beyond our game.
And the fact that I helped you get there,
Well I hope I can find joy through that.
Cause all I feel now is an undeserved shame fueled by you...

The anesthesia is setting in.
I can feel the numbness spreading through my limbs.
All the pain and struggle of the past is being clouded over now that I’ve given way to the same destructive desires.
It’s like nothing means anything anymore, but consequence every single broken moment still requires.
I don't know how conviction will find me in this crowd.

Help.
I can’t stop writing.
I’ve stopped thinking,
And started pouring my feelings out through my fingers.
I find some release, but this sharp pain always lingers.
What comfort can I find writing down these ineffable emotions,
When perfect words surround me like oceans?

I get roped in,
I get caught every time.
The smell of bait is always attracting like a word’s next rhyme.
And I can’t seem to get out of this trap I find myself in so often,
All I need is a glance, a smile, a touch, and I find myself in this coffin.

You see, I write about these things so routinely.
It takes up all my emotion,
And my thoughts are formed obscenely.

I am either running
From the things I dream at night
Or dwelling in my sleep
Until I can't stand my waking self.
My character seems to hang by a thread’s might,
And I now see it lacks in wealth.

I have been everywhere,
…felt so so many things.
I feel so alone in my mental strain,
My fight with this special kind of empty pain,
but the thing that hurts worst is the realization that I may not be as alone or unique as I once thought.
I may have learned of the meaning and vastness behind my cavernous thoughts but that doesn’t mean that this world isn’t a lonely war I’ve fought.
Maybe it will hurt less the more I talk to the ones that share this world.
Maybe I will find out how important this lost place is.
Maybe they will someday understand me, this wonderland,
Because I know no one else feels how my dream of home has been perfectly pearled.

I wanted it to work so bad...
And you wanted my last name.
It seemed like a perfect ended being set up for failure with me to blame.
Oh my god but you were sweet, so gentle and so thoughtful.
How could I hurt you and your rosy cheeks, now my life’s story feels like a plot hole.
I keep writhing in pain and fear of regret.
Your curly dark hair darkens what reflects.
When I look at my self,
I see what I did to you,
How I put hope in your crying eyes.
There was so much I wanted to do with you,
But I couldn’t go on, I couldn’t keep holding you and surrounding us in lies.
Your glistening blue eyes that pulled me in won’t lose their glow so fast.
You’ll be pulled in like the rest into the great wonders of my dreamscape mess.
I hate that I’m saying this again, but...

Please don’t hate me,
Please remember me.
I will remember you.

Drive away from here, there's another world,
Outside the bubble of the star killing light,
Lit instead by the milky way's night.
Skyscrapers covered in snow,
Windows covered by forests in alpine low,
Suburbs of wildflowers by dew softly pearled.

I’m slipping, I’m falling,
On my way down I see you threatening my standing.
I don’t know why I put up my defenses,
Like I’m at risk of losing my pretenses.
I can’t celebrate, a stone wall rises before I can appreciate.
I punch the brick to distract my mind.
So I can’t think about the intricate truth.
My hands go numb while handling what I find,
But my mind won’t let you go when my failures are proof.

I remember why it hurts so bad.
The moments from the past, felt stronger then than anything now.
The emotion flowed like a river in a stream that was flooding.
Now I walk through their dried up beds and wonder what they were.
Every once and a while I get pulled down by a flash flood,
But nothing will compare to the old water line.

Where was I just?
How long has it been?
Recollection from a life once lived, where do these places, feelings come from.
I know they can’t be real,
Or is there really enough in my mind forgotten that has come back to haunt me?
Nights with the best memories made in a different mind,
Settings with enough emotion to hold my confusion in line.
I don’t know if I’ll ever understand this faux nostalgia,
But I hope I cover it with reality when I’m around ya.

Something’s not right,
I can taste metal.
But that’s why I came here,
To inspect the darkness.
Because even in fear,
I’ll search for meaning.
The danger doesn’t bother me,
As long as I find my story.
Try to **** me,
Try to hurt me,
I’ll take it as a badge to wear.
Look at my intrigue,
I have something you don’t...

In time I feel something new
The peace of life, life renewed
I see a glow of light it sees me and brings me sight
I am guided by natures call
oceans roar or rain’s fall
I fear separation from this feeling
I fear the cage of a forced life
Give me a hope a feeling that I can hang onto,
a great awakening so I can do what I want to,
No, so I can do what you want to.
Peace is greater than fear and yet I find the greatest peace mixed with the latter.
Oh, all of my creativity,
Why does it seem to give me anonymity?

Have I lost what I’m just beginning to realize
is most important to my heart’s longing for home?
I was formed in this comforting hurting place of greens and golds and blues.
Help me,
I’m crying in the home-sickness of my bulldozed childhood house.
The rain that blurs my tears,
The fog that hides my fears,
The cold that gives warmth to what’s dear.
Like my memories slipping,
This sense of security feels,
lost.

Does this wall that separates me,
From the chance I have to fully be free,
Require another, a strong and guiding future,
Some opposite to rectify, or is that just a rumor?

A rose in light dawning,
The life of the earth,
A season of thawing.
Oh golden light, leave me now,
This endless fight, something new to be found.

I can let go of what you did,
I can forgive pretty quickly.
The problem is,
You changed the way I look at myself.
Now I have to forgive myself for being the way I am.
And that,
That, I am not so quick at doing.

Is part of getting over you,
Disregarding my influenced interests?
Is it unhealthy to hold on to what made you the one that stuck in the back of my mind,
Even when my heart no longer pined,
For you.
I’m discovering new beauty,
Yes it’s great,
Should I set down some souvenirs,
Were they solely for you and me?
Golden light,
Will you still shine?
Maybe in a different time,
Strung by new threads of twine?
I’m ready to pursue,
Somewhere I have not yet flew,
Find something new of mine.

I could cast my gaze toward anyone,
but connection comes in small moments of understanding:
When we direct our attention long enough to contemplate the colors,
To regard the size of the darkness we see the world from.
Sometimes we only catch a hit-and-run,
But when it sticks, when souls connect, and we see the other for who they really are,
It leaves me with something I can't forget,
My mind has yet to find a greater but just as simple communication in adoration of another creation.
There's something powerful in the one-on-one,
Undeterred by surrounding crowds or events in motion all around,
Eyes still meet and lock, no passing thing can break their talk.
With every burning second the mirrored sensation of optical reception resembles the sweet weariness of a Nordic midnight sun.
And then it breaks as thoughts swirl in passion heated from skylights.
The warmth runs through the whole body, just seconds filling every cold spot.
As the windows close no one knows, but those dark spots and colors burn in the silence.
I think you may understand, relate in some way, but in reality these words aren't for everyone.

My eyes, that I carry in my hand.
They let me hold the beauty of this land.

Just a square, it’s not much to revel,
Even with its grid and with its level.

It goes beyond some glass and metal,
It opens my heart and mind just like a kettle.
The steam and scream find their place in self esteem,
Because through these eyes the world gives sighs,
And I finally find a reason why life looks oh so green.

I can’t seem to understand,
how drifting dreams can pull my hand.
You won’t let my mind take leave,
Crushing me with cords of creativity
Your personality screaming in my ears,
and blinding me with yellow,
finding almost every way to make me feel low.

Is there a difference between being anxious and being careful,
The fear of not taking caution, when all you’ve taken in the past is lost in sin.
My streams of encouragement aren’t running dry, but they seem to be damming up at my mind.
You can’t understand the weight these feathers have on my heart,
Your scales work in reality,
Mine float along in a dreamscape endless fantasy,
Pulled down at one end where I see all future of peace and perfection.
All I can see is the undefined, the forgotten in time, only mine.
Help me drown and wake up back here, I won’t get far up here, looking for my dreamt of dear, all I need is one good hear,
Listening to your whispers of truth.