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Nov 2017 · 549
Alex Nov 2017
ask me why
I do not smile.
"I have a safe, full of emotions. That is where my smile is."
I tell them, and it confuses them. You can not have a safe full of emotions because emotions can not be held.
If they could be held I would have destroyed
every. Single. One.
Happiness and Love, Joy and Curiosity.
There would be no room
For heartache and sadness, anger and hopelessness.
Everyone would be happy.
That's right.
E  v  e  r  y  o  n  e
Nov 2017 · 374
Don't, Can't and Won't
Alex Nov 2017
I don't want anyone ever to hold me the way you do
     You make me feel okay, whole, through and through
           I don't want anyone to know my ****** expressions and voice like you
               I don't want anyone to know my family the way you do
                       I don't want anyone to understands my thoughts and reasons
                              I don't want anyone to understands my weird meanings
                                       I don't want anyone to ever know why I do what I do

I don't want anyone to know because that's something between me and you.
       I don't want anyone to make me laugh and be so mad at the same time.
               I don't want anyone else. No one knows who how much I want you to be mine
                      I don't know why part of me keeps ******-well lying!
                                I don't know why I can't give up! Is it because I'm trying to keep the thoughts of us together intact? A beautiful fantasy?! Doesn't matter! I still end up I finding myself trying!

I don't want to trust anyone the way I trust you.
         I don't want to love another the way I love you!
Maybe it's not that I don't. Maybe it's more along the lines of "I can't" because I can't see myself being with someone else it makes me sick.
Nov 2017 · 317
10 word poem? Maybe?
Alex Nov 2017
Poetry is my self harm, you guys are the endorphins.
Does this count as a 10 word poem??
Nov 2017 · 308
This girl
Alex Nov 2017
Her hair messy, plastered over her face by tears.
Her eyes red and puffy.
Her mouth open and screaming.
Her voice raw with pain.
Her throat dry and on fire.
Her arms feel anchored to her sides.
Her knuckles are ****** and swollen.
Her heart and her mind are bleeding with hope.
Her stomach feels like a can that's been crushed.
Her legs--think they're still there, she can't feel them.
This girl is broken but not in a sense that she needs to be put back together, no, this girl is broken in a way where she can't give up. She can't stop having hope. This girl is cursed.
Nov 2017 · 198
Alex Nov 2017
I will not tell you anything that is wrong
My ****** expressions and tones will not betray
I will keep this up, I don't know for how long
I guess I'll keep doing this till you see I'm okay
Deep down I think you think I'm a lot to handle and I'm sorry.
I'm going to be the worlds most fake person and see where it gets me.
Nov 2017 · 279
Alex Nov 2017
Do you actually have to have a reason to **** yourself? Why do you have to explain your reasons? What if you have none? Why would I tell you if I wanted to **** my self.

    Y o u   w o u l d   s t o p   m e
Nov 2017 · 280
Look at me!
Alex Nov 2017
I am naked.
Not physically but emotionally.
Please don't look at me.
Not right now.
Don't you see these scars?
Turn around.
My mind is broken.
My heart is scared.
My emotions in plain sight, my soul is bared
I am naked.

i kinda fixed this poem a bit..
Nov 2017 · 543
Oh mother look!
Alex Nov 2017
Mother can I read this to you?
I wrote it. Oh how proud I am. Look! It has a lot of views. Took me a while but I made it perfect! Oh Mother look it's trending! I feel better now that I wrote it, can I show you?

Ugh one...

Never mind it's not as good as I thought it was. It needs work. They just look at my poem because it crosses their eyes. They don't actually like it. Why do I write. Why did I even wake up this morning.. I'm sorry for bothering you.
Nov 2017 · 420
Delete Me
Alex Nov 2017
If you move on with someone else can I ask you of one small favour?

Delete me from your memory.

Delete me from your mind.

Delete my touch

Delete my laugh

Delete the taste of my lips

Delete the smell of my shampoo

Delete the tones of my voice and all my ****** expressions you've memorized.

Delete all my hopes and dreams.

I bared my soul to you. I need it back.. You moved on so I have some way... Somehow.. Do the impossible and.. move on.. So please. Don't let me hurt anymore. Delete me.
Nov 2017 · 460
Wedding Finger
Alex Nov 2017
I wear a ring on the fourth finger
I get asked who I'm married too.
I say A ring on any finger is what you make it to be.
A ring on my wedding finger does not mean i am married
Marriage is trust, love, committed to each other, vulnerability, no secrets, friendship and so much moreb. Marriage is promise to always be there no matter what, until death. So why is it that its called the wedding finger when indeed it could possibly be called the promise finger because are we not promising to spend the rest of our lives together. Even if one is not in a relationship with that person does that now make wearing a ring on that finger forbidden?
I wear a ring on the fourth finger or third if your one of those aliens that think their thumb is not a finger.
I get asked who I'm married too.
and idk this got to me
Nov 2017 · 297
Trust No One
Alex Nov 2017
I'm scared you'll run away If I tell you what is wrong
You can not promise you will stay
There's a pattern and I'm starting to catch on
You see, you'll act like you care
Everyone always does
But when you are needed you won't ever be there
So I turn to my drinks to feel that familiar buzz.
Nov 2017 · 296
Me and You
Alex Nov 2017
My love for you will never die but yours died long ago.
My heart and Mind
are in battle every day,
but yours won time ago.
My emotions are like the weather, always noticeable,
yours, are like a Tsunami,
before you realize
what's going on its to late.
My thoughts are killing me.
Your thoughts?
You have none.
I am nothing to you.
My trust? Forever yours.
Yet you have no trust for me.
My body and soul, every inch of my body is yours. I am entirely devoted. You? She is yours.
Nov 2017 · 259
I hate you.
Alex Nov 2017
Being unwanted isn't new to me. Infact I was shocked to find myself on the verge of tears when I found out you don't want nor care about me. I hate what you do to me. I hate that you're my weakness and you don't give a ****. I hate that nothing I do fazes you. I hate you.
But you see.. I can never hate you. Because I still love you.
Nov 2017 · 316
Alex Nov 2017
You kissed me! My brain is mess of tangled thoughts. He kissed me! You look at me with that angelic face, then hug me picking me up in your warm embrace. I kiss him back and then get ready for you to be mad. Instead you smile your dazzling smile and say "I liked that" and I am glad. Your voice, oh your voice like a familiar song, your smell is intoxicating, the taste of your lips leaves me feeling giddy but not for long. You are mine, I am yours. Everything is finally okay.

Nov 2017 · 275
That went well
Alex Nov 2017
Dear Brain, what the **** were you thinking?!

Sincerely, Heart
Nov 2017 · 188
Screw food
Alex Nov 2017
She has the option to buy any type of food she wants. But what do you eat when you don't want to eat anything? When the numbers on the scale in the bathroom are worth more than any food you put in your body..
This isn't a poem but idk thought I'd post it..
Nov 2017 · 304
Storm Called Love
Alex Nov 2017
"Umm Ok.." The boy said; voice cracking mid sentence to the girl who once had eyes as blue as the ocean, but now as grey as a storm cloud. "Okiee dokiee" she whispered back to him. A boy who has a smile that can make anyone smile but this time there was no smiling.
Little did they know they were destroying eachother.  He walked away and she stood there,waiting, to see if he turned back. He didn't. Not until she started walking did he turn, mouth open, about to say something, but she was to far away. The both of them, with tears in their eyes whispered to the wind: "I still love you".
it was originally 3 sentences but then I just had to put detail and then this happened tell me what y'all think. I follow back
Nov 2017 · 178
Why Bother
Alex Nov 2017
Who do you talk to when you realize no   one   actually   cares.
When you realize they just want you when your benifical.
When you can't talk to that one person because they were right (again!)
When your up at 3am and need to talk to someone but your to much of a burden.
who do you talk to when you're making up things and believing it and everyone is just trying to help you?
Silly girl you know the answer. You breathe in the drugs and you cry to your pillow.
I don't know if contradict is the right word or not but I definitely did something funky there lol
Nov 2017 · 209
Alex Nov 2017
Bob is my darkest shadow and only friend.
Bob is sometimes a bully that when I'm in bed at night sits on my chest making me feel as if im suffocating.
Bob makes me think things which --give it time-- I will believe.
Bob is the reason that I push people away and lie my *** off so even the most stubborn ones will leave.
Bob is also the reason I have one hand on my stomach clutching at the skin as if somehow that will make my stomach stop twisting and closing in on itself. The other hand on my mouth trying to muffle the sounds of my sobbing and the gasps as I run out of air and start choking on my tears.
Bob is my depression.
Bob is in no way my friend. But I can't get rid of Bob.
I finally got the courage to read this to my mom cuz this explains what I'm feeling n what's going on in my head and she changed the subject cuz she felt uncomfortable. Sooo now I post it. Poetry is my self harm and you guys are the endorphins.
Nov 2017 · 983
Those Green Eyes
Alex Nov 2017
The morning I don't wake up,
Is the day you need to see
that you need to be brave
you never needed me.
Wipe those green eyes, the ones I came to know
I will always love you
please except I had to go.
Carry on your life I'll always be there watching as your dreams come true
Nov 2017 · 209
Alex Nov 2017
Trying to write when your high is like throwing rocks into a lake and trying to remember what shape and color they were and how far you threw them.
Oct 2017 · 170
Alex Oct 2017
She picked herself up and built her walls higher than ever before. But she added a door. A door that will either save her or **** her. Her heart is scared to trust but her gut is to confused to say anything. She is terrified but Inlove.
I don't even know what this is but its what I'm feeling soooo idk..
Oct 2017 · 166
The box of what?
Alex Oct 2017
This box is very fragile, it is made up of a past life with very delicate memories. Where there was not a care in the world, where you don't have to hesitate to tell someone something and not ask yourself if they will turn their backs to you, leaving you drowning in pain and regret for thinking you could trust them. Where you can actually be happy, you can smile, laugh and be silly. Not exaust yourself by faking a smile and forcing yourself to keep your shell up, to not let anyone in. But where you can grow up with friends and not worry about waking up to a new school. Where you would have to meet new people, make friends then leave all over again. To just grow up like. Unfortunately It
                                       was dropped
What was in it again?
I wrote this when I was 14 when I had to move schools and cities leaving everything I ever knew behind. I love my life as it is rn I would never take my other life back.
Oct 2017 · 108
Alex Oct 2017
I'm suffocating. This school we are in together has too many memories. As I walk the halls with my head down staring at the rectangular tiles, I can picture ghost like images of us walking hand in hand laughing about stupid things. I can still hear your voice and your laugh through my deafening music. Like a song only I can hear. Some days it's a gift, others it's a curse. I go for lunch and there is now several ghost like versions of ourselves, hand in hand or kissing. One pair is at 7/11. Me sitting on top of the grey cage that holds the propane tanks, with your head between my legs as I fix your curls because they are always in dire need of fluffing. Another pair is at Mc Donald's. We are ******. You eat hamburgers while I watch mesmerized by your beauty and your smile and how you get nervous if I continue to look at you. The pair that makes me sad the most is the one in the woods. Our spot. Where we would go to get away from people. I remember saying how much I love this spot because it felt like twilight when the sun shown through the leaves. Me and you on the track walking together for a whole period. Us kissing on the bleachers. All the times we went to the store and wandered because we didn't want to go to class and I could never decide what I wanted to eat. Going to the dollar store and putting on hats and Halloween costumes then play battling with swords. I am haunted by my memories but I need to make more with you. These memories only hurt because I'm terrified I'll never get you back and that thought alone makes
me not hungry and anxious to the point my chest starts tightening and I have to think of something else quick.
I wrote this few weeks ago it needed some fixing ..
Oct 2017 · 254
My dam
Alex Oct 2017
My dam is full and its about to break, it reached capacity this morning. Slowly for the past 3 months it's been filling up with emotions I never shared, my thoughts I never spoke and my actions in which I'm not sure if I should or shouldn't have done. Scared and helpless on what to do now; What is there to be done? No one to get supplies and help fix it. Do I even want to fix it? Why fix anything when theres no one that will need saving. The man who helped build this dam is working for a new girl now. As the **** breaks ill be standing on top, drinking liquor while painting pictures on my arm in red with a silver pencil.
Oct 2017 · 190
The Battle
Alex Oct 2017
My heart is wrapped, suffocating in a thorn vine,
held prisoner by doubt in the darkest part of my mind;
Ambushed by my feelings and thoughts
it beats with purpose
Pounding, thrashing out as hard as it possibly can
knowing no bounds against my conscience
to win this endless battle.
Oct 2017 · 171
Breaking Point
Alex Oct 2017
An ache in my chest as if my heart is nailing boards into it, trying, using everything it possibly can find to help keep it intact, preparing, getting ready for the final break. The break that will not so easily if not ever, be fixed. like dropping a diamond on a granite
floor--that shatter, is what I might accidentally have made happen. I am the reason I will be dead. I am the reason my heart will be no more.
I know crystals don't shatter but you can imagine it no?
Oct 2017 · 390
Endless Love
Alex Oct 2017
Love     Waking up and texting him "Morninggg"
          hoping your the first person to text him

Love     Not being able to sleep until you know
          he's safe in his room and not dead somewhere
              because he loves to stay out late

Love     Packing food not for you; no, for him
          incase he hasn't eaten or for your sake gets
              gets hangry eek!

Love     Hoping, praying he starts the conversation
          with you because you feel like you're always starting
              them and bothering him because he's busy

Love     Needing a hug from him and only him
          (you wouldn't dare hug another guy) and only
             feeling better when he hugs you because it's him
          and he knows how you like your hugs

Love     Explaining something with your hands flying
          everywhere, speaking so fast you don't even stop to
              think if he can understand you but this happens
          a lot so you keep going and as your talking his face
             changes to something of amusement and that makes
          you smile

Love     Not being able to hide anything from him
          because he knows your ****** expressions and the tones
              of your voice all to well, yet you don't want to hide
          but you also don't want to tell him what's wrong either..

Love      A sudden loss of appetite just by thinking of him because
           when I think of him I want to cry. I want to hate myself
              more if even possible at this point, for leaving him out of
           anger and stress because I push people away when I can't
              think. But right now? It's all I can do. Is think.
I dont even think I need to explain this..
Oct 2017 · 257
Some Dogs
Alex Oct 2017
Some dogs are big
Some dogs are small
Some dogs love to dig
Some dogs prefer their ball
Some dogs fight
Some dogs attack
Some dogs some dogs bite
Others have your back
Oct 2017 · 184
Who Am I?
Alex Oct 2017
I lost myself a long the way
I changed my world so you'd stay
Now that you're gone I don't know what to do
Because I made my world up revolving around you
You played with my mind, emotions and heart
That to me is the cruelest yet saddest part
I got lost trying to keep you
I didn't realize nor think if your love was true
I trusted to easily
I forgave to much
I fell so hard and now its normal for me
I wrote this back when I was 14 and it was about my first relationship

— The End —