Alex Nov 25

When I think of happiness I think of yellow, but not just yellow. When I think of happiness I see tulips buzzing to life from all the bees that sang to them. I see rainbows and butterflies over a vast country land on a beautiful sunny day with horses neighing their hello's. The sight gives me a goofy feeling. This happiness, It's now tugging at the corner of lips, pulling them towards my ears until my cheeks hurt and then a sound of squealing as I reach a full  blown excited-happiness overload

So the boy I love
So very very very much and am
Fighting for days I never wrote happy things  sooooooo I came up with this
Alex Nov 22

You called me beautiful, and immediately I thought myself
Beautiful.

How easily your words impact my very being, my thoughts and my world.
Alex Oct 5

My heart is wrapped, suffocating in a thorn vine,
held prisoner by doubt in the darkest part of my mind;
Ambushed by my feelings and thoughts
it beats with purpose
Pounding, thrashing out as hard as it possibly can
knowing no bounds against my conscience
trying
fighting
to win this endless battle.

Alex Oct 31

She picked herself up and built her walls higher than ever before. But she added a door. A door that will either save her or kill her. Her heart is scared to trust but her gut is to confused to say anything. She is terrified but Inlove.

I don't even know what this is but its what I'm feeling soooo idk..
Alex Oct 3

Love     Waking up and texting him "Morninggg"
          hoping your the first person to text him

Love     Not being able to sleep until you know
          he's safe in his room and not dead somewhere
              because he loves to stay out late

Love     Packing food not for you; no, for him
          incase he hasn't eaten or for your sake gets
              gets hangry eek!

Love     Hoping, praying he starts the conversation
          with you because you feel like you're always starting
              them and bothering him because he's busy

Love     Needing a hug from him and only him
          (you wouldn't dare hug another guy) and only
             feeling better when he hugs you because it's him
          and he knows how you like your hugs

Love     Explaining something with your hands flying
          everywhere, speaking so fast you don't even stop to
              think if he can understand you but this happens
          a lot so you keep going and as your talking his face
             changes to something of amusement and that makes
          you smile

Love     Not being able to hide anything from him
          because he knows your facial expressions and the tones
              of your voice all to well, yet you don't want to hide
          but you also don't want to tell him what's wrong either..

Love      A sudden loss of appetite just by thinking of him because
           when I think of him I want to cry. I want to hate myself
              more if even possible at this point, for leaving him out of
           anger and stress because I push people away when I can't
              think. But right now? It's all I can do. Is think.

I dont even think I need to explain this..
Alex Oct 5

An ache in my chest as if my heart is nailing boards into it, trying, using everything it possibly can find to help keep it intact, preparing, getting ready for the final break. The break that will not so easily if not ever, be fixed. like dropping a diamond on a granite
floor--that shatter, is what I might accidentally have made happen. I am the reason I will be dead. I am the reason my heart will be no more.

I know crystals don't shatter but you can imagine it no?
Alex Nov 21

It's 11:11,
I'm thinking and wishing to be with you

And you will never know
Alex Nov 17

I don't want anyone ever to hold me the way you do
     You make me feel okay, whole, through and through
           I don't want anyone to know my facial expressions and voice like you
               I don't want anyone to know my family the way you do
                       I don't want anyone to understands my thoughts and reasons
                              I don't want anyone to understands my weird meanings
                                       I don't want anyone to ever know why I do what I do

I don't want anyone to know because that's something between me and you.
       I don't want anyone to make me laugh and be so mad at the same time.
               I don't want anyone else. No one knows who how much I want you to be mine
                      I don't know why part of me keeps bloody-well lying!
                                I don't know why I can't give up! Is it because I'm trying to keep the thoughts of us together intact? A beautiful fantasy?! Doesn't matter! I still end up I finding myself trying!

I don't want to trust anyone the way I trust you.
         I don't want to love another the way I love you!

Maybe it's not that I don't. Maybe it's more along the lines of "I can't" because I can't see myself being with someone else it makes me sick.
Alex Nov 15

Her hair messy, plastered over her face by tears.
Her eyes red and puffy.
Her mouth open and screaming.
Her voice raw with pain.
Her throat dry and on fire.
Her arms feel anchored to her sides.
Her knuckles are bloody and swollen.
Her heart and her mind are bleeding with hope.
Her stomach feels like a can that's been crushed.
Her legs--think they're still there, she can't feel them.

This girl is broken but not in a sense that she needs to be put back together, no, this girl is broken in a way where she can't give up. She can't stop having hope. This girl is cursed.
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