longing 4 my mother
her embrace so warm, gentle
her lap comforting
will i ever again have this
sweet unconditional love...
napowrimo day 5
© rochelle foles 2019
napowrimo day 5: “tanka 1”
tanka is an ancient japanese poetic form, popular long before haiku, that mimics the first three lines of tanka.
it’s structure is syllabic: 5,7,5,7,7, and doesn’t rhyme. traditionally it was written as one unbroken line, however americans prefer to write in 5 lines.
the first three lines traditionally pose a question or conflict that the last two lines answer. in this poem i’ve inverted that structure.
there, now you know more about tanka then you ever conceived you might!
You ask me if I want you out of my life, if you should go
My only response is a stifled sob
At this moment all I can do is cry.
My head is at it again telling me what to do which is not much really.
I am a prisoner inside of this body and when I am like this I hand all controls over like an obidiant child.
I learnt long ago not to fight or argue because that only hurts people
and by people I mean my thoughts and when I say thoughts I mean me. When I am like this I sit and I wait there’s nothing I can do nothing anyone can do except wait.
If I talk to you when I’m like this if I express my thoughts nothing will go right and I will just get hurt
Even in the shards of a
b r oke n
you are still beautiful to me
Late night thoughts
When I'm alone I shake, I push people away and I hide from the world because I'm afraid I'm going to brake.
When I'm alone I think. I think so much that when I try to remember what I was originally thinking about I can't.
When I'm alone I don't let anyone talk to me. Then I hate myself for being such a burden to them. Why am I like this? Talk to me.
When I'm alone I can't take a shower. Because that involves moving. Doing something I don't want to do.
When I'm alone for too long I shut down. I turn off my iPod so you can't talk to me. I turn off my tv. I turn off my lights as if that will turn off my brain and I lay there. Not moving. Not thinking. No emotion just.... Laying in the pitch black, a corpse that breathes.
When I'm alone it's like going through withdrawal. Doctor says therapy but I say I like being happy. It's worth the pain.
When I'm with you I forget about this. I'm happy, I'm laughing and talking. I am addicted to you. You are my drug.
Loving you will **** me,
but It's a price I will pay.
To watch and see
how it unravels, and what we say.
Maybe we'll adopt some kids and be happy,
Or i'll move on and get married some day.
Perhaps, without you my love, I'll never know joy.
All I know for certain is loving you will **** me someday.
These three useless words
bang against my teeth,
guarded by my lips they want to be released;
I once swallowed my thoughts to keep them inside,
But it seems my naïve heart has kept them alive.
I'm scared they might escape with every passing smile. I need you and want you to be mine.
I love you...
its been 5 almost 6 months
since I left you,
since we started talking again.
since I tried to move on
since I found out you moved on but that it didn't last
since I've been dying to tell you that I still painfully love you.
"Time will heal" but it never does.
The bridge we created was destroyed by a tsunami of your lies.
Yet I still, -even after the warnings and the storm, after the damage was done- fight to rebuild.
A single tear slides down your cheek.
Every morning at 3am the girl decides it's time to rid herself of her pain.
Your stomach is tightening. She would take a shower or rather sit down in the water and cry for an hour. Your throat is closing
Cry for the heartbreak, the hope and chances she gives because in the end no matter how many times she avoids the word she's always going to be just a FRIEND. Your light headed and shivering,
the water is cold. Your numb not just from the water, oh dear; your emotions went down the drain with your tears. You turn the water off. Sit in your towel before climbing into bed and falling asleep with nothing inside your usually chaotic head.
I am selfish or I am blind,
Somehow I left your emotions behind.
I never thought you were able to be sad,
You were always oh so happy and I, was always glad.
You were there when I turned around,
You always picked me up off the ground.
So please tell me, why is it that I never guessed
That you my darling love might have been depressed?
I am beating myself up I should have known,
You have emotions too but I was caught up in my own.
I found out that the love of my life gets extremely sad and I didn't even think once! If he ever got sad and to find out (of course we all get sad) that he gets really really really sad and I just never thought to ask him and it makes me sad to think of him being sad so I wrote this.