Lexi - Hello Poetry

Lexi Sep 2023

I’ll say your name and wait for your voice but the answers I get are silence and grief.
Without you my heart will freeze to crystals of the deepest blue;
for you painfully won this game of hide and seek.
I’ve called the last and final, “where are you?”
There will be no more now that you’ve gone somewhere I cannot reach.
I will wait till the day that you and I once again meet. I’m sorry my fur baby. I’ll get through hopefully, if not barely.

I’m putting my 8 year old cat down in 3 days.. My cat was diagnosed with hepatitis and refused his pills. I crushed, watered, shoved, put in food, wrapped him up. Everything. He broke a nail trying to get away from me and I am his person. He was my moms cat but he chose me.

#cat #death #putdown

Lexi Mar 2023

Idk

My brain feels like a scraped knee that’s slowly being sewn back together day by day with new flesh. Relived and in awe at the way the body knows how to heal itself when I didn’t think it possible; itll probably leave behind a scar because a wound like this must leave something behind, right? A reminder of once was, not letting you escape and forget; following you wherever you go. But maybe, eventually there will be no trace after all for I’ve yet to know as I’m
still
healing
from a knee wound deep within my brain.

Mentally I’ve been through more than one should and I’ve come to terms with things over the past two years that I never thought I could and my brain is healing when I didn’t think it was possible.. when someone has gone through trauma you never think you’ll get better.. but slowly so slowly bits and pieces start to heal..

#trauma #fear #mentality #heal #relief

Lexi Oct 2022

I knew a girl

I knew a girl who was happy. She talked to anyone, Always wanting to help.

I knew a girl who’s smile was broken but always gave advice so that people could smile.

I knew a girl who was ***** at a young age but it Didn’t stop there. She felt like she had a target painted on her back she couldn’t go anywhere.

I knew a girl who was constantly told she wasn’t good enough. Everything she did was wrong. Her words, her expression, her brain wasn’t right.

I knew a girl with such hate for the world she imagined her room ******* broken in half. Bed frame in pieces, her window is smashed, broken pictures on the floor; blankets covered in glass.

I knew a girl.. who was also a daughter, She was happy, made people smile, but was too broken inside.

I knew a girl.. she’s no longer alive.

Lexi Jun 2022

Frozen static

wanted to cut..
did nothing..
instead
cried and then went to bed..
maybe I’m growing as a person or maybe I’m just to scared of the consequences..
like a dog with an electric collar.. eventually it’ll be to scared to move knowing that no matter what emotion, action, sound it makes.. it’ll be wrong.

Cut + doctors = kids Taken
Throw phone = broken phone ..****
Cry + sleep = sad soul with two kids

#sh #depression #kids #stuck #frozen #blankmind #numb

Lexi Dec 2020

|Life |

Life; what is it but a cruel teacher that smothers you with brutal lessons
That regardless the degree or how deep the burn, you forget the lesson. May it be you just didn’t care, maybe you had nothing to lose but unlike any teacher that tests you fairly wanting you to go far, Life has no mercy, it doesn’t care whether it’s fair or if you achieve a single goal you made on your 19th birthday. Life will have you kneeling as it takes all that you once had, it will laugh at you as you make yet another mistake that could’ve been avoided if only you payed the slightest bit of attention. So I sit here writing and dreaming of the future too scared to act too afraid of the next lesson.

Life’s been hard

#life #laugh #cruel #teach

Lexi May 2020

Untitled

I'm not good enough I know this.
I mess up every chance i accidentally get.
  I hurt my body but get in trouble from others.
   I barely see my son
    I cant keep people in my life.
     I want to reset my life.

Quarantine

#help

Lexi May 2020

Baby Steps

There's a mom out there who is staring down at her legs with so much anger and pain she can barely see.

There's a mom, with no proof she recently cleaned the entire house, she tries to calm down her toddler who has yet to sleep.

There's a mom, with tears and a loud mind waiting until she wins back control of her emotions before she ***** something else up.

There's a mom all on her own and no therapy/counselling that worked, she began to build her walls again for the last time.

Tired of judging my every action. Will I ever be enough?

#ppd #mom #kid #bpd