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1.3k · Dec 2017
Love gone wrong
Alex Dec 2017
I love you
I pushed you
I love you
I lost you
I love you
You used me
I love you
You played me
I love you
You said you loved me
I loved you
You lost me.
I can breathe and start to move on.
Baby steps but I'm going to do it.
I'll be okay again.
Right now I'm
Going to enjoy being single ACTUALLY single not waiting for someone.
983 · Nov 2017
Those Green Eyes
Alex Nov 2017
The morning I don't wake up,
Is the day you need to see
that you need to be brave
you never needed me.
Wipe those green eyes, the ones I came to know
I will always love you
please except I had to go.
Carry on your life I'll always be there watching as your dreams come true
944 · Nov 2017
Days with no name
Alex Nov 2017
My days have no name.
People call them:
But mine are all the same.
How do you tell the days apart when they all seem identical through the window pane?
Never leave your room, wake up to the sun going down, go to sleep to the sun rising then do it all again.
871 · Dec 2017
This Might hurt
Alex Dec 2017
His hands on my hips as he says he can pick me up and I look at him in disbelief but my eyes are daring him to try.
His arms wrapped around me in a playful choke hold as I, a giggling mess, try to get away.
His lips soft but fierce, are smiling  against my neck as I squeal and roll away from him and manage not to fall off the bed.
His voice as he speaks and laughs and sometimes giggles is what makes me smile on the inside.
His heart is trying to trust me but is unsure. His actions are very clear but he is guarded. If I didn't know him I'd think he was playing me but he is trying.

Therefore, I am not giving up.
If I am understanding everything we are doing wrong then there is no coming back from this. I was broken waiting for him. I was shattered when he had a girlfriend now he doesn't and somehow my stubborn and naive heart pulled the pieces back together but one more drop and it will be dust.
651 · Jan 2018
How could I?
Alex Jan 2018
I am selfish or I am blind,
Somehow I left your emotions behind.
I never thought you were able to be sad,
You were always oh so happy and I, was always glad.
You were there when I turned around,
You always picked me up off the ground.
So please tell me, why is it that I never guessed
That you my darling love might have been depressed?
I am beating myself up I should have known,
You have emotions too but I was caught up in my own.
I found out that the love of my life gets extremely sad and I didn't even think once! If he ever got sad and to find out (of course we all get sad) that he gets really really really sad and I just never thought to ask him and it makes me sad to think of him being sad so I wrote this.
549 · Nov 2017
Alex Nov 2017
ask me why
I do not smile.
"I have a safe, full of emotions. That is where my smile is."
I tell them, and it confuses them. You can not have a safe full of emotions because emotions can not be held.
If they could be held I would have destroyed
every. Single. One.
Happiness and Love, Joy and Curiosity.
There would be no room
For heartache and sadness, anger and hopelessness.
Everyone would be happy.
That's right.
E  v  e  r  y  o  n  e
543 · Nov 2017
Oh mother look!
Alex Nov 2017
Mother can I read this to you?
I wrote it. Oh how proud I am. Look! It has a lot of views. Took me a while but I made it perfect! Oh Mother look it's trending! I feel better now that I wrote it, can I show you?

Ugh one...

Never mind it's not as good as I thought it was. It needs work. They just look at my poem because it crosses their eyes. They don't actually like it. Why do I write. Why did I even wake up this morning.. I'm sorry for bothering you.
Alex Nov 2017
When I think of happiness I think of yellow, but not just yellow. When I think of happiness I see tulips buzzing to life from all the bees that sang to them. I see rainbows and butterflies over a vast country land on a beautiful sunny day with horses neighing their hello's. The sight gives me a goofy feeling. This happiness, It's now tugging at the corner of lips, pulling them towards my ears until my cheeks hurt and then a sound of squealing as I reach a full  blown excited-happiness overload
So the boy I love
So very very very much and am
Fighting for days I never wrote happy things  sooooooo I came up with this
461 · Mar 2018
Alex Mar 2018
I    am    broken.

But not in a sense
of a favourite coffee cup being dropped into  tiny  l i t t l e  shards but,

like a candle that has been lit and relit using all it has to give and now is not able to work.

I am now only pretty to look at. Wanting nothing more to work, to feel the fire inside me.
458 · Nov 2017
Wedding Finger
Alex Nov 2017
I wear a ring on the fourth finger
I get asked who I'm married too.
I say A ring on any finger is what you make it to be.
A ring on my wedding finger does not mean i am married
Marriage is trust, love, committed to each other, vulnerability, no secrets, friendship and so much moreb. Marriage is promise to always be there no matter what, until death. So why is it that its called the wedding finger when indeed it could possibly be called the promise finger because are we not promising to spend the rest of our lives together. Even if one is not in a relationship with that person does that now make wearing a ring on that finger forbidden?
I wear a ring on the fourth finger or third if your one of those aliens that think their thumb is not a finger.
I get asked who I'm married too.
and idk this got to me
423 · Nov 2017
Sad truth.
Alex Nov 2017
I am a campfire cold hearts like to sit around and roast their marshmallows in.
I am used until I am useless.
420 · Mar 2018
End of me
Alex Mar 2018
Loving you will **** me,
but It's a price I will pay.
To watch and see
how it unravels, and what we say.
Maybe we'll adopt some kids and be happy,
Or i'll move on and get married some day.
Perhaps, without you my love, I'll never know joy.
All I know for certain is loving you will **** me someday.
418 · Nov 2017
Delete Me
Alex Nov 2017
If you move on with someone else can I ask you of one small favour?

Delete me from your memory.

Delete me from your mind.

Delete my touch

Delete my laugh

Delete the taste of my lips

Delete the smell of my shampoo

Delete the tones of my voice and all my ****** expressions you've memorized.

Delete all my hopes and dreams.

I bared my soul to you. I need it back.. You moved on so I have some way... Somehow.. Do the impossible and.. move on.. So please. Don't let me hurt anymore. Delete me.
398 · Jan 2018
The last shatter
Alex Jan 2018
Tonight was the night you said
The words I've repeated in my head
Tonight my heart dropped
Exploded like a balloon popped
No fixing this injury
Why the hell didn't you listen to me!
I told you to stop, that the words really hurt
You said everything forgetting that I still love you to the moon back to earth.
I couldn't keep it in, at 2:13
Blood rolled down my arm,
Looking like a **** ****** scene
397 · Jan 2018
A shower of tears
Alex Jan 2018
A single tear slides down your cheek.
Every morning at 3am the girl decides it's time to rid herself of her pain.
Your stomach is tightening. She would take a shower or rather sit down in the water and cry for an hour. Your throat is closing
Cry for the heartbreak, the hope and chances she gives because in the end no matter how many times she avoids the word she's always going to be just a FRIEND. Your light headed and shivering,
the water is cold. Your numb not just from the water, oh dear; your emotions went down the drain with your tears. You turn the water off. Sit in your towel before climbing into bed and falling asleep with nothing inside your usually chaotic head.
390 · Oct 2017
Endless Love
Alex Oct 2017
Love     Waking up and texting him "Morninggg"
          hoping your the first person to text him

Love     Not being able to sleep until you know
          he's safe in his room and not dead somewhere
              because he loves to stay out late

Love     Packing food not for you; no, for him
          incase he hasn't eaten or for your sake gets
              gets hangry eek!

Love     Hoping, praying he starts the conversation
          with you because you feel like you're always starting
              them and bothering him because he's busy

Love     Needing a hug from him and only him
          (you wouldn't dare hug another guy) and only
             feeling better when he hugs you because it's him
          and he knows how you like your hugs

Love     Explaining something with your hands flying
          everywhere, speaking so fast you don't even stop to
              think if he can understand you but this happens
          a lot so you keep going and as your talking his face
             changes to something of amusement and that makes
          you smile

Love     Not being able to hide anything from him
          because he knows your ****** expressions and the tones
              of your voice all to well, yet you don't want to hide
          but you also don't want to tell him what's wrong either..

Love      A sudden loss of appetite just by thinking of him because
           when I think of him I want to cry. I want to hate myself
              more if even possible at this point, for leaving him out of
           anger and stress because I push people away when I can't
              think. But right now? It's all I can do. Is think.
I dont even think I need to explain this..
389 · Nov 2017
Alex Nov 2017
Hot tears and bad thoughts
Dark room and bright clocks
Soaked pillow and stuffy nose
Pitch black through the window
Can't breathe, I'm alone.
Please! This doesn't feel like home!
Sad suicidal scenarios in my head
Wish they were my life instead
If there are any spelling errors I apologize.. I haven't slept since 7am yesterday..
374 · Nov 2017
Don't, Can't and Won't
Alex Nov 2017
I don't want anyone ever to hold me the way you do
     You make me feel okay, whole, through and through
           I don't want anyone to know my ****** expressions and voice like you
               I don't want anyone to know my family the way you do
                       I don't want anyone to understands my thoughts and reasons
                              I don't want anyone to understands my weird meanings
                                       I don't want anyone to ever know why I do what I do

I don't want anyone to know because that's something between me and you.
       I don't want anyone to make me laugh and be so mad at the same time.
               I don't want anyone else. No one knows who how much I want you to be mine
                      I don't know why part of me keeps ******-well lying!
                                I don't know why I can't give up! Is it because I'm trying to keep the thoughts of us together intact? A beautiful fantasy?! Doesn't matter! I still end up I finding myself trying!

I don't want to trust anyone the way I trust you.
         I don't want to love another the way I love you!
Maybe it's not that I don't. Maybe it's more along the lines of "I can't" because I can't see myself being with someone else it makes me sick.
358 · Mar 2018
Don't fall Inlove with me
Alex Mar 2018
Don’t fall in love with me.
There are days when I get sad without a reason and I just stare at the ceiling with tears streaming down my face.

Don’t fall in love with me.
On those days, I don’t talk to anyone. I just bury myself in my bed and think about how I became this mess of sadness.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I will become attached to you and I will cry myself to sleep if you don’t text me good night before you go to sleep and I will convince myself that it’s because you got tired of me.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I’m too much. I will depend on you. I need attention, much more than other people. I’ll talk to you in metaphors and make you one. I’ll write poems about you and opening up my skin at 2 A.M.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I couldn’t stand you coming home to find me on the bathroom floor shaking and crying, with blood spilling from my wrists. I couldn’t stand seeing the disappointment in your eyes.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I will pour everything I’ve left of me into you, every bit of love, until I have nothing to give. Until I become completely empty.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I’m scared that my sadness is contagious.

Don’t fall in love with me.
I will replay your sweet words in my head when I hate myself so much that I want to die. Your words will be the only thing that make me stay.

Don’t fall in love with me.
You will live in fear. You won’t be able to leave me, because you’d know if you did, I wouldn’t have anything to live for.

Don’t fall in love with me.
Before I met you, there wasn’t a single person who could’ve made me stay. You’re my reason now.

Don’t fall in love with me.
Because I will fall in love with you.
By: Unknown writer
I didn't write this I found this. I have no clue who wrote this but I didn't. I just love this.
347 · May 2018
Mood change 3..2..1..
Alex May 2018
You ask me if I want you out of my life, if you should go
My only response is a stifled sob
At this moment all I can do is cry.
My head is at it again telling me what to do which is not much really.
I am a prisoner inside of this body and when I am like this I hand all controls over like an obidiant child.
I learnt long ago not to fight or argue because that only hurts people
and by people I mean my thoughts and when I say thoughts I mean me.  When I am like this I sit and I wait there’s nothing I can do nothing anyone can do except wait.
If I talk to you when I’m like this  if I express my thoughts nothing will go right and I will just get hurt
325 · Mar 2018
Alex Mar 2018
Not everyone is meant to
But not everyone is meant to
324 · Dec 2017
Alex Dec 2017
"IM A *****"
I catch myself saying more often than not.
But oh no,
no no no I am not actually one.
My dear friend,
this facade, if you will, is protecting me from getting hurt by people and expectations, from allowing people to see who I actually am.
A baby in a bee costume does not make the baby a bee..
321 · May 2018
To me
Alex May 2018
Even in the shards of a
b r oke n
you are still beautiful to me
Late night thoughts
317 · Nov 2017
10 word poem? Maybe?
Alex Nov 2017
Poetry is my self harm, you guys are the endorphins.
Does this count as a 10 word poem??
316 · Nov 2017
Alex Nov 2017
You kissed me! My brain is mess of tangled thoughts. He kissed me! You look at me with that angelic face, then hug me picking me up in your warm embrace. I kiss him back and then get ready for you to be mad. Instead you smile your dazzling smile and say "I liked that" and I am glad. Your voice, oh your voice like a familiar song, your smell is intoxicating, the taste of your lips leaves me feeling giddy but not for long. You are mine, I am yours. Everything is finally okay.

310 · Jan 2018
Why so sad
Alex Jan 2018
Reading through the poems
They all seem awfully sad
Everyone sounds so blue
Why does life seem so bad?

My beautiful people, take a step back.
Breathe in, clear your thoughts,
Now focus and get back on track

Stop building up walls
And start building some doors.
Life is to short to stall,
stop accepting what your given and start asking for more.
Life is a ***** but I guess if it was anything else nothing would ever get done.
306 · Nov 2017
This girl
Alex Nov 2017
Her hair messy, plastered over her face by tears.
Her eyes red and puffy.
Her mouth open and screaming.
Her voice raw with pain.
Her throat dry and on fire.
Her arms feel anchored to her sides.
Her knuckles are ****** and swollen.
Her heart and her mind are bleeding with hope.
Her stomach feels like a can that's been crushed.
Her legs--think they're still there, she can't feel them.
This girl is broken but not in a sense that she needs to be put back together, no, this girl is broken in a way where she can't give up. She can't stop having hope. This girl is cursed.
304 · Nov 2017
Storm Called Love
Alex Nov 2017
"Umm Ok.." The boy said; voice cracking mid sentence to the girl who once had eyes as blue as the ocean, but now as grey as a storm cloud. "Okiee dokiee" she whispered back to him. A boy who has a smile that can make anyone smile but this time there was no smiling.
Little did they know they were destroying eachother.  He walked away and she stood there,waiting, to see if he turned back. He didn't. Not until she started walking did he turn, mouth open, about to say something, but she was to far away. The both of them, with tears in their eyes whispered to the wind: "I still love you".
it was originally 3 sentences but then I just had to put detail and then this happened tell me what y'all think. I follow back
300 · Mar 2018
Abc please help me
Alex Mar 2018
It starts with the thought:
I    want     to     cry.
It's stupid. Let's not do this, not today. Not over some stupid guy.
(He's no where close to being stupid)
A hot tear slides down your cheek, There is no turning back.
Your breathing changes, your chest starts to hurt.
Your lying in bed comforted by the surrounding pitch black
I can not move I don't know why
Crying and shaking uncontrollably
I am paralyzed.
You don't want to move, you don't want to think, you don't know what you want but your on the brink.
It's getting dangerous you have to calm down. Your thoughts are unrealistic, your heart is lying.
Now all you can picture is your death scene and what it would be like to be finally dying.
297 · Nov 2017
Trust No One
Alex Nov 2017
I'm scared you'll run away If I tell you what is wrong
You can not promise you will stay
There's a pattern and I'm starting to catch on
You see, you'll act like you care
Everyone always does
But when you are needed you won't ever be there
So I turn to my drinks to feel that familiar buzz.
296 · Nov 2017
Me and You
Alex Nov 2017
My love for you will never die but yours died long ago.
My heart and Mind
are in battle every day,
but yours won time ago.
My emotions are like the weather, always noticeable,
yours, are like a Tsunami,
before you realize
what's going on its to late.
My thoughts are killing me.
Your thoughts?
You have none.
I am nothing to you.
My trust? Forever yours.
Yet you have no trust for me.
My body and soul, every inch of my body is yours. I am entirely devoted. You? She is yours.
295 · Jan 2018
Screw New Year's Eve kiss
Alex Jan 2018
We should be together, we shouldn't be acting like this. I blame it on the New Year's Eve kiss.
We were supposed to hang out today, but you went away when I mentioned the New Year's Eve kiss.
We are not dating, this I know, but we aren't just friends either, don't you know? Your making a huge huff about this its just a New Year's Eve kiss.
You're at your house and I'm at mine trying to keep myself from crying. I want this New Year's Eve kiss.
Drinking alone is often better then not. But tonight it is not better.
291 · Mar 2018
Alex Mar 2018

287 · Nov 2018
Alex Nov 2018
How can I possibly raise a baby of my own when I can barely raise myself?
285 · Nov 2017
May I?
Alex Nov 2017
I've been stairing at my ceiling above my bed,
My thoughts are swarming in my head,
These demons for some untold reasons seem to always want me dead,
Please let me sleep instead!!
It's 4:24am and I just want to freaking  sleep!!!!
280 · Nov 2017
Look at me!
Alex Nov 2017
I am naked.
Not physically but emotionally.
Please don't look at me.
Not right now.
Don't you see these scars?
Turn around.
My mind is broken.
My heart is scared.
My emotions in plain sight, my soul is bared
I am naked.

i kinda fixed this poem a bit..
279 · Nov 2017
Alex Nov 2017
Do you actually have to have a reason to **** yourself? Why do you have to explain your reasons? What if you have none? Why would I tell you if I wanted to **** my self.

    Y o u   w o u l d   s t o p   m e
279 · Jan 2018
Alex Jan 2018
The bridge we created was destroyed by a tsunami of your lies.
Yet I still, -even after the warnings and the storm,  after the damage was done- fight to rebuild.
276 · Dec 2017
Reoccurring malfunctions
Alex Dec 2017
My body is nothing but an empty shell with echoing thoughts bouncing off my inner flesh.
At difficult times or when under the influence my body will malfunction and do stupid things and my brain will try everything it can in its power to try and tell me not to do things, that I'm going to get hurt. My shell will not listen to anything may it be that it is to stubborn. It does what it wants oblivious to its surroundings until it gets hurt. By the time my brain gets a hold of things it's to late. Look what I've done now. I did something I shouldn't have done. Seen things that weren't meant to be found and heard things that weren't meant to be spoken.
I had this thought for a while I found it in my notes lol if I had written it when I had the idea it would have been better..
275 · Nov 2017
That went well
Alex Nov 2017
Dear Brain, what the **** were you thinking?!

Sincerely, Heart
269 · Dec 2019
13 months since...
Alex Dec 2019
A few minutes ago I hate myself a bit more than I usually do. I cut my thigh. One single cut, but it was at that moment I realized I was...alone. I can’t tell my mom she’d be upset. Couldn’t tell My brother he’d tell mom. Couldn’t tell My other brother I was scared to. I also wanted to die but couldn’t because of my son and I hated that. I also hated that I hated that. 1 year and 1 month. 13 months. 395 days. Gone. Because I was a weak.
When I wrote this I was a single mom. Now I’m back with my sons father and things are getting better and everything WILL be ok.
267 · Nov 2017
Stupid shook bottle
Alex Nov 2017
a bottle.
Have you ever
filled a bottle with
Pop so much that it over
flows and sprays everywhere?
Put that into an emotion. I am a bottle. Filled with emotions that
threaten to be spoken, Thoughts that when I try to speak all I taste is fizz. Pointless. When you shake the bottle, you're ruining the way I carefully avoid eye contact and cautiously choose certain words. Ask me what's wrong and you're now opening the bottle. Get ready,
I am going to explode.
Late night or early morning thoughts..

I tried making it into a pop bottle shape.. ****
264 · Mar 2018
Alice's amusement park
Alex Mar 2018
This girl has a mind as beautiful and big as the world and in the world her fantasies dance, coming to life like an amusement park switch turned on.
Colours and objects and happy kids faces.
But like every amusement park in all the books and all the movies.. It became abandoned. The paint becomes chipped, the rides come to a stop. The fantasies dull and the world begins to crumble.
I have no clue what this is. But feel free to like haha
262 · Mar 2018
When I'm alone
Alex Mar 2018
When I'm alone I shake, I push people away and I hide from the world because I'm afraid I'm going to brake.

When I'm alone I think. I think so much that when I try to remember what I was originally thinking about I can't.

When I'm alone I don't let anyone talk to me. Then I hate myself for being such a burden to them. Why am I like this? Talk to me.

When I'm alone I can't take a shower. Because that involves moving. Doing something I don't want to do.

When I'm alone for too long I shut down. I turn off my iPod so you can't talk to me. I turn off my tv. I turn off my lights as if that will turn off my brain and I lay there. Not moving. Not thinking. No emotion just.... Laying in the pitch black, a corpse that breathes.

When I'm alone it's like going through withdrawal. Doctor says therapy but I say I like being happy. It's worth the pain.

When I'm with you I forget about this. I'm happy, I'm laughing and talking. I am addicted to you. You are my drug.
259 · Nov 2017
I hate you.
Alex Nov 2017
Being unwanted isn't new to me. Infact I was shocked to find myself on the verge of tears when I found out you don't want nor care about me. I hate what you do to me. I hate that you're my weakness and you don't give a ****. I hate that nothing I do fazes you. I hate you.
But you see.. I can never hate you. Because I still love you.
257 · May 2018
Oh Boy
Alex May 2018
A boy, a smile, a thought.

Your sweet words electrocute my walls that hide how weird I am. Leaving me babbling and embarrassing myself.

A text, a joke, a laugh

Your humour and smart-assy retorts I’ll ask what your doing right now and you will explain in detail how you are sitting and whether or not it’s comfy.

Eye contact, funny face, shaking head

Oh sweet boy you don’t yet understand the game. I stick my tongue out at you and you are supposed to copy. But instead you smile and laugh and look away.
I don’t know what this is but I haven’t written in a while so I need you to write something.
255 · Oct 2017
Some Dogs
Alex Oct 2017
Some dogs are big
Some dogs are small
Some dogs love to dig
Some dogs prefer their ball
Some dogs fight
Some dogs attack
Some dogs some dogs bite
Others have your back
254 · Oct 2017
My dam
Alex Oct 2017
My dam is full and its about to break, it reached capacity this morning. Slowly for the past 3 months it's been filling up with emotions I never shared, my thoughts I never spoke and my actions in which I'm not sure if I should or shouldn't have done. Scared and helpless on what to do now; What is there to be done? No one to get supplies and help fix it. Do I even want to fix it? Why fix anything when theres no one that will need saving. The man who helped build this dam is working for a new girl now. As the **** breaks ill be standing on top, drinking liquor while painting pictures on my arm in red with a silver pencil.
247 · Feb 2018
6 months of pain
Alex Feb 2018
its been 5 almost 6 months
since I left you,
4 months
since we started talking again.
3 months
since I tried to move on
2 months
since I found out you moved on but that it didn't last
1 month
since I've been dying to tell you that I still painfully love you.
"Time will heal" but it never does.
245 · Feb 2018
Useless worlds
Alex Feb 2018
These three useless words
bang against my teeth,
guarded by my lips they want to be released;

I once swallowed my thoughts to keep them inside,
But it seems my naïve heart has kept them alive.

I'm scared they might escape with every passing smile. I need you and want you to be mine.
I love you...
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