How little men control
Their own destinies.
At a lost,
As to my internal monologue,
In a deluge of constant questioning.
And as to the control I do command,
With what to, is done?
As to the destiny I am ******,
Is it better to dither from forver, hitherto?
Or slaughter fear, and give anxiety the rub.

Free use,
I take it, it's from the abuse
And how it plays on your psyche
It's beyond me
Cause you talk
But I don't know, if honestly.
I know you hurt,
I love you.

Stupidity is,
A harsh buzz,
In a world of malice
And judgements.
Worse off are the wise,
For to use your eyes
Is to see that
Everyone is blind.

Relationships are *******
I want to burn every bridge I have,
Leave nothing but carcasses.
I have nothing left to give

I deserve to die
Who am I to the people I love
Besides a detriment
Someone to be avoided
What arrogance I have
To think I deserve
Love in return

I don't know what to feel
Grief or remorse
What is it to say
Life takes its course
You didn't deserve to die
It's so meaningless
It's all so meaningless
How can things be made right
They can't, so I cry and write
And remember the good nights
I won't meet many, the likes of you
Your spirit was so pure
Your heart was too, so true

There's so many you left
That loved you so deeply
And I feel I have no right to grieve
So I'll just drink

Suppose I was a gardener,
In a field of dreams.
I would **** the earth
And plant innumerable seeds.
Of passion, of faith, hope and belief
To sow happiness, to offer relief.
The corporeal, and the intangible
Working in tandem, coupled together.
The offer of body and soul
With the goal of a
Brighter tomorrow

Cogito, ergo sum
But what do I think?
And what, pray tell,
What effect does this have
On my being?
If what I constitute
Is alone, based on action,
Based on thought
What can we say of man today?

Here, the wind whips
The desert sand
Into a furious haze
That blinds all in
It's vicinity

Here, my neighbor is
Dragged out and ******
And my other neighbor
Is drugged out, ******
Different burden, different labor

I pray,
On my knees
Toward the east.
I pray for change
I beg and plead,
Please

Another night,
Where I feel completely alone
Surrounded by people I care about.
What's the point?
Love coming at the price
Of self-sacrifice,
Break my body
Take control,
But what do you know?

Often not, is prayer
In fear of God
But of our fellow man

Blackheart by the bed,
Blackheart next to me.
Lying here with you

A voice,
I was familiar with
Previously, deviously
Reaching out
For more of what she had
Before

You say things
Just in the aims
Of hurting another,
Even to your lover.
And what makes you so special?

I say
You don't respect my feelings,
And am met with silence.
I tell you,
Ours will die its death
Without an ounce of violence.
Is it so, if it is lifeless?

How'd I start the morning?
Kisses and hugs.
Brought coffee to you in bed,
And your sister to school.
Threw your laundry in.
It's the least I can do.

You chose to insult me,
Never kissed or hugged me.

And can you take your stress out
On someone who isn't there?

The premise of amounting to nothing,
Can be comforting.
If you think you are capable enough
To affect real change.
And if you are, and
Do not, you are no
Man. And if
None of us act,
We are all ******.

Staring at gravestones
Wondering what it is to
Exist, no longer.
Smell of sulfur,
Feel of bone;
Still as water.

Next time,
I wait at your car.
Next time,
I keep your chain as a trophy.

Something to hold onto,
Pieces of this beating heart,
This bleeding hunk of meat
You pulled apart

Nothing to leave behind,
Emptied out old fool,
Call me crazy, act cool
I can recognize the signs

Along in the sun,
Along in the rain,
If you just believe
You can avoid so much pain

But I'm not able
Just to close my eyes
Push it deep down
And say I'm fine

Eyes wide, shut
Carnal knowledge of my fatal attraction.
The thoughts, graphic.
American beauty, in the mood for love,
Match point,
Jig, all up.

Regal, reserved;
Jaundiced youth.
Reasoning mad,
The mind of an absurd,
Without Camus, with no Kierkegaard.
Knowledge gleamed from living hard,
The blurred tatters of the patchwork memory,
Loose sense of self,
And fragmented morals.
Abuses have left their scars.
I know you hurt,
When you cut yourself.

Femcel, incel;
You're celibate, and not for a lack of trying.
Who gives a ****, give it a rest,
Get to work,
And get busy dying.

An irrational person, in my position
Put through the things I have been,
Might harbor hate or resentment
For the fairer ***.
Thankfully,  I have a better mindset,
And only hate you all

Looking for something casual?
Is it a hassle?
Juggling all the many things you say?
Contradicting hypocrite,
Who can't get out of her own way.

You cannot imagine I
Speaking from another person's
Point of view.
Though you recognize the importance,
The intrinsic value of it qualitatively,
You're not able to
But the issue is deeper, broader
Because you cannot put yourself
In another's shoe

The ganwing ache
The emptiness inside,
Great big maw.
That is life

You joined their army
Their special forces
They told you, quid pro quo
You can go far, you know
Just bomb this village
**** their children
**** their women
And as far as land
It trades hands
Same with the resources
And if we can't win
We'll resort to making sure,
Really no one can

Reaching through echoes
Wishing to change what is,
Because what once was
Is past.
More than mere memory,
I could live a life off what we had,
But things elapse.
Time goes pass,
And all I can say is
Remember me

Memorizing license plates,
Every passing face,
Mental logs; time & date.
Act stupid to maintain,
This farce, this facade.
One fake one, one falsely named.
Living amongst shadows,
Only remnants remain

You want a reaction
I can give you a suicide
You can watch
The life leave my eyes
As I twitch on the floor
You can tell me
What it looks like to die

Gripping,
You're the only sane one.
And everyone else
Just grasping at straws,
Running their jaws,
Can't hold a candle

How much do you think I know?
What I do, I don't show
And if I go? It will be silent
And without pause given,
As if you didn't know

There are no truths with you
I wonder what you will remember of me
With your cynic's eye, your nihilistic view
The heavy hand, that can't help but use
But the weight is there, and weighs
Like the past, and the abuse
Can feel it in your stomach, head
Shooting pains in your back
Replaying each thing you said
Safe, bombarded by constant attack
The things you never let out, or let go
Those things you surrendered to
And let take control
Sacrificing yourself.
It takes a toll
To sell your soul,
And you only reap hell

To have loved, is more than man
For should ever want, or can
Ask of, out of his life.
The ever stirring mind, and
Almost frenzied hands
Of the fools who dance,
The waltz of romance

Vanish from me
Insecurity
She holds me down like gravity
And when she asks
Do you love me
It's not a part of me
But the whole

Heart and soul

If you left, I'd be empty
Only a vacant cavity
Never to be full,
If you leave, please
**** me
Cutting with blades, dull

His eyes, tightly shut
To stymie the tears building
The fighting, intense and abrupt
Like the feeling to give up
An ocean of emotion
Waves washing over
Lying still, still in motion,
I know but don't mention.
Still alive though
Inside, I feel I'm dying;
Drowning

I love you my
Amputated limb
Planet in orbit
Laps around the sun
Space to swim
You can always
Wade with me,
Until the sun rises again

Every word spoken
I can treasure like a token
But what price do you put to it
Are they Benjamins
Or do you toss me only Lincolns?

Fear is not the end
Comfort is no friend
Battles to contend with,
Against yourself
Against the wind,

Four black walls
Echoes of unanswered calls
Silently, alone, weep
Falling asleep
Quietly weak

What to do
With a ruling class who
Absolutely spoiled, rotten,
There's no progress for you.
What does it matter
Internationally, what they do
When we bleed at home
And they tied the noose

Civility for civilty's sake
Do you laugh to feel,
Work to wake?
Is there a person there real?
Or, are you too fake?

Simulated tastes
Emulated face
Of a careless faker

Think in haste,
Take and you take,
Living life as if it were a race

What will you say, when you meet your maker?

There is so much,
That goes on in a day
And I remember too much of it
Too vividly.
I want it all to end

Shedding, prior to your sister's arrival
Quiet and silent
So it's all my own

Streaming in the car
Quiet, silent
All on my own

Eagles soar
Over broken day
And the cities are rubble
The fields are gray
Babes cry, mothers sway
The men have gone away
Rifles in their hands, boots on their feet
Off to some far flung land, in squads and fleets
In land, over sea, and through the air
At attention, every back and every tiny hair
For the coming tide
To wash you under

and the french girl was saying
all about how to topple
the patriarchy;
American man
American man

agrarian origins
an itch for war,
once upon a time
a puritan,
from what I've heard
with dreams of white Christmases
in days of old
I remember, what you were