all is fair
is the quote shared
in love, and in war
but I ask
when they don the mask
how do you tell
heaven from hell
martyrs from a *****

this gnawing ache in my chest
like words can't express
miles and miles from you
my love

stirring for you
from so far
as eddying currents do
with stars in the sky
in motion all around
as the tide tends to

how do you sleep
when it's a celestial body
you find divine
and sign your life away
to stay in the dark
to worship for all time

moments from tonight
will be burned into my mind
hot iron brands on skin
and I don't know
how to feel alright
water filling the lungs in
what good would talking do
and walking is no use
stuck like a pin
I just want everyone to be alright
to be happy and have enough
battles you can't win

I know things I could have done better
I know I could have been better
if I were stronger, or smarter
or just a little more understanding
I'm too young
to be so full of regret, such shame
and grief, and for it to be so commanding
and I think at times
life is damning
but I realize it's just the damage

no fuss
no time to talk
in this lameduck generation;
a friend till the end would be nice
and if that can't arise, I suffice
a friend, generally and genuinely
is more than I can ask for

how cruel
that it can tear you in twine
two, for twice the heaven
love split between divines

trying to break out
of this **** class
these tiny pigeon holes
I keep getting stuck in
I can get ****** in
to things I shouldn't
and when I look at my life
I ask myself
what to do with it

I don't understand people
running is easy to get though
one leg in front of the other
miles, kilometers
hell, they can take you around the globe
but have you traveled, you know
no matter how far
the problems join you
wherever you go

mediocrity
be the judge of me
and see if I give a ****
I know how hard I work
I know who I am
can spit in my face
and still call myself a man

tell me how
the thought alone
ain't killin' me right now
I guess I'm just glad I know
that life, up or down
is twenty times better
above ground

you'll take advantage
till the creekbed dries
crushing roses in your hand
and they would've wilted away
anyway,  you think you're so much bigger
I've got news for you
you can barely measure up
to the men next to you
you cut a small figure
and every time you open that mouth
all respect for you just dives south
***** no-good stinker

putting my **** hat on
****, cap
**** if I can't lie for long.
not being bashful,
I know I'm an *******;
a man can still be strong
and still be wrong?
go pick a daffodil

it wasn't asked of me
so I just shrugged
what does it matter
what goes on, overseas
if you ask me
they can all get buggered
and ******

and who will
in times of sorrow
extend a hand
when only yesteryear
you ******* about land

the ugliness of humanity,
that is the face of humanity.
stare that ****** dead in the eye
if he ain't sweatin'
he's gunnin' for you and I

bloodshot eyes
and tell me why
when you cough and they well
it's the only time you cry

I've bet on luck
waited for the other shoe to drop,
that wager will drive you bankrupt.
your life is in your hands.
lay the money on your name
the cards are already stacked
so why not stay true to yourself,
when odds are
you lose the game

Cannot speak as to what the future holds
yet still untold
but today, my fingers freeze
hands shake from the cold
and my back aches
begging to break
under each new load
good god they weren't lying
when they said
life is like
a long and winding road

and it wanes
because I am not giving all of myself
when you will not

a tree sits,
outside my window.

autumn greets, hello

green, turns to orange,
and things previously flourished,
now go
down below

I try to keep you close
But I can never seem to stop you
From drifting away.
We have strange polarity,
You and I.
Know the under and over,
But never the why,
And at this point
I wish to die

preclude the multitude
of thoughts drenched
in savage observations
savagery, like apathy
are better let
to pass you by

I'm so glad you could make it
to think
it never happened if you had hesitated
you better watch out
it's not life on a cloud
if you choose to live loud

and it's not pride
cause I'm not proud
it's just a visage I wear
a mirage, facade, a shroud

foaming at the mouth
can't let it come out
slowly stop the ache
and live
on the edge

somewhere-in the absence of light
carry me out
somewhere out of sight
lay me down
and I'll tell the truth
petals falling all around
you can have them
if you want to

the cringe of nightly thoughts
that linger on past the dimming
of lights on the bedside
it's night like these
that keep alive
the torment I carry
and cannot relieve
no matter how hard
I might try
it's nights like these
I am still happy
to be alive

Sable & satin dreams
she's with me with eyes closed
but dissappears at the break of eve
at the brink of reprieve
you come back to me
every time,
what is it you seek

I know you feel all alone
even with me here
I wish I could be more to you
though I know I alone am not enough
I try to push you out
out of the house
on the road
down and out
my luck is **** with this stuff
and I never get it right with words;
I just want for you to blossom

many intertwined lineages
have I been the result of
from whence my people have come
the wealthes of their lives
the zero and sum
rail-men, bootleggers, c.e.os and c.f.os
simple tradesmen and
practitioners of medicines
and am I of the most reticent
to commitment

ripping the flowers
out of my hands
and the saying
is spring brings showers
and it is the youth of my life
so some rain is expected
just need a promise
it's merely
partly cloudy

calls for resignation
disgrace, dishonor, desecration
of the office held
the law venerated
you talk of people
like chattel
to be corralled, choded
castigated
but hold yourself
to no such judgement
you're a problem
of your own making

if I am not for myself
who will be for me
but if I am for myself, alone
who am I

words of a better man
but I can understand them
and therein
exemplify them

we are pinned
like the cushion
of an elderly knitter
and next to me
a young private
chatters and fritters
fresh recruit
and I get the sense
runt of the litter
up and over
quickly gone,
I sit,
waiting for winter

are you good enough for me?
am I good enough
for you
is the better question
don't lessen your worth
just because you're hurt

I write these little love notes
really to myself
just cause I can't rant them to you
but still need to rattle them off
for my health

even in the ranks of the angels
there is no status
they could give you

i might be small
i can't tell
one sensitive *******
with nerves shot to hell
stature means a **** thing
when you're up to bat
and can't hit
or even worse
choke and don't;
no swing, but still missed

on the outskirts
the very beginning
a torrent rains
like knives from the sky
and every man is a monsoon
and every woman a hurricane
God, the lord
help me

such a wretched feeling as this,
I should wish
for others not to feel,
but it's of no use
wishes fall to mutes
dead tongues and deaf ears,
but hear this,
I wish you were here

call me
run your fingers through my hair
give me signs
you're at least there

and I will submit,
on my knees,
if you want me to be

the idea I made you feel shamed
or caused you anguish
is such a wretched feeling

I can recall
joy like a fog light
cutting through
the hazy swamp gas
this fly trap
of a headpiece is
at least I have something to give

things you said
play on repeat
in my head
this isn't how I want it
but at least you're okay

a lifetime
it will take a lifetime
of welts and pain and things I didn't necessarily had to forgo
because
I don't know
it's clear I struggle
obscured and muddled
my mind is
drugged and over-doubled
and if it all gets to me
know it isn't you

delta blues
and in the evening
with the sun goin' down
ramble at the shipyard
last to pull
up to dock
this ain't the place
you can scramble for a spot
know your place
and place your shots
the road is long
but the fall is short
when you're gunnin' for the top

what is there to say?
have you got the time?
to hear me rattle
to infinity
what you mean to me
just the mere mention
confounds convention
and all the wisdom and strength
I have is gone
at the sight of you
cat take my tongue
for it won't be long
till I still holler for you
though voice be gone

**** me
and this rotten outcome