It is with
These hands
That I have sealed
The chains
Upon my wrists
And in my fear
I quite lose sight
Of reasons to persist.

Lies
Love
Fear
Faith
Secrets
Seashells
Daydreams
Vast blue oceans
Running in fields
Fireflies in mason jars
Cliffs overlooking the sea
Raindrops on misty panes of glass
The sound of the wind through the trees
The crisp crunch of autumn leaves beneath feet
The rush of feeling during the culmination of a song
Blurred colors and flashing light through the car windows
Forests filled with ancient relics from another time
Dancing alone with the music blasting loud
Adventures to nowhere in particular
The mystery behind the ruins
Slow dancing with a stranger
The sound of crashing waves
Nations I’ve yet to visit
Burnt orange sunsets
Pages in old books
Crackling fires
Constellations
Howling wind
Empty rooms
Guitar strings
Graveyards
60 degrees
Piano keys
Pleasure
Gain
Loss
Pain.

I am
A street without a name
A pictureless frame
A dull knife
A still life

I am
A question mark
A smothered spark
An unread book
A stolen look

I am
A blank page
An empty stage
A heavy sigh
A passer-by

I am
A ship with paper sails
A train on rusted rails
A flightless bird
A Dream Deferred

I am
An overcrowded mind
A word that hasn't been defined
A lighthouse that no longer stands
Two feet sinking in the sand.

Worlds without end
Unfurled behind
The lenses of her eyes,
And yet the stranger,
In passing glance,
Saw naught but his own
Reflection.

Maybe it's foolish of me
To stay awake
All night
Waiting for you,
But my eyes
Won't seem to close,
Kept open
By a lingering hope
That maybe
You are missing me
Just as much as I
Am missing you.

Help me to be the Healer’s hand,
The words that mend,
A needed friend.
Help me to quell what pain I might
And in the darkness
Be a light.
Though anguish bars the path before,
Help me to open up the door.
If I can aid a soul today
I will have done enough to say,
Their broken heart,
My hands restored
This peace enough,
My great reward.

I don’t know why
I keep expecting a name
And a message to glow
On the screen of my phone
When i know that
It will always be blank
And here I sit longing
To come to life
But all I feel is empty
Like this room
And my heart
A worn out space
With faded walls and
Cracked paint.

How do you fix a heart that’s full
Of sadness?

Despite all the times it’s been emptied

From a bottle that’s overflowed,
No relief moves in to fill the space.

You grasp every flash of pain and

Each withering poisonous thought

Until that silent moment when

The sting is far too great

And it begins to rain again

Down the sides of your face.

You can't escape a nightmare
When it lives inside of you
And you can't run from the shadows
When the darkness is yours too

You can't hide from the monsters
That chase and claw and tear
When you look into the mirror
The real monster is there

Behind the surface of your eyes
Inside your very head
The demons make themselves at home
And fill you up with dread

Nowhere to turn when daylight dims
Nor when the moonlight glows
No solace or escape to find
As the fear inside you grows

No warmth to be had when the cold sets in
No relief from the pouring rain
No end to the aching inside your heart
No release from the infinite pain

Trapped within a battered cage
Fashioned from flesh and bone
You desperately cling to the fragment of hope that
Maybe you aren't alone.

Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I have nothing to say
Behind these closed lips are thousands of stories,
Endless words, thoughts, emotions
Waiting to be summoned
But fear is the glue that keeps my mouth shut
And the words scrawled on these pages
Convey more than my hushed voice ever could.

Just because I smile, doesn’t mean that I’m content
Beneath this ill-fitting cloak of concealment
With all its plastic sincerity,
There is a girl with fragile dreams
And eyes brimming with fire
Thrown into a world where she suffocates
In the heat of human expectations.

Just because I am ignored, doesn’t mean I am transparent
Carelessly I am dismissed, overlooked
They don’t understand that, like them,
I have felt pain, sorrow and joy
I am alive
My heart beats as their’s do
But we are separated by invisible walls.

I am more than a flickering, nameless face
Whispered words, a vacant smile
I am not a long-forgotten book lying facedown on the shelf
I am an endless world below the barrier reefs
Of a vast, uncharted ocean
But no one ever dares to leave the shore
And break the surface.

I am from the towering oak and pine trees
That sway on the old forest’s edge,
Coyotes howling in the shadows
A haunting lamentation

I am from the creaky stairs and floorboards
At the house on Liberty Street,
From the ancient gas heater and its tendrils of flame
That never seemed to be quite hot enough

I am from the sound of my father’s voice
Heavy with sleep as he whispers to us
A late night bedtime story,
Scaring away the monsters under our beds

I am from Sunday mornings
Bursting with rays of golden light and
Filtering through glimmering church windows
Lingering on familiar faces

I am from ‘make good choices’
'Be a peacemaker’
‘You are greatness’ and
‘Oiaue!’

I am from the scent of Mom’s cookies
Chocolate chip and butterscotch
Melting away winters and
Warming cold hearts

I am from acrylic paint,
Graphite, ink and canvas
From smudged hands, stained clothes,
And a sketchbook full of scribblings

I am from the crisp chill of autumn
In the mountains of Vermont,
Staring into a sea of stars
As dazzling sparks float skyward in the distance

I am from the cool sea breeze
And the salty mist over the water
Waves crashing fiercely in the haze
Of Newport’s rocky shores

I am from the quiet peace
That can only come from the words
“I love you” and the warm embrace
That often follows

I am from endless words
Written with shaking, ink-stained hands
On crumpled bone white paper
Hoping to be good enough to keep

I am from weak muscles and fragile bones
From hesitant first steps and training wheels
From stubborn no’s and penitent yes’s
From late nights and shadowy eyes

I am from the past
I am from the present
I am from the trembling, changing
Pathway to my future

I am from this house
This family and
This home

She was a child once.
Eyes wide and sparkling with hopes and dreams untarnished.
An entire future stretching out before her.
She saw the world through a kaleidoscope,
A beautiful mess of endless neon colors,
Untouched by darkness and disappointment.
Pain was temporary; A scraped knee, a paper-cut.
Band-aids could heal every injury.

Her smile was a permanent fixture of sincerity,
Radiating happiness. A gaze full of inquisitive wonder.
When she lay her head down at night,
Her chest was not heavy with worries and cares.
Her mind was not filled with the ghosts of her past.
Sleep came easily, a quilt of comforting warmth enveloping her,
Sweeping her away to the land of dreams.

Blissful in her ignorance she lived, unaware that one day,
The monsters under her bed would make a home inside her head.
That her heart would fracture and die.
That the world she had known was a lie.
She wasted all her wishes wanting to be older,
Age was overrated, but nobody told her.

At 8 she was so innocent, at 10 she was just fine,
13 was disillusionment, the start of her decline.
At 15 she was in High School, they told her, "be mature".  
Society screamed conformity, now she was insecure.
At 16 she was lonely, desperation took its hold.
Love slipped through her fingers like drops of liquid gold.
Now, at 17, she's stuck in a recession.
She thought the therapy had dispelled her depression.

She looks in the mirror and despises her reflection,
She is bent, bruised and broken, a mess of imperfection.
Past mistakes, her tormenters, they tear her apart.
Her body, a cage, imprisons her heart.
Each breath is a burden as she lay in bed.
She can't sleep at night, theres a war inside her head.

No one ever told her the price of growing older.
They never said she'd have
A crushing weight put on her shoulders.
Suffocating in this life, poisoned at her core,
Once she was a child,
A child she is no more.