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May 2018 · 886
Abiding Light
Lillian Harris May 2018
A candle burns somewhere inside of me
And keeps its light despite the steady rain.
I wonder at its constance in the cold
That, flickering on occasion, never dies.
And through the dark a glow reaches my eyes
Like a distant sun; rising and fading

I wait for the sound of thunder fading–
This storm has so recklessly lived in me,
And with it’s biting wind, has stung my eyes.
Though only raging from within, the rain
And sky both fall and weep as daylight dies
But still the candle burns despite the cold

Larceners masked as lovers leave me cold;
Deceivers and thieves with faces fading,
Whose winter hands freeze when summer’s warmth dies–
Craving heat I cannot offer, watch me
Shiver. Each doubt descends like falling rain;
An infinite dance behind my closed eyes.

And the uncertain glow still meets my tired eyes
The blood in my veins boils while theirs stays cold
Those hands I once held and fell for like rain
Those flames for me perpetually fading
With their trails of dark smoke following me
Yet my sallow light persists, it never dies

The sky is drenched in black, the old sun dies
I watch it pale and sink before my eyes.
But it will resurrect again, like me
Each morning from the heavy sheets and cold
The flame will not go out, the darkness fading;
Fleeing from me like quickly passing rain

I stand with burdens heavy in the rain
Holding onto the light that never dies
Wishing to feel the hush of the storm fading
No saltwater stinging and staining my eyes
For once, to feel fire chase away the cold
A heat or heart that warms but does not burn me

.And sometimes the rain gets in my eyes
Sometimes light dies, and leaves me cold
Yet still the candle burns; No longer fading.
A sestina
Mar 2018 · 277
Indifference
Lillian Harris Mar 2018
I want to say,

I don’t care–
I don’t care if
You feel nothing
For me


But I do,
And it tears
My heart
In two.
Jun 2017 · 551
Ruined
Lillian Harris Jun 2017
***** earth-stained
Fingers dig,
Shovel out the wreckage,
Raid the tomb-
A useless search.
No treasures sleep
Beneath my skin,
I am only bones
And blood;
Shadows and
Memories.
So, take those too
Before you go,
Leave me emptier
Than I was before.
There is nothing
Worth stealing
From me
Anymore.
Jun 2017 · 1.7k
Delicate
Lillian Harris Jun 2017
I cry and care
Too much;
My heart
Is a thing
To be left
Untouched.
May 2017 · 641
The Abyss
Lillian Harris May 2017
This silence yawns
Into my soul,
So widens the abyss.
Fissures crack
And then expand;
A parting lover's kiss.
An echo ricochets
Between these walls of
Lifeless stone
The word that rings
Inside my head:
*alone
     alone
           alone.
Apr 2017 · 479
Absent
Lillian Harris Apr 2017
Remember
When you said
I will always
Have your back

Where was
The warmth
Of your palm
Against my skin
That night
When my spine began
To crumble
And the walls were
Caving in?
11/30/16
Apr 2017 · 542
Drifting
Lillian Harris Apr 2017
Suddenly
The world is still and
The flutter of wings
In my stomach
Has hushed
And I can see
You drifting
Before I've felt
Your touch.
Never have I
Known a soul
That mirrored mine
So much.
11/9/16
Apr 2017 · 452
Atlas
Lillian Harris Apr 2017
I am not Atlas
I cannot bear
The weight
Of the skies
That I am
Under
Apr 2017 · 411
Forgetting You
Lillian Harris Apr 2017
If I could
Swallow liquid fire
And replace
The traces of
Your name in my
Bloodstream
With burning,
Cleansing flame,
Then I would
Drink until
I was consumed
No more
By scathing
Thoughts
Of you
12/4/16
Apr 2017 · 440
The Trees will Tire of Me
Lillian Harris Apr 2017
One day your branches
Will not stretch
Towards me.
One day your roots
Will recoil.
One day your bows
Will grow to
Abhor me.
One day I will sink
In the soil.
Too much rain will make them drown
Apr 2017 · 329
Crimson Shirt
Lillian Harris Apr 2017
I wore that shirt
Today
The one
You once told me
You liked.
Crimson
With holes
In the shoulders.
But when I
Slipped it
Over my head
I thought only of the
Fabric on my skin
Instead of
The words that
You said.
2/26/17
Dec 2016 · 513
Collapse
Lillian Harris Dec 2016
My rib cage is
Collapsing;
All the butterflies
Inside me
Have died
Nov 2016 · 899
Numb
Lillian Harris Nov 2016
I think I’ll
Die inside
Tonight,
Cut words into
My flesh
And watch
The verses bleed
Until my veins
Are drained
Of any remnants
Of this sadness

Or maybe
I will drift
Into a serotonin sea
And drown
Under the swells
Of tablets white
And sea-foam green
To feel the ease,
The quiet hum
Of my heart
As it goes numb
Nov 2016 · 864
Nox Aeterna
Lillian Harris Nov 2016
The air in this room
Is asphyxiating
But the sunlight is
Too bright outside
And I am far too sad
Inside
And this feeling
Is like cold hands
Grasping
My heart.

So I'll wait and I'll fade
Into the night
A slight figure
In the fog
And walk under the
Sallow light of street lamps
Pretending that my darkness
Will fade into
the black of the sky
If I allow it to slip away
Nov 2016 · 534
The Girl That You Will Love
Lillian Harris Nov 2016
She will have fireworks
In her eyes
And lips that steal
The words
Out of your mouth

She will be made
Of wind and wildfire
And you will be
Consumed
By her

She will be light
Where I am
Shadow
And heat
Where I am cold

She will not be heavy
In your arms when you hold her
And I will curse my darkness
For leaning on your shoulder
Nov 2016 · 956
Indecision
Lillian Harris Nov 2016
I built my hopes
On dreams of you
With parapets
And spires
Lofty columns
Reaching into
Amaranthine skies

But castles are not
Meant to stand
Atop unsure foundations
And these walls
Become so fragile
With your cyclic
Oscillation
I am impatient and you are indecisive and my heart is such a reckless thing.
Nov 2016 · 762
Roses
Lillian Harris Nov 2016
She clings
With lonely hands
To thorn-ridden
Roses
And yet
She is
Bewildered
When her hands
Begin to
Bleed
Oct 2016 · 822
Threnody
Lillian Harris Oct 2016
Strangers at the edge
Of the churchyard
Cry their
Crocodile tears
And murmur
Dull regrets into
The dampened earth,
While the sad girl lies
In a Soulless Garden

Ravens watch
From the gloom of
The yew tree
And join in the
Mourner’s requiem,
While wringing hands
Throw lilies
Onto the upturned soil,
And the sad girl’s soul
Bleeds sorrow

Harrowed faces
Fade into the fog
And the bell
In the church tower rings
And the Ravens
Leave their tree
And the soul of the sad girl
Grieves alone
By the stone
In her Soulless Garden
Aug 2016 · 456
Mistaken Identity
Lillian Harris Aug 2016
I thought I saw you
Yesterday
In the face of a
Stranger
As he stood
By the sea,
And the breath
In my lungs caught
Like kite strings tangling
In the boughs of trees

He had your smile
Almost,
From far away
But it wasn't
Quite the same
And I felt
The old wound
In my chest begin to
Open up again
With that familiar pain.
Jul 2016 · 492
Lovely Broken Things
Lillian Harris Jul 2016
She leans
Against the wall
A flower
Wilting
In the shade
He is sunlight
Suffocating
Beneath the
Gathering clouds
So far beyond
Her reach

The heavens
Break apart
When his heart
Becomes
Too heavy
And the rain is
Liquid loneliness
On her skin
Reminding her
Of all the lovely things
They could have been.
Jul 2016 · 749
Ice and Stone
Lillian Harris Jul 2016
He has a smile that
Mesmerizes,
Carefully hiding
The circles that form
Beneath his eyes.
He laughs like he
Doesn't feel hollow inside
But the sound never seems
To come out quite right

He lives
Like the silver moon,
In a midnight starlit sky.
Faces stare admiringly
Yet he always wonders why.
He only sees the shadows
Swimming before his face,
Never the light that he emits,
With unassuming grace.

He longs for
Constellations
But I am just one fleck
Of light amidst the darkness
That wraps around his neck
I feel his aching heart contract,
Encased in ice and stone
Oh, that I could be the warmth
That he has seldom known.
Jul 2016 · 522
Unarmed
Lillian Harris Jul 2016
I say so many
Stupid things
I am ridiculous and
Impetuous,
I am unarmed and
Unyielding.
When you decide
To scar my heart
Or let it sink
In the wake of
Your absence
I will offer it up to you
Without hesitation.
Why do I wear it
Bare around my wrist,
Embedded in the fabric
Of my sleeve?
Why do I foolishly persist
When I know that
You will leave?
Apr 2016 · 952
Impervious
Lillian Harris Apr 2016
If only the skin
Wrapped 'round
My bones
Was not so
Paper thin,
Tearing with every
Sharpened word
That needles its way in
But rather, forged
In searing flame
And sheathed in
Cool detachment,
Impervious to every pain
Unmoved by
Fleeting passions.
Mar 2016 · 517
Flesh and Bone
Lillian Harris Mar 2016
You were a
Lovely ghost
Here yet far away
But he was
Flesh and bone
And I didn't have to
Imagine the way
His lips would
Feel on mine
Because they were
Already there,
Pressed against
My skin.
You were meant for someone far better than I am.
Mar 2016 · 677
Lethargic
Lillian Harris Mar 2016
This lethargy I feel
Breeds sadness in
My soul
And with nothing
To distract me
From the shadows
Creeping in,
I am smothered
By the weight
Of their increasing
Gloom,
Sifting through
These restless hours
In the silence
Of my room.
Feb 2016 · 895
The Poet's Garden
Lillian Harris Feb 2016
I have a garden
Full of words
That thrive
On suffering,
Flowers blooming
In my pain
Sprouting with
Each new wound

I wander in
To water them,
Eyes filled with
Melancholy,
And reap fresh tears
To quench their thirst
That they might
Grow for me

So when they've
Blossomed fire bright
As my agony
Worsens,
I organize them
Neatly
Into stanzas,
Lines and verses.
Jan 2016 · 676
Fragile
Lillian Harris Jan 2016
You belong with someone
Who is built of stronger things
A heart that isn’t crushed
By the sad melodies it sings
But I am made of brittle bones
Of sinew torn and muscles weak
Of a mind that always fails to find
The words that I should speak

My shoulders will not bear the weight
Of your sorrows and mine
Without adding new fractures
To my already splintering spine
Your hands deserve to hold a heart
That warms you at your core
But holding mine will only leave you
Colder than before.
Jan 2016 · 480
Relapse
Lillian Harris Jan 2016
Sometimes
Sadness is strange
It can come along
So quietly
You don't realize
The heaviness
Of your own heart
Until you
Try to lift it
And find that you've
Somehow
Lost your strength
The darkness came back for a visit tonight.
Jan 2016 · 1.2k
Consumed
Lillian Harris Jan 2016
I cannot let myself
Be consumed by you
I am weak enough
Already
Without taking
Your wounds
And making them
My own

Please know
That I will
Love you still,
But I cannot be
The nerve endings
Connected
To your
Spinal cord
Your pain has become mine.
Jan 2016 · 944
Disenchanted
Lillian Harris Jan 2016
It's alright
If you decide
To be in love
With someone else
Or that you were
Mistaken in the notion
That you somehow
Needed me

I know that my heart
Is heavy to hold,
So if your fingers
Have gone numb
Please just
Let me go
As gently as
You can.
For when you change your mind about me.
Jan 2016 · 865
Unrest
Lillian Harris Jan 2016
3:00 AM
A darkened room
I shift under
Smothering blankets
The wind howls
Through cracks
In the window pane
Like a chorus of
Grief stricken souls
In the midst of their
Threnody

I am drifting in and out
Of this unrest
The heaviness of
Doubt and disappointment
Leaden on my chest
I wonder if perhaps
These lungs
So inconstant and frail
Were always meant
To bear the task of
Struggling to inhale.
Jan 2016 · 803
Close to You
Lillian Harris Jan 2016
I want to feel
These miles of
Icy distance
Fade into the
Warmth
Of your skin,
The ache
Of time
Spent apart
Dimmed
As you
Pull me in.
Jan 2016 · 1.2k
Intangible
Lillian Harris Jan 2016
You are like
Smoke between
My fingers,
Like drops of
Liquid gold,
A love that my mind
Knows so well
But my hands
Can never hold.
Jan 2016 · 1.0k
Delusions
Lillian Harris Jan 2016
I apologize
For all the times
I wring my hands
In worry
And ask you
What I have done
Wrong, with eyes
Reddened and blurry
I seem to lack
The skill to see
The truth from these
Illusions,
Entrammled in
The mire of
My agonized
Delusions.
Dec 2015 · 3.6k
Calypso
Lillian Harris Dec 2015
The Weary, they wander
Tempest-tossed
Onto my
Lonely shores,
Sailors with
Shipwrecked vessels,
Travelers grim with
Soles scraped sore

They seek to quell
Their solitude
Ill fated and alone,
And finding me
Beside the sea
Lamenting,
They postpone

I welcome them
With flames alight
Inside the hearth
Of my heart
Although I know
They never stay,
That soon they will
Depart

Every time that
One arrives
The feeling sprouts
Anew
He'll leave me
And I know it,
But there's nothing
I can do

I am Calypso, cursed
To long for love
That is unchanging
No solace rolls in
With the tide
The tempest, still,
Is raging.
Dec 2015 · 2.4k
Hazy
Lillian Harris Dec 2015
You make
My head
Feel hazy
Like Summer
Afternoons
All my thoughts
Forgotten as
They rush
To make room
For you.
Dec 2015 · 1.4k
Lovelorn
Lillian Harris Dec 2015
Tiny, shredded
Paper hearts
And flimsy
Cardboard
Feelings
Bitter aftertastes
On tongues,
Licked wounds
That are not
Healing.

Souls
Like quiet,
Vacant rooms
And minds
Screaming in
Silence
Aching chests
That long for love
Stranded on
Lonely islands.
Dec 2015 · 540
Words on Screens
Lillian Harris Dec 2015
I am sick
Of words on screens
Saccharine sweet
And yet so
Empty
Dec 2015 · 894
False Hope (pt II)
Lillian Harris Dec 2015
Don't let yourself
Get close to me
If you don't
Intend to stay
Don't dance
Along the
Thinning line
Of loving and
Going away

Don't allow me  
To attach myself
To who I think
You are,
Better strangers
With whole hearts
Than broken
Lovers
From afar.
Dec 2015 · 301
Show Me
Lillian Harris Dec 2015
Do not tell me
What I am to you,
For words
Have lost their
Meanings
Voices forming
Hollow sounds
Without minds
Intervening

Show me
What I am to you
In the way
You warm my skin
And look at me
With eyes
That hush
The pain that
Stirs within
Nov 2015 · 806
False Hope
Lillian Harris Nov 2015
Don't let me
Find hope
In words that are
Hollow
And think that
My footsteps
Form patterns
You will follow

Don't say
That I am lovely
Like stars and
Moonlit skies
When we both know
That I am only
Tear stains and
Sad eyes
I get attached far too easily.
Nov 2015 · 734
The Looking Glass
Lillian Harris Nov 2015
I dreamt of rain and wind and fire
Of darkened days surpassed
Until with dreary eyes I'd wandered
Through the looking glass
Oct 2015 · 1.1k
Lost at Sea
Lillian Harris Oct 2015
Treading in the icy swells and
Going through the motions
Pretending that I swim just fine
In overwhelming oceans,
Salt-stained skin and choking throat
Floating in a sinking boat

Descending into darker depths and
Whispering lies in failing breaths
"I’m doing well, I’m only tired"
Twisting, tangled, morphing, mired
“There’s nothing wrong, I’ll be okay”
Drifting, drowning, cast away

Pushing through the iron tide and
Reaching for a hand to guide,
In sorrow I look to the shore
But find that it is there no more,
With blurred eyes I have sailed too far
And lost the light of the North Star.
Sep 2015 · 764
Familiar Faces
Lillian Harris Sep 2015
Sadness has eyes
That never stop leaking
And two lips that tremble
Whenever she's speaking.
Don't let her find
A tear in your heart,
Because if she does
You'll drown there in the dark

Fear has two hands
That fidget and shake
With a voice like knives she whispers
All the risks I shouldn't take.
She closes all the windows
And stands watch at the door
To make sure I'm not tempted
To go out and explore

Loneliness is shrouded
In a suffocating cloak
It's heaviness she often shares,
It smothers me like smoke.
She shivers, aching in the cold
With arms outstretched and yearning
For a love that never lingers
To leave a fire burning  

Happiness is fickle
She seldom comes to stay
Her light once filled my soul but now,
That glow has gone away.
With all these faces that I know
I tell myself I'm fine
But through the glass I see the truth:
Their faces mirror mine.
Sep 2015 · 595
Insomnia
Lillian Harris Sep 2015
You were
My excuse
To stay awake
So late,
3AM and
Losing sleep
But still
I would wait

Now you're gone
At the feeble
Faded light
Of dawn,
And I can no longer
Justify
The shadows
Underneath
My eyes.
Sep 2015 · 633
Burdens
Lillian Harris Sep 2015
The weight 

Atop her shoulders

Is enough to 

Curve her spine

And twist 

The corners 

Of her lips into a 

Sinking line

But in the view

Of distant eyes

She is no more 

Or less

Than posture 

Uncorrected

And vague
Unpleasantness.
September 10th, 2015
Aug 2015 · 497
Non Omnis Moriar
Lillian Harris Aug 2015
In the Garden of Memories
I tread softly
For dreams lay buried
Beneath the soil,
Freed from the
Binding ties
Of worldly toil

Auras etched in
Marble epitaphs
And sculpted
In statuaries,
Traces of warm
Remembrance
In the solitude
And stone.
Non omnis moriar-- "Not all of me shall die"
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
Perpendicular Lines
Lillian Harris Jul 2015
We were like two ships
Passing in the night,
Fading with the
Waning light

Two glowing sparks
Extinguished
Before they could
Ignite

Two lines,
Perpendicular,
That met and then
Departed

The knowing
Of beginning's end
Before it had yet
Started.
Oh, the things that might have been.
Jul 2015 · 668
Phantom
Lillian Harris Jul 2015
She is a ghost
In her own home
Drifting from
Room to room,
A phantom
Rattling chains
In the early
Morning gloom

She wrings her hands
And curves her spine
And spends
The night alone
Watching time
As it passes by
In a world she's seen
Yet never known.
Jun 2015 · 1.8k
Flowers
Lillian Harris Jun 2015
I planted flowers
At your feet
But they soon
Grew too tall,
And tangled 'round
Your face until
You were not
There at all.
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