It’s so weird... discovering how fragile ones mentality is...I have always expressed that it’s ok to need to live for something else when you can’t find the ability to live for yourself. So you do your best to build stability and optimism all while you feel like you are shattering one crack at a time. So what were to happen if what you are living for is jeopardized? Would you break completely or simply find something else to live for? What if it was the ONLY thing that you could live for in that moment? At times when I cannot bare to live for myself I live for my plants. They would not survive without me therefore I must keep going or they would not make it. The problem for living for something that’s alive is what would happen if that thing were to die? If the petals were to wilt and the stems drop and the flowers fade? What happens when your life has crashed and imploded at catastrophic proportions and the only thing to survive the disaster turns out to be dying? When every thing is going wrong and you are shattering one crack at a time and all you can live for are your plants then a massive crack splits you into a thousand little pieces and the only thing holding you together has began to shrivel along with your mentality. What am I to do now?
I came, or was ****** Into the world A half formed thing I have limped through life The waters of the universe Slip through my fingers I cannot cup my left hand To catch the falling stars Nor have I, all my brain With which to comprehend The nothing, that is our existence I have existed, set back Striving, for chances To be, the same I have thrown away Gold gilt books, of wisdom And sweet fruits of life To follow others, to rot And ruination, to be in company To feel normal, and be not alone
Spreading my words around like bumble bees with the pollen. Spreading far like the birds when the sea is calling. Spreading throughout your brain like a gentle virus. These words calm you, yet infect you with darkness. A man with out a cause, a man with no applause, as everything he does is littered in flaws. To truly know this man is not an easy task. This man will only show you his mask. He's deep like the great abyss of the ocean. Like it's inhabitants, he's darkness in motion. He's got many layers like the journey through an onion. No mistaking this man for Paul Bunion. His strength is depleted, and will, he has not. What once was a man of life is now merely a robot. Most times he dwells in the man who he believes is broken. Leveled by his peers, his words became unspoken. He used to stand out from the crowd. Now he drifts through it on the cushion of a dark cloud. Negativity is this man's birthright. He will carry that burden until he can no longer stand upright.