I can't stop thinking about it
It's not what you said to me
More that you said it to me
You made me feel
Like I could do it
Like you believed in me
Like someone cared
You listened
And you understood

You looked me in the eyes when I told you
Even when my brain told me to look away
Your eyes told me more than what your mouth did
That being unconfident is the worst thing to be
That I should never change myself for others
No one has ever said that to me

Thank you

Not always when things exactly how you'd like
Sometimes just a time
When the most embarrassing things happen
But if you could plan,

You wouldn't have it any other way

Familiar places
Unknown faces
Except the one you're next to
The one you love
But you can't have
You couldn't do that
Not to yourself
You want him
So
     So
          Bad
You think about him
You talk to him whenever you can
And you love it when he tells you
I love you
In his mind, it is merely
Platonic
You're walking around
Together
Arms around each other
He brings his head down to you
(He's a whole head taller than you)
Whispers in your ear
And his breath is enough
Chills down your spine
You love it
'You know I love you'
'You're first in my heart'
And you know the significance
Of why you're first
Your best friend is second
Previously first
And that's where it ends
You wake up
And
         everything
d is  a p  p  e a   r   s

used to be a comfort for her
but now it's - what?
a house with a bed with little joys
but it's not the same as it used to be
is it?

someone once told her
'i can tell you're suffocating a bit'
and that phrase has stuck with her
come back to her every now and then

the more things happen the more
she realises they're right, she is
suffocating, stuck, struggling
to hold on and be who she is, who she wants to be

now she sits up in bed
they're still there, they're happy
but she isn't, she's uncomfortable in
her own skin, it just doesn't fit

she doesn't like who she is
when she's there, she feels like
it's the old her and she doesn't want that
not anymore

but isn't it ungrateful to
not appreciate everything she has
why want more, people would ****
for what she has

and yet, she wants to write her
own story, own beginning, start
her chapter, her legacy,
her family

im sorry, i dont usually do this
especially not for friends
so it's a little hard, but
i miss you

it's only been a day but i do

i miss the way
  your eyes sparkle in the morning sun
  your eyes meet mine when we talk

i miss the way
  you smell, that's so uniquely you
  your tongue curls when you laugh in your special way

i miss the way
  your hand brushes mine when we walk, and it's okay
  you tease me, joke with me, banter with me

i treasure you, i value you,
you're my friend and i miss you

No this is not a poem
About the saddest people in the world
Or my own saddest experience
It's about words

Words we use so often in our daily life
If only, almost, could have
Do we not realise their true meaning?
Only blinded by exaggeration

If only. If only it had happened
If only I had smiled
If only I had said yes
Just a bit earlier - would it be different?

Almost there now, but not quite
Almost did it, but not really
Almost happened, but didn't
So close, yet so far, right at your fingertips

Could have, had the ability to, but didn't
Too fast?
Too slow?
Didn't think it was worth it?

See now how such simple words
Can give a person so much more
Like the migrating of birds
Will you give your all and soar?

What if it doesn't go the
Way I want it to?
What if it becomes a big
Flop?

Excitement and fear
Battle it out in my heart
As the hour draws near
So close yet so far

And then it hits me
Like a cannon freshly fired
This matter, simply trivial
Just the way my brain is wired

Why should I worry?
Let it go the way it does
All these fears, bury
Because think about this

If I can worry about that
Equal fear then goes to:
What if the sun doesn't rise?
What if I never wake up?

All equally scary
Once you take a moment
To
        *think

eat to survive
come home to survive
nothing ever done
to really live

indulged in work
escape from her reality
from everything that
drags her down

so what happens
when the work is done
when the time comes
to "enjoy life"

does she force herself
to face her true reality
the very thing
she's been running from?

or does she throw herself
into something else, another escape
another distraction
eat to survive

fear takes hold
same thoughts that
caused infinite nights
of crying, tears

i was having hope
of a future where
i was happy
i was comfortable

too used to that thought
never considered that
it could disappear
please don't go

a year without you
my love, is a year
without life

and i'll be ******
if i lose 5 years of life

i never thought
in a million years
would i sit there
under the blazing sun
still sea water
soft sound of crashing waves
in your arms,
thumb mindlessly strokes me
hand holding mine
leaning on you
my body fitting with yours so perfectly

never
*but it happened

you count the days
                                  no
                                       the hours
till you might get a chance to see him

you know he'll be in the room
so you keep your eyes extra peeled

                                                                                                           there
and now you're yearning, dying
just to speak to him
to see him close up
because that's how much you miss him

you time your routes
maybe, just maybe
he'll be there

and you'll see him, and your eyes
they'll light up like the night sky
and you won't be able to stop yourself from smiling

except, when he looks at you
it's dull, a blank slate
an attempt at a genuine smile perhaps

and then you'll part ways
and your heart
it continues to ache
oh so painfully

**until we meet again

My knees creak when I stand
And it leaves me wondering
Is my sad body too heavy?
Or is it that my knees
Are tired of carrying
The weight of the world
Tired of carrying
Everything so much
That a rest
Is all it

Kneeds

don't you know?
i love you so
so much
i don't know how
to show you
i can say it
i can hug you
i can kiss you
but i can't think of
amazing, breathtaking ways
of making you feel as mushy
inside as you make me
please don't think of it
as laziness or not loving you
my dear, i love you more than you know
i'd fall apart without you
i'd be a mess of flesh and bones
my dear, i need you

the comfort
of numbness
of white noise
of emptiness
returns to me
an old feeling
hello, old friend

Oh, what a life to live!
You are the day
I am the night
Together, we make one revolution

I cannot exist
While you do the same
For we are destined
Never to meet

Like ships passing in the night
We acknowledge each other
But never see, hear, feel
The other's presence

Oh, what a life to live

Get out
Getoutgetoutgetout
You're running through my head
A little birdie told me
You liked me
And I once did
Maybe I still do getoutgetoutgetout
Part of me wants to believe it
Another wants to spare myself
From all the pain
So either stay there
Give me love
Or get out

You know where you are
What you are, when you are
But not really, you feel almost
           Detached

From the world
And all its people
From those closest to you
And those you have yet to meet

You read the words on the page
But not through your own eyes, no
As if you are merely a lonely
Thing floating through time and space

Not living, but breathing
Barely surviving, but existing
You walk, run, fall
But it doesn't feel like you

At all.

No one is ever really prepared
We're just more ready
Than we were yesterday

it was real.
i know it was
you felt it, and i did too
at the same time it wasn't

so why does it hurt so much
we never spoke about it
but other people did
and we knew it

was i not good enough
don't tell me it's about a number
that never stopped you before
so why her and not me

and what hurts even more
is i have to pretend to be happy for you
i have to convince myself
'if you love him, let him go'

and i want to, i really do
but there was a time when
i wanted you so bad
and i still do

why you gotta hurt me this way?

Which is worse?
To be the one who leaves
Or the one who sees others leave
That is the question

The latter, in my opinion
To see the people you love, leave
And you continue doing the things
You always did, except

This time, there are holes
Holes where the people used to be
Holes where there could be new memories
Holes in your heart, for friends turned family

The hardest is to let go
Move on with your life
But the weekly reminder does not help me so
Only prompts me who isn't there

the real question is
if i say, think, feel
like i dont like him anymore
why does my heart
still trip and stumble
when i see a text from him?
why do i still get the urge
to call him and say
come here, i need you
right now

and when we are alone with our thoughts
we are nothing more than our mistakes

Do you think we could go
                               back      
                         to
                    a
         time
when life was simpler?

But why would you want to?
Simple is boring
If you do, what's the point in living?
Instead, please
                            keep
                                        moving
                                                        forward

sometimes holidays give you a break
from all the troubles of the physical world
and other times, they just remind you
of how much you don't matter to some people

Aren't you sick of this game?
Every few weeks, another one
Playing us like we're toys
Broken, bored, next
'I'm thinking of you' he says

What *******, if you want
The attention you deserve
You shouldn't spread yourself out
Neither should you constantly
Switch, change, move

It's stupid and frankly,
You're an fboy in my book
Because of you, my walls are
Up, thank you so very much

And it's not even me you're asking for
You're asking for my opinion
On my friend, who does that?
You, that's who.

Instead of entertaining your
Conversations, I'm switching it up
Don't come back unless you want
To talk to me for me, and not my opinion

i knew it was going
too good
for too long

feelings in the green
actually, genuinely
enjoying life? who knew

one trip one wrong step
crumbling into ashes
thinking about that shiny metal once again

****** person
undeserving of respect
your purpose is for others
no rights for you

thoughts that were
always there, waiting for
me, welcoming back

twas a fool to think
i had overcome something
so innate so natural

foreshadowing maybe?
a fresh start thwarted
doomed to return to the same

darkness

You asked me
If I liked your best friend
How would we know
You would end up as mine?

A year since we started talking
You were just another extra
Now you're a fellow protagonist
Even a possible love interest

Sure, we could have
Been something more, but
I enjoy what we had, what we are
Just please don't go away completely

The 4 of us, I want
No, I know
We're going to be together
For a long long time

i like you
i really do
but i also know
that it's in my dreams
my friends comfort me
say i have a shot
but i know it'll never be
so i'm just waiting
waiting for the
crushing
moment
when i see another girl
in your arms
and the worst part is
that even then,
i'll be waiting

What hurts is not the leaving
No, no, I'll get over that
It's only a matter of days
What hurts is the return

Not seeing you for weeks
Just numbs me, but gives peace
All thoughts of you are almost neutral
That's not what hurts

It's when I see you again
When I see your cheeky smile
Hear everything you say
Laugh at your jokes

Roll my eyes at your quips
And then I see you and think
I'm back now, but why
Why does it hurt so much?

I should be happy, joyous, grateful
But it only reminds me that
After today you'll go home and
I'll go back to mine

And see, that's what hurts

she wonders why
she goes for the type of guy
who is too far from her
too far out of her reach
she: actually loves the thrill

she thinks that
it's just bad luck that all the guys
she likes rarely reply
take way too long
she: loves the suspense

she waits patiently
for the day that some guy, anyone
will want her as much
as she wants them
she: scares them

she's passionate
she dives in deep
and she needs someone
a thrill-seeker just like her