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Janelle Tanguin Feb 2017
Before everything

i. I never knew four letters could melt
menthol candy-like, hydrochloric acid on my tongue
and keep burning it in different degrees
I had to swallow back.

ii. That there would come a time
I'd have to baptize the pain in my chest like seasons
robbing me lungfuls
on January, September and December nights.

iii. That my blood was really ink I needed to stop using
before my skin turned paper-like.

iv. That my heart had an epicenter pumping a magnitude of earthquakes
that made me tremble helplessly in its intensity;
and that they were man-made calamities
followed by harsh, heavy, whipping tsunamis
to flood my grave of bleeding, jagged fault lines.

v. That aftereffects lasted longer than treatment itself,
and that I didn't need any professional diagnosis to know
I was terminal
from the same drug that made butterfly-strokes in my veins,
whose arms withheld the only elixir to this malady.

vi. I named my sickness, my pain, my agony like orphaned children, after you--
a rare disease
the doctors didn't even know about yet.

vii. I did and I doubted
but a part of me beat signals
that echoed off the cave walls of my skull
that I knew.

viii. Before everything,
I have been warned
but I chose to listen to the soothing, wrong, hopeful voices
"He means no harm,".

ix. You began spreading like an epidemic-- a tumor to a colony of cells all over me-- until I became you;
a reflection of familiar suffering and mortality, slowly withering away.
In the end, I didn't even have you to blame
for letting me overdose from intakes
of my own ****, bitter medicine and unforgivable mistakes.

x. I guess, this was how you wanted the price to be paid.
Hannah Sep 2018
and when we are alone with our thoughts
we are nothing more than our mistakes
been some time since ive had a breakdown like this, and the words selfish, inconsiderate, not worth it have gone through my head, but i guess it had to happen eventually
Leila The Kiwi May 2016
What have I done?
It's just my emotions,
Don't take it personally.

What have I done?
I've just been a sad girl lately,
Things have been hard.

What have I done?
I thought I was handling things well.
Turns out,
I haven't.
Everything was just hidden below the surface.

What have I done?
I crumbled,
You blamed yourself.

What have I done?
I guess,
I'm a loaded gun.

l.v.s
Vanessa Marie Oct 2015
You've hurt me so
Yet i love you still
Though the times continue
My memory turned bias
Waves of shock
As my heart had shattered
Piece by piece
Still lingers in my chest
As the whispers of the future you told
Seeps through the cracks of my mind
Corroding it with false hope and self blame
Tell me I can piece back my faults
With bandages of regret
So you may help me
To sew together my poor destroyed heart
Once again...

— The End —