My father used to bring home kites
from Pakistan,
made out of colorful paper
and thin sticks.

Mine was pink and blue,
and caught my eye as soon
as it was taken out.
It was beautiful,
and i imagined it soaring through
the skies,
viewable from all the houses in town.

The yarn was grey,
and had minuscule shards of glass
woven within it.
My father told me that it was for kite fighting,
the way they used to do it from the rooftops
of the villages.

One would fly the kite
and the other would be in charge of the spool.
Together, they would change altitudes
and attempt to cut other kite strings.
The last kite left in the air would be the winner.

And my mind would run to those rooftops,
the very sand ridden rooftops he had described.
Imaginarily controlling the kite
with a friend handling the spool behind me.
Together winning the kite fighter crown,
and my father being proud of his only son.

All while i lay in bed,
with a grand imagination,
and not a single clue
on how to make the last thought a reality.

While we may become
separated at times,
your presence always lingers,
reminding me that you were once by my side
and will be once again.

There are moments of clarity.
They come sparingly
And I ache for their return
Once they decide to depart.

In those mere seconds
I finally know what my life entails
And accept the greatness I hold.
I am at a high that throws my mind
Above its own capabilities,

But I know the end is near
Once my body begins to plummet
Through the stratosphere,
A simple shooting star
To the eyes of onlookers.

Live,
so you can tell
your story of survival
to the people
who need it.

"What's the reason
you keep on living?"

"Because there may
be happiness written
for me tomorrow,
and if not tomorrow,
then maybe the day after."

I would be a fool to compare
Your presence to that
Of a candle towering valiantly in a dark room,
Acting as a guide as some would say.
You would eventually burn out,
Leaving me alone with no sense of direction.

You are closer to a star
On an unpolluted night,
Making your way to me
No matter the distance.
And even though you may
Become sheathed at times,
Knowing you are always there
Brings me a sense of relief.

In my lonely nights,
i think of you
and all of the loving moments we have shared.
Ones where my head would lie in your lap
and you fingers would run back and forth
on my scalp.
I think of how safe you made me feel,
how nothing could touch me
as long as you were by me.
I think of your sugar coated lips
and warm body.
Your fingers as cars,
traveling my body
as if it were a road made just for them.

One after the other
I am abandoned;
Reminiscing the same movements
My father exhibited when
He wanted to start anew.

The human body is made up
Of skin and bones,
Blood gushing through veins
Repeatedly, a job done nearly sixty times a minute.
And yet we are more than just that.

I am a shell of my former self,
My passion has dwindled,
And so has my own will to live.
I am not the same person who fell in love with this life,
Innocently calling it mine.

My personality flees by the danger I convince myself that I am in.
Hopping on trains and planes,
Cars and even bikes.
They flee and do not intend to return.

I am hollow,
A former shell of who I used to be.
And while emotions are difficult to come by,
I only hope they come back to their motherland,
Knowing that it is safe once again.

My fingers twitch,
And mind races.
I am in a do or die situation,
Where the very hope of my future lies.
If I do not take the risk,
My future will be put off for
Yet another four months,
But if I do, I may succeed,
And finally get my life started
After a prolonged twenty-two years
Of anxious wait.

May the odds be in our favor,
May god grant us all some sort
Of prosperity.

I wonder if you ever look back
and see what you created.
You tore me down,
made to barely have any life,
and expected me
to follow your every command.
You knew I was developing,
and made it a mission
for me to develop to your liking.

Since our splitting,
I have sprung into all four seasons,
not even a feather weighing
against me.
I have been smiling larger,
and thinking of ways
I can extend my life,
instead of ending it prematurely.

You're still out there,
and I hope you are well,
but I carry no sympathy
for a person who once
attempted to take advantage of me.

I gave you worth in my life,
while you thought of me
as a free item.
I was valueless,
and easily replaceable
by the next warm body
that entered the room.

I ask myself
If I am meant for
All the twists and turns of life,
But those certain, detailed twists and turns
Are meant for me and only me.
I am destined to be here,
To belong to the ground I walk on,
And to the people who hold me close.

I am made to live,
I am made to breathe,
I am made to be curious,
I am made to happy.

I saw myself
As almost nothing;
A mere atom in between earth and the seemingly never ending galaxy.
Meanings and purpose was self-defined,
And the world just seemed a tad bit bleak.
The trees, grass, and even sky
Would lack color and the saturation in which I see them in now.

There were many nights
Where I cried alone,
And many days where I questioned
My true nature and belonging.
If this world was meant for me,
Or if I was meant to last in it,
Not a day would go by where
I would not doubt myself.

I find you every day,
Waiting for me.
Smiling with a joy I have not experienced,
And being excited for my presence.

I may feel my nature lack at dire moments,
But it would be a lie if I had said
You do not rejuvenate the very core
That loses power when I am alone.

You bring me a strength
That I cannot foresee,
A strength that I am grateful to have.

I lock myself
beneath layers of doors and walls
when the pain becomes terrible enough
to cause my heart to shift and tremble
in the very place it feels safe.
I may feel sheltered behind these barriers,
my being may as well.

But I must open myself up,
even though it may feel nearly impossible.
Those who want to help
are only filled with love
and will do anything and everything
to help me when I need them the most.

Those who adore me do not
deserve my abrupt departure.

Every passing year
you look back and tell yourself
that you will not be
as naive as you used to be.
but those promises never stick,
as new challenges arrive.
Thrusting you onto paths
you have never taken,
testing parts of yourself
that you have never noticed.

I can run
and run
for as long as I please,
But I can never seem
to lose you.
You tailgate me
as if your life depends on it,
and I wonder why you have
such an staunch fascination with me.

In the end,
you always catch up,
heart still calm and
breathing still unnoticeable.
Not a droplet of sweat on your forehead.

And I become yours for
the time being.

The light may not enter today,
or tomorrow,
but throughout time
young rays will begin to grow
in the darkness of your heart,
and your heart will soften
with the warmth that comes with.

I remember you told me
That birds gave you hope.
I understand now that
You could not bear to stay
In the same place for too long.

The first thing
I fell in love with
was the way you wrote.
So sweet,
so innocent,
light on my mind
and had me high
all the time.

I have so much happiness around me
But I cannot seem to feel it.
It’s as if the curtains are down,
Shielding me from the most
Beautiful of days outside,
Which carries laughter and joy.
I cannot feel it or see it
So therefore it does not affect me.

I wish I could open those curtains
And soak up all the good
That’s around me.

Some moments
I get these terrible,
terrible thoughts.
Ones that derail my whole mindset
and set me back tenfolds.
I wander aimlessly,
looking for answers
to empty questions and doubts,
only to lose myself
in the chaos that resides
in my own body.
-It's 4am and I can't sleep.

After our quarrels,
I do believe that it is
a combination of nostalgia
and fear that bring us back together.
We know that an image of another person
can never replace the memories
we have made,
and we fear that one of us
may become happier than the other
if we truly end.

Do not blame yourself
for the lack of faith
when you do your best
to believe.
The feeling of love
will come
at the right moment.

Persevere.
Patience.
Wait out the storms and sadness.
The darkness and famine.
You may not know
what you desire at this moment,
but the years throughout life
go by slowly.
You will eventually find your calling.

You make me feel
all the love
that I have lost
in my lifetime.

I am aware
that you look at everyone else,
aching to do
the things we cannot.
I promise that in time
we will get to.

Small moments of happiness
were the ones
when you stood in front of me,
smiling like no tomorrow.
When your eyes became lost in mine,
and my eyes
became lost on you.

How do you suppose
you can capture your potential
when you speak
as if your goals
are hopeless

I do not dwell
on our end,
but rather
ponder on why
I did not see
how bad you were for me.

You changed in a way
where we would no longer be close,
and i changed that your life
was not worth mine.

My heart swells
under the pressure
of not being enough.
But she reminds me,
time and time again,
that no one else
could complete her
like I do.

Encased
My hands bound,
Legs tied to the ground.
I am helpless,
And my mind can have its way
With me,
Just as it pleases.

Show me
Your tortuous tendencies,
Or sporadic mercy.
I hope for the latter;
I hope for at least a speck of love this time.

I may very well attempt to escape,
But I have done as much as I can in the past,
And know most actions are futile.

There was a moment where the bindings had loosened.
I found that out when I began to love and be happy for myself,
But would tighten as soon
As I once again lost hope.

I hope to one day escape,
And gain unlimited freedom.