I'm just like a flower.
Except all of my petals have fallen off.
And now I'm just thorns.

I forgive your lies.
Although I'm saddened that I had to see past your disguise.
I forgive your selfishness.
I forgive all of your negligence.
I forgive all the times you made me cry.
I forgive all the times you hurt me deep inside.
I forgive you and I don't want to.
But I still forgive you and all of your ignorance.
So I can move on with my life in bliss.

tick tock
just staring at the clock
one hand swings by the other
but time doesn't go by
everything stops
everything freezes
nothing moves
as long as your mind is stuck
stuck in its ways
of looking at the clock
waiting for the next minute of your life to go by
waiting for time to progress
just
waiting

And the last time that I saw her face, was also our last embrace.

And our last kiss, I will always miss.

And I will always remember the taste of her lips.

''just one more turn mommy!''
but we all only get one turn on this merry go round...
this torturous device spinning for what may seem like a small time but is really eternity.
the lights and music make it seem beautiful and distract you from the chipped paint and broken seat belt leaving you unconnected from the horse.
the kids cheering loving the show but you see the adults all craving for it to be over already.
our lives are all like merry go rounds.
it may be fun for now.
but eventually you'll get dizzy.
and everything will fade.
and you'll just be another horse on the merry go round with a broken seat belt,
waiting for an eager child to ride you.
and they'll be glimmering waiting for the adventure.
and you'll sit there being full of the knowledge of the ride and how it turns out.
but now you're just another horse.
and soon... everyone will just be a horse.

During life you go through many obstacles.
Some of which are where you need to choose between two things.
Left or right?
They call this a crossroads.
You see some people say listen to your heart and it will guide you the right way.
But will it?
Your heart is as cloudy as your mind and if your mind can't choose what makes you think your heart can?
There are so many rights and so many wrongs.
But you won't know if it's wrong until you go down that road and see what's to offer down there.
If all fails put the gear in reverse and go down the other road, if it's not to late that is.

hopes and dreams are lies in disguise as something beautiful tearing you apart from the inside

What is skin?
They say it helps protect us.. but from what?
When it is pierced it bleeds endlessly until it's stopped.
Layers of skin and muscle and tissue that is supposed to help us.
But it doesn't... the words get under our skin.. like knives making us bleed.
The words, the actions and the expressions.
Our skin doesn't protect us from anything.

When I get sleepy I fight the urge to lay my bones to rest.
I have so much going on and lots of stress.
But then it overcomes me and puts me in what seems like a coma.
But then I wake up to my problems still not being over.

I long for touch but yet I flinch when someone gets too close.
I suppose it's the feeling of fear that overcomes me.
Or the voices that flood my memory of the people saying 'You'll never be pretty enough and your soul is too dark.'
I guess I'll just spend my days basking in the wretched comments and the feeling of never being good enough.
I'm displeased when I look in the mirror, and I start to understand what the people say.
Maybe get some surgery and all of the pain will go away.
But even if I did that the rude remarks would still be there.
And I'd still be heavy with all of the weight on my shoulders.

I wish I had some privacy just for a moment.
But maybe the privacy would make me do the unthinkable.

all we do is wait.
wait for the world to change.
wait for the world to end.
well i never was very patient.

I couldn't keep them bottled up anymore.
But when I told you, you threw them out the door.
And as night turns into day my feelings for you turned from love to hate.

picking and scratching
my skin bleeding
the scars all over remind me of certain times in my life
when the stress got too much to handle and I sat in the bathroom for hours
destroying the body that was given to me
burning down my humble abode
just picking and scratching away at my sanity
which I'm not sure I ever really had
the scars that I get comments on daily
'Did you try to hurt yourself?'
'Are you alright?'
'Are you being abused or unsupervised?'
no answer really just staring at them;
whilst picking at my scabs in that blissful agony that I love to feel

when you look into a persons eyes
you see inside
the part they don't want to open up and show you
you see who they are
their past
their present
and you see if you want to be apart of their future
you see the hurt
the pain
the loss
the everlasting memories burned into their brain
leaving burns and scars and scary thoughts
you see their life
their adventures
their misfortunes
but you also see their good times
the treasures that they hold close
to make them feel like it's not all bad
looking into someones eyes is a journey
exploring the little fragments and seeing what they hold in their nooks and crannies
so look someone in the eyes
when you talk to them
when you lie next to them
and just wander
feel their spirit
their energy
just by looking into their eyes
into their lost soul
getting lost with them
within them
for eternity

I'm just an empty coffee cup, with nothing left in me and all of the stains from the past.

She was an alcoholic who wanted to go for a swim.
Her kids didn't stop her for they knew she was already dead from within.
She stayed out there from 4 p.m to 10.
And when they found her the water had frozen over her head.
She was a good person, good mother, good friend.
She just had a lot of issues she needed to tend.
She never asked for help because she didn't want it.
For she knew she was better off not on this planet.
And when they broke the ice in the summer to get her body.
Her death had finally become reality.
They held the funeral and everyone cried.
For they lost the woman that once stood by their side.
The woman that they never saw a reason to worry about.
Because they never saw the signs because they weren't loud.
She kept her problems to herself.
Why worry everyone else?
They don't care and it's none of their concern.
She just wishes she could get another turn.
Another turn to change things and make them better.
Maybe take her swim in better weather.

My body may be numb
But my mind is clear
And my soul is free

it's not something that i want to gloat about.
i'm not being selfish or greedy.
i'm not doing this because it's a trending topic or i saw other people do it.
i'm doing this because i love.
i love people.
maybe this is happening because i haven't always felt love from others, and i'll just accept what i can get.
maybe it's because i am a rebellion and just want to love him or her regardless of the status quo.
or maybe it's just because i love.
and i love to love.
to make a person smile no matter what is between their legs.
and make them feel wanted.
and happy.
and give them a home in my heart hoping i'll have a shelter to run to in theirs.
i love girls.
i love boys.
but most importantly i love myself.
and as scared as i may be.
and judged.
and discriminated against.
and shunned.
or cursed at.
i will still love.
and i will still stand with my hands in my pockets or in a girl or guys hand.
it may not be a happy life.
and i may not have as many opportunities as the man next to me who has different values.
but i will still love.
i will love my God for i know he accepts me for who i am.
for how he made me to be.
i will love the people who stick with me and tell me that there is no difference between me and the woman that i crossed paths with on the street.
we are all the same.
we are all one.
and we should all love.
regardless.
so this is me saying.
i love.
and i will no longer be ashamed.
even if you belittle me.
and my love will prevail.
because love is the answer.
not arguments between politicians and preachers.
but love.
between a man and a woman.
a man and a man.
a woman and a woman.
and a brother and a sister.
as God made us.
to love.

When we made love with the record playing.
Our heart beats were in sync.
And the rhythm was sweet.
As we moved to the static of the needle hitting the record.
And we grooved to every chord.
I loved that night and I love that song.
Because you were the right one all along.
The feeling of your body up against mine.
As I traced my fingers up and down your spine.
The record had stopped and the song was over.
But we were so infatuated with each other.
We looked into each others eyes until we drifted off to sleep.
And the next morning you woke up and hopped into your jeep.
I never saw you again, and I wonder why.
For that song was so perfect and that night was so divine.
So I put that record on and listen to it again and again.
And remember the feeling of your hand rubbing my head.
I want you to come back and listen with me.
Oh to that record so soft and so sweet.

i remember when i was a sad child like you, with no hope to exist on this cruel planet, but then i found hope, and i'm holding on to it for as long as i can.

Rain is just a way for the lonely to be touched.
I suppose that's why I love it so much.

i'm going to die
that part is inevitable
you aren't going to miss me
i wish that part was avoidable
but chances are
when i gasp for one last breath
you'll be somewhere laughing
while my spirit releases into the air
like one of those balloons that kids only love for 5 minutes

When I was 5 I started to put sharpie or pen on my nails to make them black.
And I even recall on one instance where I put mascara in my hair to give myself black streaks.
I now want black stiletto nails, and I know that many others have them, or even just paint their fingernails black.
And it makes me think, black is such a beautiful colour and yet we put down and make fun of the people of that colour.
They can't change it, and they shouldn't have to feel that they must.
Being another colour than white shouldn't be a day to day burden or task.
It should make you feel beautiful and blessed.
But not everyone sees it that way.
It's a shame really, you see so many superb black men and women that stand out in this day and age and community.
And it has been that way for centuries.
Giving us all music to move to and lose ourselves in, books to read (perhaps more than once), movies to watch and adore, and many other things.
And yet people don't realize, they're just HUMAN.
Not having a choice of what pigmentation their skin is.
Being beaten unmercifully, and some being prosecuted not from their actions but because people have come to terms that all of that colour perform the same cruel acts.
Stereotypes;
It's not fair and I refuse to live in a society that is so mean and brutal.
Be nice to people regardless of their skin, the look or feel of it.
Be helpful to those in need regardless if others wouldn't because they have different views than you.
I'm not saying this little collection of words will change the world.
But I'm letting it be known that I myself will not be spiteful towards others that have not been to me.
Just because their skin may shout out because it is darker than others, it doesn't make them less of a person.
You don't want people to be put in boxes and yet you categories them, making them feel small and wrong.
We have come such a long way, not just for this subject but for others.
But I want my voice to be heard and my opinion to be stated.
And for others to not be so crass and quick to judge.
People are people, and deserve to be treated like it.

i'm angry
i'm upset
inside me there is a fiery pit
i don't know why
i want to be happy
i want to unclench my fists
let go of the anger
stop being so ******
but it's harder than it sounds
to change your persona
i'm angry all the time
maybe i could try to calm down just for a moment
i'm angry at the girl that copies the same format of my poems and gets more likes
i'm angry at the fact that they abandoned me
i'm angry at the world
and it's hard for me
for me to let go of the anger
walk in my shoes for just one day
see how it feels to be mad and have a smug look on your face
i don't mean it intentionally it just comes out
and before i know it i just want to scream and shout
shout at the people for being happy and having a good time outside
shout at the people that are care free and have a better life
shout at all of the things that are better than me
because i'm just an angry person you see
an angry person that will never change
because i don't have the drive and i'm just strange
strange and odd and stupid and angry and mean
maybe some day i'll be clean
be clean of all of the anger and the stuff bottled up inside
what happened to me that made me this way?
that made no one want to stay by my side
i'll go to some anger management
maybe they'll help me and fix me
and help me understand
understand why I am the way that I am

You can crave to have someone elses qualities while in the meantime someone else is longing to be as gifted as you in some way.

Never fully satisfied with yourself, you want to be bigger and better.

Because you choose to hear out the people that think you aren't good enough and need better characteristics, and not the ones that think you are beautiful just the way you are.

Uncomfortable;
Doors shutting
Pens writing
People telling their symptoms
Purses zipping
People talking trying to comfort each other and make them feel like everything will be okay
Everything will be okay... won't it?
The doctor will fix it surely..
Won't she?
No way of knowing for sure
Just have to wait and see
Guess that's why they call it the waiting room

you are the color in between all of the other colors
you don't care about the spectrum, you are an entity
i don't love you to the moon and back, i love you more than all of the stars in the galaxy
i love the way you capture everything i've ever loved
you are darkness
you are light
you have depth
you are whole
but that doesn't mean you're perfect
you are unlike anything i've ever seen
you are magical
you are the feeling i got when my dad tucked me in at night
you are as sweet as the memory of me dancing and singing in the rain up and down the street i grew up on
you are beautiful
but that word is so cliché
it could never define you
you are something that i've dreamed of
you are like déjà vu
you aren't like the nightmares that follow me into the daylight
you are what holds out a hand and tells them to stop
you are the feeling of having ten blankets on you but still being comfortably cool
you are the nicest pillow i've ever laid my head upon
you are the reason my tears stop pouring
but sometimes you are the reason they pour
because you are so complex
and i long to understand you and fear i never truly will
because you are grey
you are everything and nothing
empty and full
the space in between
you're indescribable
so this poem with incomplete sentences and no capitalization
can't come close
to everything that you mean to me
you believe you are a spec of nothingness
and that people can walk by you and not remember you
but you're unforgettable
you're captivating
you're the emotion in my ellipses
you're... my favorite color

I am fragile, please place upright.
You may hit me if you'd like, yes that would feel nice.
Broken down and glued back together.
Because you don't want to say I'm gone even when I shatter.
I'm sprawled out on the floor and you clean me up.
Because I'm sharp and ragged and leave lots of cuts.
When you look in me I will break.
Because I can't stand to see all of the pain and heartache.
I'm a simile for you and your life.
And all of the bad moments and strife.
I'm sorry it's like this and I hope you can fix it.
Because I don't like seeing me crush your spirit.
Please don't give up on me... please continue to put me back together.
Because without anyone the problem will never get fixed.. ever.

The way it looks at him makes me uneasy.
Knowing that all I've ever wanted was to make him feel that way... with that look.
I can't give him what it gives him, the beauty, the perfection. I'm not enough.
I'm said to be a big part of his life and yet I feel so pushed to the background.
Lost in oblivion.. of regret and sadness.. memories on repeat. And so many emotions. Of love, of loss, of no touch.
*Of no him.

there is serenity on the bathroom floor
among the cold tiles
sending the sense of euphoria all throughout your struggling body
the pain
it feels so good
to just sit in the silence
with nothing
but the brisk air
and the cold tiles
sending chills down the spine
that you didn't think you had
because it was so hard to stand
just collapsing on that bathroom floor
with nothing but the readiness and acknowledgment of knowing it's okay to feel the end
because it is inevitable
it comes for all of us
and you may not be scared
but you must be petrified
for when the moment comes
it will feel the same as your body on the cold tiles
and the brisk air will take you away
with the serenity still there
as you enter the gates of wherever the air sweeps you to

You know me, Mrs. Heart on her sleeve.

and although i'll most likely make the mistake again...
you were the lesson i needed to learn.

You do your best for others, to make them happy.
And most of the time they could care less, and continue to gloat about themselves.
So don't do things for others.
Do it for you.
You deserve to feel accomplished and be happy with yourself.
You are making progress and if others don't appreciate your journey, they shouldn't be apart of it.

I had so much to say.
But when the pen hit the paper.
All the thoughts went away.
My mind had gone blank.
Just sat in emptiness.
Waiting for the thoughts to come piling back in.

I live to be loved...
So maybe that's why I want to die.

In some ways I'm as high as a bird.
And in others I'm already 6 feet under.

When will my last set of tears roll down my cheeks?
When will the sadness come out with the sobs?
When will all be calm and happy and good?
It all comes back to time.
It took time to get to the sadness.
And now it will take an eternity for it to dry out.

Your net worth doesn't bring happiness, your self worth does.

i feel like the moon and the sun.
dark and mysterious.
one minute up in the sky.
and one minute cowering in the corner not being seen.
the sun takes my place.
being shiny and bright.
then all is happy.
and i am full of life.
but then the day is over and the moon comes back out to play.
everyone stares at me and says i'm beautiful.
but little do they know i'm the most dark and scary creature ever seen.
some people like me.
some people don't.
some people need a light because they're afraid of my darkness called night.
then night is over and i am sunny again.
bipolar they call this.
labeling me with a disease.
'no' i say.
'i'm just fine!'
then i go home and sit and cry.
engulfed in my darkness and in the light the next.
no one is ever there to help me be my best.
'you need help!' they all say.
then help me ******.
can't you see that i'm grey and damaged?

You never see the beauty in the ugly thing staring you in the face, whether it be what you see in the mirror, or the thing that you hold in your hands to end it all.
The metal of the gun; shiny, sparkly, ready to please whomever fires.
The strands of the rope; strong, reliant.
The grain of the pills; slipping you into your permanent dream.
Or the face that you and many others see.
Different to whoever looks at you.
Maybe to some beautiful, wise and pure.
But to you, a monster, never pleased and never pleasing.
You will choose to never see the beauty in you but in the others.
Because you see the world as art.
And you as the starving artist whose career never took off.

I'm lost in the corners of my mind, and that's not very pretty.
I want there to be light in there but it's just a cluster of darkness and sadness and memories.
I don't know why I remember the things I do, they just stay there.
Maybe if I clear my mind the light will shine through.
And it won't be so dark and scary.
Can someone help me find the light?

When you're alone in your bedroom.
Twiddling the razor in your fingers.
I'll be there, roaming the halls.
And when your sad and your crying.
I'll be there watching.
I'll be there, in your home.
And when your gone I'll be there at your grave.
With the flowers, the red roses.
Was gonna bring white but your blood stained them.
Wish you would've known what you were missing.
Wish you would've known who you were hurting.
Cause now you're gone.
And I can't carry on your legacy.
Cause now you're gone.
And I can't change the gruesome fact.
And now you're gone and you took me down with you.
Bye bye pretty soul.
Forever gone, into the soil.

I can't promise you much, but my love, and that doesn't even keep me afloat,
and i'd never let you drown.
I'll never let someone push you down.
I'll always stand at my 5'10 and carry you on my sore shoulders and hurt my back to bend.
I will always look you in the eye and allow you to cry..
if you ever need a light i will guide you through the darkness.
I'll rub little circles on your back and lie and tell you it's going to be okay.
I will never push you away but I won't be surprised if you don't stay.
I never want to hold you back.
But if my nurturing being torn away makes you gray.
I'll stay and be one of your sun rays.
I will love you unconditionally.
With all that I have.
All that I am.
All I ever will be.
Which isn't much.
But it's the person you seem to cherish and mumble off your lips...
*''*****''

Don’t compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday.

music was my serenity, but now all i hear is lyrics of you.

sometimes things don't work out like we want them to but that's what leads us to our true happiness.
we are blinded by our perception of how to get there.
but in reality our mess ups are what take us there, and yes it takes time,
but without the time you won't find the real happiness, it'll just be another substitute and another thing we think is enough for us... but we all deserve so much better than what we think.