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maxine May 16
i'm going to die
that part is inevitable
you aren't going to miss me
i wish that part was avoidable
but chances are
when i gasp for one last breath
you'll be somewhere laughing
while my spirit releases into the air
like one of those balloons that kids only love for 5 minutes
you make me want to inhale enough helium to float away.
maxine May 15
the worst lie i ever told was "i love you"
my best truth was realizing it
my heart aches to love you
my brain begs for me to stop falling into a never-ending trap
  Mar 25 maxine
Mims
And I am holding hands with my depression while it screams into a microphone
It's used to being center stage
The center of attention
Poking, proding
I'll kiss my love on the lips and it'll tug at my shirt whispering
"I'm still here"

It'll grab at me on car rides
Pinch my walking down the street
Make my nose bleed in bookstores
Break my fingers in urban outfitters
"I'm still here"
"I'm still here!"
"I'M STILL HERE!!"
Slowly getting louder as I try to push it down

Sometimes I muffle it
Quiet it
But I can never completely silence it
My hand slips
And a battle cry is released into the night
the duct tape wasn't tight enough
Or maybe my grip

I guess I stopped kicking it eventually
Stopped fighting it
Stop tying it
It was
The thing I kept in my basement but instead of me trying to make it stay and it trying to escape
it fought me to be cemented in my mind
taking all my resources starving me emotionally

Maybe sometimes physically

I accepted that it was a part of me

I let sing to me
Occasionally
After all
We're both in the basement
And we're

bored

It would sing things
Hopeless,
Frantic,
Scary things

They don't like you
There isn't a point in breathing it's mundane, it's uninteresting

You have hurt so many people and been hurt by so many people you're beginning to forget where the line is
And which side you're on


If she knew you now
She'd be disappointed
But she's dead
She died before you tried to let her learn who you grew into


They'll all die

You'll die

We are all just putting off the inevitable
Isolate yourself


You know you're happier alone
You know he doesnt really love you
So stop answering the phone



One night
My depression took out a knife
And slit her thighs
I was asleep but she bled on me all night
And in my dreams

I knew the warmth was from tragedy

Though I never bled with her
I let her keep me red

Keep me angry

"You'll never have a dad!" she yells.

"You'll never go away"
I frown at the shriveled little body of memories and chemical imbalances and tubes and guts and hearts and other dismembered parts
And I think

I've known you for so long
But i've never really looked at you

I am surprised
How different
How separate
We are

You grab me
Poke me
Yell at me
Hold me
Hurt me

But you

Are not

Attached to






                                 Me.
This poem could've gone so many different ways, but this is how it ended up.
dear my blues listen
you're not fine, it's not okay
you'll run out of breath
haiku
  Feb 13 maxine
Micah
And here we are
the end.

Five years running
and nothing to show

except the slowed
platonic love

and tired
texts

and an absence
of what once was

Except you don't know
do you

know that I'm
leaving us

know that I'm
panicked

into wondering
if I'm behind in
people

experiencing people

I feel I'm at a loss
with you

because we met each other
too soon

and now I'm just pointed bones

and you are the sun

and I'm greedy
for still wanting a piece of you

But I am burnt

The End.
I didn't think I'd write this kind of poem about you.
maxine Nov 2018
our exchanged glances used to be filled with passion
and now they're empty.
where there used to be laughter there is frown lines.
where there used to be skin, there is blood.
where there used to be life, there is death.
you were my favorite melody.
where have you gone?
i'll never stop loving you.
i'll never let go of you.
but maybe that's hurting us more.
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