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Lyda M Sourne Feb 2020
If love was forever
Why did you part

If love was loyalty
Why did you seek others

If love was vowed
Why did you break it

If it was meant to be,
Why was it not meant for love?
Wedding blues of a child of divorce
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2018
A crackling upon skin

Numbness penetrate into the bones

Watching the world, but not really being a part of it

Watching. Watching.

Sinking inside, bringing out a different side to deal with what can't be done

Ears ringing but there is no sound
I'm weird, that I can attest.
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
I would write sonnets

Of our escapades
On boat rides
Walks through the park
Crossing bridges

I would write stories

Of our late night talks
Your piano blues
Inside jokes
Quiet conversation

I would write poems

Of the space between us
Entwined hands
Closeness of heartbeats
Fingers running on skin

But I am just the writer
And you are my muse
With our tale ending on paper
And here I am writing about him again
Lyda M Sourne Apr 2018
And I swallow metaphoric medication
Until they burn down my throat

And similes are like cereal for breakfast
With which I refuse to partake

My words bleed out
Personifying my grief

Hyperbole is too big a mass I can explain
It would take years to finish

Would roses choked in thorns be a symbol of oppression
Or a nature of destruction in beauty

Take me to the emergency room
I'm sick of this language I speak
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2018
Pristine white,

Like cathedral spires,

Pierce the skies



There is longing,

For the sky blue

Expanse above



Can you not see?

The love, the yearning



There is so much more

Than what this world

Can offer to one such as you



‘Tis pleasant,

A wonder of quiet

and harmony



Who do you offer

Music to?



Oh, love,

How lovely it

Is to meet you



Overflowing,

One cannot comprehend

Such beauty



And these days

Are golden and light

With the fluttering

Of your love



In the form

Of soaring melodies



Alas!
Beethoven Violin Concerto, Op.61 - second movement
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I portray myself as a perfect friend
Though it hurts to keep it inside

I lift up my chin and smile so pleasant
My fingers tremble at my side

Change of plans in dozen
I don't want to lock you away

So I watch you walk with her
As I stroll a little bit behind

Out of sight and out of mind
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2018
Don't cross the line,
Stay in your little box.

It's dark outside,
Stay in your little box.

Monsters will eat you,
Stay in your little box.

A protection, a barrier, a prison.

Keep close to the corner of the room.

Close your eyes , maybe they won't see through you.

Put on a smile, you're nearing breaking point.

Sleep it off, maybe you don't have to wake up anymore.
And sometimes, self-defense mechanism backfires
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2018
How much of it were
Truth

How much of it were
Lies

When did you ever stop the
Love

My parents, my brother, and
I
The title joins with the second line of the first three verses
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
Losing a phone doesn't also mean losing access to the internet

It meant losing feelings
That I had written down

It meant losing words
I had transcribed

It meant losing contacts
And the evidence of late night talks

It meant losing memories
Of piano room privacy

It meant starting over again
When I still had things left
Unsaid
All those saved photos..those Instagram stories..gone.
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
It's
been
a
while

I've been
crying about
you for
so long

That the pain
had already settled
in my bones

To think that I'd
meet the day that
I was losing feelings
for you

It's as scary as thinking
that you hadn't lied to
me that day when I
selfishly cried and said goodbye
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Five paragraphs, each word corresponding to each
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2020
He was a boy
With ginger curls
And a smile to his name

His eyes twinkled with mirth
At everything I say

With music as a bond
We share ourselves

Even if only for a moment
He was able to bring out
The love of music
From inside my shell
There. I wrote something about him.
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2020
My aunt tells me

Be careful with your heart

And I promised her I would

But I couldn't tell her

That it wasn't my heart I had to be careful with

It was my mind
Anxiety is never going to go away...is it
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2019
The mind is a scary place sometimes
Don't let it win

It whispers of shortcomings and fear
Don't let it win

Illusions and nightmares abound
Don't let it win

From anxiety and depression, it thrives
Do not let it win

The mind is a tricky place
DO NOT LET IT WIN
When negativity hits you and you know it makes no sense, so you have to take back control and think positive. Don't let it win you over.
Lyda M Sourne Aug 2019
And I tried to fit in
Cutting away the edges of me
Hoping to be part of the picture

I tried to fit in
Closing my eyes
Covering my ears
Sealing my lips

To the sins of yours
To the sins of mine
Trying to be part of the picture

But I could not fit in
In this puzzle edge
With a straight back and a crooked front

I wasn't meant to fit in the picture

I was meant to be a picture
In a gallery called life

I was not a puzzle piece
I was not in pieces

I was and am a picture
In this gallery called life
I've tried fitting in for the past three years. That didn't work out. I was never one for fitting in.
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
Just this short moment
A little moment to yourself

Look at the sky for a moment
A pause in the humdrum of life

And just take a little moment
Like the quarter rest on hold

Cool down the thrumming heart
Relax those tense shoulders

Add a little honey
To the sourness of the situation

As life gives you lemons,
Make lemonade
I feel overwhelmed by everything
Lyda M Sourne Jul 2018
The golden hall sings
Of an art that decorates
The spaces of time
Lyda M Sourne Jul 2018
Three stand before thee
The silver trophies gleam bright
Ambitions are bared
Lyda M Sourne Jul 2018
Music is all but
Perfect; tis a faux concept
In an abstract world
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2018
Like a small snowdrop impatient for spring
I searched for love in winter's wing

Silver petals shiver in the cold embrace
Of the warmth of your gentle ways

My roots are embedded deep in the ground
With little company but icy snow around
Lyda M Sourne Aug 2019
I cover my ears

To the sound of your voice
Cold as ice, cruel as stone
Your music gone astray

I close my eyes

To your actions
Defiant and brutal
Dismissive and confrontational to those who are supposed to have your respect

I seal my lips

To your words
Dripping with venom
Towards those who go against you


And my sin was staying silent for too long
And now it has caught up to me

But I'm done staying silent
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
It's near 2am

I'm thinking of you again
It's not how, it's when
To get over you

It's near 2am

Memories are flooding
Like a tsunami of unwanted
Feelings

It's near 2am

I close my eyes but I see you
Your eyes, your smile, your voice
Are clear but not true

It's near 2am

Time slows down after midnight
And mind replays the past
Of love that's not quite
Hello insomnia. You bring company I'd rather not have over
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I cannot keep anything for myself

I cannot keep you for myself
As you are not mine to begin with

And I have to let you go
Like water streaming through cupped hands

Hoping you find happiness with someone else
Hoping you smile more with her

As I cannot give you what you want
I cannot love you as much as I want to

Because I have responsibilities
And you deserve more than what I can offer

And I can offer nothing but myself
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2018
And I don't think I will ever escape this deep blue ocean void inside

But I have a canoe and I have an oar.

I'll find land sooner or later.

I just hope I don't give up before then.
Lyda M Sourne May 2018
of course he doesn't
miss me

of course he doesn't
think about me

of course he doesn't
care

How many times do I have to be at war with myself on this?

we both write poetry

But I will never be his muse
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
And I was a fool to think
You had loved me too

"I only see you as a friend"

There was nothing there
You were never there

And what I thought was true
That something between me and you

Was just as it was
A once upon a dream
A maybe relationship ***** and when he denies it at the end, you're left wondering if everything really happened in the first place
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I hate myself so much

Feeling like this
Feelings like these

My bloodied lungs overgrown
With green envy

Insecurity wraps her fingers around my throat
Swallowing the words I wish to say

As eyes clouded with doubtful fog
Casts a mist upon the scene

Where you walked to her
And I, left behind
Rooted in place
By overgrown ivy
Insecurity is a second shadow that blends with anxiety and I am a shell
Lyda M Sourne Sep 2019
I look back at my poems
And I laugh to myself

How sweet they were
My feelings then

Only lasting a moment
An hour and a day

A time so precious and dear
Lyda M Sourne Jun 2018
“You do realize you don’t have to keep doing this, you know.”

She knows. Of course, she knows. But there is too much. She cannot stop. She cannot stop until everything is out.

Even if it hurts. Even if it’s trash. Even if no one reads or listens. Even if it makes no sense. Even if it’s all lies. Even if it’s all true. Even if the truth is a lie. Even if the lie is a truth. Even if it is a paradox in and of itself.
Even so.

She writes until she bleeds. The pen is connected to her veins. The ink, her blood. The words, her thoughts.
Dark

Flowing

Bleeding

Spilling

“You could share the pen, you know.”

She knows. But whoever holds the pen, changes the words. And when words change, worlds change.

Words have power one wishes not to abuse. Not to use. Not to reveal. Not to keep. Words keep secrets the whole world knows.

But like an open book, one would see the words upon the page, but no one would care enough to read the whole book.
everyone is an open book, but not everyone likes to read.
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2018
Dear thunder,
Please pass me by,
Because I’m too scared to be just fine.

Yesterday was a beautiful blue day,
And as always,
The sky decides to paint it grey.
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2018
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I cut out fake hearts
To give to you

Paper hearts make
Paper cuts
When
Fingers touch
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
Keep each thought in every fold,
Line them up with every crease.

Flip them over,
Never let them show.

Don't cut your fingers on the edge,
Paper cuts are small but they hurt the most.

A thousand times over,
A million times bent and lined up.

Pull it apart,
Look at it from afar.

If you had a thousand,
Will your wishes be granted?

If you made a thousand,
Will everything be okay?

Paper wishes on paper cranes,
Let them loose in the breeze.

A million paper cuts.
A thousand paper cranes.
A single wish.
And sometimes, when wishing stars don't work, you can wish on paper cranes
Lyda M Sourne May 2018
And I write poetry
With you as my muse

And you write poetry
But I was never yours
I thought I was over you, but apparently not
Lyda M Sourne Nov 2018
perfection is something
I cannot attain

and so here I sit
procrastinating

watching time tick away
the hours I could use

but they've all
wasted away
I know there's stuff I need to do. But I just can't get myself to do it. It's not laziness. I've already differentiated the two. I just don't want to do it because it's still not going to be enough.
Lyda M Sourne Apr 2018
And I thought I had gotten better. Until a voice spoke up inside my head.

"Wow you ****"

"You were nasty. Why would they stick with you."

"You think you deserve this?"

"Your parents are tired of you. They can't afford you."

"Why are you still alive. The career you chose just burdens everyone."

"You don't even play that well."

"You think anyone would ever keep you? Get off your high horse."

"no one likes you."

"You don't belong here. You should just keep on being a person who *****."
Please make it stop. Go away. I don't know you. Where did you come from. I just want to cry. I thought I was better. And you came like a torrent of nasty words that runs through my bloodstream.
Lyda M Sourne Aug 2019
I won't write you a poem
Because I know that when I do
I'll fall in love with you
And I can't risk that
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
Poetry is a lighthouse

For the broken hearted
For the chattering minds
For the lost souls

Poetry gives comfort

Filling in the crevices
Of the empty chambers
Of a labouring heart

Poetry gives peace

Stringing out words
Into coherent sentences
For one who's mind is against them

Poetry is a lighthouse

For a soul who's lost
In the ocean of one's insanity
Depression being the sirens
Luring one into false sanctity

Poetry is a lighthouse
Giving a little guidance
To hope a little more
For this world
This is the only place i can be honest
Because sometimes reality gets scared of the darkness i can conjure up within me
Lyda M Sourne Jan 2020
I don't wanna go to school
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2019
I look outside
The sun laughs at me

I look up the sky
It's clear with an ocean blue

I look at the trees
The wind dances around with the leaves

I stay inside
And long for the outside
I'm stuck in the practice room while the weather is wonderful outside
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
XI.
Mornings delude with a false sense of awakening.

Nightmares don't disappear by first light,
They haunt you like shadows until they blend with the dark.
Lyda M Sourne Jun 2018
Cactus words are
Prickly words
That grow in deserts
Of dry wit
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
And of course, promises can't be kept.
They never do.

And I never learn.
I'm sorry for being selfish.
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2020
You've gotten silent
You don't reply anymore

What could lead to hours of conversation
Ends with just a sentence or two

Just because you found someone new
Does that mean you'd just leave the past behind
I might as well be talking to a brick wall
Lyda M Sourne Apr 2018
What a pity it seems,
To wish life as but a dream

As sky and earth part ways,
With once meetings on rainy days

One would wish so,
For time to tread slow

On those glaring heat-haze daze,
Only gone on rainy days
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
Artists are we

Of words
Of space
Of sound

Late Style is

A metaphor
A contradiction
An aesthetic

Minds would be

Abstract
Analytic
Apathetic

Heart beats with

Rhythm
Rhyme
Romance

Of
reasonable
irrationality
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
You were a lonely soul
Dark and deep and mysterious

But you were also kind
Brave and strong and loving

But your love was lost
To the one who was oceans away

And so you turned to me
Who was too naïve to know

That romance was not love
And love was not always true

And rebound wasn't just a play
In a game of basketball

And so I broke apart
A fragile soul too broken

To piece together something
worth loving
How many poems do I have to write about you until I run out of words
Lyda M Sourne Feb 2018
And she poured her pain out
in a red notebook.
Because that was the only way
she could bleed.
I want to die but I don't like pain
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
And here I thought
You'd have words for me

But time and time again
I'd had to reject my thoughts

Like you would ever come back
When I was nothing to you
In the first place
Of course I can't have him back. She's back so of course he'll go back to her. After all this time. It was nothing. What we had was nothing.
Lyda M Sourne Mar 2018
They asked me this question in class one day

"What do you want to be remembered by?"

I wrote down the answer of what they wanted to hear

But to be honest

I just want to be forgotten
So no one has to hurt when I say
goodbye
Lyda M Sourne Dec 2019
My heart is itching

Itching

        Itching

                 Itching

For you you you you you

But no

No

No

I can't

Won't

Shouldn't

Love you

Hate you

We're just friends

Oh but how my heart itches
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