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eva-mae Jul 19
why do you yell?
why do you say these horrible things
because you love me?
because i could never get anyone else to love me.
and i storm down the stairs and
crawl into my bed
covering my head
and i cry.
i cry waterfalls into rivers into lakes
while my mother strokes my hair
and i love her but i need her to leave
but i am scared of what will happen
if i am alone.
so i try to sleep, but i choke
everytime i lay down and each
morning i wake up with marks on my
breathing quickens as i remember
what happened the night before
and how i am too afraid to open my
bedroom door.
i consider the window.
consider the faulty lock.
consider walking to His house at 2am.
he is the only one i can count on.
but i cannot worry my brother like that
and my mother would be distraught
i want fresh air
and water
but i do not ever want to eat again.
the sight makes me sick.
I want to wander away from this forsaken house
to somewhere better.
but is the grass ever greener?
because at this moment it feels like every blade is
dried and dying.
feels like thunderstorms and rain clouds but not
the exciting kind.
the terrible,
cursed kind.
the compressing kind
the depressing kind.
the kind that makes you want to jump off a ******* bridge
but the water's freezing.
the kind that provokes earthquakes.
i don't even know what kind means anymore because
the only one who shows me
i have not seen since april.
think of how lucky you are,
warm house, family, friends,
but they wouldn't feel ******* lucky if they stepped inside my head.
if they knew how many flowers crumbled up and turned to dust
at my touch or if they knew what it was like to have
no clue who you are.

i can't even ******* breathe anymore.
Rain May 1
Beer in a bottle
Lost soul in a bottle
Broken family in a bottle
Headache in a bottle
Heavy heart in a bottle
Dependence in a bottle
Slow mind in a bottle
"Can't stop" in a bottle

Drowning at the bottom of a bottle
Drinking away fear by
downing bottle, after bottle, after bottle
Of beer in a bottle
Please drink sensibly, friends
Speaking Eyes Apr 24
Sometimes even though I think I've healed
those scars still hurt.

Even all the happy days I have
some memory sticks its poison
and I die a little again

Even now I´m in love, with all my heart
and this love is wonderful!
Although I feel loved in body and soul
this pain manages to reach me
and plucks my wings a little.

Is part of healing, right?
Die from time to time
agonize with some anguish
that… an old wish, one very rooted in our soul
take away our peace, erase our smile

Is part of healing, right?
And it takes time…
it really takes time…

And I think that from now on
my life is going to be the most similar as I had dreamed.
I woke up and that there's no reason to be blind again

But… even all...
and as happy as I can be
there are some things that always will hurt…

I think there's not enough time to them to stop hurting,
because is not possible to erase in the map of our soul,
something that we wished from our core

Lets see…
Pastelblitz Mar 21
Normally when I trigger
I just hear audio recordings
Of the screaming and yelling
Of the rattling of pill bottles
Of the echos of doors being slammed or objects being thrown

That put me in a state of misery

It’s odd that words you heard so long ago still affect you

“You’re a ******, worthless child... I wanted a better child that you..”

“Get away from me, no one even wants you.”

“You’re ******.”

And that’s enough

But this time it was different

I could feel the walls of the corners I used to hide in

Everything was so vivid

I couldn’t stop sobbing
I couldn’t stop shaking

I could still hear the rattling of the bottles

The bottles of pain killers

That turned my mommy into a monster

That took my momma away from me

That made my mom overdose

That made me almost lose my own mother..

I remember sitting in the icu waiting room
With nurses and doctors debating if they should make an exception to let me see her
Because 8-year-olds weren’t allowed into icu even for visiting


They let me in
Because they knew she would most likely die..
And she almost did..

I almost lost my mother.. Someone who is teaching me how to be a mom..


Now you know why I flinch when people raise their voices

Or when people angrily sling backpacks down

Or when I ask if people are upset at me if they’re just annoyed

Now you know that I was a broken child

Now you know

That I have ptsd

And that whole families are effected by the opioid crisis
Lyda M Mar 15
Love was beautiful
until hateful words came

There was nothing she could do
the child covered her ears and closed her eyes

and watched her world
crumble around her

Love faded between them
sides were taken
and she was torn in the middle like a seam

The concept of divorce was foreign
Like a situation found only in movies

And once it happened
the happily ever afters
never came true

If only childhood innocence lessened the pain
but she understood and that hurt worse

And what was worse
was that a family of four
was a family no more
it's been five years or so, but it still hurts. I still miss the us. Now I can never have that back
Amelia Dec 2017
Every morning,
When the clock strikes 5,
I get up and sit outside.

I count the people that walk past me,
I hear the words that they speak.

It makes no sense,
Why people want other's pain,
If I were them, I'd not feel sane.

That is why I wish for a peaceful meal,
And a day that wouldn't involve kills.

I want to reach home,
Without a hole in my heart,
And want to stay instead of falling apart.

Is it so hard,
To find what I desire?
I think it is,
Because I always feel tired.

When the people finally go away, I stand up and go inside my 'home', praying to make it alive today.
Merrimae Dec 2017
A broken light bulb.
A shattered dream.
A life wasted.
It's not what it seems.

A broken family.
Stressed and tired.
Chance after chance.
Will it ever expire?

Perpetual forgiveness.
Is it worth it?
The tears, the screams.
We are hypocrites.

Shaming you for breaking the bulb.
Yet, we cut ourselves trying to fix it.
Galbraith Frase Oct 2017
"Annie, can you get me another box?"

Anastasia's Mother sneers, finishing her last stick. Sure she heard it, that's why she's running up the stairs to their old town house's roofs.

There, she saw the Mother of her life, stood moderately at the edge. Although her Mom looked homeless, with messy hair and wearing cheap clothes, Anastasia still thinks she's beautiful. From her Mother's pale and dark shaded lips, the picture of her habitual smoking and to the bags of her eyes. Anastasia saw sorrow and humiliation.

"Another box? But isn't that the third one this week?" She questioned. The concerned girl stared at her wasted Mother who just huffed at the moment.

"Just do it, baby." Her Mother commanded. A sigh escaping from Anastasia's mouth as she nodded in full obedience.

"Alright, Mother."

She walked down the steps again, reaching out for money from her own wallet as she headed out.

The wind is pretty frisky this day. The cold air fogging up the populated skies as its getting darker in the entry of the night. The breezy air is tugging at her skin, hugging her petite body. She doesn't have any thick clothing or a layer, nor a jacket to support her now shivering body.

She went to quickened her walking, knowing that her Mother won't be staying up the roofs sooner and the cold air is truly bothering her.

Finally arriving at her station, she entered the shop and she went straight to the counter.

"A box of Marlboro reds, please." Anastasia half smiled, waiting for the counter guy to get one. Once handed, she waited for her change as a boy around her age went beside her.

"A pack of Camel light, please." The boy with raven locks said.

"One-second sir."

She stays patient. She went to look at the boy beside her again, only seeing him looking at her box then to her. She decided to brush it off as her change is handed to her. Anastasia exited the shop to only find that the skies had turned darker.

She turned her heels to the same path to their home as she went straight back to the house.

■ ■

"Don't tell him a single detail about me." Anastasia's Mother said sternly.

"I'll see you soon, Mother." She replied. As soon as she has the chance to leave, she quickly did.

Walking out the door, she pulls a cigarette out from a pack that she got from her Mother's. She calmly lights it up, though she makes sure that she's going to the right path to the Boat Station.

That night, last night, her Father called. Her Father told her to come by the Ocean. She loves things like this, admiring beautiful places at peace and just having deep thoughts about randoms.

Since both of her parents are divorced, Anastasia has to spend her time separately with them. Although her family background is broken, she still believes that quality time is important. Especially when you're the only daughter.

When she arrives, she saw a bunch of males hopped to a Downeast cruiser. She went for another stick of cigarette as she waits for the guys to settle the boat.

Once finished, she sees her Father coming towards her as another man followed him. Seeing her Father smile, she knows that he is happy to see her, happy that her daughter finally visited him again.

"My dear, sunshine." Her Father greeted with the widest smile ever. As they both embrace each other, she reassembles herself and stared to her Father's features.

He didn't change much. Twenty percent of his beard had grown, his skin also went tanner and his noticeable bags underneath his grey eyes is an evidence that he has been working hard these days.

And she felt her heart spun a bit, it's not breaking but it's pinching with joy.

"I've missed you, Father." She spoke, voice cracking and eyes glistening.

Her Father went to cup his daughter's cheeks with both hands and smiled. She felt the warmth and the love to her one and only man, and that is her Dad.

"My apologies. Anastasia, this is Captain Adamson, he's our new lead sailor." Her Father added as he introduced the man beside him.

"Please to meet you, young lady."

"You too, Sir."

She looked up to Captain Adamson, he has the same features like her Father's. Same dry skin, oceanic eyes, firm and sturdy smile and just a typical sailor could be.

After a little talk, Captain Adamson and her Dad motioned her to get to the boat. Once lifted and settled, she saw old men and only men in the small place. She counted them, and in her calculations, they're about six or seven. But something spotted her eye...

A young boy, around her age probably, is one of the sailors. It surprises her a bit because she once thought earlier, she was the only youngster around here. But yet, she's wrong, but was she glad?

Feeling their boat move, she went over the edge as she let her body sway from her moving grounds. It was sure such a wonderful relief when they finally made it to the water.

She went to ignore the people around her as she decided to be alone at this moment.

At the edge, she swam through her thoughts. Deep ones like the ocean whom about twelve feet fall.

She thinks that what if the ocean is harmful, a violence and tolerant to other people. Like when you fall, you have nothing to do but to drown through the steep and heavy surface. Although its water, she can still think its a huge burden to anyone's bodies.

Her fears hugged her, her anxiety embraced her as she thinks of this. It made her shiver, not just from the wind but also to the awful life she has. It made her cringe once, now she'll cringe forever.

Grabbing another stick from the box, lighting it up as she blows one. She let the tobacco smoke combines with the coastal air, she watches it and she somehow feels satisfied.

Tapping her right shoe in a tune, she also hummed the unspoken lyrics, feeling the rhythm. She sips and blows, sips and blows, again and again. It doesn't seem to end, though her Father has its rules. Nothing she heavily worries about because she knew its always a mild segment.

After the stick has reached its filter, she flickers the used cigarette from the running waters as she lets out a sigh.

Casting a shadow beside her, she sees the youngster staring at her with an unexplainable look. He eyes her up and down in a respectful way as Annie didn't make a single move.

"You know, a filter can destroy the ocean too." The boy speaks. Anastasia shrugged her shoulders as she grabs another stick.

"So." She coldly said, though the boy sort of expected this coming.

"So its trash, it's not good." She rolled her eyes to the boy. A silly conversation about Nature isn't the right mood for the day today.

"Nope. I am trash." She chuckled like she's some kind of a joker telling puns whenever.

"I like that, Miss. My name's Keith Adamson, the--

"The Captain's son, I get it." She finished the boy's statement as a small smile form on her face.

"You do?" He questioned, playing it all in.

"Yeah, that's why you're so talkative about the waters." She shrugged again.

"Right, but I'm sure I've seen you before." The boy guessed and it clicked her head quickly.

"From the convenient store?" She grinned, making Keith nod in agreement.

There was a moment of silence in between them, did she care nor did she thinks its awkward? No. She went to lift her box from her pocket and motioned the youngster beside her. In her surprise, he gladly took one as she offers a lighter.

"So, Daddy sailor business?" Keith asks, giving Annie a small nudge.

"Not really, are you often around here?"

"You can say that. But why did you come here?"

"I don't think you deserve to know."

Anastasia's smile turned into a smirk, feeling her words with power. What does she call it? Sarcasm? Probably, but therefore, it's just the based truth.

"Feisty. Just so you know, I only come here to help my Father. Sailing ***** but I enjoy the ocean, a lot." Keith babbled as it made her nod her head.

"Me too, but not when you're in it." Her voice went weak as she feels her whole body become numb.



Just heavy, all are heavy.

"What do you mean?" The boy asked again. She knew she wanted to tell him but she respects her own privacy. Maybe she can, in a more intellectual way.

"Like the waves, they're a big struggle in a person's body. When you drown, you drown, why keep convincing yourself to dive up when you know its already too late?"

At this moment, she thinks about her Mother, her Father, and just the tree family she used to be in. The happy, normal and complete people, she misses that. Their silly moments and the happy memories, she wants it all back. Now that its ruined, damaged, broken, well name it. She still thinks she's contented. Why? Whatever *** knows why.

"The waters are so much sweeter if the waves wouldn't step further like a hurricane, you know?" She smiled again. She then turned to her right, she sees her new friend with a confused expression.

"Wow, too deep to understand aye."

The both of them started laughing. At some thoughts, she's glad that she met Keith. He's so much more, She thinks he's more of a something.

"Everyone, get ready to sail!" A sailor's voice rung around the companied boat as they both of them got alarmed.

"Ready to fight the waves, Anastasia?"

"How'd you know my name, little sailor boy?"

Anastasia is not surprised that Keith knew her name. Many conclusions collided to her head but one resulted among them all.

"May I point whom your Father is?"

Without second thoughts, she nods her head. And she knows for sure, that she's ready to fight the waves.
Just a short story telling :)

[ Wattpad: @galbraithfrase ]
redberries Aug 2017
Just because of
I am silenced.

How I wish
one day,
I no longer had to deal with you
and your issues.

Because not until then,
even when I'm on the opposite side of the planet
You will still think you have power over me.

And you do.
Because I'm the best and worst daughter.

Blood ties me to you.
It chained me to your twisted mind.
and the most annoying and hateful voice I will ever hear.

and *******.
for everything ever.
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