Im ok.
I know you don't  see me,
But im fine.
I know you cant feel me rithe
My ribcage is split down the middle.
By the pain of your absence,
I believe you , you know.
You want me so badly.
But do you?
I just want to rest
In your tender embrace.
All i want
Is to look up and say
I love you

Is that ok?

Death defy
Flying high
How hard  is it to touch the ground
Ill step of the edge and fall upwards
As my body plumits down
No longer will i be around,
Ill not even make a sound

If You where ice cream
and i was the sun
We wouldn't have much fun,
I think you'd Run
and even though it hurt you,
I'm sure you'd love me all the same,
You'd love me even more
if the ground was flooded by rain
because after the clouds parted
and my beams graced you once more
I'm sure you'd find us both, dripping onto the floor

Call me drunk,
But im stumbling sober.
Call me mad,
But ive allways been alone.
In the end I'll  be dead  by late october,
I hope my soul wanders  far from home

I'm a little more then lost right now.
A little  more then scared
I thought I knew who to trust
But now I see no one  cares

My heart is aching
My future is shaking
I'm about to loose it all

But I know your smilling
Deep down,there's no hidding
You never really  cared

Im starting to write less and less
and Its scaring me
because I either have no sufferings to write about
or Its all become to much
which one?
how will I know?
whats wrong with my head
Its all twisted up inside
knotted guts struggling to chew through knowledge
am I maturing?
or am I finally turning to dust
I'm sorry if I'm not so sweet to hold,
its difficult when you slip through gaps
like the ones in your fingers
and the holes in your heart

Talk to me
Just say hey
Tell me the time of day
I applied for a job
That's  preety Kool
I started an old hobby.  
Ive decided im no fool

Im a human  beeing.
I just want to converse
I know you have free time
So i challenge  you to write me a verse

I haz only one favorite water bottle;
You.

Talk to me about indifference
Can anyone define it? Who defines ?
It’s a word we should understand clearly and fluently
Why? Well…Why not?
Because as humans, indifference is valued
Prized even
Genocide in Africa? I’m indifferent
Pity…
Poverty in our country? I’m indifferent
Pity…
Indifferent it is a word we should use so much more than we do
Indifferent to the screaming of my next door neighbours wife
Pity           …
OH Indifferent!  INDIFFERENT to the hallowed call of a child at the 6 o’clock news with a swollen belly and flies in his eyes
PITTY!
Indifferent to the passions of a man foresworn to his pride and under the influence refuses to admit to his shame!
BY GODS IM A ROBOT
Remove my emotional hardware its malfunctioning strip me of my programs their not the normal
Remove my speech circuitry I’ve been lying…
This hole time I swore closeness and collaboration..
Ideals you all share, seeing pain, listing to the agonising news off a car bomb in Syria! 118 dead! Thank god ill never meet them!
Did I know them? No? ! Well ill share a moment of agony and grief and then continue to buy slave made products and feed my mechanicals beasts with petroleum stolen from foreign lands !
I AM A ROBOT AND YOU ARE TO
Devour my heart it no longer beats, my eyes are desensitized, my spirit aghast at the agony of existing,
The high price of living I was told,
Stand fast and ready your ears like a galleon with no sails and receive the news of your defeat , or would you rather not be there to hear it?
It’s time to listen to the high price,
Social media seems to have developed unto me a craze for the worst ! ive liked pages that post videos of people killing themselves death fascinates me!
I have all of my needs catered for,  
have sources of entertainment
I have a job that allows me  to pillage part of the earth for my enjoyment
I have food that sustains me  and a group of robots that  I call friends, we share the same software  I can relate to them  via USB
And thus the only thing that excites me…that gets me going, that shakes my distraught existence is the thought of..not.
Of not existing
Indifferent..
Endure the agony of hearing that our own… brothers and sisters in humanity where killed,
Beings we share the same DNA for and beings we by some estranged number of generations are related to
Pretend to care for a moment
Indifference,
Watch my world ware thin
Watch my skin grow pale
Watch my organs fail
Indifferent.
Watch cancer take my loved ones
Watch fear destroy my hope
Alone I stand indifferent


Take me to emotion

This is not the way I was designed
The dull thud in my chest is not of rifle fire
Nor is it requisition of my life force of some higher being calling me home
No
It is the device that fights my indifference
It is the vessel that commands my soul to walk on broken glass
The dull thud It is the idea that in ideas we will never die , only grow as humans, within humanity
The dull thud ringing through my chest quickens  when I see you,
The dull thud dies down when I grow cold
It is not the pilot aimlessly guiding me through coordinates listed on a fact sheet like a tour guide
But it is the engine that drives me to aspire to be more, the location from witch I draw force, power,
I do not want to be a robot...  I never asked to be made of steel nor carbon nor sparks
An emotionless vessel to power through indignity and anxiety without a notion to an outsider,
Without consideration to feel
Without consideration to feel alive But sick…steel skin does not get ill without strain,
Steel skin does not grow pale or wither with age
The computer in my head will not fade with time
And my heart has never once stopped
I am not of robotics
I am not of steel
I am merely…
human
And I
Am not
Indifferent!
Scream to me the agony! AGH!  Genocide in Africa?  I will denounce myself to humanitarian work!
I will design my life to bring happiness and joy and inspiration to the masses! I will re-write the ground on which I stand in favour of my own desires!
Poverty in my country?! I will rise to be what is needed! And fall to be humbled!  I will writhe with angst until the government I serve hears my cries and writhes also! To change those laws written in stone and redefine what it is to be human! I will cry for every child living like a dog under the stars, under-influence and angry, because I am angry to!
The cries of my neighbor will be brought to append in front of a judge my community will whale together in her agony and burst forth with our love! we will provide! We will carry her down the streets and sing her name she is not a beaten dog but a queen of queens! As we deserve it!
I AM NOT INDIFFERENT
I am not of the programming I was designed,
Nor am I to append the functions I was written for
I am an arm that writes itself hole as it continues down the page..
I am not of machine
I am not guided by that actions of others
But I am the wholeness of myself
Though fractured I am pure,
Though ***** I am clean
Though broken I am definitively joyful.
I am not indifferent, and I will forever refuse to be so
Because if you take away my indifference…you bring me back
You will bring me back…to my humanity,

*L.G

Shoulder
Shoulder
S**ulder
Should*­er

they saw me with hatred.
because when they spat lies my horns grew
they saw me as cold
because their words bounced of my steel skin
now they see me with love
because my eyes aren't the stones they used to be
now they see me as warmth
because my colors aren't as dull as the wardrobe i hide  behind my skeletons
you bring out the fire in my heart
bouncing on those thousand year old  billows,
somehow you make my heart hot enough to melt gold
and large enough to be filled with it,
your a catalyst to my cataclysm
but if its the end of the world your going to cause
ill sit and watch, with an arduous passion
because even in my dieng throws i will be made of steel and stone
yet with you standing by my side
i feel like im made out of plasterboard

Its scary.
I see it all again,
They way she used to treat me,
Way back when.
I know you say i should trust you.
I know i should too
But by now im sure  you know the only thing i have left
Is you.
So forgive my caution
But i have burnt my life away
On a prayer that  might wake up one morning
And realize it can just turn away
I never trusted the beast with no horns
But for trying to protect you.
I am rewarded with a side of thorns
I only mean the best
As i only ever have.
Because Fortune has struck me down before,i woke with you in my bed
Im worried it will strike me down once more..
And youll only remain in my head

I sat down to write about how you made me feel, Funny,   I thought something indescribeable  would be easy to explain

For the longest time I was In a dark place. With weights of lead bound around my heart. The inside of my skull became  walls that I was forced  to scream at  my flesh  was a barrier to letting the happyness out, my fingers   gripping cold steal triggers trembling pleading to let the grey  matter out
To decorate the walls in my own shade of misery.  
But I'm here
Breathing

It's strange,  for a boy who never leave his room. To sit Under his washing line and listen to the birds  sing. I lie on butter cups as I watch clouds dart between wire and cotton, how did I get here?
What God did I pray too?
Who did I pay?

When my world  was over. My pistol In my hand. You happened.
The cloud that had allways sat just out of sight came running. Galloping . To give me water.  To give me life,

A blue eyed blonde haired mirror of myself emerged,
Your smile Is warm. And kind. Like the evening sun I write this in,
Your touch was wholesome. And craved, you took the freyed edges of the tapastry that had become  my life and started to spin a new story. You took the lead weights  from my heart and melted them  into sinkers so we could catch stories with our fingers,  your skin felt like silk that I could never afford.
With each step  you danced on egg shells as you try  collect my broken pieces
And when a part of my was missing you filled it with a part of you. And now I find myself intertwined.
Here in this warm glow I notice something I've never had before.
The voices In my head have  stopped chiming.  The cries are far away.
Your gifts  have  not stopped coming.  I pray your here to stay
In less time then anyone has ever been in my life you have done so much more,   in less time then it took to knock me down you've built me into something more
I'll never forget the way I feel right now, here. Today.
Because each and every time I see you.
I know I'll stay this way

Guess you dont see the full picture
Just think about yourself
Never someone else.
I cant ask you to understand
The pain in taking one last stand
No
Stopping was never a switch
A fuse to remove
Some wounds to re-sow
No
Stopping was missery.
Withdrawl rattled dreams shook me from my sleep.
No cure.
Days and weeks of work.
No sleep,
This could never work
I tried it all for you.
I worked harder then i ever have.
And now you think a relapse
Is all i ever am?
Next time i ask you to change your entire life
Dont blame me if its to hard
Dont blame me for the knife

No one seems to understand that sometimes its better
to  sit at home and rest your mind then it is to fight
the army of teachers and students at the gates,
because all of that trampling and noise have my ears beating
like Kick drums,
I feel like a dog, because there is this high pitched ringing no one else
seems to hear
and the contents of my cranium are swilling about like coffee dregs and just like dregs, I'm all out of juice,
if you find me in the corner of some dark room don't be surprised,
don't be worried if I'm their without my mind,
Ive sold it for a blanket,
In the hopes that i might finally be warm enough to sleep

Labour clenses
I sweat pure evil.
Lifting freight, peddling souls

No thank you
Im not climbing the ranks.
But slowly i begin to grin


I know where i fit
Assosciated with happiness.
Only known by doubt


Through labour i lift my plight

Born in your tiny prison cell,
A million times smaller then you are,
One single drop and your risen up,
Afraid of the dark,

Flying forever.
Your  feet allways on the ground,
Fighting  with rapture,
No weapons around.

So sharpen your teeth,
Peel back their skin
Release whats underneath

Born in your tiny prison cell

A million times weaker then you are

One single  breath and your rising up

Not afraid of your path

I usually write about pain because of the absence of happiness
now im going to write about pain because of the absence of you

suffering through negligible tasks like floating through a school day
both feet in the air gliding past my peers without a care
I'm numb you know, from the excruciating agony of knowing your not here with me,
I'm crippled with the guilt of knowing that you  feel the same because of me
you should let me love you more, you have no idea what affects you have on me,
glee rolled in ecstasy
fun double dipped in happiness
joy twice fried  in cute and once in trust
you have changed me, I never thought I could love anyone like you
and now look,
I'm loving you,
hearts thumping
like a good remix two songs merge into one
Mad love'

Most of the time I write about pain,
but right now
I want to write about you

I had a cold shower, and i didnt even notice

Pieces,
are what you take
Pieces,
are what i am
Pieces,
are all that's left

*L.G

Help, please sir i cant breathe,
My lungs.  They've  left me by force,
A theif!

Wounded stumblings
Ive been assaulted,  become disoriented  and abandoned
Left in a maze  and i dont know  the rules, sometimes i turn left, sometimes i say  yes
I could have sworn i was following  a golden path, but here i stand crippled and dazed

Why did this happen

I followed  all the rules.

I went to every training  session

So lost and afraid

So confused

Cotton soft and oh so warm
Here ill wait for bitting dawn,
For my bed is cold as winters night,
No comfort will i find tonight.

My eyes are red like a sunset,
Devils dance.
my end of the bargin has been met.
Welcome to my rainy day
Forces and darkness come out to play
My life ebbs again
At the end of a ball point pen

tequila Sundays
***** Mondays
broke pub Tuesdays
and bottom barrel Wednesdays
pay day Bacardi Thursdays,
broke back corona Fridays
angry fix Saturdays
you think I'm dependent on you?
to that i grin
and open another bottle
*LG

my friends told me , that if I wrote how i felt,
my poetry would be more popular
you see...the only thing ive felt,
for as long as I can remember, is my love for you,
drowning in your love,
my ears deafened by sweet giggles,
im hooked on your personality,
midnight vespa rides screaming like cannibals
my friends told me to write about how I felt...
and I don't know  how to put words together
combine prefixs and verbs and nouns together
to form  a sentance that could even come close,
to how you make me feel...
my friends told me to write about how I feel,
to bad they dont know you exist

where is my mind, Ive looked everwhere
have you stolen it? you and your back pack of chains
your emotional attachment
you stole my heart already, am i not allowed my head?
plastic wrap my skull into place god dam you give me my soul
every time you leave me you take it with you I swear!
or is it under my bed...did it roll under there when i wasnt looking,
when I was too busy gawking slack jawed at the creature standing above me with soft skin and short hair
hips like a mother but a smile that says otherwise
where is my mind .
please give it back to me,
if you dont have it you must know where its gone..
you stole my heart, it beats next to yours,
this i know...because when i dream, the cavity in my chest thuds along side yours
This i know...
but you still wont say where you put my mind
my soul
your cheeky grin reverberates through shattered ear drums pierced with the sounds your throat makes when your happy
or the tension of your body when you sneese you know..
I can see it,
you ****** your hand into my chest cavity, through my diaphragm and gripped my heart in both hands
you screamed  with ecstasy!
finders keepers
and so I bowed
I fell over and glee, finally i can relax, now that your tiny fingers work the separate chambers of my heart my muscles aren't so sore...my blood isn't so cold..
oh..
my mind,
I found it,
I never lost it,
I just lost you..


*L.G

I cant find whats missing
Spending my time wandering grey streets
Slipping over cobbled blocks and broken pipes
No destination.
No idea  where to go
How am i to find whats missing  when i thought i held it so Close

I was opinionated.  Now ive lost direction
Missed conections
Defelected questions
I procrastinated myself into lonelyness
Theirs no deception

some people think about their poetry
I know many do,
to make sure the  the 3rd and 4th rhyme
to make sure all there lines sing in time
But I have no time for that
Im thousands of years old but bearly 17
so ill blurt
and ill slur
and ill cringe
and ill howl
and ill snip
and ill snap
and splurt
and curse,

I'll walk my fingers to the key board and take of their leashes,
let them run wild in the dog park of my sanity
my ramblings,
they don't need any s
                                      t
                       ­              r
                                   u
                                  c
                           ­          t
                                       u
                                          r
                   ­                          e, nor do my sentences need to make sense
why would I conform To YOUR insanity
when I have my own band brewing like a bathtub bomb
Nothing I say needs to work as hard as my hands do
nothing I need to do should feel as heavy as the souls i carry in my
broken-strapped-bad-backed-back-pack
my alliteration literally doesn't need to alliterate its meaning
and I'm so Tired of Ideas being steam pressed into my head by the maid
that runs this mad house
you'll need to use your hands to eat this poem , I've turned the cutlery
into toy soldiers and their currently occupied in overseas service
so dig into my mind
ill open the front door for you just please remember before you
scoop out my brain
w
  a
   s
    h

       y
         o
           u
             r

                 h
                   a
                     n
                       d
                           s
    
*LG

And the sun rises
On another nights wake.
and now the light has kissed my skin
I must close my eyes and feint
For hours of waking in the dark night
Have left my heart sore
And now with the suns warm love
I need to wake no more

No good dead

I'm no good dead

Rotten meat doesn't sell well

And tainted souls less so.

So chin up boy. Soldier on ,

To long thinking this way,

And you will miss the day

You finnaly get paid

Amelia
Stay
We ran a million miles
Fought a thousand battles  inside your  mind.
And several just outside,
Amelia
Did the head aches get  too much?  Did your heart  tell you to run?
Was it the illusion  or the rush?
Stay
Amelia
Your heart is way to broken,
Your words are softly spoken.
But your the  one for me,
So young and oh so free

Stay*

We ran a million  miles
And  walked a million  more
And  another million  miles I'd carry you
Just to see your smile
Just to make your while
Just so you wont hurt any more.

I am terrified,
beyond all exemption
lost my bones
there shall be no redemption
I've favored a ghost
and lost all that was me
and now I fade
so effortlessly
I tried too hard
to be what was right
and now I loose myself
to the blade of a *knife

Your top lip is like the bottom
just upside down
But your heart is just like mine
only the other way around

at first i shake a little
and i try to hold it together
but then panic strikes. and i pull myself apart at the seams
and when you stich me back together, i cant help but whimper
because the pin you use is blunt
and it hurts more to be sttiched together then it does to be pulled apart
but then i panic, and now im screaming
your name in fits
blasphemous fits of agous whaling i cant breathe
the demons of my mind are sitting on my chest while I sleep
And I toss and i turn but i cant wake up from this night mare because
in reality i was never asleep
ive been sitting here the whole time
wide awake in my dream state terrified to do anything other then breathe
and Christ thats harder then it sounds
you have no idea what its like
when tears roll down my cheeks
like tidal waves i wish i could drown in
anxiety makes me a slave, its lachy, its *****
my fear takes me by the throat and makes sure to stare me down
as he squeezes
my addictions rolll over me  like a sandcastle at high tide im bound to fall
so please
dont you dare tell me to "just breathe"
everything wont be allright so long as you dont realise
that i am suffering more then a fit of asthma ,
i am dieing more then a little inside  
my crystal glass core gets trod on more and more often by the demons that plauge me
panic is so much more lethal then cyanide ad so much easyer to obtain

Have you ever heard the rain,
Fall softly on a tin shed,
A thousand ball bearings tinkering softly above your head,

Have you ever felt  a mountains breath,
Bite at your fingers as you climb,
The dead stone calling you to fall,
But still you press ahead

Have you ever felt the sun
Scorch the earth, but not your flesh,
Where you bask for warmth,
Plants lie dead

Have you ever felt loves warm embrace
Raw and powerful,
Sweep itself  from your life
Tyranically, full of dread.

Have you ever found yourself  lost
Only to find yourself exactly where you
Need to be.

Choke,
Cough
Splutter
Crash test pilot  diving through clutter
My brakes  dont work
But im running out of gas anyway
The pills dont work
But i drank all my water yesterday
Starved of thought
To hungry to thirst
Im feeling like today cannot get any worse