'I am afraid to own a body'!
And yet - here I am
It's strange: am I somebody?
Or just a lone vessel that can?

My hands,
So thin and frail,
Shudder.

My mind,
So full of fury,
Shakes.

My heart,
So broken and lost,
Trembles.

Sharp claws,
Dripping with hate and anger,
Rip free from skin,
A whisper in the darkness.

Fanged teeth,
Promising pain and vengeance,
Spring free from gums,
A slither in the darkness.

Dark fur,
Roaring of a beast,
Grow free of pores,
A hiss in the darkness.

My hands clench,
My mind crumbles,
My heart thunders,
Because the darkness..is me.

At last,
After years of battling that shadow,
I have succumbed...
To that monster within.

You see those people
Far, far below?
We were once just like them
Eating what we grow.

But now we're here
Up in the sky
And they can't wait to see
The place they go when they die.

I wish I’d never learned the word hate

I hate the wind for making me cold
I hate the idea of time and growing old
I hate it when the corner of books have a fold
I hate myself for becoming a mould

Yes, I’m a mould - I change people like clay
Which, I guess, I do every day
I don’t tell anyone what to do or say
But somehow I have guided them in every single way

If you told me we had a long day ahead
I’d say I’d rather be back home in bed
If you told me a small bad thing a stranger had said
I would hate every single hair on that man’s head.

Climb that hill
My teachers said
When they saw the words on the page

I climb the hill now
With the words in my head
And a notebook as my stage

One word
Is all
I need
From you.
One word,
Then I
Will go,
Will disappear,
And that
I promise

He tilts his head
To the girl walking past.
She diverts her eyes, she is smooth and fast.

His lips turn down
He takes a glance at the floor
And when he looks up, he is human no more.

In a second, he transforms
Hurt man to seething beast.
His minds are raging storms
And his hate is ready for release.

It takes only a suspicious look
Or a slight misstep
And his wrath is unhooked.

You ought to watch out, girl
For he'll get you, too.

I see those people
Far, far above
I was never like them
So drunk on love.

So now I'm here
As I look up at the sky
Watching, green-eyed, cause the
Lucky f**ks get to die.

I have a question for you:
Do you know the brutal agony
That wrenches your heart asunder
When you have your child,
Your flesh and blood,
Torn viciously from you
As you lie helplessly in bed
Ignorant to the tormented crying of your baby?

I have a question for you:
Do you know the burning fury
That scorches and swarms in your soul
When someone you loathe
Can manipulate your every movement
As if you are a foolish juvenile?

Do you know the roaring beast of betrayal
That casts rotten, merciless shadows
Over every bleak thing
You lay your tortured, tear-pricked eyes upon?

Do you know the unrelenting guilt
That destroys every comfort you desperately seek
And drowns you in your own misery
When your entire family die
On your very conscience?

If so, then you are only
A few steps closer to
Understanding the torment
That grinds me up every night
Only to spit me out each morning
For the hell dogs I called my friends
To sniff at in disdain

You are only a few steps closer
To entering the churning,
Burning,
Thrashing
Sea that eats me whole
When the fragile walls around my happiness
Shatters into millions of pieces.

So I have a question for you:
Do you have a single clue
About the real world?

Fit
Wit
Ze
Taxi
Forming these words
Like we formed our
L-O-V-E

Vent
Sent
Yo
Foh
Every letter so carefully chosen
Like every word is so carefully spoken
Put a tile there
Win a smile here
The game is oh slow
But it reveals the words we long to let
G-O

L
O
V
EYE
  O
  U

The only question I really want answered
Is as simple as a white wall.
I suppose it is exactly like a white wall;
Open to interpretation,
Masked by paints and graffiti
Yet still just the same, blank wall as before.
My question, you ask. What is it?
Well, it should be straightforward but there are no answers
As of yet.
My question:
Where do we go when we die?

The feeling that someone watches
Everywhere I go
The feeling that someone listens
To everything I say
The feeling that I'm not alone
Even in the darkness

That Feeling haunts me day and night
And I cannot brush it off
Cannot choose to ignore it.

Because it beats at my mind
My pulse echoing along
Until I am driven crazy

Because it hums a different melody
To the one I am singing
Until I am forced to change song

Because it slithers along my skin
Fighting through the soap I layer on
Until I continue to feel *****

Because it is the very devil
Trailing after me
Chuckling at my misery
Smiling at my fury
Cackling at the guilt
That ever deepens

It's that feeling that drove me to do this
So farewell
And tell my stalker
That it was fun.

so many worlds
whisper
and i can't keep them at bay
now they're starting to get
bigger
and my words are only half
of what they want to say

Alone in the desert,
A gun strapped to his back,
He stares to the horizon.

Wind rustling his hair,
Sand whipping at his feet,
He watches the battle rage on.

Face of deadly calm,
Hands loose at his sides,
He prepares to unleash his wrath.

Scars tainting his face,
Internal pain bruising his soul,
He takes a step closer.

Alone in the desert,
A gun strapped to his back,
He whispers to the burning light:

A silent promise of torment,
A silent promise of misery,
A silent promise of pain.

To everyone who dared scathe him,
To everyone who dared look at him,
And to everyone unwilling to die.

It's time to write,
As in right now.
So write.
Right this second.
Do it.
Please.
Just write.
It doesn't have to be right - just write!
And now it's gone.
I'll write next time... right?

I am falling in flowers
I am filling with flowers
I am always falling and filling - Flowers

Don't take my flowers
I need my flowers
Please, they're my flowers
Don't take and break my flowers!

We see the clouds and the fiery pits
And we hope for our chance to fly.
But we are never fully certain
Of where we go when we die.

I know you.
And so I know that you are not from here.
And that you want to go back to wherever you came from.
But you won't admit it - to me or to the world -
Because you are afraid:
Afraid of being rejected by that place and then
Having nowhere to go.
You can't believe that any longer;
if you continue this belief, you'll get nowhere.
And eventually this world will realise that you don't
Belong here and banish you anyway.
So don't keep lying
Because I can't be bothered
With this anymore either.
Good day to you.
And I hope you make up your mind
For it won't be long
Until...well
Do I really have to tell you?

There's nothing like the night
When the world finally sinks from sight
At last I feel as if I actually might
Be alone with the darkness

The noose tightens
Day by day
And gradually my breaths
Get shorter and shorter

The noose tightens
Hour by hour
Until one day
My hands wrap real rope
Around my neck
And the once invisible
Takes true form

Does the moon know?
That people seek it for support,
For hope and companionship?

Does it know that to us,
It's much more than just a ball of
Rock floating in darkness?
It has existed for billions of years,
Orbiting us ever loyally
Always the faithful servant dragged around by gravity
And yet it does not know
That the people who trampled on its skin
Blemishing its once-spotless soil,
The people who pierced its flesh with a flag
Of arrogance,
Vanity
And conceit,
Look to it for guidance in their selfish,
Mediocre lives.

But now imagine if it did know.

If it had feelings like the ones we pride ourselves in having - or not having.
Would it look to us for assurance too?
Feeling proud that it can reach such a deep level of 'understanding'?

Would it love our mysterious glow, created not by
The Sun, but by our artificial light and rivers of blood?
Would it feel pressure, always having to help us?

Or would it soak up our love
Delighting in our mostly undivided attention
Secretly knowing that even though it is..
Small,
Uninhabitable,
Lonely,
It will live longer than us
And the technology that was never meant to be in the Universe's gift that is Earth in the first place?

if i could sing you a billion love songs,
baby, i'd be on replay;
i would never stop singing and humming,
serenade til the bad goes away

Sometimes
Through these suffocating thoughts, I plunder,
Loosening the grip that my mind is under.
People see but never see
The person hiding inside of me.
So I slacken the knot
Because perhaps I have a shot
At floating free, at last unpinned,
Becoming the shadows, secrets and wind
So I can let things be.
All just so that sometimes
I am not stuck inside of me

I killed a man.
I killed a man on that Sunday morning.
The morning the world worships the god of forgiveness.
But no god will forgive me
For the sin I committed
On that cold, cold Sunday morning
When I let darkness into my heart.

I killed a man.
I felt so much hate, so much power, so much wrath.
But I felt no guilt,
No sorrow for my theft.
Yes, I am a thief now,
A cold-hearted thief who stole a life.
Now I am a monster.

I killed a man,
With fingers hungry for blood,
With a voice unbeknown to man,
With hate burning in my eyes.
Yes, I killed a man.
I killed a fellow human.
But I was not human when I killed that man.
For that man...
He was my father.

A lie
A lie is what I am
A lie is what I am living
A lie is what I am living everyday

But no one knows
Not a soul knows
That a lie is what I am living

'It's nice to meet you' they say
'It's nice to meet the real you' they unknowingly lie

And the lie within me laughs
The lie within me chortles endlessly
The lie within me snickers and prances and chortles and laughs.
For only it knows
That a lie is what I am living,
That a lie is what I am.

I whisper to the darkness
But not even the gods can hear
I keep talking regardless
Because it is still better than the fear.

My sheets are my only protection
From the torture that you lay bare.
My pain was clearly your addiction
But all I ever did was stare
At the bruises, at the scars
At the coldness that is ours.
At the boxes of cigars
That you smoked until you saw stars.

I should have done more but we all know the price
Of going against those who control our lives
You made everything torture, so refined and precise,
And yet ‘get back here’ is still your advice.

I whisper to the darkness all day and all night
Simply because it is the only thing saving me from your deadly plight.

As your fingers tighten
I start to remember
That my faith in you is weakened.

As my breaths fade
Those happy moments
Swarm my mind.

Because when you push me and taunt me
There is only one thing I think:
The brother you were is gone.

And what hurts more
Than that realisation
Is the knowledge that
You remember those moments
In which got along.

That betrayal cuts me more
Than your fingers around my throat

You’re not here to hold us any longer,
But that does not mean you’re not here.
You are, and will always remain,
Deep in our hearts.
And in every breath we take,
we will remember you.
Because you gave us life,
You were our life.
So don't think for one moment,
That we will ever forget
The times and the memories
That you gave to us
To treasure and cherish
Within our souls
For forever and eternity.
You're not here to hold us any longer,
But we will never forget...you.

Don't you think it's strange
How easily my moods can change?

From temperamental, sad and all that
To laughing and happy in a second flat.

Sometimes I wonder
If it's a different person coming up from under.

Because that's the only thing that can explain
How I go from smiling to a world of pain.

It's not your smile that makes my day
Or your laugh that lightens my heart
I could tell you I love you in every way
Or that your eyes are works of art
But honestly it's when you look at me and say
Is Parks and Rec about to start?

I wonder many things
When I am left to my thoughts
The words in my mind
A never-ending book of sorts.

But there is one question
That burns through all I know
A fire drowning out the noise
A clutching hand that will never let go.

When will my time come?
Is it a day, a week, a year?
When will my life be gone and done?
I will always wonder when my end is near.

Who will remember my name?
Who will bury me in that grave?
What songs will they sing?
What church bells will they ring?
And would life still be the same?

It is fear that I feel
When I am left alone.
Fear that pushes my to look at my phone,
Checking for messages
That may be a goodbye.
Checking for messages
Before I have the chance..to die.

I wonder many things
When I am left to my thoughts.

But it is that image
Of a coffin and a grave
With me stuck inside
Of the boulder closing shut the cave.

And most painful of all,
Sat watching the fire start to fall,
My dear family and friends,
Waving to the life that fades
In the golden glow that the setting sun sends..

You mess me around
As if I am clay
Easily moldable
To your cold hands
But I am not clay.

You push me around
As if I am a joke
Laughed at
By your friends
But I am no joke.

You slap me and kick me
As if I am solid
But I will break
Just like glass
I am not that strong.

When you bully me,
When you hurt me,
It does more than just
Shatter my bones;
It shatters my heart

Because I still remember
Those days when we were
Friends,
Those days when we laughed
Together,
Those days when we made fun of
Others.

So when you push me around
As if I am a doll,
The betrayal
Stings more
Than the physical bruises.

I try to think of what to say
To your story of why you were away.
But no words come to light
As I think of the times you thought you were right.

Your lies have become
A network of pain that can't be undone,
Your stories now seem to me
As untruthful as others told them to be.

I was blinded by love and all along you knew
That I'd never be able to see through
Your crap but now I know the way
To a life where you will have to pay.

Perhaps that's exactly what I'll write
Or perhaps I'll leave you lonely in the night
Just so that you can see
Just how much hate for you I have inside me.

I daren't close my eyes
For fear of losing this place
The tranquility it has bestowed upon me

The lakes shift in their eternal sleep
The boats nod to each other in their marching lines

There is darkness all around
But still I can see
The world resting around me

Fog hovers in the quiet air
Weary of the silence in this place

There are buildings but no on is home
For this is home for no one
This is where the dreamers wander

I see no moon watching from the sky
I see no stars humming their sweet airs

But I do no fear
For I feel not a thing
Beside the stillness this place can bring

Mists and clouds and rains and shadows
And yet nothing touches my skin

My soul is a separate from my body
But I am still here
Observing and waiting

For what is unbeknownst to me
But no sense of troubledness comes

I drift with the current that is not there
Alone in the boat of dreams
And then it is gone and only shadows are seen

I daren't close my eyes
Or let this world slip away
For it is my home above the clouds
Where only peace remains
But in the morning this world will be gone
And I will be left alone
With only people there.

They don't tell you
What you've done wrong
So you keep going
About knowing
You shouldn't be doing
Something
But you don't
Know what the
Hell that
Something
Is.
That's why I stick
To myself
That's why I
Ignore
Everyone.

Put the chips in the oven
But leave them to burn

Put a hood up
And cover my face

Music in my ears but can't really hear
Just feel the tears as they sing

Not thinking, just sat in my mind
Floating in feelings with no name or reason

Nothing's here
No nothing's here
Too many things
Too much stuff

Then a catch of breath
A higher note in the song

Now it's all just done and gone
Nothing changed but everything did

Peel earphones from my ears
Look around and blink
Wipe the tears and think

The chips are black but I take them out
What the fk just happened?
What the fk was that?

When the world has gone dark,
And the vultures have come
To pick our bones clean,
That is the day humans will struggle.

When the rivers have flooded,
And the sea is full of beasts
Hungry for food and prey,
That is the day fish will struggle.

When the lamp has died down,
And the ink has vanished
No longer drawn onto paper,
That is the day the writers will struggle.

But when you break my heart,
And leave me to pick up the pieces
That lie quivering on the ground,
That is the day I will crawl up
Into a ball of misery.
That is the day I will struggle
To breathe;
No air will be left in my lungs.
To eat;
No appetite will be left in me.
To sleep;
No dreams will be left in my mind.

Yes, that is the day I will struggle,
And only because of you.

The darkness wrapped me
In its warm embrace
As I took that step forward, mind starting to race,
Over that bridge that kept at bay the tide
And into..the dark side.

The house looked near,
And I swallowed the words,
That to you, to the world,
I longed desperately to let not be shy,
As my pained and final goodbye.

You waited in the garden
Stood fixed in place,
Hovering shadows leaping upon your face.
You smiled so finely over at me
But I looked away for fear of crying so spectacularly.

Tears limned your eyes and
That was pain that I saw
Thinning your lips and
Scrunching your jaw
And you looked oh so different from before.

You seemed so foreign to me on that
Night. Your hair unkempt
And your face so tight,
It hurt me to the core and I felt oh so mad
To see you so...sad.

So I knew I could not
Rid you of my life
For I needed you so much it
Would surely be a jagged knife
To my swollen heart of you were not here.

So I didn't big you farewell in that garden
As I had intended to.
Instead I held you tight,
Only our breaths barring our two
Lives and not miles and miles of endless night.

Voice but a whisper, emotions with no lid,
I said gripping your hand, 'I simply cannot bid
Farewell to you.' Your relieved grin fuelled my heart
And it must have upset the heavens above
To see us together..feeling nothing but undying love.

The flower falls
A petal dies
No nectar for all
The butterflies.