TW.



I picked up a razor two nights ago,

thinking, would I find solace,
if it’s dragged across my skin?

My mind answered me instantly. 

No, I wouldn’t find solace.

A rip, a tear in skin, a patch of flesh will show

Pain, in the form of blood may flow

But all that will stop

Once I slap a plaster on it. 



Well, that was two nights ago. 


Today, I think about floating into the abyss of the sky

The moment I jump off this 30 story building that is my office. 

The wind would feel better than it has ever

But it will stop, in the form of a doubt

Right before I take off. 



How much longer can I go?
Everyday, the hole in my soul sinks a little deeper.

Every living moment feels like I’m being dragged through a bed of thorns

It hurts, and I don’t know why anymore

I just want to be sure

But I really can’t put a finger on it.

my hands now tremble when i pick up the pen
because all i want to write about is the time i held your hand

my tongue is tied now when i speak of your name
because i all want to say is how much i miss you when we drove each other insane

I took a glance of my late grandfather's photo one day,
Had I known he were to end his journey,
End the name he had written for himself,
The name tattooed on the hearts of his family,
The title he built, he earned and he lived for,
All the memories with all the people,
The people he had imprinted with such love, such care, such joy,
I would have kissed him goodbye, had I known
I would have hugged him longer, had I known
I would have went to for his last birthday celebration, had I known
I would have held his hand tighter, had I known,
I would have told him how much we all love him so very much,
Had I known he was going to leave us all
With all our thoughts, pain, misery, and a void not easy to fill,
With his beautiful, cheeky grin that brought laughter and joy that could light up a room,
With his lovely hands that touched our souls,
With his strong feet that brought him into our lives.
Had I known,
That was the last time
We would be in contact ever  again.
(Y.M)

Why are you awake?


Because daddy wanted you to live
Mommy wanted you to love
Your siblings thought you words through out your life
Your exes kept your mind preoccupied
Your future lover is picture perfection in your mind,
And your future children are standing in a line.

why are you alive?

because
mommy and daddy love so much
gramma and gramppa approved and blessed them
uncles and aunties pleased with the love surrounding
sons and daughters too young to even walk
but some could hear them talk
nieces and nephews are so very confused
while they sip on a cup of honeydew

Why do you live?
Because I love you.

What do you think about love?
To you, is love just another game?
Or is it a feeling, or a phase?
Can it be exorbitant to your limitations?
Is there a capacity to how much love you can give or receive?
How much do you think love can affect your soul?
Would you ever let love fly past your wall of boundaries?
Could you ever let go of what you call love?
Do you think love can save the day?
In the midst of a lonely day, do you really want love to show you the way?



do you think love is all you have?
think again, love.

everyday
I think of how
Life would've been
If you didn't leave

everytime
My heart beats a little faster
At every thought
Of your left soul

every second
My mind races
To the way your hair
Would touch
Your face

every hour
I wish that
you didn't leave
On that very day.

my family told me that they were the most important in my life,
they imprinted their significance in the back of my head,
but i realized that the most important ones are;
the beings that stick around after a cold fight
or the few people who drove miles and miles just to hold you tight.
maybe even the people who let you dampen their shirts,
after all the problems that made your head spin,
your eyes clouded with tears,
your hands tremble
and your ears buzz on the inside.

maybe to you, these people are the few people you label as family,
the ones who you come home to see after a hectic day at work,
or the people you greet as you throw your self on the couch.
maybe the people you go on long vacations with
or the people who say they're the most important in your lives,
but these people could be the reason behind those problems or those fights.

did you see
the way her eyes
were screaming for help
while she said she was okay?

did you feel
the way
her knees shook
as she ran
catching her train
of thoughts?

did you hear
her voice crackle
as she laughed
at your dumb joke?

did you taste
the salty tears
that ran down
her pale lips
the other night?

No, you didn't.
all you did
was pat her back.

All you did
was ride
that tormenting
train ride.

All you did
was laugh along
with your joke.

All you did
was kiss her lips
thinking she'd be fine
thinking it'd be over.

Look behind a face of an endless smile,
Maybe you'll find a tear that
You should listen to.

Find behind the lines of a striped t-shirt,
A bleeding heart that's quietly
Pleading for help.

They say time can heal a broken man
But it's been 3 years and
  I am still capable of feeling
   More than what I felt
     When I was with you.  
    What can I say?
   I was in love and I believed it was true
But it hit me; some plants don't bear flowers
You & I were those plants.

I love you, dearest Joy
Never will I stop loving you
  Till my last nights
   I will remember the  worst of our fights.
   Don't worry, I'll be watching
  From a distance and I'll be happy
Just by look at the joy of my life.

Tell me something,
how long you want your hair to grow,
how long you take to give it a blow,
how bad is your afterglow
and how long you take for your left brow.

to be continued

i wish i had a heart of steel-
made as a source of shield;
wishing i could take care
for my own self defense.

she doesn't want to admit how bad it gets at the peaks of her loneliest days,
alone at night, no one to look up to,
and with no one to hold on to,
because she thinks it'll go away,
she believes the words that scream "it's just a phase"
from a mouth that hasn't gone through it..
It's not a ******* phase, she wants to think
but what does she do, with her arms on her chest, eyes locked to the ceiling?
she keeps her eyes open,
hoping that her mind will empty out itself
though she knows it won't happen
because she's an insomniac.

go away
my atramentous eyes doesn't want you to stay
because with all the words you say
you **** my heart
and tear it apart

Don't tell me it was for my own good ,
if you're the one who benefiting from this mess .

To bear the pain of the remnants of us is to move on,
take a step forward
and forget about the unforgettable.
Because as it goes:
"Nothing's impossible.",
the unforgettable becomes forgettable.

My mother said that every sad phase a person goes through, it will end

but she was wrong;

i have entered this phase and every time i close my eyes
i see a black space with no doors or windows


so tell me what this is

grab a hold of my hands because i'm loosing my grip

Do you ever look back at a place and this nostalgic feeling washes over you like waves crashing onto the sand at a beach

It ***** to go through a phase of remembrance just because your eyes repeats the incident over, over and over again

It's ******* painful to have to go through something like having to remember a distinct memory of an incident while passing by

I hope it doesn't happen to you when you pass by the place I sat at as you said I don't mean anything to you

Even if I can’t have you
In the end, even when my heart is blocked
By the wall of sad connection
I will love you
In this place
where I can just watch you
Because you’re my everything

if we were meant to be
my soul wouldn't fly
so
delicately.


as the wind blows through the green of the trees
as the air became a mixture of dust and cold breeze
i didn't expect my soul to fly
so
delicately.

Drained to the point of delusion,
   She put her hand up and grasped,
  The thin, contaminated air
    Helped her lungs expand, contract

As her fatigue eyes and hands let go
Of the nothing in the palm of her hand
    Her little eyes read a small drop
A drop of precious tear made way through her pale blue face.

Her cracked voice managed to voice
   A short sentence that held what meant
"Let me go,"
  And at that very moment,
       Her twinkly blue eyes that had no spark
Closed,
Once and forever.

You will be remembered.

y.m

its an indescribable feeling i've been trying to read for hours,
days, weeks, months
it's more than an itch in the back
more than feeling a twitch in the cheek
or a twist in the stomach
it's more like looking at a knife stab you right in the chest
like watching claws pierce through your bare skin
or like watching the words of your significant one penetrate into your mind
it ******* hurts
and i don't think it'll go away, not in even a millennium

i love the brightness in your eyes
when you look at something you like

colors are bright,
and how i wish i would be there
at all times when
your eyes light up
like the darkest night skies


and how i wish
our paths will cross
once again
just for a little while
for our hearts to meet

(y.m)

This is a promise with a catch
Only if you're looking
can it find you
True love is searching too
But how can it recognize you
until you step out into the light
don't be sad, I know you will
but don't give up until
true love will find you in the end.

(d.j- true love will find you in the end)

I'd try to begin with a "hello"
but "hello" could have me lose
something I've never had
for my own.

autumn
as the flowers bloomed white
my heart did the same
as her eyes turned into a small, curved line.

autumn
as her fingers grazed against my hand
static charges were exchanged
and i felt like i just left land.

autumn*
as the car kept the left lane
she finally told me that
jane, was her name.

**and all this while,
i thought i'd expect the 4 seasons
because she had it all,
and she made me feel different stages of pleasure.

What is happening to the world?
People are killing,
children are dying,
and we are just sitting.

There's not much to do. There's not much to give.

I understand.
But have we forgotten about our mouths? The mouth that God gave us, and the mouth that God is taking away from an innocent child?

There's not much to do. There's not much to give.

But have we forgotten of our hands? The hands that God gave us, the ones that God is taking away from an innocent, helpless teenager?

There's not much to do. There's not much.. to give.

What about our heart? The ones we're so caught up in filling it up with another person's words, empty. The heart that is stopping due to a fight with a fellow citizen.

It only takes a prayer. All you need is your hands, head and heart in it.
There's so much to say, and so much to think about.

That really can be good enough.

Clasp your hands together and stop thinking about the money you're losing, for just a minute. And cherish your family, cherish your fortune, and friends.


Cherish.

**And never stop thanking.

does it have to bring death for you to appreciate my presence?:


**** people and the way their minds work. mine too. i'm ******.
WE ALL ARE. think of it. i only think of good people when they're
dead, at times. what the **** is that for? why couldn't i have taken
a few minutes of my spacious life to think of an innocent person when
i could have? why do i have to waste my time being sad for a corpse?
what's the point in that?

it's not too late to think of how great Michael Jackson was when he was here.
how Mahatma Gandhi did so much for India.
and how my best friend was so ill-treated before she died, but it's fine.
save it for the people you still have beside you.

would you listen to arctic monkeys
and sit behind a pine tree
while we just be free
with me?

she collapsed
  as the center of gravity



                                 left

she twirled in a circle as she raised her glass higher,
her whole body lifted along
no one has ever seen her pull an all nighter,
and her dress wasn't very long

she slumped onto the table,
her glass fumbling and not falling
her eyes were not very able,
to see her friends calling

she whispered under her breath,
"i'm okay, i can go on"
her eyes shifting towards the left,
"it's alright, the road's still long"

she pressed her lips' to male's,
her hands wandered under a shirt
she pulled away and he said "tipsy tail"
and he took her hand away to flirt

and suddenly
what i want becomes something redundant

why?
why does it have to be?

and yet
you're so indecisive at times

and yet
you can be so vague

but
you, you still want me to do what you want

why?
why do i have to?

jane called me the lucifer
and she was the young infinite growing
in my arms of steel
so much agony for the stone arms
yet so much love for the sweet words
swinging by her ears like a piano piece

as the sun left your sight,
"stay longer" said, with no might.
but when the moon came to sight,
you stayed longer, through the night.




the evening breeze bit your skin like mites,
the wind was chilly and passed like light.
"I love you" said, with all might.
"Will you please stay in my sight?"

Said the moon, to the sun.

when my friends talk about you,
my heart stops,
and no words come out.

but when i am with you,
my heart thumps,
and my actions & words get loud.

at every thought


my soul


sinks deeper



in to the depths



of my untouched skin

"Don't be afraid,"
My mama said.

Gurgling water,
my mind went to wonder,
how would like,
if we had no daylight.

Would the sun
Shine in a different color?
Or will the world just become duller?
Or; would the sun turn to none?

But I guess,
That's too bad.
Because nevertheless,
The sun..
Is still rad.

y.m

Here's the truth:

Love can't be recognized in a time span of two, to five minutes.
It's not as easy as you may or may not think.
Love has to be felt by one.
All parts of the body are significant to feeling love, it's not just the heart.
You may think the heart reacts most to love;
But it's mostly the body.
It's always the body, showing you signs.
Your fingers that make you instantly reply a text message.
Your stomach that makes it seem like you run a butterfly field in there.
Your knees that wobbles at the sight of the other walking toward you.
Your eyes & head that ache after a night of silent cries under the sheets.

Other than that..
The sparks you feel at each contact.
Fireworks everywhere during each kiss!
The sharp knives that penetrate into your whole ******* soul when the other actually says it the end,
that's where you gotta stand and say;
"I ******* love you, you have to stay."

Man, that's love. And how you feel it.

y.m

love is when you see the beauty within a face full of pimples,
the light shining so bright on your other, despite the heavy rain
the insignificant touches, glances, grazes, chuckles and giggles
the significant madness, misery, glares, curses and screams
but then you turn back, say you're sorry and make up again.

love is when you feel like you've done no wrong but you give in,
it is when you turn the lights off for the other who is sleeping
the off days you spend at parks and lake sides
and the lunch hours you give up to say what you have in mind.

"I love you, I love you, do you love me too?"
Said the other on desperate measures,
the flowers and chocolates you buy just to please her.
The infinite amount of kisses on a sad night,
the hugs and blankets to keep her from fright.
"I love you, I love you, baby good night.
I hope you love me too, I hope you sleep tight."

It's the last night before one leaves to university,
it's the last kiss before the last night ends, surely
you've wondered why they'll have to go,
what can you do, and can you follow?

it's the last hug, the last touch, the last laugh and the last smile,
that you'll ever get to see, in probably a very long time.
it's that last physical feeling you feel in through out your body,
its the pain, the joy, the suppressed happiness and the misery
that you felt when and before you first met her.

that's what love is.
and that's how it goes on,
and never ends.

y.m

Dedicated to Farrah.

while i struggle to find the you who can't be seen,
while i struggle to hear the you who can't be heard,
i saw things that i couldn't see before,
i heard things that i couldn't hear before,
i grew a power
that i couldn't bare before.

i was selfish to only think of myself,
i was unmindful to not know of your feelings,
i can't believe that i changed this much,
but your love still moves me like this.

if i could stop the time and go back to you,
i open the book of reminiscence and turn to your page,
i am in there,
together with you.

why do people think that the world revolves around themselves? why do people have this perspective of the world, that one day, the sun's rays are going to die off and never come back, and we'll have no sunshine and a way of life?

why do people think that what goes around comes back around? not everything and anyone are capable to come back after every bad and good incident? why do people think that just because there is one bad person who broke your trust and your strength, the rest of your life and whoever enters it will be bad? what about the good people? will the good people return after death and embrace you in their broken bones? will that ever satisfy your desires?

i loved you so much that it was hard to see
how we were not meant to be.
i looked up to you alot that i didn't realize
you left me to rot whenever i fall.
i wanted you so bad it was so easy to see
you and i were not meant to be.

y.m