she stands at a distance
with her hand reaching out to mine

but I cannot seem to make it to her–
before she changes her mind

I feel her warm skin, and
bounding heartbeat

but I wake up to cold sheets,
and the breeze of cold air surrounding me

she shows me her scars,
she tells me she is broken

I tell her I love her,
I show her devotion

she is like a ghost, she disappears,
she hides away

she haunts me in my sleep,
I ache for her, I miss her everyday

she tells me she doesn’t deserve my love,
she tells me to let her go

I can’t let her fade away
so I wait for her alone

She is lonely
but she wants to be alone
She is trapped in a room
with the door unlocked

She doesn’t remember
but her dreams don’t let her forget
She wants to wake up
even if she can still see the stars

She wants to be the best
but she feels like she is the worst
she works hard
even though she cannot move

one doll in your hand
one bottle in mine

I knew nothing in this world
except you,
before I knew time

you checked on me when
I was asleep
we would play outside
driving the barbie jeep

time suddenly went by so fast
school days became
college nights

you went away
protecting our country
living in plight  
fearless and resilient
I was checking on you every night

my turn to look after you
driving you home to live with me
to finally reunite

you’re  27 now
And I’m 25
Our sisterhood
is the foundation of my life

brain zaps, brain fog
welcome to Zoloft
refill your script
before you decide to quit
this pill comes with a cost
it's not that easy
to taper off
this illness is not visible
one might say it's despicable
the pill that can make things bearable
everyday at the same time
remember it's no cure
but
it can help
and that can be worth
feeling secure

The one thing we cannot control is the chaos around us
The acceptance of our fate is knowing
If you leave earlier you might still be late
Somewhere deep within our souls
We know that we can all relate
What choices do you have to control the chaos inside of you?
Close doors, inhale, and find comfort in the chaos because
There’s no escape

I wonder what you're thinking about with that blank stare.
Do you mean it when you tell me that no one else compares?
I want to believe in you but I have my doubts.
Where is someone that can tell me what you're really about?
Blue and glossy eyes, scarlet face, and frightful disposition.
I know my friends would tell me to run if they knew my position.
Your actions, I cannot deny, are beyond my comprehension.
I am stuttering and shaking, I can't help this apprehension.
When will I get the courage to leave you and accept our fate?
Sooner or later, they will see through my eyes too, and notice how they dilate.
Ask me how I am, I'll tell you I'm fine and some other lies.
But please don't listen to my words, just look at me in the eyes.

i’m not all of me
there’s a piece of me
in everyone i’ve met
in every room i’ve lived in
in every city i’ve been
in every mistake i’ve made
in every breath i’ve taken

there is a piece of you
that’s always in me too

there is no guarantee
that we will ever be free
I can't tell you why
the rain pours
and the people mourn
there is no guarantee
that we will ever find peace
I can't tell you why
we go to war
and why he called you a *****
there is no guarantee
that we will ever be happy
I can't tell you why
half of us are on anti-depressants
and why we are fighting the resistance
I can't tell you why
there is no guarantee

It doesn’t matter if I’m dancing in
The center floor

Or pressed against the wall
Like a flower

You never see me anyways

how have you not gone insane
when you pretend that you don’t feel pain

when you are supposed to take the same pill
everyday, same time,
when you have to submit your paper
before the deadline,
when you have to wear certain clothes
can't go against their dress-code,
when you are asked to speak your mind,
but your words are confined
when your dollar only gets you so far,
but they tell you to reach for the stars
when they deny your application,
yet you have never gone on a vacation
when they try to reach out,
but they don’t want to be put out
when you stare off into space,
wondering what’s outside this place

how have i  not gone insane,
my minds a ******* hurricane

I could not get you off of my mind
from the moment I met you
You set me blind
I felt something I never knew

everything was falling apart into a million pieces
but you were my center, my rock, my bliss
maybe it was because I was blindfolded that I couldn't see my weakness
but none of that mattered because you were there to save me from this

the nightmares then began
I don't know why they started
you just became a young man
I was so miserably surviving, half-hearted
They took my soul
Swallowed me whole
I lost me, you,
And felt nothing
But a black hole

I thought you could save me from this,
But I couldn’t even fathom to think
Of all of the misery I was already impeding you with

The depression wasn’t even the worst part
It was those intrusive thoughts
That made me detach myself so far apart
You didn’t understand and neither did I
All I felt was our love die

I’m sorry I left you because of my mind
I wanted our stars to be aligned
I’ve forgiven myself for all I can
There’s only so much
I can stand

my eyes were open for two years
fear, I couldn't close them, even when it was so clear

what had I just signed up for,
you swore, why are we in a civil war

waiting for you to just ******* crash
but with your stash, you're having a blast

drifting away from reality,
carefree, giving me the third degree, you lost me

control couldn't save you
and neither could I
I knew we just both had to survive
I felt weak, but now I know I was strong
my eyes were tired for being open for so **** long

you didn't just crash, you ******* burned
you burned all of your bridges with no where left to turn
flight or fight, fright, I can't trust you without a ******* knife,
I closed my eyes, finally, and I suddenly gained all sight

I didn't need a reason to help you
but maybe I wanted to close my eyes again
maybe I wanted peace, a close to an end

because for two years,
I couldn't close my eyes
so thank you
now I am wise

Face masks our insecurities as we fill them on our news feeds
Children dying from mass shootings as we snapchat our fragmented selfies
Laying under blankets at night with that big shiny bright light
Swallowing a pill for the night
Hoping to forget the fright