We stood in silence
Staring at the water
That sparkled, black
Far enough away that I knew
It matched that sparkle you held in your eyes
The one you held from other people
The one that needed hours and hours
Of seemingly pointless conversations
Of my tired serenades
Of laughing arguments and long messages
Of silences that bettered us
We were so high up, see
The wind didn't even reach us
On the balcony of the building
You know you can't afford to live in
We stood in silence
Admiring the feeling
Of being overcome by wonder
Overcome by patience
And overcome by comfort
Over black, sparkling water.

My father was
not a businessman but
a handyman, a blue
collared hope chest to
those he loved, gruff and
sturdy with stony hands and
crystal wit, sharp as the chisels
that sat in the bottom of the rough-
hemmed toolbox he fused to his gait
rarely used but sharpened, always present
a testament to the unrefined repairs
he had constructed himself through, my
father was always fixing never perfecting
he taught me how to do that how to
be imperfect yet functional, a fire
that warms not burns, a home
in winters that drag on past spring
and that I am not, but I know how to be
because he told me, he told me,
he taught me to be
good even quietly, work hard even
though it is hardly even you that
can notice what difference it makes
be strong for the weak because it is you
you are strong for that way he told me
and I know now I always must try to be
a handyman not a businessman,
a blue collared hope chest to
those I love.

What's in your bottle, boy?
It's not what it should be.
Who's in your head, boy?
It's not who it could be.

I'm rusted,
worn and tired
like the bronze strings
I keep forgetting to play
and the swings I left alone.

I had a dream about you.
In the dream, you were fine,
and in the dream, I was too.
What a shame it was but a dream.

Of course
I'll say
I'm happy
For you.

So hat someday we will wake
without dressing in armour

so that we will be equal in the eyes
of these goddesses we uphold

so that our sisters, undefeated
have no more scars to compare

so that in the end, by whatever name
we are our own and will remain so

so that the stories of our hands
will write the pages of history

forever.

We used to dream
in my father's old car

a dusty 1974 Camaro
red as a candy apple

we talked about driving to Chicago
with stratocasters in the back seat

but we each escaped the town alone
and the car never left the garage.

Careful boy,
don't talk that way
she's hanging on
to the things you say
if you let go
with her, they'll stay
so careful boy,
don't talk that way.

Careful boy,
don't think those things
you let her believe
in diamond rings
you'll never know
the power that brings
so careful boy,
don't think those things.

Careful boy,
she'll see inside
your act is thinning
her eyes are wide
you know you're sinning
so save your hide
be careful boy,
she'll see inside.

Careful boy,
with love that shows
you're still unsteady
but passion grows
you've been disarmed
and now she knows
you're careful boy,
but that love shows.

Carpenter, carpenter
With hammer and nails
Fix all your problems
'Till something else fails
When something does
You're not to blame
It's the end of your youth
The end of this game
You've built what you needed
And fixed what you could
But this adult life
Isn't made of wood.

Dear man in the moon,

I will rarely tell you what is true,
but you and I
have a lot of catching up to do.

You and I
we are better
at being strangers.

To change one thing
We need everyone
Why does it only take one
To change everything?

I'm leaving the city forever
though here, forever, I'll stay
I'm turning blue and me and you
have nowhere new to play.
There are no rivers in the city of blue
and tears do not see colour,
the sky is turning everything dull
and we don't breathe the sea.

"It's cold out here,"
he told me.
"I'm cold.
Coffee will make me warm.

"It's what cold people drink to be warm,
but it doesn't warm them up.
Because they don't feel the cold,
they are the cold.

"I meet a lot of cold people out here."
He grinned, coughed,
and held out a coffee cup.

The man outside the coffee shop
was always right.

When heaven and hell collide
Then we'll both be satisfied
Until then, we should stay
On our own.

I'm not sure I'll ever have a home
in the way I imagined I would

maple trees and softball games
silverware and a chess board
and a leather chair that remembers me

I will always be an unsteady train
on tracks that diverge and separate
where will I work and where will I go
I will forever ask out the window

today the ground is too concrete for roots
only money buys you soil
and that too will **** you
slowly, slowly.

"Maybe I'm not cut out for this,"
I said, knowing he knew what I meant.

"I've never tried harder at anything else--"
His eyes were skeptical.

"Well, I mean, I'm trying, right?"
his eyes remained unsatisfied.

"It's better than you ever do,"
I showed my teeth
to his equal glare.

The boy in the mirror lifted a tired eyebrow
and laughed, in spite of himself.

"Have I made a habit of talking to myself?"
I asked, grinning.

"I listen better than anyone,"
he replied.

Put down your bottle
Drink some fresh air
You can't conjure hell
If you're already there
Stop sipping confidence
This ichor wears out
It empties anxieties
Then fills you with doubt.

When you find
you feel uncomfortable,
we'll dive into
waterfalls
of colour

then we'll find a way
to console the moon,
so the current
stays awake
in a tide

when rhyme runs out
and reason's the sun
we'll out-flower
underwater
mountains

and when the volcano
erupts with a reef,
we'll know that
you're safe
in the sea.

All at once, all of a sudden
There was a cacophony of you
Resounding around my head
And quietly I imploded outward
****** into the very sounds
Your voice made in my mind
Because they sounded so good
I had to have them to keep
But instead of having them
They took me as a prisoner
Of a war that doesn't matter
And refused to give me back
So I'm left in a state of willing limbo
Ricocheting off the inside of my thoughts
Losing track of the times I think of you
Tallying the times you think of me
I could count on my fingers, I'm sure
But my thoughts don't have hands.

Pick a daisy
in a field
of daisies
and you have
offered purpose.

There's a place for you
in the stars, in the sky

there's a home for two
under night

I've a hole for a heart
and I'm falling apart

but Daisy May,
you can stay,
if it's alright.

You drew no last breath,
because you never had need to breathe.
Instead you offered me
sweetness in subtlety,
songs of solitude that held me
as I held you
with the love only a little boy
could give you.
With warm hands and gentle voice,
I told you the things about me
I barely knew myself,
and you told me you'd remember forever.
I know you will, in other hands -
I owe you a quiet goodbye,
and your melody will never grow hazy;
you've found a new home,
so farewell, darling Daisy.

Dear man in the moon,

It seems I'll not be joining you,
certainly not anytime soon.
You needn't worry
or wonder why,
for I'll cherish my days
below the sky.

You smell of
cheap laundry detergent
and my favourite memories.

The white noise burst of a microphone dropped
As the last tear left, befalls
The audience stunned, silence, deafened
By the echoes within those walls.
With heart in hand and hand in heart
One feigns a mourning air
While bleakly scream, do we inside,
"None were ever there".

How dare
           I detail
your loneliness,
            when it is I
         that leaves you
                             alone?

As thunder rolls across the sky
Though I know, I wonder why
We faded away, you and I
Like thunder, rolling across the sky.

There are so many things
I cannot wait to tell you
should I ever get the chance
to know who you are.

We will
Knock you
Down.

I don't like when men
Make women uncomfortable.
As an observer,
I've little confidence to step in
But I see so often
These women can handle things.
One such man
(You know the type all too well)
Shouted a complimentary obscenity
At two women who glared back
With a heat that scorched even me
On the train a few seats away
They seared holes in the man
As he scurried away
Then they laughed
And kissed eachother.

Don't be defined
By what you don't want to be
For you were designed
To be more than you see.

Each subway platform
has two trains, see.
One east and one west,
or one south and one north.

In many cases,
you must cross a bridge or tunnel
to reach the other train.
On these bridges,
there is often a bench,
equidistant between either directions,
atop the two trains.

This is where you must sit
when you are young and in love,
and with the person
with whom you are in love and young,
for each of you
will inevitably need to go another direction,
west or east
or north or south,

but it is wonderfully easy
to just sit on the bench.

Today I saw a man
Deleting photos of himself and a woman
From his phone
He was a very large man
Strong, it was clear
But his fingers shook.

Everything
Reminds me of you
Because to me
You were everything.

Someday, you will tire
                           of defeating your demons,

        and you shall befriend them instead.

You will sleep a great deal more soundly,
      and you'll forget how it feels to dread.

Differences
Are but blemishes on the surface
Of safety, comfort, love and strength
But blemishes hurt like hell.

Imagine,
living vicariously
through your own reflection.

I saw
my reflection
in grandfather's
   old whiskey glass

                            when I
                                was not
                                     looking.

I wish
I didn't
know why
not one of us
is okay anymore.

Oh you
feel more
like home
than home.

I have to
admit this
while I can

I will look
for you in
everyone.

You don't expect
the best of me

so some days
I can make you
so so happy

and others
you know
I'm trying.

I know all too well
how to speak as if
we are strangers.

The thing is
after a sunset
things get dark.

How strange it is
that I don't write poems
when I'm with you.