the possibility of you,
of slipping bodies spilling truths

still drives
me wild.

listen,

for i've been touched
by moonlight.

you're turning me into lights, i'm glowing in the dark
you put them inside of my eyes and then you called them stars
you used them to make constellations, i am so very complacent
'cause i just need your radiation, and i'm so caught up in this rotation
oh, gravitational pull, your laughter's such a moon when it's full
your intergalactic soul is home here,
you're well-known here, and i've got no fears, no not yet

when life gets a lot more than a little bit heavy,
i could fly to the moon, bring back the zero gravity,
and everyone's so serious and grave,
buried six feet under pain.
but i assure you, you will always have me

you're turning me into lights, i'm glowing in the dark
you put them inside of my eyes and then you called them stars
you used them to make constellations, i am so very complacent
'cause i just need your radiation, and i'm so caught up in this rotation
oh, gravitational pull, your laughter's such a moon when it's full
your intergalactic soul is home here,
you're well-known here, and i've got no fears, no not yet

when life seems to fade into a greyish breeze,
i could fly into space, bring you the colours of the galaxies
and everyone's gone so numb
ten degree burns, and black hole suns.
but the look on your face has been dusted by pixies.

you're turning me into lights, i'm glowing in the dark
you put them inside of my eyes and then you called them stars
you used them to make constellations, i am so very complacent
'cause i just need your radiation, and i'm so caught up in this rotation
oh, gravitational pull, your laughter's such a moon when it's full
your intergalactic soul is home here,
you're well-known here, and i've got no fears, no not yet

when life's like a cloud of rain, no silver linings,
and you feel like you down pain without even trying,
and everything's gone so dark,
come on, let us make a spark.
our souls can mingle in the air we'll be flying.

you're turning me into lights, i'm glowing in the dark
you put them inside of my eyes and then you called them stars
you used them to make constellations, i am so very complacent
'cause i just need your radiation, and i'm so caught up in this rotation
oh, gravitational pull, your laughter's such a moon when it's full
your intergalactic soul is home here,
you're well-known here, and i've got no fears, no not yet

one side of me,
it still loves you.
my baby blue ford-
my ride or die,
i'd live for you,
if only for you.

but he
he lights up my world
where you only have made it dark
but god i'd take the darkness any day.

but his light,
makes me feel like i have
the ability
to do
absolutely anything.
'tis a wonderful thing
or at least it almost is.

and the dark you give
only makes me feel
like i've failed.
the choice should be easy.

but my heart
is hurting,
unsure of the choice.

although either of you could
be completely out of reach

i don't know.

in this pestilence and heartache,
i doth lie here without remembering
an instance where i shall not stay
in this quietly bleeding prison

my hands have groped the air
for a phantom amongst the breeze
but there is no longer a soul to spare
when i am brought back to my knees.

i feel my prayers are but thrown
fruitless pleadings to the sky
my truths to bear, are mine alone
never will they be your plight

you hold your head to my chest
and we dream away the time
this prison feels like a prison less
when your heart is calling to mine

there’s a place where the trees collide as if they
are making love and the hush of the leaves overlapping
is like a whisper of,
branches and plants and limbs and bodies.
maple and palm and sandalwood
and fresh air.

the roots messily fall along edges and depths
of soil
and i just want a love like that

natural like nature
quiet yet passionate
messy and thoughtful

the kind of love that is clear like a waterfall
like laughter and fish nipping at your toes
peace, sunbaths, the chirp of the birds
at the sunset bay,
where the moon tucks in daylight/

it’s like in this place,
there’s a hyperawareness of bruises
and there’s a gentle caress of the wind.
and the way your lips part at a near death or when
a song is on the tip of your clicking tongue
is lacking
numbness.

unwavering sentience
an empath spinning in a hurricane.

the best lover to is the one
that feels like home
when you
are homeless.

and i know, for
the trees tell me so.

he was not a mistake.

he was
more like
a happy accident,

for he taught me
how to
love
again.

if i was tinier, i could float away, heavier, i could stand my ground. but until then, i'll just have to stick with being in a limbo between stuck in a ditch and too far gone.

you. you should be nothing to me but the paint chipping off the wall, the broken blind hanging on just barely, the glow in the dark sticker just peeling off the ceiling. but you're not. you are 'i love you' written in the notebook of mine that i keep on the shelf. you're gone too soon in the trail of my mind, you're i love you, i miss you, and 'what the heck is wrong with me?' what's wrong with me?



i grew up in the peach state
back in a small town
where nobody knew your name
unless you were someone
and i wasn't anyone
not anyone important anyway

ooh, take me back to the summer babe
ooh, 'cause everybody knew my name
when i was with you.
take me back, take me back to june

i grew up in a small house,
back in a small town,
where georgia was on your mind
unless you wanted to leave
half of us wanted to leave
leave old georgia behind

ooh, take me back to the summer babe
ooh, 'cause everybody knew my name
when i was with you.
take me back, take me back to june



the floor has started to puddle with my teenage angst that's dripping down the wall and it sticks to my con-clad feet and later to my fingers, and i think this mess is what i got myself into, but i can always get myself out.

your hands touch my face and then you kiss me
i can feel your heart race inside your chest
don't want to stop this peaceful melody

i'm drowning in your world of soft dreams
head on your shoulder when it needs to rest
your hands touch my face and then you kiss me

loving you's learning that love should be easy
when we are together i'm at my best
don't want to stop this beautiful melody

falling in while i wish to see you breathe
breaking down my walls, seeing i am blessed
your hands touch my face and then you kiss me

shivering as your tongue grazes my teeth
you love me as though i'm a lovely mess
don't want to stop this peaceful melody

drunk on your love like tennessee whisky
your body's a map and i'm on a quest
your hands touch my face and then you kiss me
don't want to stop this beautiful melody

watching people fall
in
    love
always makes me
so
    sad.

because true love is no where for someone like me.

i am a million wrongs written in braille.
don't touch me, or i will be seen for what i am.
even though i don't know what i am.
so i guess it's best
that you leave me alone.

i think i'm breaking
but i can't find it in me
to care anymore

you are an echo of my voice colliding with the wet walls of this place. 'it's okay!' i scream. 'it's okay' you, my echo, say; you whisper like a flower petal in the wind. (it will dry up and die, just like we will eventually)
                                there are better days
                                somewhere far away from here
                                i swear - i can tell
vanilla chocolate chip is my favourite flavour of all time. the beauty of it all is equivalent to the sadness - i imagine what you'd taste like before i sleep and try not to cry. those misty eyes are not the answer.
                                so many days of
                                solitude on my beige walls
                                hanging, bitter, art
i pedal slowly away from the end. i am not ready for anything this dark. i sing every single love song ever written to the wind. she is my best of friends really.
                                *i can't get those words
                                unlodged from my aching throat
                                love's trapped there for now.

i.
we could fit together like russian dolls. a perfect fit of two well painted figures. do you taste like autumn, bedtime and and perfection? do i smell like new books, lemon cakes or home? i could be the one who makes regret nothing and want everything.


come watch this with me:
              these shattered constellations
         in a navy sky.


ii.
the depths of endless oceans are not enough to drown my feelings. i feel like this could be what’s the end of me. i *** into infinity, the unknown, hope. my scarred and so imperfect skin could fold into your perfection. cool skin upon cool skin. a dreamstate of awakened eyes


i can hardly see.
                      this life is lived too blindly,
someone heal my sight.


iii.
daisy flowers uprooted from the soil, lights dimmed low, a pretty and sadly slow song is  playing in the background. it all feels so deeply personal. i hope my soul is transparent so that you can see into my intoxicatingly good intentions. i’ll always want to share your breath.


you’re inside of my veins
pumping through my blood like drugs
making me feel high

i think this city's
lost stars
follow your light
to find their way
back home.

flowers bloom from your
eyelashes
like they belong there.
but then i look at you,
and i think they do.

you make me laugh,
you make me glow,
you make life
seem worthwhile.

your smile is intergalactic,
and you are a radiation
destined for a rotation
that's bigger than
you could imagine.

my shattered soul arches in pain.
it aches
to love you without
this bleeding.

it misses the loveglow
the blissful nights,
the peace of mind.

but hey,
i'd rather remember
what it was like
than forget
what it was for.

i am forever yours.
forever yours.

don't bruise my mind with your
spat out slurs that fall
to my feet
with
a thunk.

don't fill my pretty little head
with insanity-notions
and those lies
that
are pernicious.

don't tell me i am prettier
when i am angry;

you want me
when i am angry;

you'd **** me
when i am angry.

don't.
don't.
don't.
don't
say you love(d) me.

past or present tense
the lie is still tensing

the backbone
you say i don't have.

don't look at me.

*your eyes aren't the only thing i won't miss on my body.

i don't know how
"i don't feel like crap when i'm with you."
morphed into
"i love you"

but i'm glad it did, and i'm glad
that you said
it back.

you said it back.

my heart bled, for it was lost before.
but i found
you
whilst trying find
myself again.
i convinced myself
it was the same.
it's what you do when you don't want to be alone.

oh, what fear?
oh, what fear.

i've built these walls around my heart,
trapped in my chest wanting to be free-
why don't you cut it out, babe?

too much hope, please don't say
we're growing further away
home is always
going to be with you to me.
will you share one more
moment with me?

oh, what fear?
oh, what fear.

it's been so long since i gave this heart away,
i'm unsure if i'm ready to face
the day
i accidentally give it up to you.

i'm moving forward,
i'm growing stronger
what doesn't **** you
turns you into stone
medusa
i'm growing stronger
i'm moving forward
what doesn't **** you
chills you to the bone
medusa

and ooh where do you go
ooh i'm trying not to care.
who do you think you are
ooh with snake venom in your hair
medusa, medusa

and i'm moving forward,
i'm growing stronger
what doesn't **** you
turns you into stone
medusa
i'm growing stronger
i'm moving forward
what doesn't **** you
chills you to the bone
medusa

and this stone cold heart feels nothing anymore
this stone cold heart feels nothing
medusa
and this stone cold heart feels nothing anymore
you're nothing anymore
cause i'm
i'm medusa

i've got my eyes set on the sky but my feet are nailed to the ground. gravitational pulls and cosmic love are contradictory, what can i say?

you can't see where i get it from though, all this love love love love, and babe neither can i. it lights me on fire and tears me to shreds, it makes me scared to go to bed, and all this thinking of the love i can't get to rest when i do, it keeps me awake at night.

i have no time to die, i've got things to do and people to see and nothing you say can stop me. (except for those three words that blue eyed wonder has said to me lately- but i am his friend, i am his friend, and he love love loves me, so you can't stop me, you can't.)

these days i have become well acquainted with these facts.
a. i am not loved
b. i can not be loved
c. i am broken
d. i will always be broken
and e. no one wants to share this madness that drips from the words i speak when i'm sober. (i'm always sober the only thing i've ever been drunk on is love love love. god i have so much. oh god, i can't stop.)

i'll swing like sinatra, rock like a rolling stone baby, and remind everyone of the mixtapes they used to love love love when they played seven minutes of heaven in their mother's closets on a saturday. the closet i used to hide in, but i'm clean now, wearing green, and my name is blue blue blue.

i'll have a little baby girl one day. i'll call her baby blue and she'll spit fires and cry snow flakes, and she'll remind everyone of how they used to love love love love love.

we can be like alice
but not like the one in chains
we will be free, freer, freest.

swallow the magic potion,
shrink from the drink that dripped
onto our palms.

your palms will be sweaty and cold pressed to my face-
your eyes are ice, your love is lice
it makes me scratch my head.

we'll be small
but we'll feel twenty thousand feet tall.
we are a leaf of grass.

maybe it's just the change in the weather,
but i want to shrug on your sweater,
and ride your miniature horse until sunrise.

hushed voices are almost screaming
and careful footsteps seem to be running
i'm thinking of the way i used to feel.

beautiful??
lovely??
a godess??
stunning??

worth it.

riding those miniature horses
until sunrise
seems to be a waste of time again

because when morning comes
they are always men again,
and i don't want to be small anymore.

i've skinned me knees and i've watched them bleed. i didn't do it on purpose, it just happened when i fell for you.

they were pretty, but they didn't have your eyes or your gentle kindness.

bubblegum princess, open your eyes. (pop) i see you in your tower but there's no prince- i bet he left you so he could die eating peach pits in his vanilla ice cream. (pop) bubblegum princess, your mind is a desert but your heart causes warfare behind the dunes. (pop) bubblegum princess, one day you'll lose your gum and your crown. then what will you be but sorry? (pop)

sometimes i feel like my metaphors and similes are too pretentious. call me a liar and you wouldn't be wrong, but call me a fake and you'd miss the target all together.

i bent my body into a canvas of pillared secrets, and opened my eyes into a land of streetlights and headlights, but never into stars. now i'm drunk on the light of the moon. literal moon-shine. don't look back, it says. don't look back. but i turn my headache head anyway until i am an owl, accompanied by the vastness of everything i'd forgotten.

outer space is like broken english. if you lean in closer you can understand it a little better.

i've tried to separate my soul into several pieces of dust and scatter them until i can't feel anything at all, including love for you. i picture myself far, far away; maybe some place close to where you are now, or maybe in a void where everything i've ever said loses all its meaning.

what a wonderful day that would be.

i moonwalk, halo skewed and shredded.
sleep talk, mouth twisted, heart burning.

i am not an astronaut or an angel
or a small child- not anymore.

i used to be ethereal with stars in my eyes.
i used to be young and full of promise.

(promise me you see the gold
promise me you won't go blind)

i fall forward, my face buried in imagination,
i haul the sword, to cut this heart in half.

i'm not a soldier, or a courtier
or whole, i never was.

but i used to be ethereal.
oh!

i used to be, i used to be, i used to be...

the inside of me is overgrown with moss and kudzu.
tell me i am an issue,
cut me down and yell timber.

don't make it a question
make it an exclamation.
a statement of the things you've destroyed
to make room for something new,
but not bright eyed.

i am an overgrown tree
with roots too far into the darkness
of the cool dirt-
smell the musky scent of my bark
after the rain.

even if the rain couldn't wash this away,
at least your ax stopped it
from growing.

no matter how low to the ground
you cut me down
i will still have
my roots.

i'll be almost an adult
yet i don't feel mature
as the pain goes down my throat
and collects itself into a ball
of tears.

stuck.

i feel stuck.
i feel sorry.
(i wish i could say i feel nothing.)

i feel like i'm going backwards, asking myself
if i should be or not be at all.

i don't know what i'll say
on my birthday

when they ask me what i wished for
on the candle of the cupcakes

that aren't even the ones i asked for.

eventually your body and mind will cry
"no more."
and your heart
will listen

i. i've been praying all week for my shaky bones to harmonize with the crash of the city downpour, but right now they just yearn to collide gracefully with the strong bones of someone who has yet to learn the meaning of 'rhythm'. i ask myself, staring out at the rain, "what does it mean? to conduct an orchestra of chaos? of thunder?"

ii. i've been praying for this grief to be good to me, to solidify my roots, to ground me & make me the version of myself that i couldn't be when my heart was still at its fullest. i can't stop begging for loss to be what makes me before it breaks me.

iii. i've been praying for an autumn angel again, to remember how it feels to be so fragile beneath the cool & careful touch of another that i can't help but shiver / revive / shrivel / fall / die. (one more fallen leaf lain to rest among the others.) maybe this month i will rest again, my ghosts whispering "suddenly" or "finally", knowing it is all the same.

his words always brightened my day and made
me smile

they were freshly printed ideas as much
as they were love lines,
like laughter lines
but on the inside of your chest
beat- beat- beating.

they folded themselves into my heart
and made me feel like i was
in love.

every word crafted beautifully in the blanket
that were his poems.

when i lay my head to rest
and tried my best to sleep
it was only
when remembering his words,
that i could fall asleep.

smiling.
dreaming.
loving.

it's easy to become lost within one's self.
picking apart one's skin until
old scars are ripped open.

but you bring me back.
god, do you bring me back.

your lips write me, like a poem.
your hands right me, like an old wrongdoing.

even when my blood has spilled
onto the floor, like ink to paper.
even when i cry, 'i have been alone!'

you bring me back.

scars will heal. but their mark will remain.
i tell you this, again and again.

but when my scars threaten to open,
and time travel to the past
is like an echo- it's so **** repetitive,

you bring me back.
god, do you bring me back.

loneliness
used to taste like cough syrup,
coating my throat
in artifice.

now i'm just lovesick
dancing in a sea of lights
they kiss my skin like
tulips/two lips/i'd choose this/new bliss/
our mouths collide like planet & asteroid

blood's rushing through my veins
trying to tell me to sing hallelujah
because i'm finally
just
living

and although
the pain is there
it is fading out of touch

i don't know where to stop
but i'll always
start
with this

tell me a story, my dear, ill fated lover. my white dress floats in the bath water. i want you to stand next to the tub and tell me about the first time you saw me. you were a prince, and i just a girl. tell me about how you fell in love with my walk and my curled toes and my cinnamon smile. sickening spices. uniquity. grace.

biting my bottom lip, i ask if you will say hello again, blooming.
why is it that you always whisper goodbyes like autumn leaves?

you are catastrophic, and i a mad, young, silly girl. but you used to be perfect and i used to be wise, and our most promising traits are announced to the tides as i pull the drain stopper out. wait! i laugh. i put the stopper back into tub. row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream.

i’m wondering as you look at me with those empty eyes.
i wonder, if i know i have gone mad, am i mad after all?

i don’t see it in your eyes, my dear, ill fated lover. i only see death, death, death and love. you used to utter sweet words with warm breath in my ear. i’d dance for you until my back hurt and my heels were sore, until i wanted to cry and laugh, for you were so enthralled by the movements of my body. I don’t dance anymore. and your breath is cold, your words sour.

the tub overflows and i shut my eyes, although they beg to see.
will i laugh when you scream my name, saying you can’t swim?

my hair is laced with flowers and my mind has gone. i've spent so much time trying to turn pollen into pixie dust, and one day, as i was singing nursery rhymes, i swear the butterflies led me somewhere like my home.

my heart is heavy enough to restrict me from flying.
bathtub full of flowers, mind filled with honey, honey, honey.

peter pan will grow up to be an old man working a desk job, and hamlet ends up in a place between the depths of heaven and hell. even god doesn't know what to do with them anymore.  he's got no clue for me either for my mind has gone.

white gown and angelic smile, i'll sing to you until you remember.
forever means nothing if you just age until you're a particle of dust.

i have remembrances of you, remnants of you. they're tattooed to my prefrontal cortex, and they cloud my judgement. my mind has gone. love isn't real, but i see signs anywhere i look, and they're singing nursery rhymes.

my fingers start to prune, and i duck my head under the water.
it's only for a while, now. father i won't be long.

you say you never gave me aught. i find this funny, because you gave me confidence before you gave me heartache, but both of them you gave to me. i try not to sit and wonder what if? what if i was there for you when you were at your worst? would you really have loved me?

nothing but late night whispers as misterwives covers that song about wendy.
wendy grows old, her window will close, and peter will still never grow up.

ready, set, stop. we don't go anywhere, although i'd love to go everywhere there is with you. i'll be a mermaid- my hair will be wet, my soul soaked in misadventure. i'll let you duck my head under for as long as you want, and if it kills me in the process, you can swallow these jelly beans whole.

my jelly bean soul will be with your gummy bear heart, and it will be pretty.
your smile is so bright it glows in the dark- i wonder where it's gone?

this ultralight beam is carrying me home. home away from home. home away from the heartache, and away from all of the things i lost when i thought i was in love with you. i lost a part of myself. it's still over where you are. singing songs i want to forget.

i've been spinning like a record, seeing you in the city, in the red of stoplights.
i once said i'd wait for you there but i'd rather float face down in the water.

am i still your vicodin or do you not do the same drugs anymore?

my love for you is equal parts
messy
and lovely
like paint splattered
across a canvas
in pastel
colours

i was your blue skyline
and you
were my purple sunrise.

there are stars above me
and, my god, they shine
like nothing ever changed.

(but they’re not as bright as the
stars i saw in your eyes
or as the stars you put in mine)

i miss you more than the moon misses
the sun,
you were my sun
and i could not shine without you.

i’m not so bright anymore.
do you still adore
me?
do you still adore
do you still
do you

do you?

everyone has a story and mine is painted
the color of the oceans on the bermuda coastline.
it’s so beautiful/sad/broken/much like art.
my skin sometimes shimmers like that lake by your
house in florida, the lake that knows how to dance
in the moonlight like we did that night when you
you put an arm over my shoulders and we swayed
like lovers to a song others have kissed so passionately to.
it’s funny. i saw you and i saw your story.
i saw it painted in sunsets,
and sun showers,
and tears in the rain.
you had a story with the colors of fresh bruises, and it intermingled with mine.
what if i let my soul spill out onto a canvas again?
would we be able to pretend
like this love never had to end
and could we blend our colors together
like the watercolor paints we’re made of
and transcend
above the pain and
the darkness
that envelops us
and our story?
what does it mean to have a story?
i wonder this, as i instinctively tell ours
and hope that i left some fingerpaint
on your heart.
i hope
you can set me apart from anyone you have ever loved.
i still love
you in color although my world's gone grey
even though i have to keep reminding myself that
your voice sounds like a violet galaxy
because it’s got the kind of stars i may never get to see
again.
once again i am left to watch a lover on the sidelines
and it’s like my
heart is forever breaking in the night time
and the daytime.
all the blasted time.
i’m crying on my knees
praying to a god i never used to believe
in but only a higher power could cause this bleeding
of love that i was seeking.
and now i understand the meaning in
be careful what you wish for.
and i am unsure
of what i miss more.
the purple streak in your hair,
the look in your eyes,
the embraces,
the kisses,
the glow in the dark,
the float above the ground,
the couldn’t care less,
the sounds,
of your voice,
your laugh,
your heartbeat,
the way you’d effect my heartbeat…
i had stars in my eyes, babe,
but the stars bleed
and i hardly see
anything but what we
used to be.
we used to be everything in every galaxy
and me?
i used to be,
i used to be,
i used to be free.
can’t you see it’s killing
me, turning my colors grey?
can’t you just
wouldn’t you just
please just
stay.
stay a moment while i find the right words to paint.
the right words to say.
words the color of love/fear/the bay/promise.
because i love you like a promise
soft, pale blue, and the skyline,
ever present, never evanescent and true.
i want to continue this story,
because we were so lovely
and we had so much more
in store.

i. (lights)
paper lanterns
floating through the sky
halloween evening.
stars.
street lamps.
you are, you are, you are(...)
(bitter tastes are filling my mouth
but the acidic poison makes my tongue glow
glow glow in the dark.)

ii. (mathematics)
one plus one is two.
a real number.
me minus you is an imaginary number.
(it doesn't exist, but someone created
a way to make it exist.
i'm forced to exist
without you
by the rules of life.)

iii. (truths)
******* hell.
you are a baby bottle boy
and i'm a pacifier princess
we can't both be in the same place
at the same time.
*(maybe i'm wrong)

i really do wish you no harm.

i hope you don't get pocket lint on your dum-dum,
because that would be tragic.

i hope the next girl you date doesn't bite.
even though, you deserve a gnarly girl
who can get low down and gritty.

i pray you don't fall going up the stairs
and slide all the freaking way down.
i wouldn't want a concussed friend
now would i?

i cross my fingers and shut my eyes,
wishing you a pretty girl with perfect teeth
and pale skin
and an american accent cuter than mine.
in bar. or no- in a basement.

i would never wish you the worst hangover that
you've ever had
with a headache so bad
you feel like you tried to go out with a bang (literally)
like kurt d. cobain, and survived.
if you aren't an uneducated swine and know who that is.

i hope you never feel heartache like this.
feeling your chest tighten with anvil heavy memories
and sun-kissed, barebacked truth because
you had to let go what you love
and love what you let go.
crying when you see "message me i get bored x"
in their bio on a tuesday night, for the first time in six months.

peach coloured cheeks
sweet tea lips pink and sugary
georgia, oh georgia
a song buzzing on the highways

true love bleeding rubies
gems and glitter
love and need
cuddling under florescents

dream state
all this time i have been set ablaze
shocked

electric shock from firecracker veins
transmitting energy from my soul to yours
soft skin
one hundred percent cotton

i ran away when there was no place i wanted to be
but here

you blew a hole
through my fragile skull
and planted dandelions to grow
inside of the soil
you poured
into it

make a wish before they're gone
*make a wish, baby, make a wish

i.
they say to share an umbrella is to share your heart. it's pouring outside, everyone's so busy, that the only thing thing they share right now is the sidewalk.

but, hey. this makes me want to paint what love sounds like. i want to paint the stars on your chest and the rain boots stepping in puddles on your abdomen.

i'll paint the umbrellas on your eyelids so i can treasure them as you sleep.

ii.
they say to share an umbrella is to share a moment you won't want back. it's hellish and bustling outside. no one bothers to look up and wish for the stars when they have so much to do.

but, still. this makes me remember how rich and lovely our moments were even if separated by time, but do i want them back?

i'll tape poems on the ceiling , so i never forget what it's like to feel beautiful.

iii.
they say to share an umbrella is to be suspended in time. when the red of the stoplight shines, the cars stop and the people go, go, go.

but, darling.this makes me think. if we could go back in time would you be a car or a person? would you be halting for the travelers, or moving forward leaving the cars behind?

i'll sing along to any song you want me to babe.

I don't remember when I first started to fall in love with you. It might've started the first time we spoke but it's December now and I'm trying to forget.


You don't want to remember, but it's hard, you know. It's like all of the things we prayed for never came, and I try not to blame any one thing– I don't believe in that.


It's always a chain of things that causes an ending like ours.


Sometimes I close my eyes, shut them tight and pretend that things are the way they were in June, in September.


Cold weather drives me towards insanity. I'm closer to tears than before. The loss of warmth reminds me of everything else I lost. And since it's December now, I'm trying to forget. I'm trying!


I’m holding still, unsure if the snow that falls is a miracle or a warning sign. Either way I think it's as pretty as you were to me back then.


I'm still afraid of telling anyone you are the reason why I can't breathe. I can't sleep either because when I do I'm left to dream of the words you said to me when all was well.


All is no longer well.


I am forced to live a life forgery. Happy, happy, I am- not freaking happy with the way this mess of ours turned out. I'm still juggling the spheres of pain that collected like, I don't know, like the snow did? Like the snow did on my front lawn, it collects and everything seems so white and bright and I'm left blind in the empty spaces with no warmth. no love.


Will you show me how broken hearts beat when the world feels barren?


My thoughts are spilling.


My words aren't working, but I just wanted to love you.


Skinny love, maybe this won't be what I had wanted but I'll pretend to forget I ever loved you until the day I die. I mean, it's December now and I'm trying to forget.


Look. Look here, I'm just someone who wanted to love you. But it’s December now and I’m trying to forget.


Because, what else is their to do when the world is this cold?


Certainly not remember…

ripped out my lungs because it was already impossible to breathe;
there was a light in the dark, there is something that i need.
i will keep going, stand on this glass beach, and
i'll sing baby, baby, baby, i just want some sleep.
yeah, i just want some sleep.

when she's talking to you your mouth hangs open
but not as open as her heart that she sewed to her sleeve
when she was thirteen. everyone says she reads like an open book,
but you think she reads more like a tombstone.
she has an expiration date and everyone knows it,
but you want to be there until her light dies out.
no doubt about it, you've lost your mind, but she
was something you couldn't slide under the rug
she kept coming back.
oh god did she come back, looking like a goddess,
and you were taken aback, trying to stay honest
but honesty is only the best policy until it reveals her frailty
over frivolity, she's precious, impressive, and beautifully combative-
but never ever yours.

slept with the devil when he promised me the love i lacked.
somehow i was surprised when everything went black
his face and eyes gave me a heart attack, and
he was my baby, baby, baby, i was just a fallback.
lust never more than a fallback.