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Apr 2019 · 179
Adrift
Estherzz21 Apr 2019
Hovering right above ground,
Stranded in the midst of air,
Below the surface she drowned,
Inhaling all as despair.
Peculiarly still she glowed,
A smile ensured by sincerity,
Normality in it she abode,
In depth yet choked with vulgarity.
Hypocrisy and cowardice it stood,
Within the struggle to perpetuate,
Nostalgia for days in childhood,
Hope has yet to be illustrate.
Jan 2016 · 650
Fall.
Estherzz21 Jan 2016
Trudging up flight of stairs,
Heaving with stacks of book,
Tipping my head for a glimpse,
But your gaze had me on hook.
With composure I strolled on,
The flutters stayed in my heart,
Without a break in our stare,
You smiled and made me fall apart.
No deeper meaning existed,
Only a simple common courtesy,
Never once have I ever beg for more,
Still do show me some mercy.
It wasn't love nor a like,
Yet there were hidden feelings,
I know it's simply a dream,
But I can't help but keep falling.
Jan 2016 · 1.0k
Once.
Estherzz21 Jan 2016
Once upon a time,
there was a me and you,
happiness rang like chimes,
and our smiles did so too.
No bizarre moment flared,
nor sadness overthrew,
we were simply scared,
that our feeling'll be *******.
They named us liar and a fake,
cause we seemed too perfect,
so for our own sake,
we pretended there was no effect.
Yet a little too late were we,
to realize the truth of us all,
so desperate to suppress what we see,
that didn't notice we had fall.
We swayed and drifted,
and parted with a crime,
that scarred as we shifted,
but that was just once upon a time.
I don't regret anything.
Jan 2016 · 654
Smile.
Estherzz21 Jan 2016
The beeps didn't seem to revive,
The bumps didn't seem to arise,
The heartbeats that weren't alive,
And the body that's deprived.

Those nonexistence drops of tears,
Those never-ending blisters,
Those eyes gleaming once with fears,
Yet now it dies with no hints of cheers.

Terror was what kept you warmed,
Love was what made you wile,
Hatred was simply deformed,
But Death was what made you smile.
Dec 2015 · 763
Venom.
Estherzz21 Dec 2015
Her lips landed on dusted truffle,
A bite she gave to enjoy its savor,
Its luscious made her crumble and ruffle,
A nip of love that made her waver.
Soon she taste a hint of venom,
To wreck, to wrench, and finally grieve,
Afar she was away from heaven,
Scarred and shattered, she had to leave.
Yet within lies a never-known secret,
One that she may never ever experience,
An antidote as rare and sacred,
To which had aid in her ignorance.
Love:
A chocolate truffle with sweetness outside,
yet venom within that kills its vessel,
but unknown to most was the hidden serum.
Nov 2015 · 844
Minds
Estherzz21 Nov 2015
How odd is it the way it plays,
How weird is it the way it says,
How dreadful it is when it gaze,
And to realize that it's all a maze.

With lips of slyness curling up.
yet eyes as dead as perished fish,
With fist of hatred clenching tight,
yet words of kindness with a wish.

Hold the knife, the rope and pills,
Hold it tight and never give up;
Hold the thread that keeps you alive,
Hold it till it finally snaps.

Keep your head high and clear,
Keep your minds straight and sheer,
Keep your thoughts away from smears,
And make decisions by your fears.
Nov 2015 · 723
Twins
Estherzz21 Nov 2015
I know a story, sentimental or not,
a story of a pair of twin, in love with all they got,
may it be an assumption, but one seemed to rot,
and in all obviousness, his being was soon to be caught.
And so it began with mother filled with love,
she gave her all for the two lil monster like a dove,
but yet in sudden out of their life she was shoved,
and feelings of them both were soon to be disposed off.
Details of most honestly can't be told,
but soon they were apart yet their heart were still the same old,
the one which was violated had his room filled with mirrors,
which was assumed as narcissistic but the truth wasn't any nearer.
Till the end was it only known,
but it was too late for all feelings to be shown;
*because the reflection wasn't of himself, but of his twin that he deeply love,
for a protection, for a safety, that he never ever did felt of.
I love them.
Oct 2015 · 411
Friends
Estherzz21 Oct 2015
Vulnerable and lost,
I seemed to be blind,
with his spirit aloft,
keeping me in bind.
At his words I laughed,
like his mate I was,
those scars that he carved,
with hearts that he toss.
A friend was all I asked,
and will be all I get,
with a smile I'll be masked,
and feelings that I'll forget.
Okay, this is pathetic.
Oct 2015 · 851
Girl
Estherzz21 Oct 2015
Friends betrayed,
Foes befriended,
I was dismayed,
For all that wasn't amended.
There was no eternal darkness,
nor the existence of brightness,
it was falling into oblivion,
with a heart made of obsidian.
There was no place to blame,
only for me to be shame,
for trusting unconditionally,
and believing naively.
The thread finally snap,
I fell into my own trap;
I'll smile like I always did,
but sincerity will be rid.
That's me, all right.
Oct 2015 · 441
Home.
Estherzz21 Oct 2015
I've been far away from home.
I wonder when had I roam,
Was I blown away like a foam,
Cause in this world I feel like a gnome.
But oh well, let's just play,
Might as well stray,
Towards that bright ray,
That to me it betrayed.
And so I begin to wander,
Around and around I ponder,
Till that hollow border,
Where I became a monster.
Hey is anyone out there?
Please keep me away from this flare,
and grant me the pleasure of air,
Forgive me and may you spare.

But no. the monster grew,
Obliged and I flew,
From the beautiful loam,
And away from home.
Sep 2015 · 869
dlroW ehT
Estherzz21 Sep 2015
I saw this world as a beautiful place,
one that welcomes me everyday,
but apparently that's not the case,
cause nobody will ever have their say.
Parents, oh no, not those terms,
because it definitely does not suit them,
instead they abuse and neglect,
to their child they'll only wreck.
Let's not forget those childish harassment,
that people in general gives to others,
also the society with errors of judgement,
which lead to many trails of ashes.
And just as I remembered what I've left out,
is the ******* of what we named 'grown-ups',
their conservative talks that they shout,
shutting out imperfect ones that drowns in tubs.
Humanity? What loads of *******,
naming beings that they refuse to acknowledge 'monster',
how ironic and may I say snobbish?
when beings of their own kind they will slaughter.
Rejecting, exterminating, stigmatizing and resenting,
huh, monster, they say.

Heading next to the well-known bully,
this cycle will never ever cease to exist,
cause for generations it will always sully,
this immature charade that'll seem to persist.
And you ask for me to be positive,
when I live in this world filled with negatives,
it's fine if you wanna be all judgemental,
cause I'll say you're obviously mental.
read the title backwards
Sep 2015 · 1.3k
Happiness
Estherzz21 Sep 2015
Happiness** is too scary for us to accept,
That's why we choose to remember the sad things
rather than the happy ones,
But when we do,
It's too late.
Aug 2015 · 440
Muse.
Estherzz21 Aug 2015
I found my muse
That wrote my poems
And set my views
That may seem lonesome.
For just one time
To wish I rewind
For that one crime
And I won't be bind.
*Thank you for being my muse.
*******.
Aug 2015 · 5.5k
Drought.
Estherzz21 Aug 2015
Could water cease,
and so would drought?

Could love not exist,
and I survive?
Aug 2015 · 491
Beings.
Estherzz21 Aug 2015
We're lonely beings in this world,
Telling stories of fairy tales,
Always the person of the third,
Leaving little hints of our trails.
With all promises made today,
Must it ever be forgotten,
Because forever it will stray,
In future will it be rotten.
Never will we hold our hopes high,
All to do is follow the flow,
Let the string of fate make us fly,
And please do smile if you must know.
It's okay, we're only human beings after all.
Aug 2015 · 652
Living II.
Estherzz21 Aug 2015
Moments when I cried,
Minutes when I smile,
Hours when I laugh,
Seconds when I fear,
Phases when I grief,
Periods when I sore.
But it's all right, because one was in line of sight,
That I am feeling, and I am living.
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
Living.
Estherzz21 Jul 2015
I see poets,
And read poems,
I can't understand,
Why I understood,
In words I wished to write,
Yet never once I truly wrote;
But darkness and brightness,
Are honestly meaningless,
Because I'm surviving,
And not living.
I don't understand.
Jul 2015 · 312
-
Estherzz21 Jul 2015
-
"Make everyday feel like the last day,
So when it's the last day,
It'll feel like an everyday."
Jul 2015 · 807
Deja Vu.
Estherzz21 Jul 2015
Her smile so cheerful,
Her laugh so blissful,
Her ways so gleeful,
Her eyes so dreadful.  
She's a happy girl,
She's a lucky girl,
She's a good girl.
She's a dead girl.

Shadows near the girl,
Making her hurl,
In this huge whirl,
Forever she twirl.
Yet she still smiles,
When named a coward,
For hundred miles,
She's being devoured.

She dream a dream in her sleep,
Where she could finally weep,
And what she sow she has reap,
Deja Vu was her words that bleep.
Dreams do come true, but no one told her nightmares are dreams too.
Jun 2015 · 1.0k
Tired.
Estherzz21 Jun 2015
I'm tired of being tired.
For being pathetic.
For being jealous.
For being weak.

Yet I can't stand,
Nor reach the land,
With me in strand,
Why can't I withstand.

I know I'm not alone,
But you guys are still blown,
Leaving me by my own,
I'd rather be in my zone.

Therefore I won't chase,
I'll be in my pace,
Just give me my space,
And there would be no trace.

Don't say I never tried,
I had already cried,
And so have I died,
Hence I'll never bide.
Leave me alone. I'm tired. I'm sorry. Goodbye.
Jun 2015 · 402
Empty.
Estherzz21 Jun 2015
I laughed,
I smiled.
I cried.
I felt.
I'm still alive
But hollowness fills me.
It's not anyone,
simply just me.
Jun 2015 · 962
Sorry but bye.
Estherzz21 Jun 2015
Your name starts with an A.
And end with a M.
But the D in the middle,
Made your road a riddle.
Yet the A that's repeating,
Made the way more becoming.
Hey if you add my E that begins,
And the R that made us twins;
Perhaps my S may soothe your path,
And my T would calm your wrath.
Finally the H that makes it done,
Paired with the E that makes us one.
Since I say that we're so alluring,
What's with that flare so glaring,
And those eyes that's soaring,
Away from this world so despairing.
Why can't you take me away,
I'm sure it's just child's play,
Yet you had to just delay,
and under you went to decay.
Right now there ain't no sadness,
Cause what fills me is madness,
As I'm in this world of vastness,
You still left me in darkness.
It's complicated, not.
You're dead. I'm sorry.
I loved you, I swear I did,
and I still do. I'm sorry.
But goodbye.
Jun 2015 · 639
1.00 a.m.
Estherzz21 Jun 2015
In this time of midnight,
Overflow by the mights,
If my dreams were only right,
My world would then be a fright.
Words name like forever,
May just be a fever,
But as time past like river,
I will savour it like dinner.
Tick tock tick tock,
I heard the door knock,
Swiftly, it made me rock,
And soon I knew to lock.
Thoughts brought me in deeper,
So far, so strange, so much darker,
Soon I sway to the reign much colder,
Will I be forgotten in midst of laughter.
I'm drowning.
Jun 2015 · 1.0k
Breathe.
Estherzz21 Jun 2015
Cry the tears that makes it blue,
Paint the sky to make it true,
Light the sun right now with you,
Yet why I ask that you fly past through.

Hold the breath to be alive,
Clench the hands for it to shrive,
Bite the lips until you strive,
Yet forget-not to always take five.

Heave the sigh that was to keep,
Let the feelings out to weep,
Rant the words that made you creep,
So that you can finally sleep.

Once again, I would like say,
Nothing will ever make me stray,
For that I will forever pray,
So that always I'll be gay.
I refuse to suffocate.
Jun 2015 · 1.1k
Words.
Estherzz21 Jun 2015
"Sorry."
A word for self-satisfy.
A word of thousand layers.
A word repeated everyday.

"Thank you."
2 words of courtesy.
2 words of polite.
2 words of the liar.

"I love you."
3 words of the common.
3 words of all yearning.
3 words that I despise most.

So hush my darling,
For I'll never trust you.
Liar.
May 2015 · 1.1k
Narrator.
Estherzz21 May 2015
The dust begin to compile,
from the story you gave me.
The dust begin to vanish,
as the story begins to burn.

It was white as snow,
black as the windowsill,
and red as blood, the princess.
**The story ends, as the narrator smiled.
To feel is human nature,
and so is to lose.
May 2015 · 4.3k
Nostalgic.
Estherzz21 May 2015
How nostalgic it is.
To walk on thin rope.
That defined my life.
Never looking back.
Only towards front.
Sadly, not a choice.

How nostalgic it is.*
*To undo feelings.
Avoiding hatred.
or better, sadness.
Sighing in despair.
Oh clamour, just shut up.
There are times,when I avoid thinking too much,
because once i think, I'm afraid I won't be returning.
May 2015 · 961
Chapters.
Estherzz21 May 2015
Once upon a time.
There resides a book.
As the clock ticks past.
The story unfolds.

Chapter 1
A girl in the world,
Exist in slumber,
The melancholies,
and the malicious,
Hidden in darkness,
Visible only to happiness.*

Chapter 2
A girl at age 6,
The window opened,
by a guy of 10,
whom gave her feelings,
such as love
such as hate.


Chapter 3
The girl that now knows,
fairy tales exist,
but there would be no
happy ever after,
She was crumbled,
she was broken.


Chapter 4
The girl then now thinks,
if being happy,
requires sadness,
she'd rather not feel,
cause she knows she's weak,
pathetic was she.


Chapter 5
The girl with lessons,
Only known to lies,
Liars are survivor,
Lying is surviving,
Or so she thought,
But its not The End.


*She knows.
And she will live.
I'll hang on.
For myself.
May 2015 · 1.2k
Modern day.
Estherzz21 May 2015
Modern day fairy tale,
Where happiness belong;
When clock strikes 12,
Forever it'll be 1.

Happy ever after,
Coming from the clown;
With fake smiles two four seven
Like hell it exist.

Modern day society,
Such a wonderful place;
Performers everywhere,
Let the applause begin.

Throwing rings and walking lines,
Hilarious circus was it,
Pathetic and despiteful,
You pitiful society.
Goodbye lil clown.
And may we never meet again.
May 2015 · 668
Tears.
Estherzz21 May 2015
'I'm leaving the country.'

You muttered in spur,
Leaving me in stun.
Splashing cold water,
With a cold shoulder.

'Goodbye.'

Your gaze was freezing,
Never ending snow.
Dazing out of space,
Was where you left me.

'......'

Silence overtook,
No anger nor feels.
Never did I chase,
Over impossible.

'......'

Describing in words,
Was never enough.
Hollowness in depth,
Oblivion was near.

'......'

Decades was what took,
Strucking and ruining.
Squeezing me inside,
Scrunching me outside.

Motions in slow,
the tears came rolling down.
No words could describe how I felt.
When you left me, for success.
I didn't regret letting you go,
Nor not chasing after you.
But this poem is dedicated to you,
For being able to make feel,
Such a strong emotion.
Apr 2015 · 2.7k
Beast.
Estherzz21 Apr 2015
Silence.*  *And.  Rage.

The beast in the cage.
Mercy till its death.
To enact on stage,
Forever holds its breath.

Ignited.  And.  Away.

The beast in the cage,
Patience was its gift.
Straining with its edge,
Finally out with swift.

*For them to grieve
For them to heave.
Anger is a sign of defeat;
So I kept my beast in the cage,
Hidden and secure,
Tamed and sharpen.
To await upon time,
For its leash to be loose.
Apr 2015 · 1.6k
Chaos.
Estherzz21 Apr 2015
There you lay, under that deep down ground;
Peace, tranquil, serene, was you not me.
You told me once, that death was beautiful,
it was life, it was everything.
You'd rather choose death over losing it,
because it, was simply death itself.
So I granted your wish, your desire,
and soon silence overtook you;
and I, in chaos.
I've lost the reason to live
when I lost you
because you've left not only me
but the world too.
And I knew the buried you
will never come back to life.
Apr 2015 · 1.2k
Hush.
Estherzz21 Apr 2015
Hush hush, my lullaby, singing in that deep dark night;
Let the rave, let the rage, let the raven flee away;
In the dusk, out of dawn, where the lights break, no sun shine
In euphoria, to smile, to hide, to be.

*Bon Nuit
Let darkness be comfort,
to flee in glee,
I bid you Adieu
Bon Nuit, Good Night.
Apr 2015 · 2.2k
Cheers.
Estherzz21 Apr 2015
Here's to the you that's amazing.
To the you
who stood there for them,
who sacrifice for them,
who smiled for them.

Here's to the you that's strong.
To the you
who lie to live,
who hides your tears,
who suffocates inside.

Here's to the you that's beautiful.
To the you
that cut yourself, because you don't want to hurts others;
To the you
that wrote it out, because you don't want an outburst;
To the you
that simply smile, because you needed to.

So here's to everything that you've done,
to everything that I've said and not;
Here's to you, my amazing one,
Cheers.
Perhaps it was unnoticeable, perhaps it was small,
but I know, cause you're strong,
we know, cause we're same.
Apr 2015 · 1.9k
True Self.
Estherzz21 Apr 2015
Day by day I turned the page,
day by day I read your words;
Gradually, heavily, leisurely-not,
I leave my body, unconsciously.

Covered with long white sleeves,
muttering and uttering,
"Change does not exist,
one simply takes one step closer to their true self."

Natheless, drifting was I,
and you say true self;
Withal, nameless was mine,
yet you blabber true self.

Unknown and unseen,
haunting me dawn and dusk;
So there it lies,
my stranger,
my true self.
I am you and you are me,
lying within the same body;
yet what differs me and you,
would be the one they say true self.
Apr 2015 · 934
Hatred in Love
Estherzz21 Apr 2015
Thy who have no hatred,
will never have love;
Thus says the one,
that knows hatred is in love.

Emotions are hateful,
depression is lovely;
yet they say its the opposite,
because they've never tried.

And so I close my eye
in hatred and in love;
To advert it from you,
to amend my mistake.

So Hatred started to fall,
to fall into,
to fall deeply;
and finally In Love.
It's not love when there's no hate.
Apr 2015 · 898
To Live.
Estherzz21 Apr 2015
And so I lay down,
to accept tranquility,
to welcome eternity;
But the clamour never shuts.

Thus the ones in black and yellow,
like itself, only a different form;
Forward and backward,
the never-ending process.

Its annoying buzz,
its disturbing moves;
As life itself,
to ignore and smile.

Liars are survivors,
lying is surviving;
"Why smile?",
you ask.

And I said,
"To Live".
society is the reason liars exist
Apr 2015 · 4.8k
The Introverts
Estherzz21 Apr 2015
Stillness within tranquil,
Movements within clamour;
In mixture she stood there,
Introvert she names.

Gazing and perceiving,
Simply fascinating;
But residing in her world,
was nothing but hollow.

Catching her insight,
Diverting towards him;
telling herself,
that she never matters.

Self-pity, she would say,
But I say strength;
Pathetic, she labelled,
Thou I say brave.

She was simply a girl,
Malicious was an unknown;
Through dawn and dusk,
She became a title.

A title she called,
The Introverts.
smiling as herself

— The End —