It's okay now

I know you were hurt
I know you were so confused
I know you were screaming for help
But it came

It's okay now

You are safe here
You are getting better
You are stronger than all of that
You are resilient

It's okay to be okay

You don't have to stay sad
You have cried plenty of tears
To mourn what you went through
And all it cost you

It's okay to be okay

You are free now
You can put it behind you
You are allowed to move forward
You won

You can be okay now

So, I keep on breathing
Because I know
That one day
I will be better
I will be glad
That I am alive

And then, just like that
One hour of therapy
I feel far lighter

I just... I just want to sleep...
Anything for some rest
To relieve me of this weight
The guilt, the fear, the loss
Crippling. All of it.
I’ve been brought to my knees
Waiting for someone
Anyone
To end me

all the voices so ******* loud
                                                           ­                  opinions
orders                                                  ­                            
                           urges
compulsions                          
                     ­                                                             idea­s
temptations                                                    ­                    
            desires
arguments               ­             

the thick, dark cloud in my mind
wants me to cry
wants to see me bleed
precision pressure
it knows what to do

STOP.

I CAN'T                 I CAN'T                I CAN'T
I CAN'T     I CAN'T                                             I CAN'T
                                  I CAN'T                       I CAN'T
I CAN'T        I CAN'T         I CAN'T I CAN'T


I CAN'T MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!!
THEY WON'T GO AWAY

GET
THEM

O U T!!!

GETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUT


GET! THEM! OUT!

OF MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't think
I can't feel
I can't move
Can't act
think
feel
move
act
feel
think....
think.

think...


it hurts

that's all that's there

just pain

please

someone

somehow

take it

All I ******* want
Is just a few short hours
Outside of my head

I want to feel everything
And nothing at all

You don’t realize, do you?
What you’ve done to me...
To be fair, I never said anything
But I’ve always been afraid of you
Hidden my thoughts
Hidden my emotions
Hidden my pain
Hidden my belongings
Hidden my journals
Hidden my stories
Hidden my poems
Hidden myself
All from you
Because of that feeling
I’d get in my gut
When you’d call my name
And I knew something was wrong
And I knew it was my fault
Still, I fear that dread
The thought I’ve failed you
Your disappointment was always
The heaviest weight to bear
And when I don’t carry it
I feel it’s presence lingering
Pushing my thoughts beyond the rational
Into a deep, painful sense
Of paranoia

Please
Take care of yourself
My dear...
You know there’s still a part of you
A very large portion actually
That still wants
To be alive

I love this
I’m so addicted to it
These words
The poetry
I feel more alive than ever
It is my high
Making my heart thump
Harder, faster
When I forget
That it even beats at all

I fell in love
With the feeling
Of sadness
Of pain

I knew all its words were lies
But they sounded so true
But they felt so honest
I listened

Knowing full well
That this love was poison
I drank myself drunk
Into a dumb stupor

Because what is
Intoxication
But the act of filling oneself
Full of poison?

But I liked its flavor
I liked its rush
Again I filled a cup with sadness
And I drank deep

tw self harm


With alcohol on her breath
In her veins
In her mind
She opens the drawer
She pulls out the knife
It’s familiar
The weight
The cold steel
The corners of her mouth turning up
A sick, desperate grin
The room spins as she shifts
To better reach her wrist
“I’m not okay”
Echoes over and over in her head
Deafening noise
If the alcohol won’t drown it out
The blood will.

Dear God,
I’m such a ******* mess
I need you
Please,
Bring me home
-Your Prodigal Daughter