By the time
This is through,
I'll be
Far from you,
But not the memory
Of every single thing
You've done to me.
See, I won't be free.

Here's the deal
That is real
No matter what you say,
I bleed this very day.
Nothing's sealed.
I'm not healed.
I just don't talk about
The wounds anymore.

By the time
You are mad,
I'll be
Looking back
Won'dring if you're coming
After me to do to me
What you do to me.
See, I won't be free

Here's the deal
That is real
No matter what you say
I bleed this very day.
Nothing's sealed.
I'm not healed.
I just don't talk about
The wounds anymore.

By the time
You are through,
I'll be
Still trying to
Erase the scars of every single thing
You've done to me.
See, I won't be free.

Here's the deal
That is real
No matter what you say
I bleed this very day.
Nothing's sealed.
I'm not healed.
I just don't talk about
The wounds anymore.

I am the wind that is stirred by tiny wings.
I am a moth, and I am the flame.
I am the White Wolf.
I show my shimmering fangs.
I am the great hunter upon the earth who is, also, the prey.
I am the blazing sun
Whose light is seen within the pregnant moon.
I am a drop of rain that falls into the ocean.
I am the single grain of sand.
I am the universe.
I am eternal, but my consciousness is in a constant state of change.
I am nothing.
I am everything.
I am wind stirred by tiny wings.
I am a moth, and I am the flame.
I am the White Wolf.
I show my shimmering fangs.
I am the great hunter upon the earth who is, also, the prey.
I am the blazing sun
Whose light is seen within the pregnant moon.
I am a drop of rain that falls into the ocean.
I am the single grain of sand.
I am the universe.
I am eternal, but my consciousness is in a constant state of change.
I am nothing.
I am everything.

This makes my point(fake ******* pay for shine)

My Dearest; Darkest Devotion,

Ah, but what a long time it's been!

And now, it is with a slender paled sliver of hope this letter finds you before I arrive at your chamber, for I must solicit your heart with the contents of mine.

This night I ponder upward to the twinklings amid the void and my thoughts do turn to that time we first met, before I knew you, and how you let me know you, and eventually I let you know...me.

Having learned the truth of my true vampyric nature, your reaction was not as open a reception as I would have it. I concede I have not been the same sense you drove that plank through my chest and deep into my very still heart. There stayed I until, alas...

A hapless young wanderer, a splendid morsel of a group of people on a retreat from the town, rummaging through nature to find kindling for a bonfire, took grasp of the parcel of wood that protruded from the shallow earth where I was left forsaken, and in his misfortune did un-stake me.

I assure you, at this very moment, I feel quite quenched of my thirst.
My hunger for the sweetmeats of revenge have yet to be satiated, however, I will see you very soon, My Pitch Blackness. And you. too, shall see me.

Eternally yours,

Vladimir Tepes.

P.S. Happy Halloween.

When I saw you alone,
I was standing alone.
I walked over alone.
I asked if you wanted
To be alone together.

Your body feels good lying next to mine,
Though I know it's all I'll get tonight.
Gee, your body feels good next to mine.
I wonder, wonder who's on your mind.

Did he leave you alone,
Or did you leave him alone
Like she left me alone?
I asked if you wanted
To be alone together.

Your body feels good lying next to mine,
Though I know it's all I'll get tonight.
Gee, your body feels good next to mine,
So warm and cozy this lonely night.

Do you think he's alone?
I don't think she's alone.
She doesn't care if I'm alone,
So I asked if you wanted
To be alone together.

The breeze moves the curtains.
It carries whispers like fingers
Across barely touching skin.
We don't care, and we won't care
Until we care again.

Your body feels good lying next to mine,
Though I know it's all I'll get tonight.
Gee, your body feels good next to mine.
I wonder, wonder who's on your mind.

Your body feels good lying next to mine
Though I know it's all I'll get tonight
Gee, your body feels good next to mine
So warm and cozy this lonely night.

Yes, I've had a kiss before,
But never a kiss like this.
Never a kiss, if you get the jist,
A kiss that gives me bliss.

Yes, I've had a kiss before,
But such a kiss I've missed
That jellies my bones and makes me this.
So, really I've not been kissed

From my chimney to my spout
All my senses steam about.
All the while love is in style,
I know nought but this beguile.
My walls tumble, boundaries crossed,
Wicked wiles, innocence lost.

Yes, I've had a kiss before,
But never a kiss to list
Till I gained from your two lips
A kiss that gives me bliss.

I dreamt an Angel came to me,
To lead me like a child
Through a cement wilderness-
Through storms and weather mild.

Her skin was dark and wrinkled.
Her hair was sparse and grey.
Her hand held out, "Help me, honey."
Was all she had to say.

I passed her by without much care.
She would return to me.
To haunt my thoughts
And ease, someday,
My angst with her gris-gris.

I was tired of running,
And my fear was closing in.
She took me down, turned me around,
Then gave me life, again.

Wherefore art the shadows chased
Far into the recesses of the past?
The world is sans perception
With them wilted into retreatment.
Thither - they that matter.
All else exist for their splendor.
I long to see them frolic, once again,
As did that wild lorneful and youthful creature,
When I was he.

I've been on the edge of my seat
Waiting for a chance to meet
Another bad one.

Wake me up from out of this sleep.
Give to me some secrets to keep.
Start with a bad one.

Where is love and raising hell;
Spitting fire in a cheap motel;
Angry friction in the eyes
Of desire, and fearless rides
On wheels of fury in the night
That burn the roads and holds me tight?

Cover me with intoxication
Like a sheath of skin over blade.

Where is greed and desperation,
And running from them to each other?
I remember when the living was real,
And the passion was always a thrill,
Anchored in the pounding hearts
That were bound to top the charts.

Blowing wilder than the wind,
I'm never going home again.

I've been on the edge of my seat,
Waiting for a chance to meet
Another bad one.

Wake me up from out of this sleep.
Give to me some secrets to keep.
Start with a bad one.

Is love born out of some kind of need?
Is the feeling still somewhere in me?
I need to be a bullet fired
Entangled in what has transpired,
And wispered like a scream on fire.
Climbing night time rage and wire,
Two for one and sacred pyer.
Acid venom and supplier.

Running like a theif in the night
Hiding in the briar from the light.

I've been on the edge of my seat,
Waiting for a chance to meet
Another bad one.

Wake me up from out of this sleep.
Give to me some secrets to keep.
Start with a bad one.

...And it's fast.

...And it's strong.

...And it's done.

...And it's gone.

This is another set of poems i wrote that I have been trying to turn into a song. It's composed loosely, for that's the way I write - kind of from the center out, and I don't like to rework my words too much because I find that it alters the original intended feeling, so please forgive the grammarical errors and call it creative liscense.

I've been a fool,
I've been a fool, it's true
Now I live without you
Without you by my side
I can't go on
I don't want to go on without you

If at night you hear the wind is moaning
Your lonely soul is groaning
Think back, you'll find
I'm on your mind
There was a time when you were mine

Everytime the phone rings and there's a hang-up on the line
If you search for what is lost it's me you'll find
At the end of the mystery...

Though I'm a poor man,
And I'm tired
I'll never tire of loving you.

If you're alone and you can't stop crying,
cry,
cry for me, too.
I'll weep for you.
There was a time when you were mine.

Footnote: This was writen about obssession a long time ago, but now I think it's more about the subject just THINKING he was obssessed. And no, it's not about me but, in my writing I have always been able to empathize with various points of view.

Every chore is a blessing,
Every blessing a chore.
Everyday holds bad and good.
'Tis but life, and nothing more.

Thing is,
I am a man of this modern world.
The people of this time are aware we have lost the ways of opulent formality and style.

Thing is,
We are confounded that because people expect us to simply be polite.
It is such an offense that we created a new term to redefine it: political correctness. We don't really worry about the correctness part, but we think a lot about the political part.

Thing is,
Politics and politeness are not synonymous.
Though we could be polite when discussing our politics, we rarely are.
It's no wonder, because we are deeply passionate about the rules that govern us.

Thing is,
We should forget about being politically correct. We should be, instead, politely correct. No matter where we stand, we can treat each other with a niceness that I hope is not irretrievably lost to our more formal past.

Thing is,
We lose a bit of our finess everytime we hold on to bitterness. Let go of fear. What do you have to lose?

I am a town wherein nobody lives.
The residences have long sense been vacated.
The "Cah-caw" of the crow crying ******
Echoes through the crevices of my skeletal structures.
I am alone,
With only the tumbleweeds to move me.

In the darkness of the night,
From where comes the dove,
Materializes
Your envoy of love.

Here for your privelidge,
He fits like a glove.
Wear him like midnight,
Your envoy of love.

You can count on him.
You won't be let down.
The spectre in the night that comes to you
Is the diamond in your crown.

He's nothing but a dream,
Your imagination
Moving in the shadows of your room.
He is the part of you
That will not let go of hope.

He is everything you see,
All and much above
The highest dream you have,
Your envoy of love.

Keep him to you self.
In verse, cantillate of,
But always hide in code
Your envoy of love.

My words come back  
To me, speak
Of my house of cards,
My house of freaks.
How the danger
lingers near -
How she whispers
in my ear -
How the torture,
So divine -
Holy
Mother Valentine!

(hope you liked it)

Your crusty new day eyes
Have long been opened wide.
You're not at home.
You're out in the world,
Where I can't hurt you.

I know our time has passed.
I can't bounce you on my knee;
Look into your eyes and see
No matter what mistakes there might has been;
That you love me.

I ain't always been a white hat guy.
I got no answer, if you ask me "Why?".
I'll never have a claim to innocence.
There's no excuse for it.

I've no right to write
What your heart has kept inside;
I can't be forgiven.
Though I'm no longer your monster,
I am your ghost.
Sometimes, I bet I'm screaming in your dreams.

I caused pain and much despair.
And I know it's too late to save our past.
But hopefully these few lines
Can spare other lives from similar despair.

I know our time has passed.
I can't bounce you on my knee;
Look into your eyes and see
No matter what mistakes there might has been;
That you love me.

I ain't always been a white hat guy.
I got no answer, if you ask me "Why?".
I'll never have a claim to innocence.
There's no excuse...

And it weighs on me
Like sopping rags
That cling to my body
When caught out in the storm.

I followed the trades to the center of Mecca,
Maybe looking for my soul.

All I found in the people around,
Were pieces of what made the whole.

I searched in the sun for the purest light,
But my eyes could never see.

The hollowness inside my every thought
Was a hunger I couldn't feed.

There was a rubble in the sands of time,
It all turned upside down.

Suddenly I was under the water,
And hearing not a sound.

Everything was nothing then the moment came,
When everything was alight.

An opening of eyes, there was clarity,
I was passing through the light.

I can still remember serenity,
When I was safe inside the arms.

All I knew was comfort and love in the moment,
There were no alarms.

I didn't know that I was fragile,
Or an aging ghost of an old man yet to come.

I only knew in the moment that I never knew a moment,
Or where the next was from.

It would last forever, in this familiar place
Where I might have been before.

Because I recognise the light,
But not the purest light that was vacant at its core.

Son, oh my son, tell me no lie.
Where did you spend last night?

In the pines, In the pines
Where the sun never shines.
I shivered the whole night through.

You've been away long; I'd given up hope.

I slept where the cold wind blows;
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun never shines.
I shivered the whole night through.

Do you remember the traveling man?
Just about a mile from here
His head was in the driving wheel,
His body ain't never been found.

Blood of my blood, fruit of my tree,
Tell me where do you go?

In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun never shines.
I'll shiver the whole night through.

In the chill of the night, nobody's around.
Of that there's much to be said.
The stars don't judge; The moon doesn't hang.
The clouds have no price on my head.

Traditionally
Haikus examine nature
and it's mysteries.

I wear my crazy on the outside and my genius on the inside.
I wear many masks.
My love is true.
Only the faithful have the key
To open up my mind.
Only they who understand
Can render benefit.
I bask in your glow.
I am only who I am because of you.

Thanks for it.

The floor beneath me crumbles away.
The picture that you've drawn dissolves.
I used to take the words you said to me on faith.
My sacrilege was in knowing,
But loving you this long.

The sparkles in your eyes ignite me;
Reflections of your teary eyes.
You can take the words I say on faith.
Enough now of this heresy.
I've loved you for too long.

What was a singularity
Began to walk in single file.
Now agents of your faithless heart
Fall to the heaping pile.

You came to me as someone
I would give my life to serve

But the way that you are now
Means my whole world has changed
I don't know
If it's better or it's worse
I only know
That it's real.

Your regal words designed a world
That was fitting to my foolish heart.
I thought that you worked magic but it was illusion.
My blasphemy was in knowing
And still loving you this long.

The tender nature of your lie enticed me.
I put my faith in it.
I gave my life to you.
I gave, gave you all,
My all is true;
And lie is all you do
My blasphemy was seeing it,
And letting it continue.

At first it was a trickle,
But it became a stream.
Now the riverbanks erode,
Washed out in your flood.

You came to me as someone
I would give my life to serve

But the way that you are now
Means my whole world has changed
I don't know
If it's better or it's worse
I only know
That it's real

Not just a lie,
Not just a scheme,
It is exactly as it seems.

I don't know
If it's better or it's worse.
I only know
That it's real.

Here on this street, you try talk to me;
I don't want to hear it,
There is nothing more you have for me.
Watch me get smaller down the street,
So I don't have to hear
Another word of your fantasy.

Ten minutes til the perculator
Brings me from grime to grind.
And in the morning stars are setting,
As soon the sun will rise...

On a world that I hate to hate.
On a world that loves to hate me.
I have to go outside and want to die.
I cannot stay in and hide.

There are monsters in the field
And they've got the taste of blood.
There is no end in sight.
I cake my face with mud.

They always know to find me,
Though I move in patterns, rare.
Deep inside, I turn inside,
I deny dispair.

I know I'll never beat them.
I avoid, but can't back down.
And so I'll take the beating,
But I'll try to rend their skin.

I know just how they see me.
The same as they did then.
Silent words that we all know
Do not go unknown for sin.

The time has metered nothing.
It hasn't changed a thing.
If authority lets loose it's leash,
The dogs would gnash again.

The eyes upon me see distainly
What they want to hurt.
Only, just, to keep alive
What every monster wants.

Ten minutes til the perculator
Has darkly roasted beans,
That was ground into powder,
Like the bullets in my lean.

The night will soon be like
A blanket ripped from me
To show me in the basking light
For all the world to see.

They'll say that I'm a monster.
I always was so strange.
I was a trouble-maker, boiler maker
And the only one to blame.

They'll say I was a bad seed.
When all of them do know
The type of horror that befell
From the monsters long ago.

In times of triumph I did learn
How best to bide the time.
They think I'm so predictable.
They're thinking colorblind.

For all the worth of quiet,
And to rest this savage pain,
And retribute the misery,
(It won't happen again)

And yet you'll cry for justice.
Say it's never served.
If you used measured all they put on me,
They'll get what they deserve.

The victim becomes monster,
The world fears the marters more
Than any of the heathan clan...
Ten minutes, nothing more.

You're such a beauty with your powder blue eyes,
Like specs of loveliness.
Why can't he see it?
Why doesn't he know it?

They all talk about your flaxen hair;
Your legs that stretch from here to there,
But he outruns you
Without nary a strain.

You've got a long way to catch up to him
Cause you know that he's out of your league.
But you don't care how far you'll go,
Someday you'll have him on his knees.
Begging for mercy, please.

You got no reason for to doubt yourself
And what you bring to the game of love.
But he wont play it,
Won't even say it.

They all know you got the strategy.
It's so frustrating that he leaves you be.
Won't look your way,
Though he's not gay.

You've got a long way to catch up to him
Cause you know that he's out of your league.
But you don't care how far you'll go,
Someday you'll have him on his knees.
Begging for mercy, please.

You've run the cycle,
You've toured the maze.
You've carved a path.
You got it figured out.
Just at the time
You reach for prize
He does a zig-zag-ziggy-zag
Swill-still swanson sidelong swag.

You're such a stinger with your tight, ruby lips.
And he should be your own.
Why don't he see it?
Why don't he know it?

All can see the assets you could bring to romance.
But he seems numb to your signs.
What's wrong with him?
Not that he's dim.
But he keeps getting away

You've got a long way to catch up to him
Cause you know that he's out of your league.
But you don't care how far you'll go,
Someday you'll have him on his knees.
Begging for mercy, please.

Someday you'll have your way.
So you'll keep chipping away.
And someday your baby
Will come around to your way.

A cry for battle
Issues forth from your wicked mouth,
And finds a way to my ear.
I accept the challenge.
I will break your heart.

When darkness you need,
I will cast a light
Upon your duplicity
And broadcast your faithlessness
Into the dark of a stormy night.

The snow globe will shatter,
The one you keep on the end of a ceptor as you prim over golden walls laden with your uselessness.

Sidelong glances await you,
And shouts from the street,
Though not the one you want.

Anger will crack your face. Nobody will care.
Solidity has melted away from all the heat;
and you’ll retreat
Down into a hole to hide
With all the crawlers,
But even they will not abide
Because of your lies.
They won't sympathize
With your short eyes.

I don't play silly games.
I've got no time for that.
Courting's a childish thing.
I'm listening, if we're talking it out.

You don't need to build me up,
But you need confidence.
I care, but not for ego
All sad and mad and stout.

I don't do romance.
I don't do flattery.
I don't blow rings of smoke.
When I say, "I love you," you'll know,
Cause I don't do romance.
Don't jump through fiery rings.
I don't need testiments.
If you love me, you love me; that's it.

You'll know that I am real
When I'm with you through the years.
I'm not a deity.
You're not God's gift to all.

Let's keep it on the level.
Let's not keep any of
The lies that people tell;
When truth could have said it all.

I don't do romance.
I don't do flattery.
I don't blow rings of smoke.
When I say, "I love you," you'll know,
Cause I don't do romance.
Don't jump through fiery rings.
I don't need testiments.
If you love me, you love me; that's it.

If you want a fairytale you need to pick up a book.
Those stories are always cheesy,
And they fill the world with expectations that are never met,
Cause happy ever after ain't always easy.

I'll love with all my heart
All things you are to me.
I won't promise more than I am.
I don't need saving grace.

You won't have to keep me home.
I'll know where I belong.
You'll be my equal lover.
We'll not be saving face.

I don't do romance.
I don't do flattery.
I don't blow rings of smoke.
When I say, "I love you," you'll know,
Cause I don't do romance.
Don't jump through fiery rings.
I don't need testiments.
If you love me, you love me; that's it.

I was taken a-back
By a memory
Of a sweet, sweet face
From long ago.

I can't find that place
Within me.
I wonder where and when
Did it go.

Dallas ain't the place
That I want to be,
But New Orleans ain't the same,
As before.

My heart doth break
For my one true love,
But I can't love
Anymore.

Let me dream of love;
Let me dream of love tonight.
Sometimes fantasy can be
Greater than reality.

Let me dream of love tonight.
Let me hold a body tight.
Let me gaze into some eyes
That are kind and beautiful and wise.

Let me dream of love tonight,
Though it may not be real,
No matter how it may feel.
It will not be mistaken for a lie.

From the soul backed to the precipice of a life never changing,
Through the crest of an almond shape and cascading over an apple fullness,
Fall the tiny tributes of hopelessness;
Until she is offered
Tulips for her tears.

The profits all just look away
And nevermind the world today.
Wherefore are philosphical words
Upon the lips of the transgressed against,
The meaningfulness of their minds
Never to be understood?

This I cannot understand.

I can still remember how the energies felt
When they washed upon me and brought me to this consciousness.
I can still recall when I was you.
All at once it happened to me.
Once the light of awareness burned it's mark upon my brow
I became anew.

I understand that all is everything it seems.
That tear in your eye means that you are on the verge of truth.
Nothing matters but the quality of the moment in which I live.
As soon as it is here, it is gone.

Enough, the bittersweetness of thought, tonight!
Release me from thy grip.
I have better things to process.

Dancing on the lifeline,
Flying in the dirt,
Mixing into puddles
Resembling the sky.

Everything is nothing,
Nothing everything.
The truth is but a lie
Not looked in the eye.

Never fear to paspaser.
The fearful will never truly know what it is to rule.
The servant is the master.

Dudley does to Pauline,
He does her right.
Dudley does to Pauline
Day and night.
Dudley does to Pauline
Til he hits the floor.
Dudley does to Pauline
Til he can't anymore

Dudley, Dudley, Dudley
Dudley Do-right.

Dudley never meant
To make a mess.
Dudley never asked Pauline
To wear that dress.
Dudley never needed
To hear her groan.
Dudley would have offered
To drive her home.

Dudley, Dudley, Dudley
Dudley do-right.

Dudley gets the mop
And a soapy pail.
Dudley wouldn't like
To go to jail.
Dudley is relieved
There's no-one to tell.
Dudley is so sweet,
Who'd believe the tale?

Dudley, Dudley, Dudley
Dudley Do-right.

I can't talk just now.
I'm Trending!
Couldn't you just DIE!
A-A-A-AH!
I don't know when I have ever felt this good!

(Is this what it feels like to be loved?)

Bring the noise in your head.
Let it splatter on the wall.
I can help you find the meaning
In the scramblings that you find so puzzling.

Lift your voice to the heavens;
Raise your fists at the gods,
If it helps you assemble
All the fragments of a life you thought was gone for good.

Take no more time
To wallow in your doubt.
Let's seize this moment
To figure it out.
The answers lie inside of you,
I can help you see your truth.
Together we will walk the path,
That winding frozen rivery glass.
I can melt your lonely frozen heart,
If you permit me just a start.

Anger has been your bridgroom
And you feed on the aingst.
You are as the speck of dust
Swirling in the sunny ray through the window blind.

So, suffer at your own will;
Hurt at your own behest.
Know that just outside the shadow
There is a hand that waits
For you to reach out for it's touch.

Take no more time
To wallow in your doubt.
Let's seize this moment
To figure it out.
The answers lie inside of you,
I can help you see your truth.
Together we will walk the path,
That winding frozen rivery glass.
I can melt your lonely frozen heart,
If you give me just a start.

I should have asked you to take me for a drive.
I never had a moment alone with you.
We should have sat and cried.
There's little more to hold on to.

I hope you're feeling peaceful,
Someplace where you are loved.
The time has come and gone.
The time has come and gone.

I should have told you all
My deepest secrets.
I wonder what you'd have said
When I told you.
You would have love, I bet.
There is little left to hold on to.

I hope you're feeling wanted,
And that you're having a ball.
I hope you're where you want to be,
Or you're nowhere at all.

I should have had less
Fear of loving you.
We never had a moment
To clear the air.
I'd weep into your shoulder
Like a little child.

I hope you're feeling peaceful.
Someplace where you are loved.
The time has come and gone.
The time has come and gone.

I hope you're feeling wanted,
And that you're having a ball.
I hope you're where you want to be,
Or you're nowhere at all.

I hope you're feeling peaceful,
Someplace where you are loved.
The time has come and gone.
The time has come and gone.

I hope you're feeling wanted,
And that you're having a ball.
I hope you're where you want to be,
Or you're nowhere---

The ageless plight of persistant awakening,
Thoughts protruding into my every day,
The restless inner noise of ruminations,
Rustling windy bow-quaking wispers,  remain.

The restling of memory spurs a conversation with the past
Concerning things I have done,
As I recourse for resolution within the recollection.

I fell in love with her.
She has a soul as black
As death on a sabbath morning.
Her eyes are deeply set in the astral-plane that is her facade.
She is the captor of the attentions of many.
She is not without agenda.
Neither is she not without heartache,
For the sun that shines the brightest is always the first one to burn itself out.
Tawny windblown streaks are waving in the  lavander twilight, as her arms would move to hold the sky.
She draws me closer to her.
I alone can see inside her,
And her secrets, I help hide.
It does not matter
That she does not love me.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

There was a time
We did not know.
There was a time
We let the music go
Without ambition;
Without guidance to flow,
And it rocked right out of our soul.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

There was a time
We forgot to see
Where it comes from;
Love for you and me.
We let it run
Too wild and free
Cause rock and roll
Just had to be.

There was a time
We gave it all away
Without surrender
And we did not save
There came a time
The account was raked;
Thank God in time
We discoved grace

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

I love to be in love,
I love to be in love,
I love to be in love with you.

I've been around long enough to know
That a good man's word ain't as good as gold,
No matter what he says;
But there are exceptions.
I'm not one.

Well I've been waiting for while on a comeback line,
Avoiding the sting of a bottle of rye.
Come on,
Whatd'ya say?
Let's put the blues away.

Cause when your out of heart,
You need some hope to start
To learn to love again.
You need someone to step out on faith,
No matter what you've done;
To be given a chance
To live at last.

The wide, wild sky will be open to possiblity
When the time is right,
And you let it be.
You've got trust
To be trusted again.
You can't grip your heartache tight
Like a pillow in the night,
If you want to feel the sun.

This is the age of forgiveness,
And to be a fool,
To take a chance,
And for love, too.

This is is the age of angels.
You can see them comimg
From out of the sky
To chase the loneliness
Back into the shadows.

This is the age of internal light,
Not to play it cool,
To take some risks
With your heart, too.

I've been around a block or a few,
And I've learned of little things that a man can do
To get out of himself.
Some maybe perfect,
But I'm not one.

I've been thinking bout getting on time,
Getting in step with the pretty eyes,
Come on,
Whatd'ya say,
And you can have your way.

I surrender to you tonight,
I give myself to your loving light.
I'm yours to love again.
I need you to take a leap of faith
No matter what we've gone.
Let's give ourselves a chance
To live at last.

The wide, wild sky will be open to possiblity
When the time is right,
And you let us be.
You've got trust
To be trusted again.
You can't grip your heartache tight
Like a pillow in the night,
If you want to feel the sun.

This is the age of forgiveness,
And to be a fool,
To take a chance,
And for love, too.

This is is the age of angels.
You can see them comimg
From out of the sky
To chase the loneliness
Back into the shadows.

This is the age of internal light,
Not to play it cool,
To take some risks
With your heart, too.

Can't you see the future now?
I can.
I can see the meadow beyond this fence
That I built on mistakes,
And we went wrong ever since.
But that was then,
And this is now.
Love is how.

The wide, wild sky will be open to possiblity
When the time is right,
And you let love be.
You've got trust
To be trusted again.
You can't grip your heartache tight
Like your pillow in the night,
If you want to feel the sun.

This is the age of forgiveness,
And to be a fool,
To take a chance,
And for love, too.

This is is the age of angels.
You can see them comimg
From out of the sky
To chase the loneliness
Back into the shadows.

This is the age of internal light,
Not to play it cool,
To take some risks
With your heart, too.

Mr. Celest, won't you please entrance with your stories full of dropping names that I bet no one else could recall, even if the plausible is true?

Long men have a long time to build upon the craft of yarn-spinning , promising the archway, but never daring to get in touch with powerful ways of listening to others.

This prince has a story, too.

The crime of our age is how people live so long that they stop living to fantasize about the old days which were never as glamoruos as we recall.

The only thing you talk about is what you used the think about, when you  wished upon a shooting star that once trailed above the ocean blue.

This knave has a story, too.

An automatic pratter or the vocals in the air are not impressive to someone like me who has seen the sins and suffered wages of the ages.

The reason for your phonics is as empty as your wallet, but your name is never in the liner notes to the teary songs you try to sing.

This man has a story, too.

There is a beaker on the burner and it bubbles quite a lot, much like a festering boil, and the words that stream along are never ending.

You might learn there are surprises in the world still left to make you wonder, still there to give you feeling so you have enjoyment in your life.

This sage knows magic, too.

I:

Dear Diary,

It was not hard to understand,
The feelings that he stirred in me.
I don't really think I was ready,
But he had to have his way with me.

As he pulled back the coverlet
His eyes gleemed in the candlelight.
I felt his callused hands upon my newness
And trusted him with my life.

His words were all I could have wanted
As our fingers interlocked, then splayed.
Nobody told me how much love hurts,
But I loved him, anyway.

He gently kissed me on my forehead,
And told me not to cry.
He used his beautiful lips
To kiss tears from my eyes.

I knew I had forever changed
As I watched him button up his coat.
Then he gently reminded,
I should not tell a living soul...

II:

Dear Diary,

How could I have known that I would love him,
But be left to deal with this alone.
I used an alias on the forms,
So nobody else will ever have to know.

I wondered how I'd feel when it was over,
When I've heard the doctor say that he was through.
I wonder how long I'll miss my baby.
Ending it was all that I could do.

As I walked alone along the Boulevard,
I realize that I must hurry home.
I told them I would be on time for dinner.
(God, please don't let them ask where I did stroam)

The heart can take a body many places
That you never dreamed your soul would go,
Can make you do things you never thought you would.
Most of all, the heart can lay you low.

I wonder if our paths should cross again,
Will I tell him of the ended pregnancy.
Perhaps if he had not gone away
We would have been a wholesome family...

A fever like I'm sinking into the bed
And the pounding of the nails,
The thorns pushed in my head
As I live my life to give
My everything away
Because you said that you needed it,
It's all yours, anyway.

The thunder breaks and you start to cry.
The moaning wind, and I ask you why?
Is the life you're living really all that tough?
Can I give you more?
Will it ever be enough?

I can save your life,
But will I have to let you go,
If I can't solve your riddle?
No, I can't save your soul.

The grind is hard as my blood turns into lead,
Here the ringing of the bells,
I see the flowing color red,
And it's all for you,
And everything I said,
Because I knew that you wanted it.
It's all yours anyway.

The doors are open; you can see outside
Of your guilded cage, you can stay and hide.
Are the lies getting heavy, and it's tough
To keep them straight?
Will I ever be enough?

I can save your life,
But will I have to let you go,
If I can't solve your riddle?
No, I can't save your soul.

You're free to go.
I can't save your soul.
If you're seeking more than this life,
The answers are inside where I don't abide.
I can't make you whole.
No, I can't save your soul.

You're free to go.
I can't save your soul.
If you're seeking more than this life,
The answers are inside where I don't abide.
I can't make you whole.
No, I can't save your soul.

You're free to go.
I can't save your soul.
If you're seeking more than this life,
The answers are inside where I don't abide.
I can't make you whole.
No, I can't save your soul.

You're free to go.
I can't save your soul.
If you're seeking more than this life,
The answers are inside where I don't abide.
I can't make you whole.
No, I can't save your soul.

No shackles bound you to the perch.

I've had more than my share of news.
My pocket watch doesn't have a snooze.
I tried to get by the right way,
But the world's a society.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

The slickest part of the granite is mine.
Stay on your side of the line,
Unless you get a clear invite.
No chance of that except in dead of night.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

I don't want to take the blame
Of being foolish to your game.
I have heard it all before
And there's no use coming back for more.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

The fragile nature of your face
Needs to look elsewhere for grace.
I am not the savior of souls
Though I've collected many tolls.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

Are my lines straight as a curve
Or do I need to write more words?
I don't need to cease the day.
I just lock my heart away.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

I've been lit by the candle's light
Buy the late night love of Mr. Right.
As solid as the moment was,
It wasn't even really love.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

I go to where from angels flee
In their fits of jealousy.
I do whatev' I **** well please;
I'm stormy waters of the sea.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

One day the one that set the course
Of my hardened tour de force
Will write me of a wedding day,
Some good came of sending me away.
Somebody's getting burned
But it won't be me.

The memory of this moment,
As I look upon your face,
As you look up to me,
Your head resting on the squabs;
The sun shine between the blinds,
And birds sing morning's song,
Will stay with me until
My heart no longer throbs.

I know you are the one,
My only everything.
All I could ever want to hold
Is here, in my embrace.
I feel the tide is turning
In favor of morning's song,
As I gaze into your eyes,
And passion is in it's place.

There is no unworthy burdon
You bring to my door.
No echoes of regret.
I need for nothing more.

The errand of my heart
Is to give into your light,
To give you all I am.
You are my paradise.

He wipes the dried flakes of soil from his face as he comes to life.
He is called to his task in the air.
Rises, he rises.
With tireless love he takes his chair.

Angels touch his skin
Which glistens in the golden glow
Of an orb that burns eternal,
Or as long as lives a soul.

A new day begins
When Helio pulls the sun
In the employment of Saturn
For the service of all and one.

Would the world get by without him?
Would the day be ever long?
He never pauses to wonder
When he pulls his chariot along.

There never is a day
He thinks they should give praise.
Love means that he does the task
Without a question to be raised.

Rarely given Helio
Is a thanking for the light;
For bringing them the sun
Until the time of night.

I was between boy and man.
Had no direction, but I wanted to stand.
On solid ground, only had quicksand.

One night I pulled from the bone.
There was a voice like my own.
I didn't feel quite so alone.
I tried to flex, but I wasn't fully grown.

I was a member, but just an ember,
I was an elemental, I was fire.

I was a teen-age outlaw,
A living, diseased claw
Not yet in the prime of my life.
I was a savage' young,
a raving romantic
Surviving under cover of night.

They never knew what to do with me.
When I look back, it wasn't easy.
I tried to be how they said I should be.
There was no way that it ever could be.

One time I thought I might be alright.
Then I picked someone else's fight.
I gladly gave my time in the light.
And I went back under the cover of night.

I was a sinner, but I was a winner.
I was eternal, I was fire.

I was a teen-age outlaw,
A living, diseased claw
Not yet in the prime of my life.
I was a savage' young,
a raving romantic
Surviving under cover of night.

Behind the moonwalk,
Long before the swelling sea,
The riverbank was eroding,
Crumbling like the memory
Of my only dream.

I was a teen-age outlaw,
A living, diseased claw
Not yet in the prime of my life.
I was a savage' young,
a raving romantic
Surviving under cover of night.

I was a renagade, I slipped from the iron cage.
I was insane, crazed,
Steered by the moon's phase.
I had a long way to crawl.

I was a teen-age outlaw,
A living, diseased claw
Not yet in the prime of my life.
I was a savage' young,
a raving romantic
Surviving under cover of night.

My memories look faded, like old instant develope polaroid film in a photo album. Today, pictures are almost all digital, and more vibrant, than real time. I wonder; how will the future memories of today's young children look? Is their vision of the future as cloudy my own?

Is there no pillow for my head to find repose, no hall of redemption where I lay down the sorrow of confusion?

The dreaming of memory is a very strange thing. I have been puzzled. Here is how. In my very early adulthood (if you can call it that)
I spent a fair amount of my time as a transient nomad who was on the lamb from the police. My memory of that time is fuzzy, but I do have a recollection of all the towns...
Except one.

I can see it so clearly in my mind, and have been on it's wintry main streets a few times in my dreams, for it was in the Autumn​ or the winter months that I traveled. I recall that it was so enchanting to me that I nearly stayed, though I was only passing through.

I, with my back pack, somehow was there on the main township road, and though I don't remember my mode of arrival it must have been by bus and I on a layover with some time to wander.

In my mind it feels I could have been coming back to Shreveport on a plane from the military.

It could have been on any number of exursions. I was always running and moving about.

What I remember was checking in to a local drop in center. I had been told to check my bag in one place on the street, perhaps at a traveler's aid, and I was given a cup of coffee, while I waited on a check-in at another location which was a hostile or shelter.

I meandered about the wide boulivard  that was edged with still melting snow.
The local youth hostile offered one free overnight stay.

I cannot remember if I stayed, or if I was able to be sponsored a bus ticket out of town, or met another kind stranger who offered a ride out of the town.

I cannot remember what State the town is in. I remember nothing else about it except I feel that I had been there twice, once with a traveling companion, and once again, later on my own, which was the time I recollect on the street thinking that this village might make a good home, should I ever want to begin again, if I could ever be afforded the chance, or really need a place to hide. That is if it weren't middle America in the early 1990's and very dangerous for a gay boy to be travelling alone in these towns.

Here is the part that makes no sense, except for why I cannot remember it. I can't possibly have ever been in such a place, for it is off the path of highway 55 on which I always travelled.

I thing I told myself I would go back to the town one day, when I was in need of a place to visit, but I cannot remember the name of the place. I cannot be sure it exists at all, but in my mind.

Still, the arcitecture of the buildings were different that the generic houses in Shreveport - almost like a New England town.

All I can fathom is that there are pieces of me out there that are somehow still lost, or that I chose to leave behind, rather morosely because a place so perfect and normal  could never be my home. I was but a visitor.

I cannot even be sure I was myself​.
Maybe it was all just a dream that I had about a dream I once had.

Maybe if I were to have the experience again, I would grab hold to something and anchor myself to such a beautiful place.

Maybe I wouldn't be so afraid to stop running, that I could stay a while and talk to some of the people. As I've said, it was cold, so nobody was out.

I hate these bittersweet moments of recall that I cannot decern fantasy from reality. All the same, I do not think I would choose to give them up. The minds is the greatest scape across which to gaze.

I wonder if there could be some sort of collective vagabond consciousness that allows us the peak into each other's experience whenever we are at some sort of life precipice? Sometimes I feel as though my thoughts are not my own.

Even insanity has it's moments of perfection.

I am going back to sleep.

I ain't no stranger to strangers.
I got a lot of love to give.
Can't see through to the back of the room.
When the lights go dim,
That's when the violence blooms.

The wispers carry on tension
Of the strings between the cans.
All the brows are down at me
And the words slash whenever they can.

But I've got one thing more
Than anybody with giddy grins
On their plastic faces
And their squared-off chins.

I've got life.

I've got life.

I ain't no secrets to secrets.
Many have been mine to keep.
Heaven knows, I've been a few.
When they got back to their houses,
They wished away secrets they knew.

They scream to break the tension.
If they don't, they go insane.
They poison their faces,
Turn the keys and spill their brains.

But I've got something more
Than loose binds to convention.
I'm a prism of truth
From another dimension.

I've got life.

I've got life.

Even though they say they don't,
I know that they want to know
''How does the other half live?"

I can circumvent your systems.
I can infiltrate your ranks.
I can pass inside the shadows
Quietly along your river banks.

Only in the shadows can you find me.
Come on in and see what you will find
In the places I have slithered into,
The darkest, cob-webbed courners of your mind.

Can I take out a loan on your heart?
My credit is good
And I won't equifax it.
I won't rip it apart.

I'd like to see
The tears
you're crying

When they carry
My body
Away.

I'd like to know
You should
Have loved me

When you could have
Had
Your say.

I want lots of
Arms
to comfort

And help you
Get through
The grief.

I'd like to see
The tears
You're crying

When you could
Have said
Your peace.

Tell me that you'll miss me then.
I won't hear, but you'll say it then.
Tell me that we won't ever end.
I'll never know, but you'll say it then.

I'd like to see
The tears
You're crying

When you
Are feeling
Your pain.

Make
It all
about you

When it all
Comes back
Again.

When
The choir
Is singing

It won't be
Because
I'm gone

I'd like to see
The tears
Your crying

And know
You know
You were wrong.

Tell me that you'll miss me then.
I won't hear, but you'll say it then.
Tell me that we won't ever end.
I'll never know, but you'll say it then.

Can you tell me how
You love me now?
Can you let the secret out of Pandora's box?

I want your friends
To be
around

I want
You to
have fun

But first
The truth
Will eat you

For what
You've left
undone.

Some
Might say
It's better

That you
Are spared
Some pain.

I
Had lived
Not knowing

If I
Was loving
You in vain.

Tell me that you'll miss me then.
I won't hear, but you'll say it then.
Tell me that we won't ever end.
I'll never know, but you'll say it then.