Alone- deafening silencing erupting
around me.
Nowhere to escape
Nowhere to be.

Just me, myself and I
While half unconscious you lie
Burying your mind in the realm
of peaceful sleep.

Wide awake I will stay
For at least a few more hours I'd say
I can't be mad at you for the silence
I only have myself to blame.

Cause of my own demise,
Oh, what a shame

You're asleep
and I am so very awake
with far too much to explain.

*or maybe I'm just lonely

There is a world inside of me

life & pain it lives and breathes

endless fog, scorching heat

how am I to rule a world

that I can't even see.

Howling; chilling the frigid air even more so than the skeletal figurines (they used to be trees) that rim the desolate street. And the moon- she waxes & wanes, refusing to stay in the same stage (stay sane?). For she never sees her lover, Mr. Sun- he always runs away from the darkness, though it is at night when she rules her fun. So she tip-toes, slowly emerges, to peek carefully across the night sky and hopes that perhaps at one moment in time, she'll gaze into his blinding white light.*

....but this bed still doesn't feel my own

                     desolate
                                    & cold


      I still lie  


                                                



                                                             ­           alone







For your heart
    Is the only place
        I could ever truly call home.

I come not
From a broken home
From a broken life
Or broken dreams
I come from a broken mind, not so easy to see
From the first draw of blood I made, I knew I wasn't the same
It was love at first sight, my secret beautiful blade
It was perfect.
We spent time together
She was there for me
Like no one was before
She gave me enough pain, utmost pleasure
Always wanting more
Until one day, someone saw
My lovely secret out
They took her away, my wonderful blade
They didn't understand this love affair that had come about
They told me she was precarious
Full of diseases and grime
This scared me enough, so that I haven't returned
To flirt with my old obsession
But from time to time
When I consider deeply
I never learned my lesson

From a moments notice to
hours upon passing hours
the light trickling in the small basement
windows, stuffed with backpacks
and pillows to hide ourselves
from the outside world of uncertainty.

The churning in my stomach,
the awful, nauseous spinning is
of my own wrong doings-
a bottle of Chianti and 7 slept hours
later. I am in ruins.

Aching all morning while you lie
silently beside,
I can't help but think about all the
torture your beautiful mind was
forced to withstand. I too,
would hide even the most pressing
thoughts deep inside.

I cannot even fathom,
(I hope you realize) I'm still yet
a princess, sitting in another
castle in the sky.

She applies her lipstick liberally, a dark plum bordeaux

Her face a painted mascarade, she wears to every show.
Her smile has him merciful, begging on his knees

On stage he reveals a violet lip print on his neck
marking where she sank her teeth.

Early morning wake to
the pale yellow sun streaming
gently through the broken blinds.

Rolling over onto the warmth
of another body
I can still say is mine.

Olive skin, speckled with scars
and freckles- perfect imperfections
all but your double-sugar dark roast eyes.

Time lingers as you watch me
wake, semi-concious smiles
of the brand new day.

Goodmorning beautiful, I love you

I couldn't tell you
a better thing to say.

Leaves pile lazily on the ground,
Their tawny red, and chocolate brown
Radiance
Like an unsolved puzzle
Wafting earthy aromas to my chilled nose
And awaken the eager little girl inside,
With her ebony hair
And baby blue eyes

If I were to paint my words
Long strokes of

                           Purple

Harsh indent where pen meets paper
And

        Dark Blue

Jagged lines, interrupt the pretty pattern
Beautiful flowering blooms of

                                     Magenta

Signify that through times of

               Indigo

Passings, hope shines through.

-What would it be like
        to feel the warmth
      of your bare chest
   next to my
     crooked spine
just before
          the early sunrise
            
             And against the mid-morning sky
                  Whether'd be light or cloudy
                            You'd sing to me

                    Harmonize sweet lullabies
                      We'd create masterpieces;
                                                          Sympho­nies-

                                      But for now I have something
                                                                ­  I cannot deny
yes
                                                          ­I have let heavens
                                                                ­Treat me fables
                                                 Instead of serving wine

Today I walk the dim streets,
On this bitter November night
For the home I gave hope in
For all these years
                                                  Was never truly mine
So I close my eyes and set my aching body down
On the corner of Bay & Queens
I dreamt of, now I envision
The comfort of your thin sheets,
-and it is so characteristically silly of you to think
that I care about their prestige.

                                      For they remind me of what I
                                                 Treasure in the deepest
                                                     Recesses of my being
                                                                ­         Open sea
                                                             ­        Bluest skies
                                    & white sand beneath my feet.
For all you are,
All you offer
And all you invite me to see  
Is my untouchable childhood paradise
             But wrapped such a frigid night as tonight,
Treasure so precious
Is hard to conceive.
  
        You probably wonder from time to time
       Where this obsession with the water came
                      But for years I hummed,
             I screamed at the top of my lungs;
                                  And I sang

                                Follow me
      to the sea, where I first called your name
But, alas
again the next line of my own hymn, is a lie
            
             For I called and you haven't came


   But I know you know where to find Neptune's
                                                       ­              daughter
She rests her head within the  w a v e s
And lets the various tides
Take the strands of her fragile mind
  away
   away
    *away

tides change, a perceivable measure from my skewed vision anyways. soft shudders, wings from birds of flight- there is something in the air tonight. the earth trembles beneath me, the sky rises above- something in the moon my dear entrances me in love.
             there is no wind upon my legs, or my arms, across my face. there is no breeze to catch my hair, no cold sparks or humid drench in the air. So, I start on my summer-side way, the paths we used to take- while we were too young to understand the beauty of just being able to walk for a day. in the fields we'd run, the trees we'd climb, in the grass where we spun, and we spun;
                            until mum called us home for supper-time.
            my love? when did we decide to grow up?
for now, we are left enjoying the moments in the past, we were too busy looking into the future, to enjoy what we had.


                                                                   *but I suppose, we always are..

I search
                                      for the words

                                                          ­                     I
wrote on my hips;

                                              but
                                                                ­              not another word,

                  left my frozen lips.

                                                          ­                      There is no way to
                                                                ­      springtime,

        the winter,
                   takes her tole.

                                                               ­       I bury myself away,
                                                         in this 3 pillow,
                                           double bedded hole.

Darling, but I keep myself sane.
               I dream of flowers in my hair & the warmth in your name.
    Early July conversations,
                        tapping strings, how we'd softly sing
                                           & were guided to one another's lips
      at the very touch of our finger tips.
                               I always thought I was better than this,
                                                                                                 but
                                                             ­            Love,
                                                                ­              
                                     Your heart is one I often miss.

I couldn't help myself
















She called me.

Brave little woman,
                                                  petrified she'll never fit in
perhaps it's her unique perception of the world,

                              or the colour of her skin.

But do not keep it all within,
                                      
                  ­                                      for the tears staining your rosy cheeks
prove you not fragile nor weak.

You are, my dear
                                                               the essence of Picasso's landscape,
                                

                                 now splattered with violence, corruption & strife

But darling have hope,                           

                                   there is far too much chromatism on this earth

                     to bathe our minds in black & white.

I will not live my life,
Stalking the the perimeter of my cage
To every other being such as me
This seems like a reasonable fate
For you are kept from the terrors and disease ridden world
And fed twice a day

I was meant to starve sometimes,
So that I am thankful everytime
I catch my prey
I want to travel for miles
And watch the sunset from a different mountain top every day.

I want my roar to echo in the deepest valleys, only to be answered by absolute silence. Instead of being observed as an act of violence.
I cannot continue my life this way, as your placid royal highness
When you get down to the core of my being,
I am after all- a wild tigress.

They say love is blindness
No, I don't want to see
I'll dive head first into the unbeknownst depths
The cataracts impairing me

They say love is patient
I've never been good at biding time
I am ever restless
I'd wait eons for a love of this kind

They say love last forever
It's hard to think of anything
That can somehow compare
To that treasure.

White, silver, platinum, gold
These all fade away
They get chipped, lost,
They become worn and old

I fall in love with you differently
Everyday, for the same old things
It's so much more to me you see
Than any mortal, metal ring

Still, it's nice to think...

That miracales can happen

So I can hear my angel sing

The only thing that makes it easier right now is that I am in love.

By the time I was 15 I had already been tossed aside onto a path that has led me through unfathomably amazing and terrible moments that have scarred and forever changed me as a person. And I'm still alive, living- still experiencing traumatic losses, broken dreams and the growing pains of being an almost 18 year old girl with a little attitude. I was always destined to be unconventional, as a child I couldn't imagine my perfect american dream house, or what I was going to aspire to as I grew older. I felt joy in simple things, such as nature, tea after a long day, a smile, his eyes and painting. I never felt I had any remarkable, or valuable skills, until you showed me. You made me realize that even if you've lost, you're broken and every day your body and brain ache from the pains of growing almost 18, you'll survive another day. That things like trees, tea and art- are sometimes all you need. That I will go far, I'll make it somehow and I will succeed.

Finally, after all these years I can clearly see- my perfect american dream house, just you & me.

I want to grab your hand, and run to a place that always feels like spring
we could say what we feel, and do as we please without ever worrying ourselves about a thing.
I want to climb the highest mountains
just to brush my fingers against the sky
I want to sail over seas
that are deeper than those eyes.
Too often we find ourselves surrounded helplessly by trial and pain
All we have is fading memories and talks about how the world has changed
But I cannot stand to stay the same!
I cannot live life rolling the dice eternally, with the same results in the same game
for it is simple beauty that keeps me sane
The silent snowfall
A kiss from the rain
& all the little things we have that are the so the same
Weird little coincidences, worries and doubts they tame.
I can't tell you what happens next
But I know,
I am not longer afraid
*the world is a beautiful place

A breeze caressing my bare legs, a gift from the soft blue sky
it feels good to be full again, with a slight scent of red wine.
The gentle waves kiss the rocky shore, with the white foam rimmed water
they carry an essence of a long lost home, memories with grandfather.
And the sister I lost not so long ago, leaves her paw prints in the sand
because I know, no matter where I go, at my side she'll stand.
The only thing my heart seems to long for, a new kind of high
a buzz brought to me, by simply one thing
that look in his beautiful brown eyes.

I have alot of opinions, this particular one I am about to share with you today is a seemingly less popular idea amoung the masses.
Let's take it back to right after the first world war- soldiers coming back from battle were ailed physically, but what drove many of them sadly to the points of insanity and suicide were the things they had witnesses on the battlefield. Scenes of people infected with festering diseases that eventually took their lives, some with arms and legs completely taken off- still walking around in the shock of it all, and most of all- the death, the brains and blood and insides of what used to be living breathing people now splayed out across the landscape or piling up in the trenches. The mere thought of it is absolutely horrific.
Today, we can turn on our various screens and witness the horror in high definition, excruciating detail. Human being desimating human beings. Killing each other for fun, taking another life for fun.
I know I am mostly alone on this, every single man enjoys his brutally violent video games, gore movies and zombie thrillers are the biggest thing right now.
Personally, I feel its disgraceful. A total disrespect for the dead and human dignity. Think of your grandparents, your parents, all of your friends and family. Would you be so excited to see them fall victim in the zombie apocolapse? Already dead, reanimated, rotting corpses of your loved ones attempting to take your life. Would you be so thrilled to have them pinned at gunpoint, because to the shooter- its a game?
This numbed human experience is insane.
I don't believe in it, and I refuse to live by it.
Yes, I have been exposed to blood, guts, gore & war
But I certainly don't absorb it for fun, or as a silly past time.
These are peoples lives.

Hey so I really wanna follow like all of yall that liked my lasst poem "How To Disappear Completely" but my phones super slow and cant load all of my notifications unfortunately so if yall could just send me a quick message being like  "hey whatsup followed you" thatd be awesome !
~ natasha

but in my mind
we're somewhere in your car
and it's raining ******* a street like yours.
you've got your lips on mine
and our hearts on fire
so how could we ever
lose each other?

Through and through,
you write from the small
woven cavities in your chest
well, only those you
allow to be expressed
and if you weren't
a million miles away dear?
I'd put you back
together so fine
you never need shed a tear

As good as my heart is
which is covered
most now in black
I haven't a clue where
I'm supposed to live
so on matters of home
its hard to go back.

Go,
go where your heart pulls you
listen & love the earths warm sighs
exploring the globe from every side
happiness, freedom, calm
you'll find,
dear just keep me on your mind
for life works its way
in time