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Natasha Oct 2020
I told myself I’d never fall in love again because it’s too **** painful
and I’m tired of explaining my soul to everyone because no one understands
and I wish to be loved
but I also wish that I were dead
and I’m sorry if this is too much to process and I’m sorry if I get caught up in all the nonesense
but unfortunately I’m human
and it’s all I can do

to survive.

I’m not enough and I’m sorry.
I’m broken and I’m sorry.
I’m sad and I’m sorry.

Maybe if I were different
maybe if I hadn’t done the drugs
maybe if I thought twice
before I first fell in love.
Maybe if she didn’t touch me
or maybe if he didn’t hurt me
then I wouldn’t be here.
But that’s not the case and I’m sorry.

I’m not enough and I’m sorry.
I’m still too much and I’m sorry.
Natasha Oct 2020
time passes as the colour of seasons drain
funny how as things change
they always stay the same.

out of body, out of mind
combine dust with ash and rubble
and what do you find?

that you are back where you started
slipping through my mind
familiarity of routines charted.

the train squeals to halt
at your familiar station
I can almost see you standing there,

but for now
it is just these hallucinations.
Natasha Sep 2020
you are from a past life
I've known all along.

your voice a soothly melody
to my hearts dancing song.

the sky alight
pink & white.

the ground
black and yellow.

sunsets & slow ***
our escape enveloped.

the escarpment beyond the aging window
thickly filled with evergreens

lazy smoke across the grey ceiling
drifting languidly in the late summer breeze.

and nothing
will ever be better than that pink & white sky.

except being held on your mattress on the floor
and letting time pass us by.
inspired by life and frank oceans song
Natasha Aug 2020
dim lights and starry nights
house surrounded by the waves
over the bridge then under again
as the night turns into day.

your finger tips against my skin
a stirring buzz of passion within
a gentle kiss and soft gaze
lips tremble and eyes a haze.

sincerely yours,
my body and soul.
our actions speak volumes
brave and bold.

our words speak of centuries
and lost stories untold.
how is your body so young
but your soul so old?

and I relish in every part of it
every time your lips move
how they caress each syllable
each careful vowel you choose.

how those lips caress my skin
gentle then needing
hard and fast, and between breaths
sensual and teasing.

afterwards you'll get me water,
food, comfort and stability.
I don't even need to ask
you read my mind almost instantly.


I'm falling for you.

And though I'm afraid.

I shan't back down, I will not run away.

If it means I see your smiling face

I'll face my fears everyday.
more of a weird wordy rant then anything else
Natasha Aug 2020
I'm afraid
I'll admit it
I'm scared.

To open up to you
to love again
to be naked, vulnerable, bare.

For everyone I've ever
cared about
in that way

Has hurt me
beyond repair
so I fight this urge to run away.
Natasha Aug 2020
I met you in September
When the leaves were just tempted to change
I met you in September
When the earth felt like autumn in the rain
I met you in September
3 months shy of my birthday
I met you in September
apart from headache or drama
I met you in September
listening to Frank, Kendrick and Lana.

I met you in September
and so I say it clear
I only met you in September
because it's my favourite month of the year.
I met someone, but not in September. It was actually in July 2 years ago.
Natasha Jul 2020
fingertips against sore muscles
constellations on skin

star embedded irises reflect
a universe within.

stardust & moons cusp
varied stages of wax & wane

limitless yet weighted heavy
upon my orbital plane.

try as I might, I can't ignore
as planets grow closer

and comets soar

the parallel gravitation
I've tried so hard to ignore.
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