Drifting on a steady tide

                    Of euphoric teal,

Abroad the dozing sea

In broad daylight, my heart solely yearns to feel;
That
           kick-
                   started
backwards            flipped,
        butterfly
& honey-
                 dipped
Choking-on-my-words sensation
Smooth talking me,
    to maximum elation
Move your steady hand
Upwards,
         along the seam
Of my glitter covered, purple faerie
Ripped,
        skinny jeans
                                May our love take us to cloud 9
Bodies pulsing in the drivers side
Hips glide; perfect, precise
Against the window of the frigid outside
As I
Climb into the backseat
Eye to eye,
                   find your breath on my lips
                                       my hand under your hips
       Your exhalation is my favourite high
Teasing *****, electrify this body baby

                          Push
                         it
                             deep
                     inside
                  of
                     me
            please?

I bite your lip, always a tease
Mind enthralled, car hazy

                                 Harder sir,
                     you've kept me waiting.

                                                                  Yes,
                      oh

                                        please
                
              Daddy can you feel me squeeze?

I feel your body
I feel your heart
I feel your thoughts
I feel your soul
But you're the only thing in this entire world
That makes me feel like I've lost control
This perfect state of pleasure
Lips loose,
                 hips roll
Heavy heaving intakes
Of cigarette perfume
Drifting past the rings of your
amber-gold,
They find my softened eyes
You lean in
to whisper against
my neck
                 "I will love you until the end of time."

There's far too much
to say about our
invisible electricity, our complicated
simplicity that fills me
with just enough joy
to last me through
my day of toxicity.

To make me hunger
for your sweet, stubbly
kiss that fills the
little hole that was so
viciously knawing
at my soul.

In love, I can't pretend
in life, my bestfriend
I can't stop the emotions
that slowly creep up
expand and distend
foreign feelings, I am
able to happily follow
yet not comprehend.

Speckling drops, of bathwater- lovely evening rain.
Patter melodically against
my open window frame.
The  water touches me not,
for my roof with gutters and onings.
But the dewy breeze saturates my room
like my face to an ocean breeze.
Mother Waters, send her daughters
to my window this spring night singing.
Distant puddle patterning ploops,
diameters mass expanses on the suburban streets.
The trees, the smile as they absorb the
moisture their brittle bones need.
Oh how I pitied the trees,
when the cold stripped and broke their branches
my heart grew sorrowful & weak.
The deserve to be enveloped, by this
unplanned storm.
All in the world, would agree when I say
that we are blessed
with this warm April rain

I try and feel highly of myself
to believe every word you say
but I've been taught that
thoughts like this
only come bathed in vain.

You have to know my dear that
I try and believe when
you tell me I'm perfect, that
I'm worth it

but the chemicals in my brain
put me to shame
gently whispering
"you're worthless"

love, has always been a
losing game
yet here we are both winning
and I have no idea how to play

how to believe that
you're all mine
I could let my worrisome conscious
be free

if only I'd know I'd never
have to say
please,
please- don't leave.

I'd cast my heart,
           unto the sea

  if it meant it brought
you closer to me.


& baby when away I fly
              I'll kiss every cloud
         in the sky

          because when you look
      over-head you'll remember
our lovely good-byes.

I want to feel your silken skin forever
so please don't lose a thread.

               for, after all this time of
twists and turns
               I'm still tangled in
                                           your web

blank space, open sky
or dotted with tiny flames, far lights  
millions of miles away.

the grass a soft, sturdy cradle
beneath your tender joints.
the sea sighs, breathing gentle
drawn warmth, dancing
across your skin.
the lullaby she sings so sweet,
a mild hum and crash,
never missing a beat.
rhythm bringing sand
to your heavy eyes,

so, rest my dear

in paradise

Three can keep a secret
                                                                                         if two of them are dead

I'll bury all the bodies
                                                                                    to keep these words unsaid

Baby breathe, I begging you baby just breathe
I'm trying I'm already dying without you please
I can't stand this life without you I can't live with all the pain
I can't walk around and pretend like your passing hasn't left me insane
I see my life ahead of me and without you it isn't good
Your the one who kept me on track when no one else ever could
That's why I'm begging you, fallen helplessly on my knees
Baby if you could please just breathe.

Dear Sir,

I want you to fill me up
With all that hot sticky ***
And let me push it all out
so you can watch
when youre all done

I love our bodies connecting as one
and especially the feeling of that skillful tongue.
youre curvature fits me so perfect
That all pain from the inches that barely fit is so worth it

And the butterflies create
their rhythmic
flying circuit in my belly
when you use your fingers on
me like that old tele

you give me a rush with every touch
and flood me down below
caught in the palm of your hand

baby,
I wouldnt want anywhere else to go

Stick shift, seatbelt quick, 120k
Cool grin, bites lip, worry starts to fade
He tucks my hair behind my ear, oh so ever gently
Halted finally, stepping out of the 2014 Bentley

Swagger of his hips, lead mine to the door
His million dollar home, everything in store
Opens it, easy- then 1,2,3
Closes the door, and puts me on my knees

"You've been a very bad girl" he smirks down at me
Pushes my face into the bulge I see
I back up for a moment, weakness under his disguise
I bite my lip, and look up at him
With my lustful baby blue eyes

Oh my ever fragile bird
Do not fret your lovely mind
Your hearts wandering over mine  
Your words are in my head

Do not quiver your brow
Or bite your lip
Over the things we have
Not yet said

                         And how could I ever not need you?

With this connection so rare
Almost in describable
But I'll try my best
If you can bear
                          
               You are the crisp clean breeze of January

                             You are the smell of May at dusk
                                
                              You warm me with your July sun

                                    You fill me with October rush  


And please believe me when I say
We'll walk through a forest on a perfect summer day
Through the warmth, recite the Decemberists
And play me your beautiful tunes

                                                & baby stay
                                       up
                    with
me
                                                
                                  In the wake of

An  
                  early
                                      June
                                                       moon.

LOVE IS BLINDNESS**

I don't wanna see

                                     Can't you wrap the night

              Around
                           me?



                                     The thread is slipping
                                     The clock is ticking


                          *Love is blindness...

Shadows on the walls
even in the prettiest shades
in the arch that stretches
from dawn to dusk;
I see the dark of day.

                             It is in moments such as these
                             where I need you the most
                             to read every single thing
                             I've ever wrote about you;
                             my words act as the horrors host.

This sense of
unrelenting security
is it truth or foley?
for it is hard
to teach me to run
if you dear
are only crawling

To address all of the feedback I've been receiving in regards to the way I write or express myself I want to make some things clear.
#1.  I want to share my utter graciousness and love to all of those who support me on this website. I never thought my poetry could touch the lives of so many and have this sort of effect. I really do, truly thank all of you who have spent your time posting lovely comments or even liking some of my poems. You guys are the best! You are the reason I keep writing and feeling proud for all that I do. Thank you so so so so much for all of your love and appreciation. I can't tell you guys enough.
#2. In regards to me "seeking attention" or "getting recognition" from other people. In some way, I suppose you're right. I do want recognition for the work I produce in terms of my poetry. I want people to read what I write and share their opinions on it because I enjoy simple literature, reading and writing in general. I am not writing to having people say "poor you, you must have it so hard" I could honestly give not a single **** about any of that. I appreciate your concerns but I have friends and family who love me that I turn to when I'm in need of real support- and I write to simply get the residue of whatever bad feelings are left off my mind. I appreciate the heart-warming, extremely loving comments that I've received from many of you and they really do mean a lot to me and make me feel like I'm worth it. This is not addressed to you. This is addressed to the people who believe I'm trying to get attention by putting my work out there, this isn't what poetry is about- so stop projecting your own ideas and thoughts onto me. You will be blocked and unfollowed- I don't have patience or time for this ignorance and stupidity. I write from how I feel in a specific moment, whether that be happy, sad, depressed, loved, uneasy, numb, crazy- these are all parts of who I am, everyone can relate to all of these feelings- I just choose to express them more intensely or publicly than some. Some choose to post them on Facebook, or Instagram or church or to their friends- so please don't patronize me for simply expressing how I feel at a certain time. Poetry is meant to be shared and loved and constructively criticized, poetry is from the heart and soul of those who can't seem to express it any other way.
#3. Any comments regarding religion or spirituality in general I would rather address personally through a direct message- I was raised Roman Catholic- baptized, confirmed all that jazz. I also had the luxury of having a Buddhist grandmother and from both of those experiences in each religion I personally related to the Buddhism concept a lot better than the Catholic/Christian one. I believe there is a higher power (to some perhaps it can be seen as what you define as "God" or "Jesus") but to me I feel like it is so great that none of us can put to words or even fathom exactly what it is. Heaven and Hell both exist on Earth to me, I've seen glimmers of both. And I personally believe that when we move into the next world after our time on this earth has ended (death) that we are thrown into complete knowledge, complete understanding of the meaning of life and all that surrounds us. Perhaps not immediately, but eventually in the grand eternal scheme of things. With that, it is no ones place to try and change anyones point of view or beliefs in any aspect- I believe what I believe and if there is an all forgiving God, he would surely understand that.

So thank you to those who have kindness towards me on this site, and to those who don't? Find another poet to follow because I am clearly not your cup of tea.

Peace, love, hope & compassion

xox natasha

restless nights of senseless intuition
wandering trails of useless fruition
binding branches, choke me
but it feels good not to breathe
somehow
it seems I've gotten used to
the useless tugging on frayed vines,
the ache and sorrow as I try to climb
the desolated mountain side.

it's better to feel sad then nothing at all,
it's better to try to climb then to let oneself fall.

put on your mask, you're okay.
you're fine tonight.
you don't need anyone to hold you through the
dark nights.
just keep grasping through your days,
you're alright
I'm alright
I'm okay
*I'm not okay

Mentioning old habits, (even in light conversation)
Makes me
Crave.  

            -*only those who have seen the monster       themselves will know how awful this feeling is

I just can't seem to think clearly anymore

My

             Thoughts



Aren't
     Aligned


                              In


               Any      Way

I just need the loving touch of an angel
To bring me back to sanity

                           Sweet and gentle man

I ask you

                      Gently and carefully




Let me bathe in


                                    Your aura


         Of hazy night, and deep raspberry perfume

I suppose
as we grow older
the bitter wind
bites,
just a little bit colder.

The summer heat,
feels just slightly
more unbearable,
a tad  
too sweltering.

The wind whips
more aggressively
than before,
blowing through
the window screens
& underneath front doors.

Summer scent,
doesn't seem
to hold the same
saccharine bliss,
as it did
when we were
but kids.

Dread & gloom
appear with the
slow spit of rain
but,
do you remember a time
it filled
the puddles in which
you used to
laugh & play?

"Youth is
wasted on
the young"
We are so
often told.

Yet I see
no prevalence
in being
embittered & old.

reruns of old shows just to distract me
providing some ease for my restless mind. my head aches, my eyes burn and sting and swell from the tears that spring up whenever I think of the past.
every second growing older, me and everyone around me.
Is it selfish to say, that I'd live the first ten years of my life until my dying day?
I just can't take people I love dying around me. I can't do it the thought itself kills me. It keeps me up at night.
I can't live this thing called life.

I can feel him pulsing
from deep inside me, all down & up underneath

but, when I'm on top
I have my fun,
I grab his wrists,
kiss his neck just a little bit
his eyes roll back
breaks free of my grip, running down my ***
till he finds the sweet spot
& rubs me nice

mm.
now this is how I like it
he takes control
I lose my mind
lose my body
in our souls
intertwined.

                      I


                                               gasp


           & moan




                        baby, please don't stop,oh



his head
                           tips
                  back

                                                     his jaw goes
                                                                         slack


and

                         we both

                                              ******


                                                                as one.

                                                                                  xo

So do it--decide.

Is this the life
you want to live?
Is this the person
you want to love?
Is this the best you can be?
Can you be stronger?
Kinder? More compassionate?
Decide.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
and decide.

My bare feet tread upon soft, dampened sand
toe-trails follow me along the shoreline & stones rest within my hand.
I gaze out upon the angry, pale sea
yet even in her times of melancholy, she beckons me
I wade in to my ankles, strip my clothing to the skin
her waves, a sirens song gently pulls my soul in.
Chest deep, the icy sting of her watery tendrils
send me shaking from within
I still push farther on,
I am among the waves but stone cold porcelain
I shut my eyes, & give body to her mercy
for my soul will never feel this whole again.

kaleidoscoping thoughts rotate
patterns change, colours migrate
hard as I try, I
cannot escape-
the penitentiary that is my own
headspace.


I could walk tens of miles,
run thousands of feet
fly forever with angel wings
and dive to the deepest
depths of the sea.


from time to time
when I can't even stand
to be around me,
I put my pink matter
on my bedside shelf
and leave,


for I have better things,
to do with myself
then worry about

I,
myself
& me.

she loves him,
              &  he loves her
and not time or space
or catching glances
from arm & arm linked
couples disturbing the twittering birds
could halt that.

for, she loves him.
and he loves her.

So much passion rests in his palms
solo's & chord's an ease
through every last song.
Sometimes I wish to
explain to him the "he"
behind every line of poetry.
Every line, typed out on
script, to give his lusterless
love-life a trip.
Imagine what we could be
if the world had been gracious
enough to unite you & me.
Through timeless days,
space above my head I pray
that soon, we will see that day.

*It breaks  my heart, all I see is we will never be. I bleed. I cry. I don't know why but something that rests so deep in your heavy eyes has just-

made me feel, again.

Smoking my last cigarette
I know you hate it
Never kicked the habit

Walked in with your jawline set
I know your angry
Lets get at it

Walk out trailing behind you
Like I'm some kind of
a n i m a l?

Throw me into the passengers side
And kiss me hard
Before we go

But why

Does my body even allow

A glimmer of hope

For something I know

Proven by doctors and science

To be

Impossible.

I cannot comprehend
the words that so ever
desperately

Spill over the dam
You created -ever so carefully- with your
lips

You simply burst through my floodgates
And drown me in


                                                                                  serendipity

You are
           my sip of
espresso,
           through all the hazy days
Light parts around your face
                                         Curious eyes ablaze
                & I couldn't honestly
                        tell you another way
                          that I'd want to spend
        
                                                              a lazy Monday