Sometimes words cannot capture the feelings swimming in your head



so drown little thoughts


   drown

You don't care


About the little things



That mean a lot


To me

If you fell,
                   starlight

   I would catch you

                                     But,

    You just keep shooting across the sky

reruns of old shows just to distract me
providing some ease for my restless mind. my head aches, my eyes burn and sting and swell from the tears that spring up whenever I think of the past.
every second growing older, me and everyone around me.
Is it selfish to say, that I'd live the first ten years of my life until my dying day?
I just can't take people I love dying around me. I can't do it the thought itself kills me. It keeps me up at night.
I can't live this thing called life.

i.
Lust for him
Envy for her
Shame for myself

           ii.
Longing for him (in another life I tell myself)
Nothing for her
Anger for myself

        iii.
Indifference for him
Is there a her?
Curiousity about myself (I wonder if he was here, what could he make my body do)

Like the seasons, we

                 flirt, ****, hate, repeat

                           an incredible future upon each of our shoulders

                          and who knew it'd be the thing that holds us

back from everything we've ever felt together

we both knew we meant forever

                                                                             but slowly, surely

                                                                                        day by day

I assure you darling,

*I'm fading away.

I try and feel highly of myself
to believe every word you say
but I've been taught that
thoughts like this
only come bathed in vain.

You have to know my dear that
I try and believe when
you tell me I'm perfect, that
I'm worth it

but the chemicals in my brain
put me to shame
gently whispering
"you're worthless"

love, has always been a
losing game
yet here we are both winning
and I have no idea how to play

how to believe that
you're all mine
I could let my worrisome conscious
be free

if only I'd know I'd never
have to say
please,
please- don't leave.

Yet,

                     every morning


                                                       ­           I know




                                                            ­                                          that just after dawns break


                                                         ­                                                                 ­                              
                                 you'd sing to me



&

                      
gift me



 with



                                                             ­                                    unstained



                                                              ­                                                                 ­                 felicity.

restless nights of senseless intuition
wandering trails of useless fruition
binding branches, choke me
but it feels good not to breathe
somehow
it seems I've gotten used to
the useless tugging on frayed vines,
the ache and sorrow as I try to climb
the desolated mountain side.

it's better to feel sad then nothing at all,
it's better to try to climb then to let oneself fall.

put on your mask, you're okay.
you're fine tonight.
you don't need anyone to hold you through the
dark nights.
just keep grasping through your days,
you're alright
I'm alright
I'm okay
*I'm not okay

Pain rocks my body
A dry unrelenting feeling
Make it stop
The hopelessness
In this agony
I dread

When I can't get me speed
Jack will do
Send me to sleep baby
Minds chewed

My throat must a venue
                                       for The Lonely Hearts Club Band



I swallow my pulse
                                 and hold my tongue in my hand.


                                

Vivid lucid reality,  
                               popping all my stitches at the seams




on the other line, your consciousness fades
                                                           ­           as I envy your quest for dreams.





You're always in my heart though,
                                                      ros­ary beads in hand with your protection





for it is in nights like this, I simply wish
                                                         for a moment of undying affection.






Arms around me through the night,
                                                          ­ the morning sun in his hazel eyes;




filled with smiles for all eternities
                                                      ­& a stomach full of butterflies.




                                                            ­                                                   xo

I feel like time is soaring by,
the clouds each day tumbling high
and with each passing breeze,
between them I sigh,
for I and all I love will someday
be one with the sky.

The walls once built for the
children of the past, have crumbled
leaving rubble, vast.
And home I reside, will eventually
fall, we all grieve- uselessly
at the impermanence of it all.

And darling,
you nor I can stop the clocks from ticking, but we can choose how to spend each moment
we are living.

She smells of jasmine
And sea island cotton

Her haunting green eyes
And vivid ice blonde hair

Not even The Creator
Could believe

He had constructed something
So beautiful

Baptizing her head
in a basin of ash
the stark white of her
angel hair
now smokes with cinder black
Her eyes
green once,
now lighten in dramatic contrast
piercing white, ice blue
that leave your heart to tremble when she laughs.
Angular and insecure
her body a mere wasteland
of what it was before
For when He banishes an angel
she will walk the streets
as a *****.

You are so much to lose;
and for how I've gained
I'll accept all your burdens,
sorrow and pain;
but is it worth it for you?
with all my mistakes
I know they've caused you

melancholy and disdain.


It's mid-December,

but it feels like spring
such as the world, we are an
odd, complicated thing.


I just can't see you seeping
anything useful from me.
I am the raging forest fire that

mercilessly swept across the trees.


Lovely,

I don't mean to burn you,
I simply try to breathe


I can't help that it's within my nature
to destroy everything I meet


in time
with a heavy laden heart
my love

you'll fall to ashes at my feet.

I savour each unique, little patterned frozen water molecule resting on the tips of our equally generous lashes.
Though our lips and faces freeze, bare skin fairs poorly against this cold.
Your eyes speak of a summer time it seems was so long ago.
Those mahongany, chestnut irises- with them I can't wait to watch the sunset.
So much power, passion and talent in you rests yet.
Clear that troubled mind and embrace it
Accept the god given talents the gifts you are given
Modesty I can understand but needn't you keep it so hidden?
For love your character already has this little lady so smitten.
You can call me kitten, sir
Or whatever knocks on your mental door
*****, love, baby or your ***** little *****
Over each of these to my stomach my heart seems to fall
But, I'm proud to say
To you, I am them all.

Trapped in a mind no longer myself
White walls, white sheets, white eyes, white hell
My friend over there is special, only I can see him
Red stains his clothes and all of his skin
His wide eyes are black, but they were once blue
Trust me, he used to live in this room with me too
All he does is sit there not making much noise
Sometimes I'm his *****, but mostly
He's my toy.
His teeth are missing, knocked out of his face
Dragged, through the hallways and killed without a trace
Well at least to me, it seemed he was gone for good
Till white turned red wherever I stood.
A part of me screamed as another one laughed
A sharp pain in my side, and my world turned black.
My head educes snide dreams with voices drifting sideways
Voices crossing each other like overpass highways
"What have you done?!" one of them shrills
For I have sufficed my inexplicable urge to ****
Different words, different voices leave me alone and reeling
Black walls, black *****, blackened faces, black ceiling
Room with a low roof, no bed, no feeling
Just space and empty
Unfurling to consume me
Until blinding light surrounds a dark figure
Long and Lanky
An outstretched arm
With something held in its bounty
I sprint towards it
Is it too good to be true?
Until a
Gunshot
Gasp
And drip
Then my life ended with you.

The child creeps closer and closer
To the fire
Closer and closer
I watch and await
I know what's next
But yet I do not try to stop
Halt
Or warn her
For I will smile as she **burns

Out of the corner of his eye he spotted,
                       a young woman,
        with dark red hair
                                    eyes of forest green
    and skin ever fair.

She smiled, her red blooming tulips.
               The sun in her gaze,
   for they shined.
                                             "and I wish they were mine"

                                                                    but,
what
he
  doesn't
   know
    is
     she's
      gotta
       man
         back
          at
           home
             and
               she
                 won't
                    wear
                       her
                         rings
                            when
                              she's
                                going
                                    on
                                      patrol.

you sang a song


              of love & life


       but I could hear


                         the hate & pain



    in your soulful voice.

it's going to be a long day
long night
long morning
whats the difference
if you don't


sleep



anyways.

I'm so low
I wish I could say it's unfamiliar
but this place is like my old home;

here I reside and within it
a part of me dies,
every single second I spend
trapped here alive.

Everyone is thinking forward
and here I am trapped in my head
sleep, the sparse hours I receive
are the closest thing to comfort I get.

I wish I could just stay in bed.

I don't wanna die, not yet
no, not yet.
I just want to live a day where my bones don't feel like lead.

And my muscles don't feel like they'll contract
so suddenly,


and **** me on their own accord.

Or that my organs won't turn black
and start oozing from my every pore.
So when you ask me what's going on
I'll say, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm bored.

But in reality, I'm hurting
every part of me is sore.

Please don't worry,
and please don't stress.
I hate to see you cry.
Don't stay for me,
you'll be stuck here forever
I'm just waiting to die.

Green with envy, black with beauty
Red with passion, the blues not soothing.

White to black, in three seconds flat.
Love to hate, in just a snap.

Choose a side, any side
As long as it's one

Bite the bullet faster
And prepare your own gun

Crazed, then organized
Grey matter in between

Choose a hand, any hand
And call her your queen

Tell her you want her
Then want her to die

So settle her off
With a bullet behind her eye

Feel sadness, then succession
A stab of painful regression

Heavy hearted,
Though your feet shall tread light

As you run, disappear
Into the black curtain close of night.

this way, can you tell me? why?
I am so terribly tangled inside
nothing to prove,
and everything to lose
surely, tis can't be I?

to have perhaps wandered up
the winding mountain top
too high
the foliage of thick branches
have always sheltered
my ****** eyes
and now- they water, and fall
from puddles into pools
in fear of finally seeing
the sky.

I have alot of opinions, this particular one I am about to share with you today is a seemingly less popular idea amoung the masses.
Let's take it back to right after the first world war- soldiers coming back from battle were ailed physically, but what drove many of them sadly to the points of insanity and suicide were the things they had witnesses on the battlefield. Scenes of people infected with festering diseases that eventually took their lives, some with arms and legs completely taken off- still walking around in the shock of it all, and most of all- the death, the brains and blood and insides of what used to be living breathing people now splayed out across the landscape or piling up in the trenches. The mere thought of it is absolutely horrific.
Today, we can turn on our various screens and witness the horror in high definition, excruciating detail. Human being desimating human beings. Killing each other for fun, taking another life for fun.
I know I am mostly alone on this, every single man enjoys his brutally violent video games, gore movies and zombie thrillers are the biggest thing right now.
Personally, I feel its disgraceful. A total disrespect for the dead and human dignity. Think of your grandparents, your parents, all of your friends and family. Would you be so excited to see them fall victim in the zombie apocolapse? Already dead, reanimated, rotting corpses of your loved ones attempting to take your life. Would you be so thrilled to have them pinned at gunpoint, because to the shooter- its a game?
This numbed human experience is insane.
I don't believe in it, and I refuse to live by it.
Yes, I have been exposed to blood, guts, gore & war
But I certainly don't absorb it for fun, or as a silly past time.
These are peoples lives.

Leaves pile lazily on the ground,
Their tawny red, and chocolate brown
Radiance
Like an unsolved puzzle
Wafting earthy aromas to my chilled nose
And awaken the eager little girl inside,
With her ebony hair
And baby blue eyes

Day without substance
What am I to do with myself

Clear your hazel gaze; you are completely submerged in an underwater paradise, suspended in the motions of the current. No, you're not drowning, I've given you enough endearment & sustenance for you to breathe on your own- even in the abyss of my oceanic heart.
Of course, you always knew you could dear.
So smile & sail along the swaying tides of teal, graze my shipwrecks with your gentle hands & kiss along my roughest of reefs. Find a mermaid with an elfish face, maroon hair & red lips to taste. Feel no limitations of world above the surface, staying in this place with you forever would be oh-so perfect. The albatross of our concrete lives, lived out in cities made of glass and steel, would never be found in a place such as this- we are forbidden to sustain ourselves through more of such unhappiness.
For down here, we simply float on.  
We can get high in the waves, and sing all of your songs. For the water lifts all the worries we may have, in times when we are not strong.
You dove into me, simply chipping away at the stoical walls I've fashioned over time. The fortress comparable Alcatraz, I built to keep my demons in and every single soul out. But you, the flighty sea spirit (believe me we are birds of a feather), made your way to my castle among the waves; soaring over all misconceptions & doubts.

I'm choking

                  Gasping

                                    ­I drown

For my lungs collapse in the water
Like my heart interprets your words
My adoration and lust for both
Leaves me breathless.

Past years reminding me of ancient ideas, wasted hope on young lustful love
which now translates to the tune of reluctant,
senseless adoration as I watch
my first birdie take flight
and spread his wings like a majestic eagle in the sky.

I wave goodbye.

You know I'll always remember
the first summer we spent together.

In the good times, and through all the bad
concern and dim hopes were all we had
but then, she heard wings of all sorts
scattered at her front door flocking
My birdie came knocking
stopped the boat on uneasy waters from rocking.

Opened up his tormented soul for me to see
and asked every graciously "forgive me?"
I pleaded, "but it was I who'd sent you away!"
and it still haunts me to this day
that I hurt my best friend
and thinking of those tainted sheets in which I lay.

But you told me not to worry, not to fret
the past is the past,
so lets start off where we finished last
we were stupid, carefree and naive  
we knew no greater truth than hair dye & ****
And simple things,
like paintings, a smile and teddy bears
were all we needed.

But I'm here today to prove
That I will always stay true
To give guidance and support all the way through
Ex-Lover,
Best Friend,
Brother
I love you.