just tell me one more time
that you love me so I can remember
the way words passionately leave lips
and tell beautiful lies

I weaken at
the gentle touch of your lips
against my sultry skin
My inhibitions escape
as you run kisses softly along
my stomach, directly
above my waist
Your hands slowly roam my frame
showering me with feelings
of peace and serenity
My skin sweats out all my secrets
while you intently listen and use it
to your advantage
No longer shielded against you
my body begins to tremble with ecstasy
You make me feel this forgotten desire
that's awaken the passion imbedded
deep within my bones
I surrender and lose all control
My body is no longer mine
but now yours as we lay engulfed
in one other, perfectly intertwined
I anticipate the warmth of your touch
and tremble before you reach
your next destination
for my skin has memorized
that tingling sensation
Soul to soul we face each other
You look up at me as your
eyes intensely relay a message
my heart already knows
I throw my head
and feed my love to you
I moan and tremble as you travel
through my veins
             I'm addicted to you
The affect remains even after
I errupt and not just with raw passion
I drift into a deep sleep
while my body still
twitches at the sensual touch of
your fingertips

Strip me naked until i am bare
Soul reached, spirit unveiled
Fears gone, confidence prevailed
Love me even when the monster
in me is revealed
For I am a beautiful nightmare but with you the wounds of life's past are healed

i dont share a lot of my poetry with my family
it will shatter their existing image of me;
                                  of who they want me to be
im too gay in my writing
      too activist
      too deep
      too controversial
      too...
real
so i share it with strangers
all of you beautiful strangers whom i will never meet
because you understand me more
than people ive known my whole life
you appreciate my depth and we can share our
love, pain, and struggles
                                             together

This is more than a little thing
This is a forever partnership, friendship
This is more than just a *** and lust
This is a forever connection spoken through the physical
This is more than basic conversations
This is a forever search of a deeper intellectual stimulation
This is more than just getting along
This is a forever journey of laughter, affection, fun
This is more than arguing
This is a forever commitment to understanding
This is more than hearing each other
This is a forever devotion to listening and caring
This is more than confidence
This is a forever reliance on trust, loyalty, honesty
This is more than how you make me feel
This is a forever journey in exploring every depth of you
This is more than a young romance
This is a forever love

My heart pounds inside my chest and I can feel my anxiety increasing
I've never been anxious
My two bestfriends are drowning and I don’t know how to swim
Which do I save?
Can I go in after both?
But I can't tread water or even doggy paddle
Wait…I actually have a slight fear of water
But I have to go, I have to try
I can feel the water creeping up my legs
I keep walking steadily, careful not to lose my footing
Got **** it's cold, they must be freezing
I walk faster now, in waste deep
I keep hearing my name in silent cries
They are pleading for me to hurry with their worried eyes
**** where'd she go?
I can’t see her head
I can see his hand
I try to yell "I’m here, I’m here!! I’m coming"
but a tidal wave comes and takes me under
 
I remember she said being around me makes her fearful
Her fears of me made me remember why
I’m flooded with thoughts of my past
Images that can’t be erased no matter how much I’ve changed
No matter how much time has passed
I can’t let myself drown, she needs me
 
Noo! I'm here I can save you this time
I can rescue you, hold you
And your fears of me will be no more
I will be your hero and not your destroyer
 
I resurface and try swimming towards her
But just as my head peeps above the water
A thick cloud of smoke blurs my vision
**** **** ****! I can’t see!
I realize he's trying to get my attention
“Come my way” he's pleading
It looks like he's relaxing on the water
Floating
But it's all a show, I know
He's a sinker
 
That used to be our past time
chilling, relaxing, smoking
But now he is choking on his hobby
**** did I let this happen?
The ominous smoke cloud is hovering above him
spreading in the wind
I know he can’t breathe…
 
I’m overwhelmed and want to yell “Help!”
But nah, I got this
They can't know I'm **** near drowning too
They can’t see the tears running down my face
Thank goodness we are in water
Wait ****...we're in water
Don't panic
Relax.
Breathe.
 
The faster I move, the further into the abyss I go
The harder it is for me to see them
I can no longer hear their cries or see their bodies
 
****. The sun's going down
It’s slowly starting to set.
I have to get to them before night fall
Don't give up.
Don’t
Give
Up.
They're counting on you
 
I turn back...
 
As soon as I reach land I drag my body across the dirt
Ahh yes! Over there!
I get my life boat and return to the water more at ease.
I can do this.
My confidence is back.
I close my eyes and feel their heartbeats traveling through the air
It's like a magnet.
 
Times running out but I will save them
 
Paddle
Faster.
Paddle
Faster!
Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock
 
I don't know if I can reach them before the darkness surrounds them
All I know is I will reach them and pull them aboard
Even if it's dark, at least we will see the light
*Together.

The worst is when you fall in love and they don't with you
you heart feels crushed and not just split in two
you feel empty and worry that you'll never feel whole
for you loved them to the core of your soul

but I'm here to tell you that you don't need them to feel alive
you don't need that person you thought was perfect to survive
you are purely beautiful and enough on your own
so take a seat on your personal royal throne
don't search for love because all the love you need is from you
and once you start believing that i promise your dream love will finally come true

baby let's disintegrate into dust so we float and go where the
wind    
blows
us
let's not think;
let's just
be
let's make the world mad with our shared deep affection
so in true love others will believe
let's kiss in the breeze;
live free
let's slip through their fingers only letting them experience
a piece of earth's greatness for only a
instant
let's make love through our words and dance
with our minds until they become twisted
Baby, you and me?
Let's become one even through distance
If you float one way and I another
do not worry because there is no other
no other woman who can journey the world with me
explore my body and caress my soul like you
with every breath you inhale a kiss from your lips
are placed above my hips
your very being ignites the dragon within me to produce the fiery
passion that sparked our love
you are me and I..I am you
no matter what tries to come between us
we will rise above
so how about it baby?
let's disintegrate into dust so we can float and go where the
wind    
blows
us

im trying to find my wings
do you have them?
i remember lending them to that beautiful girl
her throat burned so badly she couldn't speak up
did she ever give them back?
or did i last give them to that brilliant guy that
used his skin as a carving board?


did my wings finally break?

Bang!
He's down
Bang! Bang!
He's not getting up
Bang! Bang! Bang!
He's dead
Bang!
Just to be sure

"oh really, you write poetry? you don't look like you would"
"so what exactly does a person who expresses thoughts through writing look like?"
"no it's just that you are so manly and stuff"
"hmm...what makes me so manly? the way i dress?"
"that and you play sports"
"so let me get this straight, because i dress in boyish clothes and choose to stay fit through structured physical exercise i must be manly and also incapable of having the intellectual and spiritual ability to express my deepest thoughts into beautifully written relatable words?"
"i...umm...i didn't.."
"yes you did. before you judge someone at least make sure you know them. i may seem one way but trust me there are many layers to my being that you can't even imagine. i don't blame you for your ignorance because you are unaware that you even are, but next time you don't have an excuse"

i look at individuals as souls, not bodies
bodies are temporary but souls are forever
and that's how i like to look at myself and others
as everlasting drifting souls.
some with direction and others carefree

Have you ever felt like you have a purpose?
Like you know that you were placed in this world
to make a lasting difference?
i know i am destined to change lives.
i feel that is and will be my riches.
not some paper with dead white men.
have you ever felt scared with that responsibility?
nervous that you don't measure up to the expectations
of the higher being that strategically placed you in this world?
i don't want to fail any of the souls who are seeking refuge
in a listening ear and a sincere heart.
I know I can't be there for them all but if i can be
for at least some...if i can show someone that they are
loved, strong, deserving of happiness, and that life is not as
****** as it seems but it is something beautiful, just like them.
if i can guide someone to see their potential and know that they
can accomplish good things and be thriving individuals
then, i believe, i can drift on knowing that i fulfilled my purpose

the most beautiful thing about poetry is
how the beauty of the words evolve
with you
the more you experience
the more you learn
the more you write

you recognize phases in life
that you didn't know existed
you read old poems but
still feel the same passion
as when you first put your emotions onto paper

you witness greatness becoming perfected
but never reached because
as a beautiful entity
you are forever growing, forever evolving

or maybe the most beautiful thing about poetry
is how you can translate intangible emotions
into relatable words without even fully knowing
what the final piece will be
sometimes you have a vision of the words
and other times the fingers move for you before your
mind can process what is going on
the more you write
the more you see
the more you understand

poetry dares you
to grapple with your emotions instead of hide them

poetry is transformative.

You look at me and you frown in jealousy.
Yeah, you secretly know I have swag.
Pants a little low, black and red shirt that says
“Sit down and learn from the Master,”
and a matching hat that states what you already know-
“FRESH”

You taste the bitterness of your words as you whisper lies to my back.
Yeah, you secretly know I don’t care.
Pants a little low, red and yellow shirt that says
“My swoosh is bigger than yours”
and a matching hat of who you think I resemble-
Superman

You hear the high pitched hissing that I’m doing well and hope that I fail.
Yeah, you secretly know I’ll succeed.
Pants a little low, black and blue shirt that says
“Just Did It”
and a matching hat that reminds you of what you need to do-
“OBEY”

You touch my strong shaped shoulders with yours and utter no apology.
Yeah, you’re secretly freaking out with excitement.
Pants a little low, blue and red shirt that says
“Don’t Bro Me If You Don’t Know Me”
and a matching hat with the best known bickering buddies-
Tom and Jerry

You smell my confidence in the aroma of chocolate axe and you pinch your nose.
Yeah, you’re secretly going to buy it later.
Pants a little low, black and white shirt that says
“Don’t sweat my swag”
and a matching hat that proclaims my feelings for you-
“I <3 Haters” and under the brim it says why-
“MOTIVATION”

I'd rather feel immense pain
than let the
      withering
          of
              my spirit
dry out my bones

Death.

For some it is a fear for others it is the perfect solution to their problems
on the outside they seem happy and put together but on the inside they are
screaming and pleading for someone to help…for someone to save them
for someone to give a **** and take the time to see what is really going on
to see that tears stream down their cheeks every night and seep deep into the pillow
to see the scars on their bodies and not believe the ******* lies that spew out of their mouths as an explanation for the meticulous and clearly not accidental lines on their arms, legs, and thighs
why can’t people see that by living they are dying?
why can’t they see that dying is the only way out from the pain that can’t be escaped?
why the **** can’t they see that they are the ******* reason those souls no longer want to be!?
They call you a stupid ******* and say you won’t amount to nothing
you think “well **** it why am I here! Why do I struggle to hold on when they try to make me let go?”
life seems to crumble at a hint of happiness
sanity quickly disappears with every word that slips between their lips
the little bit of will power that helped you to live quickly oozes out of you and drips onto the floor
the drips turn into drops and the drops finally form a red puddle as the tears flow and questions swarm your head
what did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why am I ugly? Why can’t I be skinny? Why can’t I be happy?
and finally What have I done?
the sharp object easily slices through the skin just as the hatred effortlessly seeps into your mind
every day it is a fight to escape the monster that threatens your existence
not the monster under the bed but the one living inside your head replaying the negativity that you have heard all your life
replaying the memories that you tried to force to the back of your mind in a lock box that you desperately tried to forget  
replaying what you have come to see as the harsh truth that you just aren’t good enough
 

But in reality you are more than good enough and you aren’t fat or ugly or dumb
YOU are beautiful and you are who you are
yes you are not perfect yes you make mistakes and yes you may not be the smartest person ever
but umm last time I checked neither are they
you don’t have to be a size zero to be beautiful
beauty is something you have on the inside not something that can be measured from the size of a pair of jeans
having curves does not make you fat nor does having thick thighs
so when you look into the mirror be proud of what you see because that person is you and no matter what negativity comes your way know that you are beautiful and anything else are lies
they just try to bring you down to make them feel that they are above
so don’t listen and **** what they say because
they don’t know **** about you as a person and the struggle you have been through
to have made it this far says that you are strong and can carry
you can claw your way out of the deep hole that everyone has been digging for you
you will finally see the sunrise after midnight
you will see the beautiful rainbow after the storm and reach the *** of gold
just hold on because someone out there is waiting for you to enter their life so it will have meaning and give the meaning of life back to you
so please just fight another battle because no matter how many you may lose you can and will win the war

I live to love.
To love the people around me. To Love what I do. To Love who I am.
I live to love all the small wonders around me like the changing colors of the leaves or the whispers in the wind.
I live to love the sun rise and the night skies.
I love to love because without love happiness is just a word.

make me *** by ******* my mind;
    seducing my soul

The taste buds on my tongue touches her skin and tastes her flesh
Every inch of her body succumbs to its strokes and its flicks
I paint a picture that cant be seen only felt
By her
First I outline her frame sending chills down her middle
I then run my tongue  along her spine  from the top of her *** to the tip of her ear; I linger breathing heavily onto her neck
Her legs begin to shake
My body thrusts against hers, her fingers wrestles in search of mine
Our lips lock
I flip her over; face to face
Eyes seeking, souls reached
But my painting is not yet complete
I trace her ******* with the tip creating perfect circles around her *******
Spell my name on her stomach as I lick my way down
Her back arches
My fingers pinch at  her nips as my tongue clashes with her ****
She moans
My tongue dips inside gathering more of her paint to finish my masterpiece
Then as her toes curl and nails dig in my back, it spills all over me
Her wetness drips down my lips and lingers on my chin
She's left  speechless, gasping for air
She pulls me up and kisses me
We lay intertwined, two souls one body
A perfect canvas of our love

Baby it's crazy because even when you are away I know you are here

I feel your kiss every time the wind blows

I hear your laugh in the bustling of the leaves

I embrace your warm touch in every sun ray that caresses my skin

And when the beautiful sun sets, I know it is you smiling at me before you close your eyes to go to sleep

And when the moon rise and night falls,
your love shines brightest during the darkest hours

When I look up at the stars I know the two brightest are your eyes looking up at me as you wake up in the middle of the night to remind me that you adore me

I pull you closer into me
Your head on my chest
My arms wrapped around you

As I close my eyes and drift into a deep sleep, I hear you breathing in the silence

Then finally we are reunited in my dreams