It is difficult to be a man,
For I am not a typical one.
It is hard for me to go on,
There’s a secret that pulls me.

I loathe when my memories strike,
They hit emotionally with might.
I struggle so much to survive,
In a world so deaf towards my cries.

I look at a He and my heart convulses,
For I recall a He who gave me kisses.
I was young, forced and naïve,
I fought but He was much stronger.

Society might tell that I’m gay,
For I let a man violated me in a way.
But I’m not a ***** and I’m sure,
I play a role for which others envy.

When I was a teen I met her,
I admired her even if she’s older.
I was then shy and very timid,
With mental and emotional scars.

I thought of her as a dear friend,
Then she turned to be my worst fiend.
One instance she forced herself on me,
And used things that hurt me so.

A girl’s tactics differ from the stronger ***,
Tears she used first and blackmail next.
She was cunning, sly and very clever,
She stole my pride and my dignity.

My fears now mixed with anger,
My determinations got bolder.
I still cry and sometimes get lonely,
Like any other victim I want to fight.

I can not shout to the whole nations,
For societies will scorn at my declamation.
Both sexes forgot that I have feelings too,
I am also made of flesh, bones and spirit.

I am not proud of what I become,
Within me clouding reasons try to calm.
My desire is to win this battle to the end,
I am capable of vulnerability like any human.

But where does my right begin?
This universe has compassion for women.
The likes of me are expected to be steel made,
Yet I have feelings too for I am just a man.

Lipstick so red on lips so blue,
Shadows so black on eyes untrue.
Puff of smoke huffed to the air,
Swirling amorously around the lady fair.


Lust is dancing with natural ease,
Hips sway to and fro - what a tease!
Hands beckoning at night's affair,
Fingers snap with passionate flare.


Words whispered with carelessness,
Hearts shielded from tomorrow's mess.
For tonight lovers cling for security,
Such solace found in darkness' infidelity.

Itch
Please scratch it
Pain
Slowly tickle it
Whoa
A Lip bite
Ohhh
What is that?
Ahhmm
Do not stop
Whoo
Do it again!

Center
wet and wild
Middle
a sticky ride
Below
heat hot heat
Above
tickle hurt tickle
Center
burst white flame!

Symphony of heavens blasted joyously,
Even the angels triumphantly sang "Seerie"
Endless dew drops of hypnotizing colors
Ribbons and laces scattered at earthly doors
Intricate emotions made way to beauty so true
E**den at its best when dear God created you.

Oh Daughter of mine hear my plea,
Surpass our challenge through beauty.
Use the mind to be the game's mistress,
Heart be bothered not of any distress.

Acquire grace, charm and wiles to catch,
A certain man of power is truly your match.
If he be made of steel melt it with kiss,
If born out of war then grant him peace.

Gentle as feather strong as diamond,
Bring him to his knees with every summon.
Bestow him joy and fresh breath of life,
And ease his encumbrance and strife.

Receive the gifts of different pleasures,
Which he brings in his cove of treasure.
Swallow your embarrassment and pride,
In this life we must sail with the tide.

Heed not to Aphrodite's words of passion,
Be guarded from the love arrow's invasion.
Color red for victory but grounded by black,
Loneliness is payment yet your smile is intact.

My arms you cannot touch
my voice you cannot hear
my tears you cannot wipe away
but my heart is pierced by your cries
my ears hear your silent wails
on the other side of this world
i know your pains but
i do not feel you -

oh faceless one!
oh persecuted one!

do not lose yourself because
of these deathly struggles
do not let the fire burn down
finish the race sweet sibling of faith-
get your reward at Jesus' feet
receive the applause of the
myriad of angels
and let the heavens embrace
you in its bossom

Will you still love me
with my special disease: Hepa B?
will you still say that you adore
and cherish me forever more?

Will you still kiss me sweetly
with my special disease: Hepa B?
will you still comfort me in embrace
and in your arms I find a safe place?

Will you still hold my hand gently
with my special disease: Hepa B?
will you still give me white roses
read silly notes while bumping our noses?

Will you still want to have a baby
even with my special disease: Hepa B?
will you still be my man in the future
and love me even if there's no cure?

Your name sounds like John Lennon
But you make my mouth water more
I feel giddy when squeezing you hard!

During work I think of you
At home I think of you
Maybe if I shoot my brains out
I would stop wondering about you

Oh yes! To be a zombie
Undead walking on earth
Never thinking, never minding
Just walking and feeling hungry

But even if my brain gets frozen
It’s not the ***** that thinks improperly
This tiny red muscle with intricate branches
Pumps and thinks too much

Just **** my heart with any weapon
For if it ceases to beat then it stops
To think about the brain which flashes
Images of you to me

If tomorrow never comes,
To my family what must I say?
Must I ask for forgiveness
For the mistakes of yesterday?

If tomorrow never comes,
To my friends what must I tell?
Must I assure them that
Heaven is much better than hell?

If tomorrow never comes,
To my foes what must I offer?
Must I serve some droplets
Of love on their plates during supper?

If tomorrow never comes,
To my beloved what must I do?
Must I speak honestly that
“A pity I’ve never known you?”

If tomorrow never comes,
To my unborn babies what must I choose?
Must I be regretful for
My ovaries are never used?

If tomorrow never comes,
To my world what must I shout?
Must I open my heart and
Let my feelings be out?

If tomorrow never comes,
To my Christ what must I give?
Must I give my whole being and
Trust that in Him everything I received?

He told me that he loves you truly
And also he cherishes me dearly
As a friend or as a lover I do not know
I do not want to know –

He has great plans for the future you see
He mentioned to me his wonderful dreams
I do not know if it includes me or not
I do not want to know –

He visits me on Mondays and Thursdays
He said you deserve the weekends
Sundays are for family he told me
What am I then - ?

more than 20 years in fact
more than 10 years without knowing
if someone found me beautiful or adorable
6 years since that first drunken french kiss
more than 14 years of people asking me
"Why? Why don't you have someone?"

I sent myself valentines card
I stole a single rose from a bunch
which my friends received from others
I begged for that piece of chocolate from them
wishing someone would hopelessly give me
a token of their admiration

I've been alone too long that I forgot
what if feels like to love someone passionately
to have a simple crush to make me feel giddy
to send someone love letters and confess
"I Love You even if you don't feel the same way"

I've been alone too long that I'm liking it
and feeling guilty to romance me, myself and I
and I'm afraid that I can't open up for another
because it's been too long now
or maybe it's too late already...

Tick – tock! Tick – tock!
I never imagined that listening to the Hickory clock
Could be sensuous or ******.
Hah! Tick for the longing to reach one lover’s arms for caress
Tock for wanting to do heavenly things on this earth.

Ah! The glory of this lustrous life,
So full of hate, so full of love, so full of lust.
Tick – tock! Tick – tock!
Time itself is passion,
The waiting agony seeping through the body
Like a sweet toothache
Making way to the center of the being.

Squirming, not knowing what will be the next
Cookoo! Cookoo! Chimed the Hickory...
Ah! Is this what they call prolonging of pain?
Deliciously blind and white.
But what do I know?
I am still naïve with these feelings,
What do I know about it?
What do I know?

March for freedom my dear countrymen!
Let our love be spilled on our motherland
Our sweat and tears shall fall on her *****
Marks of our valor shall grow in its gardens.


Raise highly the red flags in our battleships
Waive the colors that symbolize our passion
Men, women and children stand up to fight
In unity we will sing our songs of freedom!


Drop the bombs of hope from our planes
To be discovered by the future generations
Their mouths shall be filled by our melodies
They shall enjoy the peace that today we fight for!

My essences are stirred by different levels
Welcoming me to the barred desires
Animalistic urges calling through the night
The world inside me awakens during full moon.

I am letting all forbidden in all orifices
Soul of rationality is despised in the moment
Guided by scents and pain and numbing pleasures
Beyond the breaking point of a woman’s capacity.

Seeing redness to whiteness into blackness
Oozing liquid of passion on the physique
Questioning the saneness of the activities
No known other emotions but hedonistic feelings.

Not just one or two but three to five
Pushing me to the limits of hell and heaven
Pulling me up through the veil of my tresses
Waxing me with unknown or poisonous berries.

The human in me denies any strings to normalcy
Slaving myself to reach my very own end
Submitting to any lustrous worldly position
Monsters are claiming my very life and spirit.

Coaxing me to release any hidden thoughts
Marking me with words and unclean actions
But the breath of me acknowledges no light tonight
Tasting an overflowing cup of the abyss frees me.

You’re terribly and dangerously wicked
With a pair of wandering lips and hands
Journeying towards my centremost being
You laughed as I flinched at your touch

The looking glass was our sole witness
As your ******* discovered well
From above the hood unto the entrance
Wet and slick with juices of my passion

Your hand journeyed back and again
To the very top and flicked the bud
I whimpered as you repeated the deed
Until I squealed, “Whoooo! Whoooo!”

You ceased and I got frustrated
But with your other hand you spread me
That rakish finger explored again
Focused on tapping the bud til I cried

“You enjoy that?” your eyes met mine
I looked into your reflection and sighed
“Give me more” I breathlessly begged
You kissed my nape and replied, “Alright”.

I ****** towards the universe
Expecting a big bang theory
Your milky way is protein rich
And I slurp it with great relish.

Am I already in heaven now?
I see music, I hear psychedelic hues
You slam against my Andromeda
My solar system burst in flames.

Ahhhhh……
After eons and all the light years
I have reached the pinnacle of cosmos
But I will be back again and again.

Dear Lord,

I know you know by now the news -
I did not pass the board exam
You made me feel that I did -
I dreamed I was on top six
Was I a fool to dream and believe?
I actually never made it
The peace felt before the results
The calm before the storm
All successes are from You
And failures came solely from me
And it's all my fault.

Love,
Me

My eyes are closed and yet
You delight my very senses
You are so soft and so smooth
Heavenly scent awash my soul
You are created solely for desire
Come and fulfill my cove of lust
I surrender to dark temptation
Fill me with your forbidden flavor
Oh Chocolate I will marry you!

I suddenly remember watching you
Sobbed heavily while praying for "him"
"He" - who broke your heart many times
The one who contributed those tears

I remember well the day when you told us
All the "what - ifs" on this earth and life
What would I say if you left him - forever?
I answered silently, "I am now one of them"

Those tears were a testament of pain
Of certain sacrifices a mother did
Clinging to something - complete family
And I never understood everything -

I sadly bathe in that pool of your eyes
Wondering if I would become like you
It was then I realized that dreadful curse
Which embraced you and your sisters -

I detested then - everything I knew
Of softness, of dependency, of letting go
My heart was a rock founded by your tears
I vowed never to surrender to anyone -

I would never ever let another hurt me
And I prayed that my womb be closed
That my heart be locked with no keys
That my body be frigid from any touch

Years passed and I am successful with that
Yet a certain longing creeps unto me -
I wallow in the pit of my own curse
But this ends with me - I am the end!

In Silence and in Darkness
In Grief, Chaos and its likeness
In all the Tears you ever had
Be still and know that I am God.

In your Heartaches and Pains
When you feel your prayers are in Vain
And when your Soul is covered in Mud
Just be still and know that I am God.

In times when you are all Alone
And when you are Far away from Home
When your Spirit is Tempted in Loveless Fad
Be still and know that I am God.

You can adorn my hair with love,
You can decorate my head with hate.
You can put passion as my veil,
You can place anything but loneliness.

You can bring ardour in my eyes,
You can arrange despise in my tears.
You can put fervor in my brows,
You can place anything but loneliness.

You can touch sweetness on my neck,
You can murmur curses on my lips.
You can put flames on my tongue,
You can place anything but loneliness.

You can hug my body with lust,
You can woo my being with loathe.
You can wrap my soul with affection,
You can place anything but loneliness.

Here I am looking at you from afar,
With my heart that’s full of scars.
Here I am crying silently,
Hoping still that you will glance at me.

Simple dreams were shattered,
And life left me battered.
Another hope was torn apart,
And from this world I want to depart.

But I guess this is how life goes,
And this is how the river flows.
I can do nothing but let it pass,
For I am sure this encumbrance will last.

I asked myself why not fight for you,
I answered, “I will if you feel the same way too.”
It pains when I couldn’t fight for my loved one,
But how can I battle for you if I am not your special woman?

Dear I know you are perfectly happy,
And my heart is also trying to set you free.
If I love a man, I should let him go,
Even if my own self is my foe.

Please don’t look at me like that with your eyes,
Those eyes that made me hypnotized.
I don’t wish to dream and hope again,
And then leave my heart to breakin’.

All these years I kept my love for you,
But now I know that I have to let go.
The fact that you’re taken now dear,
Look at me, I still smile with my eyes full of tears.

I still laugh the way that I used to,
You never knew what I’ve gone through.
I still have my friends to be with,
But I wish it’s you I want to talk with.

I never regret to feel these emotions,
The excitements and depressions.
I know it’s part of life and I have to accept my fate,
I know also it’s not early to love and it’s not yet late.

Fear of
Living
Fear of
Dying
Fear of
Spreading
Basically just
**Fear.

That Night…

That certain night I came to him with reverence
And I was like a goddess and he the worshipper
I accepted his offerings of passion not because
He was the sole pilgrim to my pantheon of love
But since I heard his supplications to cherish me.


My tears mingled with his just like our ardor in a cup
And we will drink it for many days and nights later
My soul and his were in cased in a time capsule
That both of us could easily open in the far future
To fill the lonely winter nights to balance our sanity.


Then I started to wish that summer would never cease
But the leaves started to fall hard just like my dreams
As I looked at him packing his things the next morn
He said farewell and went to war and to his people
But at least I was…

A goddess that night and my enemy was my devotee.