If
Anyone's
Going
To
Have
The
Last
Laugh

I'm
Gonna
Have
It
First

Remember even things heaven sent
Are a little bent

I am the lock with no key
I take in all I see
I existed before space
I was here before the human race
I was the watcher all along
I just keep marching on
I will never ever die
I am time, I just fly

©Pauline Russell

If I've sparked your interest
And you wonder why I'm diffrent
I won't let you wonder in vain
Let me take just a minute to explain

I've been shadow kissed
This fact can not be dismissed
I've passed through death's door, and returned again
Now the spirit in this skin is hard to contain
It's left a mark on my soul that is so plain

That's why I don't wear a mask
I'm not afraid of the feelings that I in bask
I lay it all out, my anger, my sorrow, my hopes, and my anguish
And in silence I no longer wanted to languish

The day I died my tiny world shook
And now I'm an open book

I have rotted on the vine
No one plucked me before I died
Now I'm just fermented fruit
I am feeling mighty minut
I guess it is now my time
Just feed me to the ***** swine
They will slurp me like expensive wine
I'll make them feel mighty fine
At lest then my flesh well have served a purpose
My carcass won't have been totally worthless

©Pauline Russell

He grew up just him and his poor mother
No sweet sister, no rough and tumble brother
His Dad was M.I.A.
It happened in the usual way

But he didn't care
A cub never needs a father bear
His mother sufficed
Taught him wrong from right

He had it all figured out
He knew without a doubt
He had watched the rich kids laugh and joke
While in property he wallered and choked

So he studied hard and got good grades
In college he didn't party, never went to any raves
Got a corporate job, had a 3 figure income
He had money to pay bills, buy cars and then some

He took care of his mom till she passed away
He learned a great lessons on that rainy gray day
Money couldn't stop his mom from dying
Grown men where not above crying

The years quickly passed, he was married to his job
To those less fortunate he was a snob
On the streets he never gave the bums a secound look
If they had only took a page out of his book

He thought money was the way to happiness
Those he thought of as sad always had less
He had forgot about the lesson of the stone with it's dashes
Then the day came when the stock market crashes

He should of invested his time in a family
Instead of that money tree
For soon all his money was gone
Things in his life was going all wrong
His job disappeared, along with his home
Soon on the streets he had to roam

Now he was one of the despised
But on the streets he truly grew wise

Through hardship he found true friends
The ones that would help you to no end
For they know the pain of need
There was never any thought of greed

He was astonishingly amazed
That even with the poverty that he was grazed
He was happier now
Than chasing that cash cow

A good woman found him
His future then didn't look so grim
Years passed and they married
Over thier rundown apartment threshold, her he carried
Soon it was babies in his arms
He truly knew now his vision of life had been wrong

Now he knew
Where it was that happiness grew
In the hearts of ones you loved and cared for
Being rich or being poor was both a chore
It's all just clatter
Unless to someone else you matter

My dad was the greatest of men
I wish I would of gotten more time with him
Time has sure done it's shading
I hate to say his face is fading
His voice has long ago slipped from my memory
The sadness of that is sheer agony

I miss you as much today
As that sorrowful day you where taken away
You left this world way to soon
I still remeber that hospital waiting room

I was to late, death had already greeted you
I was only fourteen I didn't know what to do
I stood there crying in my sisters arms
I knew I would forever miss your fatherly charms

As I stood beside your open coffin
Tears spilling onto my dress, I felt like an orphan
Knowing I would never again see you smiling face
Your death was so hard to embrace

It was a gray rainy day you where placed in the ground
Setting under the cemetery tent no comfort to be found
Thinking even the angels on high
Could do no more than cry

You had been my hero, I was a daddy's girl
And my life from this point would do nothing but unfurl
I was, and still am so lost without your presence
I missed you at so many of my lifes great events

At all of my children's births
I thought of you first
And how you would of beamed with pride
At the thought I just cried

But as my memory, with time harshly shades
My love for you will never fade
I carry you forever in my heart
Like I was in yours from the start

You can't control it, that's just the deal
Sometimes you're the mouth, sometimes the meal
Fate does not care how you feel

Converging lines that do not meet
Even though we look and seek
We only find circles that do not close
It's just the way the story goes
We only ever see half a picture
We only see through our eye's stricture

If only our heart had eyes
Maybe then we'd see why
If we call someplace paradise
We condemn it to die
We can kiss it goodbye


So make the best of what you got
Don't get lost in the mayhem of your thoughts
You'll never find exactly what you sought
You must deal with what the fates have brought
Come what may, with your pants down don't get caught

Make the cut, make it deep make it wide
There's nothing left, nothing to hide
Let all that's in me come outside

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Give me the gun, I'll plant the bullet
In the head or in the gullet
Triggers stiff, but I'll still pull it

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

Theres no mercy on the edge of the blade
Look at the mess this life has made
All my dreams have been mislaid

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

I'm so lonely, in this hell
The darkness has me under it's spell
Can't you hear the toll of the bell

**** this life
**** this strife
**** everything that's rife

For this darkness I don't need to spread
So I'll just lay here in my bed
Watching the sheets trun red

All corpses are haunting, the light is gone

There is a light in each one of us, it's where it belongs

Until death takes our hand, but sometimes it doesn't shine strong

So no matter how dark life is singing her song

And you think there's no light in you, you're wrong

With that self inflicted wound were she ripped out her own soul
There was things she didn't know
Things that also had to go

What went first was empathy
Followed close by sympathy
Then of course was faith
But that really died with years of agonizing wreath
I would say dreams
But those died years ago it seems

What hurt the most
And why it was so hard to cope
Was the microcosm thin string holding hope
It was crushed in the grind
No where you look, will you find

She no longer believed in yin and yang
Or karma, they where the same, nonexistent
She seemed to know it in an instant
Nothing happened for a reason
To think that would be treason
It was all just random chaos, and dumb luck
Just depends on what side of the coin you're stuck
There was only random acts of cruelty
This world is more than unruly

With these facts now planted firmly in her head
What little light within her fled
The darkness slowly seeped inside
As she gasped out one silent sigh
Now totally consumed, she would never shed a tear, it was as if she had never cried
For her former self passed away, her old personality died

It doesn't matter how the world sees you
For the world is quite subdued
It set's the limit of what is acceptable
What is regrettable
What is transposable
What is disposable

All that matters is how the people in your life view you
Are you loud, are you crude
Are you brazen,are you rude
Or are you the voice that soothes

Do you do your very best
To make other's feel blessed
Even though your more than stressed
With your own life a ****** up mess

Do they see your strength, does it show
Even though your hope was gone long ago
Do you still brave each day
Fighting there, in the gray

Can they find the hope you lost
Do they see you go on, no matter the cost
Do they love you anyway
Even when your in the hole, do they stay
Stand beside you night and day
Love you, even when you're in the sway

When depression takes your hand
Leads you to it's lonely land
By you then, do they still stand
Do they hold you close, do all they can

Or do they scatter
Leavening you to feel you don't matter
Making you out to be the Mad Hatter

Can you take off your disguise
Will they think you unwise
Not to continue your "happy" lie
Can they withstand the agony and sorrow in your eyes

If you do, and they can't
There will be no need to feel bad and rant

For when you drop your mask you'll find
You simply had friends of the wrong kind
Then you can leave the others far behind
As new friends start to unwind

Standing in the shower with my head against the wall
Letting the scalding water fall

Wishing it could wash away my skin
Wishing it could wash away his sins

Maybe when my bruises heal
My soul will once again, begain to feel

It looks so fragile with all it's holes
Where the monsters took and stole

But it's sewed with spiders threads
So it's as strong as a spider's webs

There's really nothing left to say
Accept that maybe one of these days
I'm gonna be ok

Everyone has a dark side
A secret that they keep
Everyone has a dark side
One they hide so deep
Everyone has a dark side
So child you must seek
Cuz one day you just might reap
The Demons that they keep

She was crawling inside her little world, hoping to hide
Her world and her emotions would turn on a dime
She tried again time after time
Hoping to find away across the widening divide
Over the knife sharp rocks of her life, she couldn't climb
It was her scars that cry, she was nothing more than a mime
Being thrown again into the abyss, it was all war crimes
Now she just laid there given up, nothing rhymes

Maybe God was actually out to get you and missed

She waves her hands back and forth across her face
Were eyes pour tears that free fall to her feet
She pleads to whoever, whatever that's out there listing
"please, please no more sadness, it's crushing me from within"
A pitiful moan escapes from the bottom of her being
She collapses as if the bones have escaped her body
Lying there scarcely breathing
She braces for the anguish to wash over.... once again

©Pauline Russell

So ******* lonely it hurts so much
No one to talk to no one to touch
There's only sorrow in my core
I don't want to exist any more
Wishing I would of joined my friend when he died
But all I do is ******* sit here and cry
Every year I hope it gets better, but it only gets worse
I'm so very tired of living under this curse
God please take me in some way
What I have is not life, but decay
I can't take my own life, it would hurt my family to much
But please take me home God, I can no longer to this life clutch
Time does not heal wounds only more does it create
Please God I can no longer live in this state.
God please hear my plea
I no longer want to be

©Pauline Russell

Born on the darkest of nights
For the stars hid their eyes from the sight
Of an innocent soul born under the bad moon
With the universe this child would never be attuned
In lifes garden, only pain, misery, and sorrow could bloom
From the very beginning this child's life was doomed

The stars wept that night
For an atrocity that wasn't right
The rain that fell on that child's soul
Was meant to comfort and console
The star's sweet tears quieted the wish to die
That only minutes old has already darkening that child's eye

The child grew up with a messed up childhood
Every night the step dad at the child's bedroom door stood
That curse of the bad moon
Made sure all happiness out of this life was pruned

The child grew up, found love, or so thought
Only latter to realize they had been caught
The grown child was caged and beaten daily
It was the depth of Hell, it almost drove that poor soul crazy

The stars held witness
As the winds of change bent and twisted
Rushing that soul from one tragedy to another
Leaving the child shaking under the covers

The child cried out to that wicked moon
"This sorrowful life you gifted me to soon"
"I never got to taste the pleasure"
"Or lay for a time just in leisure"
"You took happiness, the greatest of all treasure"

Everyday the child struggled through
What else was there to do
But everyday brought new problems the child did it's best to solve them
But it was a constant onslaught
Being born under the bad moon's sign, only agony was brought

The only relieve was at night, when the star's tears fell
It called to the child's soul like a bell
On rainy night you can find
The child's fragile body and mind
Stand out in the pitch dark rain
Letting all those starry tears wash away the pain
The strain
That resides in the heart the brain
The star's and the child's tears mix
As off the child's fingertips it drips

In the harsh light of day
Watch this child sways
Watch as the delicate steel soul dances to every blow
Taking the lumps of every thing thrown
It's hard to believe how strong this child did grow
But it's bones are brittle
To crush this grown child would take but a little

This child will never out live the moon's tattoo
There is nothing about it to do
Pushing on
Giving the illusion of being strong
Over to many problems it stumbled
Until the child's soul crumbles
Then the soul will rejoin the universe
Then and only then, in happiness it will be submerged

So take heed when the next bad moon wanes on high
You can hear the stars weep and cry
Pray your child isn't born in that night
That your child will not have to fight for a life that's unlivable
Surrounded in all that is miserable

If you was born under that evil moon
If the star's for you cry too
Do the best you can do
Dance in the rain of tears
Through out all of your years
In the stars sweet rain
It can wash away the pain
Letting you feel the illusion of sane

I'm trying to break the norm
I'm trying to break through the storm
I'm trying to discard the dread
I'm trying to find happiness instead
I'm trying to escape the doom
I'm trying to save what it consumes

Try though I might I'm failing
Try though I might in my bailing
Try though I might my ships not sailing
Try though I might it's hard to keep caring
Try though I might I keep on sinking
Try though I might I keep on weeping

Maybe I should just let go
Maybe there is something I don't know
Maybe I should let things be
Maybe there's something I can't see
Maybe things will be just fine
Maybe this is my sublime

Maybe things won't get much worse
Maybe I really don't live under a curse
Maybe this sadness is my way
Maybe I'm supposed to fight for each day
Maybe I'm supposed to live with catastrophe being the norm
Maybe I'm  supposed to dance in the storms.

I knew a guy
He seems so very shy
It goes unspoken
His heart was broken
His spirit crushed
His thoughts were rushed
Remembering all she said
He put the gun to his head
To pull the trigger
Would make her the killer
Or so he thought
But with that shot
He couldn't see
It would set her free
But hit me
Now I will have to die
Just to say goodbye

Close to death
A finale breath
Reaper's touch
A finale hush
Pain dissipates
In loved one's eyes reinstates

Once upon a time in the days of old
There lived a very ugly troll
But her heart was made of gold

Her body was round and lumpy
Her brow furrowed and grumpy
She always stood all slumpy

She was abandoned as soon as she was born
For her mother had looked upon her with scorn
For with beauty she was not adorned

She was wrapped in a towel and placed under a bridge
Right up there on that little ridge
She was nothing then but a little smidge

The forest creatures insteed of eating her up
Raised her as a cub
They even shared with her their grub

The wolf taught of graces
The vultures, patience
The skunk, fragrances

The mouse taught of need
The crow, greed
The fox, speed

She lived in an ugly house of mud
Just like her the outside was a dud
But wow the inside of that hut could warm your blood

Late one night came a knock on her door
It was a knight in shining armor complete with sword
Battle weary, and badly gourd

She took him in and sewed up he's wounds
He looked longingly in her eyes, she thought loved had bloomed
But in reality she unknowingly sealed her doom

For he had seen her heart of gold
Please excuse me, this is where the tale turns cold
For this knight was not so nice, he had a heart of mold

Late that same darkened night
He unsheathed his sharpest knife
And plunged in the troll's chest just right

With a wailing mournful cry
Right there in her hut she would die
In that fleeting moment that sparkle left her eye

That knight cut out that gloden heart
It was so huge he had to put it on a cart
He didn't feel bad, what an ugly troll was he's only thought

The animals came to see what was that screaming sound
The wolfs smelled around
Nose to the ground
Off to hunt that evil knight down

The vultures did what they do, and ate her remains
The crows joined in and did the same
The mice and the fox just ran around all insane

The moral to this story is an ugly body can hold a heart of gold
But this world is very, very cold
So be very careful with your heart and to who it is you show

I took off my mask
Why would you do that, you ask
Because this is me sad, lonely, and depressed
There is always a heaviness on my chest
If you can't handle it just step on back
You can't alphabetize me and shove me in a sack
I won't play that game any more
And all of my true feelings I'm gonna show
Maybe now I'll get true friends
Not just those that like me when I grin
And hell if not I'll just stay alone
Because I don't need fake, I've grown
So like me,or love me, or leave me alone!!

The curtain comes down tonight
To put to bed this sorrowful sight
This play of horrific frights
Had to end, it's only right
For the writer had nothing left to write

As he held me in his warm loving embrace
He so feathery soft and ever so gently let his fingers trace
The new ink mark that use to be a branded scar on my face

He looked bewildered "what is this how did it become tattooed"
I spoke softly still weak "I do not know, I'm confused"
The evil pulsing throughout making my insides feel bruised

"My darling Witch where did the brand go"
I was to scared to tell him where the evil now flowed
I didn't want to tell him it was now inside that thorough my skin it had sunk below

I am beginning to realize what really was the curse
It was going against all I had ever felt it was inversed
And this stirring of evil was so unlike my compassion, it was so much worse

I was starting to see that with more good deeds
The branded evil symbols sunk below and off my soul it feeds
Will his love pull me through will it be all I need

We rested but for a little while, knowing that the Dark Lord was on his way
On this mountainside we could not stay
There was to many tunnels and caves, I could tell from the sun the day was starting to decay

I mounted our skittish dark ride
I sat in front the the knight behind
The rib from the white dragon we tried to hide

The knight had fashioned it into a sharp sword
So it could pierce any armor any flesh, for it was pure evil we where racing toward
I had seen in a vision it was going to be a great wicked horde

I prayed to the God Itus for protection, what we where facing was immense
Even under me the demons horse it's muscles tense
The look in the knight's eye's was extremely intense

I had to ask why that particular dragon he said "because she is the sister to the dragon of the moon
LEANA slayed the demons in ones sleep, her bones the light consumes
And to the suns light the Dark Lord was not immune"

I looked at him puzzled "but the sun does not shine at night"
He replied "yes dear Witch it does, the moon has no light of it's own it reflects the sun's light
And once stuck in the evil one he can not pull it out, and the bone collects the rays and against it the dark can't fight"

We was now almost off the mountain, we where headed to the flat land
That is where I'm afraid will be our final stand

In the distance we can see a village, black smoke was bellowing like flames where being fanned
We headed towards it a stop unwanted, unplanned

My seams are starting to fray
For your own good, you better stay away..

Like a car in hydroplane
Or a run away train
These thoughts of mine are off the track
Anxiety on top of anxiety stacked
There is no coming back

I keep the details dim
So on the outside looking in
Nothing is as at seems
Everything just beams
It all seems so copacetic
But it's so pathetic
Before long I'll need a paramedic
Cuz inside my head it's so chaotic

My thoughts race on and on
And none of it's good
My life has never been as it should
Mom would you of protected me if you could?
Or did you just trun a blind eye
It makes me want to cry
There is still so much left to say
But it all flew by with the days

Next chapter is my life in hell
God just watched as I fell
I was on my knees and ready to sell
I was broken of spirit
Just praying for preseverance
I was beaten into submission
Choked in such violation

Next chapter with a stupid man
That let me stay and stand
I just stayed at home and did the best I could
All alone I stood
Still evil struck
My whole family is ******.
Tried my hardest still I failed
It was years before it was all unveiled

Sadly my son will feel just like me
For him there will be no glee
Only destruction is left for me to see
And with my last breathe I'll plead
Demons let my son be

This life is so ****** up
I'm about to erupt
Would it be so corrupt
If this nightmare life ended abrupt!

Yeah I Agree

You set there as quiet as a stone
Leaving me chilled to the bone
You utter not a word to me
To break the silence I say "yeah I agree"
At me, you just blankly stare
You could cut the tension in the air

So I just stare back
Wondering just what it is a lack
Why can't we talk
Are you wanting me to walk
Do you not have the courage to say goodbye
Are you afraid it might bring tears to my eyes
Or are you afraid I'll go
If that's how you feel, it doesn't show

I guess I'll never know
Guess I'll just go with the flow
But it's so hard, you turn cold on a dime
At other times your passion is so hot it's a crime

You set there as quiet as a stone
Leaving me chilled to the bone
You utter not a word to me
To break the silence I say "yeah I agree"

He is an addict
Pain on others he never sought to inflict
He was only looking for a way out
And this was just another bout
Of self hatred and doubt

He took the drugs to ease the pain
He took the durgs to ease the strain
He took the drugs to try to stay sane
In he's place I might have done the same

In the midst of all the carnage
You'll find him there spoon and rig
As he cooks it down
A slight quickened breath is the only sound
Eyes wide and bright with the thought of relief
With hurried thoughts of release

He thumps his arm to find the vain
It's the path straight to the brain
With that needle the monsters of the past are slain

But other monsters soon are made
They are just a diffrent shade
For the candle and the spoon
With the needle creates an awful hewn
The tracks are laid
No one can save
There is no way
So I just pray
I'll never turn my back to a friend
Even when his given in

I live my life in dog years
And I'm afraid the end it nears
For every year of man, I suffered enough for seven
And I fear there is no way I'm going to heaven
Dogs are not allowed, for me it's Armageddon

Sorrowed ink fills my pen
So I write once again
I'm not seeking fame
Just trying to drain the pain
No one need to read
I use my pen to bleed

I write about my past
It'll leave you aghast
When want and reality collide
I write about dreams that died
When I become numb
My brain becomes dumb
I write about how I've succumb
To a life lived in the rabbit hole
Where no happiness ever flowed
I write about agony
That drives you to your knees

Yes in my pen is the most sorrowed ink
Watch me as I sink
As I paint a picture of a person on the brink

Tripping over my own feet again
Revisiting my old sin
My old friend
But it's ok
I don't mind it this way
My mind is numb, my body floats
I don't even need a boat
Now I can fly
No wings need to be applied
It will all be good, until the passing of times sand
When I go in to land
There will be that inevitable crash
That touch down splash
But know need to worry about that now
Oh look a flying cow

Walking continually in the rain of desperation
Drowning in the flood of my dire situation

Mired in my grief by the muddy suction
Shackled in barbed wire chains of my self destruction

Watching the Wind's of Change, bring life's next squall
Surrounding me, protecting me, is my wailing wall

As the Sand's of time unmercifully does it's eroding
Agonizing memories, the darkness keeps exposing

Thoughts start to spin, start to twist and contort
Demons there to greet me, in my mind they love to consort

Struggling with all my might, still doesn't help, I am stuck
Sinking, I'm getting enveloped by life's gooey muck

Slowly submerging in suicidal quicksand, seeking only peace
Depression sinks in it's sharp teeth, for death is release

©Pauline Russell

Standing on the cliffs edge
One foot over the ledge

As I look into his eyes I know
He's not a warrior from the abyss
He's been at war with them, I can see into his soul
He's as strong as an ox
Even on weary, pain trembling legs
And quick as a fox
His sword was drawn even before he could stand
I'm very much impressed with this bag of bones
And I'm never impressed with man

"Sheath your sword, I mean you no harm
But if you try to wield that blood thirsty implement of doom on me
I will be forced to disarm"

"Quiet yourself, and I well try to heal
Just come before me and kneel"



"I call upon you mother earth
That to all of us you've given birth
From deaths door I did steal
I now call upon the elements to heal
The cooling winds to touch the fever
I call with the faith of a true believer
Send the rain to penetrate his skin
To heal him up from within
I invoke your power
To save him from this hour
Began in a woman's womb
Do not let this be his doom"

The rain is pouring down
Those poor worms are sure to drown
They're looking for a dry spot to be found

They crawl to that one small spot of concrete
They found what they seek
The birds are waiting with sharpened beaks

To the birds it's a rain fueled feast
With death the worms they greet
Like me, the worms are just ment to feed the beast

Dear friend don't look for me after this fall
I tried to fly, broken wings and all
There for just a min I got to fly
Way up there in the brilliant blue sky
But just like Icarus I flew to close to the sun
I was at long last having fun
I was in love with the warmth, the glow
The light blinded me, I didn't know which way to go

So it seems I just flew higher
Knowing full well the plunge would be dire
But I had to feel the wind once more
Before I was washed up on that rocky shore

But now comes the uncontrolled decent
For I have found nothing is heaven sent
It all comes from the dark side
The demons love to watch the drop, the slide
They love to hear the heart change pace
The look of desperation on my face
As I plunge from what I thought was God's grace
But it's always just an illusion from my fellow race

Thinking someone likes me, and can hear my plea
Thinking someone truly loves me, and can see
It always ends way to suddenly, demon sent atrocities
They always seem to be

So I made my broken wings work
One last time, with one last ****
I wasn't disappointed
The union was not anointed
I knew the end was near
The bells tolling I could hear
But I ignored it and climbed higher skyward
I know I will be nothing in this life but a byword

For my original sin
I'm paying again

For a choice I made long ago
When I was young and did not know

I did not know, loving someone
Could keep you under that gun

Let me set the scene
Of how he was so mean

I endured all his beatings
The only sound, my pleadings

Years spent in his prison
Under constant supervision

Found the key
Set myself free

It was years and years ago
But he still finds where I go

Moved towns and home
Trying to end his syndrome

His mother manipulated my kids
Now he knows where I live

Doors and Windows bolted down
A waiting game till he comes to town

Last time it ended with me in the woods
***** and bruised, because he could

This time it will end in blood and gore
Only question is, which end of the knife I will explore

While I was dealing with the villagers plight
The knight had his own horrific fight
My spell had helped but my mother was trying to banish the light

Demon warriors surrounded him on every side
But as it looked like he would never reach the Dark Lord and his bone sword in him glide
LEANA now covered in gore no longer white descended and let him take flight

The Back Hearted Witch made it look like she tried to stop the knight
As he jumped from the dragon and impaled the Evil Ones side, which immediately let in the light
It took the Dark Lord out of the fight

I was busy protecting the people caught in the middle of this war that wasn't there own
So I a massive spell at them was thrown

"Mother Earth let your monumental stones ****** from their home
Cover the helpless with a great solid rock dome
So the dragons can't make them a ****** frothy foam"

With that last spell being said
The last evil symbol sank down and embed
Now evil was my curse, I felt a fleeting pain of dread

My skin now smooth and ink filled, all but for one that the sweet gypsy branded for light
With red burning eyes I turned to look at the fight
Demon bodies littered the ground the Evil One had retreated to hell, the only ones standing was my black hearted mother and the brave knight

I looked at my reflection in a pool of blood
I was now beautiful outside, but inside it was more like an evil flood

The dragons dispersed having had their bellies filled
Never realizing the role LEANA had them fulfill
Unknowingly they had bent to great white dragons will

My body was full of an evil rage
I was wanting to **** my knight in his armored cage
But my mother's spell caught me off guard, she was truly more than a wicked mage

She held the knight prisoner in a darkened sphere
Motioning for me to come near
Her sadistic smile said it all, she wanted me to hear

It's ok to have the pain written on your face
It really is no disgrace
It's ok to see the sorrow in your eyes
Please my friend drop your disguise

For I know the past torturers you
And the future is hard to pursue

I know the past is the living dead
It gets up in there, and ***** with your head

It walks around in there and gobbles down
All the happiness that can be found
It feeds and it scatters
All that gray matter

A different point of view is hard to be found
When you've made the mistake of looking down
Turn your eyes to the skys
Where all the winged things fly

Trust is a must, let go of the rope
You'll learn to fly, never give up hope
A leap of faith is all it takes
To finish in this mad rat race

Beyond sorrow,  do you know what was waiting there
I ran straight into the arms of  despair

On a cold winter day you could of found him here
Standing on the corner of 44th and Vine holding out his cup to anyone that comes near

"Brother can you spare a dime"
Most rush by they don't have time
No time to care about their fellow human
"He'll spend it on alcohol" most that paid attention was assuming

But what he really wanted was just enough
That even though he was looking gruff
He could go into the dinner and buy a cup
Sit awail and simply warm up
Maybe even dream a bit
Of how his younger years where spent

For at one time he was a son, a brother
Long ago his siblings moved, and alone he had buried his mother
At one time he was a husband, a Dad
But they left him all alone they were all he had

The fall had been slow
Inch by inch he had slowly let go
Now he finds himself ***** and haggard
Knowing that nothing at all mattered

His face is weather worn and wrinkled, a permanent frown
A battered, worn thin sock cap is his crown

All he had in life was on his back to help keep out the cold
Of the frezzing December snow that bitterly did blow
By his side a little dog, his one and only companion
In that dogs eye's he was a champion

For any food he managed to scrounge
He always feed that mutt first, any thing he found
That's the way you would treat your best friend
He knew that wonderful dog would stay with him till the end

After hours of standing in the bitter wind he finally gave up
There was not even a penny, empty was his cup
No one had taken pity
He was bone tired and weary

So he simply faded into the darkness of the night
Crawled into his cardboard box pulled, up his tattered thin blanket, held his little dog tight
Snuggled close togeather the frezzing cold the two togeather tried to fight
The kind cop that always checked on him, found them both there in the morning light

The night time temperature had been to brutal
The *** and his dog's attempt to stay warm had been futile
The cop made sure they were buried togeather
So they would always have each other forever

They lay there in the paupers grave
To bad the human race was to busy to care, he was not a nobody, he could of been saved!!

You want to see a smile on my face
Wait a minute while I get my paste



Oh **** that
This is where I'm at

Please pass me the spoon
I need a hug from Jesus and I need it soon
My body needs to relax till it forgets to breath
Don't worry about the marks you can cover them with sleeves
A little pick and the pain will all fade away
Let me nod out, I'll deal with it another day
Let my mind get lost in the sway
It's the ritual of the needle and the spoon
It's the hug from Jesus that can't come to soon

There's alway this glass, this screen, this wall
I can still feel the call
Fearful of the fall

Still I fight on, trying to break through
As bearers grew
I act the fool
With myself always in a dual

So no matter who wins
I will remain penned
I will remain dead
For my soul holds nothing but dread

Here we go again
Killing over the color of the skin
We are less evolved than the ape
We pillage plunder and even ****
Doesn't mankind understand we're all kin
Despite the color of our skin
Or who we love, or who we ****
With ignorance we are severely struck
Remove the scales from off your eye
Before they drop the bomb and we ALL die

I guess I'm not ment to be seen
I'll just float through life ghostfully
The sight of me is to obscene
I'm almost gone, transparent
Who cares where I went

Once again my stars have rearranged
Once again my course must change
I still find it quit strange
That my life is so deranged

Problems and heartache one after another
All throughout my life happiness they smoother
Problems and heartache are only getting rougher
It all leaves me seeking, running for cover

I know longer wish or hope for happiness or love, just a break
For a little rest everything else I would forsake
Pinch me, poke me please any thing to make me awake
Deliver me from the nightmare life,for goodness sake

Never mind, my stars are falling
The universe has heeded my calling
Giving me my longing
Into the void I'm crawling .