Slip out into verse
with or without curse
let the rhymes run round you
getting wrapped up in words so true
grunting away your anger serves naught
so shout the lines and cries you been taught
sing your frustrations out, out, out!
Let them ring!

Even when!

**When you don't know how to begin!

i am envious of your
ability to not hear the hope
in my words
and
jealous
of the resolve in your disdain.

i could never feel nothing.
but sometimes wish i would.

i think the worst thing
is never knowing how
many photos of us
you had on your phone;
while im sitting here
ruminating how
after
        657
             moments
i ended up alone.

I have spent an age
Longing.

                                   I have spent an eon
                                               Loving

                                                                                I have spent an eternity
                                                                                                           Lusting
whereas you spent a second.
Making it all worthwhile.

As this slow drip, timeless trip
wavers out its incessant lifespan
leaves me, wishing our relationship.
                                              To never cease to be.

Re-reading past conversations
just to double check,
you dished out
the same words you'd get.

**and not feel at fault.

The oak doors that caught the light,
as natural as the fizzy drink raised to my lips-
shone in the midsummer evening.
Yet they swung back,
into a room not unlike a painting
where the artwork is but the frame.
                                      Spoken word.
but why was the room crushingly quiet?
Five there was, i think.
As is my norm, their names were not handed to me
but assigned by me.
Little miss Smiley- staring into her own sky.
Mr gentle Giant- filling out his seat, but oh so fast to greet.
Blue dude- all suede and swagger.
Minnie mousey- eyes as sharp as diamonds, touch as gentle as velvet.
Then Luna- because he glowed, but not burned.

Because my mouth thinks for me,
soon i was enveloped by these souls, these strangers.
But then the time ticked,
pens and notepads out, all aglow.
Revealing their dice game "A Word A Throw".

Cause i was new, first i had to go.
Once upon a midnight dreary- i would of prayed for "Alone"

                                       I don't believe it's fate when it landed on "Home".

i can only imagine a day
where you'd prefer to stay
                                                                        than sprint away.
So Run.
Run faster and faster and faster!
otherwise
my
begging may outpace you.

chapped lips in the underground.
cream skin with Blue eyes
held red bars closer than me.
This is erratic.
Listening to screeching underfoot
To drown out
blonde wild winds
a cyclone
to taste the sky.
It was far too brief.
come back.

Do not ask
to be loved in your dark
if you are unable to
love in my light.

let me rest
at your foundations.
the bedrock and granite streaking
earth.
let me trace with my fingers your
basis.
to feel safe and free
of your too cold hands.

Cute.
Big man,
but bigger ego.
Stop grinning, cause soon-
All those pretty white teeth will
bend and bow
for me.

my words are capped. Over
with.
half-started sentences.
they just get cut
into somebody else.
they just get -
- -body else.

and i want to ------

Connections
lead to
infections
lead to
expectations
lead to
exceptions
lead to
misconceptions
leading to
A BROKEN MISMATCHED MESS
leading to
this farewell
request.

I was taught that being stubborn
is a virtue that every young boy should have,
that to decide how you govern
your life and your path.

I was taught that being stubborn
is simply a way to be,
that wanting and yearning
provided my journey's fee.

I was taught that being stubborn
was a sign of respect, of pride.
Unlearn all that'd been thought
and learn all from inside.

I was taught that being stubborn
would create a wall around me,
a nocturne of darkness
for which only i could see.

Now i am alone, all stubborn and virtuous
wishing for a chance.
but this disease is cure-less
Through no other circumstance.

"Red wire, Red wire;
Oh won't you let me go to bed?
The days' been so long,
the nights' too
and I'd like to rest my head!"

But no- The Red wire replied.
The clocks yet to tock,
the stars are yet to align
and the moons not yet sighed.

"Oh Please," I begged
"Red wire, let me sleep.
Take my arms, my legs
or my heavy heart instead!"

I see, the Red wire said,
Snaking around my throat.
My lungs filled with dread.
"I will make you dream.
Dream.
Dream.
until we are dead."                          
                                       So i dreamed  with your silky red thread
                                       where i wished for your hands: to be led.

Below
This Selfish
Side Lined Smile
Lies A Deep Jealousy
Harbouring A Distance Untamed, Untraveled
But
Don't Worry
Although It Festers
Just Beneath My Skin
Never Shall You Feel It
Inescapable.

The air is immovable.
you took the wind with your wrists
so i light candles for a trace
of your cyclone steps
To   stop    drowning    on    dry      land
let me breathe in
let me hold your hand.

i tell myself:
                     "To be used; is to be wanted,
                                                                       to be loved."
Only pathetically
can i ever dream
that they be
synonymous.

disconnect me- rip out these wires needlessly transmitting data points of zero's and one's, linking up in a systematic corruption of who i am and who i want, mechanical neurons lighting fires in my heart and brain, pulsing until they burn out into ashes and dust just another singed electronic unfeeling part of me that will only result in catastrophic system failure.
and i can't switch off.
its the only warmth i know will stay.
its the only warmth i ever get around me.

There is little I wouldn't do.
For

falling asleep
with your scent as my blanket
your chest my pillow
and your breathing my lullaby

Yes.
There is little I wouldn't do.

in a savoury dream;
we'd of been together.

in a sweeter dream;
we'd of been forever.

but in this bitter reality
were we meant to sever?

i cant throw my body into the arms of another.
my tendons
the ligaments, the muscles
my heatstrings lie in tatters between your teeth.
                                     behind lips that never
                                     had a nice word for me.
and if i wasnt so sad
to find the pity in this prose
id of thought im happy
                                                *though i guess im not, i suppose.

Tell me right now.
Truthfully, my ravaged nerves;
Talk much. Rather not,
Tales merry- running noiselessly;
Through merciless river nights.
Tell me right now.
Too many readied "no"'s
Trusting Malice. Reserved? Never.

i am not afraid of heights, fights or small spaces.
i am not afraid of snakes, spiders or crocodiles.
what frightens me.
Is Everyone's Intangibility.
Doubtful, willingness to stay.
The fear that no matter what, they'll
All Leave Anyway.
I am afraid of my own and everyone else's
Temporality.

I am the remains of you.
a crater in human form
from my limbs smoke erupts, snaking through pores
filling the air with the scent of shame and
discontent.
I am the impact point.
of a thousand glass shards spiralling
through air, sea and raining down into
our eyes
I am ground zero.
cracked and flaked islands of forgetful comments
compliments within razor wire conversations.
I am your living breathing monument.
painfully decorated and sculpted
to remind you
we imprint what makes us, us
and the worst is sometimes

What we see clearest.

It's about being broken enough
to where scars are reminders
of the days you could remember
exactly what hurt
**you.

Candles;
alone in the rain
Snuffed out
simmering in shame.

Solicited smiles
Send shivers.
Somewhat surprising!
Shouldn't snakes
Send slithers?

floor to ceiling windows
stacked two upon two
capillaries bursting with office work.

neon signs and patina streaked doors
opening up valves at lunch times
Pret A Manger bloodletting.

final call at The Angel
heralding the end of the work week
teams of cleaners flush the system
to restart for the following Monday.

Lilies
And
Lies
Offset
Tulips
And
Truths.            An Unrequited Bouquet.

Never ending days
vs
Never ending nights
pose an interesting quandary;

Would you rather:
See
or
Dream

Eternally?