i already cut my hair once
to feel like progress had been made;

and every new year isn’t December
it’s March.

wonder if you still recite my name backwards
the vowels around a tongue;

remind me
that things broken open may never lock again.

Connections
lead to
infections
lead to
expectations
lead to
exceptions
lead to
misconceptions
leading to
A BROKEN MISMATCHED MESS
leading to
this farewell
request.

You
      Could
                Of
                    Said
        ­                   Goodbye....
                                                     ­                                                     BUT
                                                                ­                                          NO
                    ­                                                                 ­                     YOU
                                        ­                                                                 ­ SWORE.


Never again, again.                                          NEVER AGAIN AGAIN.

                                      Your Heart Bleeds
                                            Our Glass Beads.

i would, I wouldn't, I could, I couldn't.
----------------------------
nights thrown away
casually
these
unrealising, unrepentant, ungrateful
hands.
ephemeral friendship.
and
the moon was snuffed out.
these hands.
---------------------------
give me a chance
to be alive with you
to have these reckless hands held
*once again.

two people embracing
on the potholed curbside,
a car splash-zone
loving,
risking the ire of the overzealous
parking monitor
on the off chance-
they remember what it meant
to cling onto someone else
heart rooted firmly in another.

Cause
i hear your loving voice.
see your soothing smile

but cause they're not for me
i feel like crying for awhile.

but alls okay i guess
as long as you're aware.
That somehow somewhere i'm dying
but you don't really care.

we all say that we have one, or two, or three.
"I'll Die For You, You For Me."
is that what they say?
blood debts and regrets.
brotherhood till their dying day.

many do not agree.
favourites and friendship? rarely ends evenly.
no one is loved more and less
is in reality, what they suggest.

until.
rain upon shaky roofs, repair and renew the rusted tiles,
i do not believe you.

until.
the stars bless the midsummer sun and illuminate me,
i do not believe you.

until.
i feel the kiss of sweet lilacs in my dreams
past loves lay and linger me with stories
eyes that i can find in this pitch blackness around me
I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU.

i want to believe you,
jealousy overcomes sense,
and is made blind by the untrue
a scapegoat, another expense.

Best Friends. we all say we have one
till you're Forgotten
they're Dust
and i
Done.

Flying on paper made airplanes
We thought we were free.
But we were just sitting on windowpanes, dreaming
Naive You and me.

Two lovers standing
parallel on a street
late in Shorditch
graffiti came billowing
out from their ankles
spray painting their distance
in moments
like a gap in a kiss
could paint murals.

we hand our hearts
to people
who know not, what they hold.

are we not the fools
who blame it's breaking
on those
who never knew what they held.

something untranslatable;  
but somehow
understandable.

Thinking.
Dreaming maybe?
Ricocheting repeated words
Bullets. Let them fly,
Fly, fly in sync-locked.
Together we'll set ourselves alight.
Writhing, sighing...
Our forest fire at midnight.

i got lost on my way here, my mind stumbled over the underground lines
like a child's excitement for a new toy. WAIT
i'm not saying this is a game, no, no.
This is my first time i found peace not between dead inkstained-
oak or elm or whatever they use to write books where the characters-  
are as alive as the train i traveled on to get here.

i'm not using you, no, no.

Forgive me. Now my tongue's the one all tripping over itself.
Can yours come over, and tell mine a good morning story?
(i'll pay for the coffee.)

chasing yellow brick roads
leads only to windmills wound around
over-ThinkHearSee-ing
till eventually you find nothing
but faults of your own and the doubts
which trickled up now reversed to waterfalls
cascading upon old hearts to freeze any semblence
of feeling
wait

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You will love
**Again

Hi there Poet,

Your presence is always precious
here in my home,
Whether it’s lovesick confessions
or a need to not be alone.

These white walls and boxes
to which you can write any sins away,
or to just play dally with linguistic foxes,
to make quicker a boring day.

To scrawl out words black
to find redress and re-rhyme,
to release and not hold back
to find home-truths, to take your time.

I can take you at your word
be it dishevelled, battered or grey,
your weary voice can be heard
to make some weight fall away.

But now Dear Poet
it’s time to end this tune,
you’ve written a new one? Well show it,
the one hidden in your drafts since June.

Lust
i Love      You.
  Like

                                         Have              
                                    i    Want        You.
                                         Need                                        Can't
                                                                                 But i  Mustn't       You.
                                                                                            Tell

Re-reading past conversations
just to double check,
you dished out
the same words you'd get.

**and not feel at fault.

It's about being broken enough
to where scars are reminders
of the days you could remember
exactly what hurt
**you.

I remember,
when i was younger- i used to think.
Love came as fast as it went,
so painless. So easy.

                                                 If i could visit that me
                                                 i'd break his legs,
                                                 then his heart.
Then he'll truly see
what a scar is.
                    

                                                        Walking down the street
                                                        still lacking a heartbeat.

Nothing's changed.
'cept that smile. Now, leave's a weird taste,
of one part pity, two parts haste.
Sorry for subjugating you to this foolishness.
Guess saying "no" was for the best.

Running up the stairs
to jump out of the case.
Upon your own night you,
suggested an improvement.
With a heat, now displaced
Shuffled
in a downward movement.

The contrasting controls,
that which flows
with whipping winds and
lost lovers- nows a tonal
change shows.

So you whimpered, puppy lust
Then I growled, mature crush
Now we're gone, dust to dust
Cupid kills in a fluid
******.

Candles;
alone in the rain
Snuffed out
simmering in shame.

i am not afraid of heights, fights or small spaces.
i am not afraid of snakes, spiders or crocodiles.
what frightens me.
Is Everyone's Intangibility.
Doubtful, willingness to stay.
The fear that no matter what, they'll
All Leave Anyway.
I am afraid of my own and everyone else's
Temporality.

This is so foolish
but my heart still pounds
upon its walls when your
espresso shot smile cuts
through the crowd.

This is so stupid
but my stomach turns and spins
when your fingers and arms
somehow
brush against my skin.

This is so pathetic
when my hand reaches for yours
your flinches slice my hope
short.

This is so.... so..... so.....

SO INVIGORATING - REPLENISHING
so draining- depressing
SO WARM- INVITING
so brief- lightning

So, So
What?
My love's a clock
that's tic-tocking
away all till
i am
                                                gone.

next to the flat
the neighbourhood
tabby swatting at
the drain.

sinewed fur-lined,
feline; finding
some poor animal
in a cage
outside its making.

i can’t see
below the earth.
the poor thing,
fighting.

Stop speaking in tongues!
Tell me true.
When you choked out that "I Love You"
did you mean a single syllable?
did you have to drag that from the depths of your heart
or just to jump-start
this ridiculous doubt i have.

I'm sorry. But not ******* forgiving you

i can't read your smile anymore.

"But no."
The Sun said to the Sea.
"We cannot be close,
You cannot accept me."

"Why?!"
The Sea simply roared.
"I only reflect you,
and so my love is assured!"

"Fine."
The Sun said; and so down it came.
evaporating the Sea.
"Now we will never be the same."

you appreciate:
....distance...
more than I'd planned.
so how do I communicate
a need:
....to hold your hand....
                                         ?