Re-reading past conversations
just to double check,
you dished out
the same words you'd get.

**and not feel at fault.

Candles;
alone in the rain
Snuffed out
simmering in shame.

we hand our hearts
to people
who know not, what they hold.

are we not the fools
who blame it's breaking
on those
who never knew what they held.

Thinking.
Dreaming maybe?
Ricocheting repeated words
Bullets. Let them fly,
Fly, fly in sync-locked.
Together we'll set ourselves alight.
Writhing, sighing...
Our forest fire at midnight.

It's about being broken enough
to where scars are reminders
of the days you could remember
exactly what hurt
**you.

"Your true friends show themselves in the times of need."
-
So am i sick to
wish bad things
upon myself?
-
"No. But you are sick of loneliness."

i never could write in the sunshine, yet i had to.
and sometimes, the sky opens these memories
long, long locked away.
The parting of clouds, like that of eyes, of dreams.

of being 6 and crying tears of joy,
of being 12 and just crying,
the bite of bark against forearms,
the froth of a first beer,
and fires of first love,
and aches of growth,
seeing mirrors that never had a little boy smiling,
seeing horizons that never had an end.

sometimes, i think, the sky is like a mirror
reaching out across time.
and i think i could now dance carefree
with the snivelling younger me.

with all of that self-love,
seeing his future would be enough.

-a poets best and worst moment.

kiss me so the vines in my veins can snake out to hold you

beat into me until i'm broken and the feelings
alight the layer of skin just below the outermost,
like the lining of a jacket, catching aflame.

scratch out the remaining worries with the spines of your teeth.
rake me upwards, shred the doubts like old sunburn peel, and peel and peel the layers of mistrust off of me till i'm raw, pink and ready.

never has this body not been scarred
without first feeling excitement.

since you pierced it, now you're responsible. I'll chase that ownership, mutually owed, to the end of all meaning. till the sensations are the only bits that still make sense, and then you can make up for everything else.

only after this, after everything else is spread across a blood splattered floor, can things start again. only once you make up for not returning the parts of me. only once my remaining organs, now calcified, have been cracked to their inner ichor, and you tip me gently into your thankless lungs.

only once the prostration, the words left since butchered into me, have been flayed by your regret, and raised to the height of saints.

hang me up.
swing by my legs and wrap around the root of me like you once would.
debase yourself inside of me again, learn to build something again. dig deeper than needed again, strike copper in my veins so I can oxidise again. watch me alight again, at your briefest touch.

I remember,
when i was younger- i used to think.
Love came as fast as it went,
so painless. So easy.

                                                 If i could visit that me
                                                 i'd break his legs,
                                                 then his heart.
Then he'll truly see
what a scar is.
                    

                                                        Walking down the street
                                                        still lacking a heartbeat.

Running up the stairs
to jump out of the case.
Upon your own night you,
suggested an improvement.
With a heat, now displaced
Shuffled
in a downward movement.

The contrasting controls,
that which flows
with whipping winds and
lost lovers- nows a tonal
change shows.

So you whimpered, puppy lust
Then I growled, mature crush
Now we're gone, dust to dust
Cupid kills in a fluid
******.

you appreciate:
....distance...
more than I'd planned.
so how do I communicate
a need:
....to hold your hand....
                                         ?

I have a
disconcerting.... habit.
not drugs Mind you
or the like,
its a phrase- or more honestly a turn of one.
"Come Along."                                                          ­  Strangly simple right?
For the life of my life i don't know
WHY
I repeat it.

Am i perhaps
reMinding my Mind
"be Mindful of those landMines planted by that Mindless mad man"?!

in honesty,
i doubt it.

This is so foolish
but my heart still pounds
upon its walls when your
espresso shot smile cuts
through the crowd.

This is so stupid
but my stomach turns and spins
when your fingers and arms
somehow
brush against my skin.

This is so pathetic
when my hand reaches for yours
your flinches slice my hope
short.

This is so.... so..... so.....

SO INVIGORATING - REPLENISHING
so draining- depressing
SO WARM- INVITING
so brief- lightning

So, So
What?
My love's a clock
that's tic-tocking
away all till
i am
                                                gone.

After, your heart
opens to me.
My mouth'll tumble out,
every single sweet story it knows.
Just so those eyes- ever gaze to mine.
I'll leave that ******* called time
To his own lover.

"But no."
The Sun said to the Sea.
"We cannot be close,
You cannot accept me."

"Why?!"
The Sea simply roared.
"I only reflect you,
and so my love is assured!"

"Fine."
The Sun said; and so down it came.
evaporating the Sea.
"Now we will never be the same."

Stop speaking in tongues!
Tell me true.
When you choked out that "I Love You"
did you mean a single syllable?
did you have to drag that from the depths of your heart
or just to jump-start
this ridiculous doubt i have.

I'm sorry. But not ******* forgiving you

i can't read your smile anymore.

this love is a caricature
overblown into something not quite natural but still you see the foundations. if this was something normal like a nose an ear or freckles fine i'd understand

But it's not

it's something you count back from twenty to cover your need to break something kind of caricature.
it's that I'm not angry I'm not angry I'm not angry
repeating ritual kind of caricature.
that promising the next morning you'll close your eyes at daybreak and finally be able to let go!! kind of caricature.

im no artist
As all my attempts have shown
I'm only a poet
and
all my poetry is *overblown.

Scratching these words out
drawing blood from stone,
Will you read 'em? No doubt
but you'd prefer to read alone.

My "a" s have gone gray
maybe a few times too many,
still I'd die to hear you say
you like these poems plenty.

I think you're annoyed,
told me so fair few times.
But you played and toyed,
let me commit a few crimes.

One day I'll look back.
With your face all non-seeing.
Knowing that look in fact,
was all due to my being.

                 You never really cared about friendship
                  really the opposite to me.
                   Guess your heart prevents it
                     Nothing taken personally.

Melted cream kisses
that clot our nerves with a
sweetness so throat coatingly sugary.
******* caramel covered heart.
Keep me on you till we part;

We're a little "pick me up" kinda love.

taste the apology
smell the loss
on your sons hair
mother who once taught
hangs taut
eyes wide in piano-wired stare

Good morning all, this morning i awoke
and i wanted to say something.
I got dressed in fibers made in who knows where,
traveled on a train made of who knows what,
to speak to you fine people probably thinking
"Who the hell is this!?"
but i wanted to say something.
You see, i'm not the brightest kid in the club,
the sharpest neither-
can't make a universe with my words nor build a story with my soul.
i don't have that talent but
i wanted to say something.

There is no greater moment
than the moment just gone.
These words, fleeting like grains of sand from my mouth
i want them to take root in your hearts and build a thousand sandcastles, so i can proudly say i made a beach out of the intangible
and no amount of sea salty hatred can force it to
perish.
i wanted to say something. something you wouldn't forget and
something i wouldn't regret.

I wanted to say something.
so, good morning everyone
what kind of story shall i tell?

Egotistical.

Because your smile makes me.

Or.

Stereotypical.

Because your smile breaks me.

so i wound
whats left of my feeling
in copper wire.
The idea being;
any regretful shocks will
jumpstart-my heart-healing.

deleted your location
from my phone
as the little green dot that represents
your distance from   me
is no longer accurate.

you can cast shadows
on bedroom walls
it's all You know.
            i know.

it doesn't excuse
my chasing
as you are all i know.
                        **You know.