The darkest days reign asunder
We pledge not to this day
But to the ever ending night
And the shadows in which they walk

Fear not the darkness
For the darkness is friend
Though it’s not a pleasant one
It will guide us through

Here is the light of day
Well with it burns agony
Searing the wounds of the faithful
Smolders of ashes lay where they stood

Seek not for the dawn
But the eternal serenity of dusk
For when the dawn comes
Terror is all that remain

Peace be upon you brother
And your dire time of need
For the caress of the night
Shall comfort once again

I don’t get how some people
Can shut off their feelings
And act like they never cared
For the person they claimed to love

It baffles me to no end
And causes me to wonder
Did they even love at all
Did they actually care

It takes me months
Sometimes even years
To get over someone
And I’m never truly over them

There’s always a piece of love
Still lingering for that person
That simple spark of compassion
That hopes they are doing okay

I get flashbacks of events
And feel how I felt in those moments
The feelings I had for them
Come back just as strong

Even seeing the person
Can bring them back in full
Making me question why
Why did things go wrong

What happened to the feelings they had
Where did they go that you grow so cold
How can I ever get to that point
Of finally not caring at all

I don’t know
Who is more broken
The one who cares forever
Or the one who doesn’t

All I can say
Is my own experience
And always caring
Is almost unbearable

You always question
Could it have gone a different way
Is it possible to start over
Or even fix what was broken

Is it okay to talk about
Is it okay to reach out
To see how they are
To worry about them

Caring for them
While they don’t
Causes so much fear
You can’t even reply

You hide away
Begging for it to end
Wishing that everything was different
Or that it was all just a dream

And when reality sets in
Your world begins to crumble
It’s the pain all over again
And then it’s just numb

You become a void
Feeling nothing at all
But it’s only temporary
Then the cycle repeats

No longer am I surrounded
By the sweet embrace of Joy
But forevermore clinched
In the painful grip of sorrow

The agonizing maze of despair
The ripping tides of pain
These have come to me
And all I feel is null

The tears once shed
Have all but gone
Leaving hollow voids
And salt stained walls

Seeing through the distance
Feeling what once was
Lost in a space of forgotten
Hoping to begin anew

I have died
Body with no soul
The last melting ember
Of my once beautiful soul

Is now losing it's glow
The moments that pass
Slowly slow us down
We lose the happiness

We beg for it back
Yet there are those
That won't return
No matter what

My heart gone
Soul is dying
I leave this world
To find a new

When you think about it
Life is anything but fair
But the kicker that destroys it all
Is losing the one you like to another

The emotions that ensnare
The betrayal that’s felt
The love turned to anger
Lost in an endless spiral

You try to say it’s okay
You say it’s not your fault
There’s nothing you could do
Nothing you could say

Just live with it and wait
For emotions get easier
But you never listen
And probably never will

You lash out and scream
Cursing yourself and others
Hating that it could never be
As simple as you and I

Your emotions turn cold
You lose the feeling of laughter
Losing yourself you crumble
Into a pile of broken stone

And there you wait
For a while
Till it becomes clear
It was never meant to be

Thou red headed Phoenix
So full of life
Lay still on the table
So cold and limp

Ascending upon high
This Phoenix does fly
So be buried in the earth
Soon to rise again

The shattered remains
You leave so many dear
The pain in which has fallen
Can only pass with time

Until you fly once more
We mourn the loss of you
So come back soon
And gaze us with your flame

Shine bright
Oh Phoenix of fire
Death does it become you
For when you sink into the ashes

A new life emerges
Clinging still to thou dead flesh
It shutters slightly at the cold
Never to regain its full flight

So we say unto thee
May you Rest In Peace
Never to feel pain
Or sorrow ever again

I have a few more days
In this prison cell
That they call
A hospital ward

Too long has it been
Since I have tasted freedom
I now feel like
I'm on a bed of roses

Feeling my skin
Getting ripped apart
Bit by little bit
It bleeds over the thorns

Soaking into the petals
Staining the white buds red
Dripping down to the floor
And making a pool of crimson

Waiting with anxiety
And anguish
Hoping to be free
To roam around once again

To walk amongst the living
To cast out my shadow
And inhale the fresh air
With my toes in the sand

But that seems like hopeful wishing
And maybe it is
But that is my wish
For a perfect vacation

The attraction of the heart
May it be sorrow
Or forgotten love
We heed its call

Walking into an eternal abyss
Of mixed emotion
Thats destined to change
Falling deeper upon the night

Echoing cries
tears of joy
Agony sorrow fear
And dread

The dark haunts
Of an eternal dance
The safety we feel
The harmony we embrace

Rip my heart out
Watch it bleed
Dripping down your hands
As it soaks the sand

My love was eternal
But now turns to dust
As I lay here shattered
Begging to be put back together

But alas my words fall
Onto deaf ears
For you don’t care
For my love no more

You lost the love
You had for me
And now I lay
A hollowed husk

Where do I go from here
After being with you so long
Who am I anymore
What purpose do I serve

These questions are a mystery
And so I ponder
What happens now
To this hollowed husk

I guess I need to find myself
Pull myself back together
Close up the wounds
And never give my heart out again

For this loss has shattered
The last hope I had
Of having a happy life
With someone I held dear

So now lost forever
In a sea of turmoil
I drown slowly
Waiting for deaths embrace

For when I go
It will be with you
Or it will be alone
That I promise you

Madness descends upon you
But beware the fall
Cause once you do
There's no going back

Just embrace it
And soon you'll realize
It has always been there
Refusing to hide

Death like all things
Are a simple state
Permanent in most
But subtle in others

Eternal peace must be achieved
Before death can be final
A life of wealth and luxury
Can never find peace of mind

Nor can a life of sorrow and misery
Find balance in all things
Life is a path in which to follow
We must choose the right path

Or we suffer eternal damnation
Fighting amongst our brothers
Spouting words of hate
Will never bring one salvation

Words of truth and love
Hope with all things
We attain everlasting peace
For there has to be a balance

Life must come with sorrow
As it also comes with bliss
Abandon all you don’t need
And share upon those who don’t have

Leave not in a state of anguish
But in a state of calmness
Shed the unnecessary
And bring only love

For when these things are at one
We find ultimate truth
Hidden in the mind
For us to truly see

Sleep now thy wandering angel
Thy journey is over
Filled with torment
Blood and anguish

Thy hunt be fair
For quickened hearts
Beat now thy heart of gold
Time is null and void

Rest does come
though slow it may be
To carry thy sweet angel
Where few dare tread

I have fallen
Fallen to far
Where there is no salvation
Down to where
There is darkness and death

Though I sought a way out
I could never find one
Till one day you walked into my life
The beam of hope I was longing for

The love that blossomed in me filled me with joy
I had finally found the light
In this never ending darkness
Though it is difficult
Times have turned darker than before

The kindled love in which you sparked
In my now forever burning soul
Will remain my light for you
Never will the darkness
In which hurt me before ever hurt you
We are one and forever will remain

Love is fleeting
Or so they say
But no matter what I do
I can't get over you

I beg and I plead
to the higher powers above
For months and months
To get over you

But try as I may
The love is still there
Causing heartache
Causing pain

You say lots of things
But never the one thing I need
For you to tell me it will be okay
And that we will get through this together

My love for you has grown eternal
And I fear it will be forever so
Because everytime I see you
It grows a little more

Though this light shine brightly
My heart is pulled
To the darkness it once was

The light slowly fading
Souls withering away
Hearts turning to dust
With the breaking of sorrow waters

The rush of great fear
Agony and despair
Though looking to the light
None can be seen

All that is now
The darkness is here
Glancing around for just a little
The light once was there
Is now gone for good

Where it has gone
there is no telling

My head is ignoring my heart
Yet my heart screams it's sorrow
Hoping for my head to hear
The agonizing pain it's in

Yet all my head can do
Is dream of a far off place
Where there is no sadness
Pain or dismay

Where there is only forgiveness
Love and compassion
A place that is kind
And free of worry

Forgotten
Alone
Another day spent hiding
Waiting to be found

Blinded by fake smiles
Searching through the sea of uncaring eyes
Hoping to find the one most sincere

Past has taught us the truth
For most every smile is a gesture
A face we adorn for society
Hiding out true virtue
Seeking that which is real

Real compassion
Real love
Real hope
Real joy

Kindness from the heart of truth
Not the heart of peers view
Ask not to appease others sight
But to relish in the truest sense

Trust your own heart
For that is where the truth hides
Waiting to be let free
To grace in divine sight

Times were perfect
they were kind and loving
You had a sparkle in your eye
That made the world bright with love

The distance was great
Yet it wasn't an issue till one day
You told me its hard
You want us closer
But to be friend is enough for now

The pain worsened the more we were friends
The ***** ups I did just made things worse
My love has grown stronger and stronger
Yet it is not enough

In order to get you back I must be by your side
Times are tough and greater still
I love you so much that time stands still
I see you there alone

No one by your side and I crave
That someone will be me again
This pain and misery is far to great
Yet I long your your touch
your kissing embrace

These nights without you have made me miserable
I just wish once you see my tears
These tears of love and pure of heart
They yearn for you to wipe them away

They look to you with a tortured soul
Leaking through the glistening light
They wish you would come back to wipe them away
Even if it is just one more time

People keep saying
That things will get better
But with each passing day
Things just keep getting worse

The darkness grows more black
Swallowing up all the light
Pushing me ever deeper
Down this pit of despair

Try as I might
I can’t seem to fight back
I keep losing the battle
Falling deeper and deeper

I keep getting told
That I shouldn’t be with him
That it’s best that he left me
That I’m better without him

But the longer this goes on
The harder it is for me to see
The light that will come out of this
And it’s slowly killing me

My chest won’t stop aching
Yet it’s been months
I feel like I’m dying
Over and over

I don’t know what to do
Every time I try to move forward
I’m pushed backwards
To thoughts of us

It feels like my heart will fail
From this ever growing pain
That’s deep in my soul
Begging for him to return

If only my mind wasn’t shattered
If only I did things differently
If only she didn’t come into his life
Them maybe things would be different

Maybe I would still be with him
Maybe I wouldn’t be in so much pain
From losing the one I love the most
But I fear my time is almost up

I grow weaker with each passing day
My migraines are getting worse
And the pain in my chest grows rapid
I fear I will never get him back

I fear that I will die before that can happen
That my life will end very soon
Because what most people don’t know
Is that a broken heart can be fatal

The fates be among us
The eternal seers of destiny
Bringers of pain and misfortune
Foretelling of destruction and mayhem

Bringing together torture and pleasure
Combine fates they come alive
To see eternal suffering
Among Gods and mortals alike

There’s a voice inside my head
Screaming that it’s all worth it in the end
But my mind plays tricks
So I don’t know what to believe

Should I listen to the voice
Or should I listen to reason
On one hand my life will change for the better
The other my life will stay the same

But with these delusions that run wild
Causing mayhem upon my brain
Sending toxic visions
And destructive thoughts

I sit and I ponder
Is it really worth it
Or will I just fail
Like so many times before

I try so hard to connect
To you and ignore the terror
The terror inside my heart
That pushes me to think it will never work

I think silently to myself
Questioning why this is
Why does my head do these things
When all I know is I like you

I don’t like the paranoia
I don’t like the fear
It terrifies me beyond compare
To a state beyond repair

My eyes they only see you
My heart screams out for you
But in the end of the day
My head screams it can’t be true

I try to run and hide
From all these thought inside
Screaming delusions and spreading fear
Cause all I want is to be with you

I run and run
Tripping over myself
Shielding my eyes from the visions
Of you wanting someone else

I fall and cry
Screaming for someone to help
Wishing my head would stop filling with lies
Stop filling with terrifying fantasies

And yet it doesn’t stop
Screaming and cowering
Clutching my head between my knees
I burst into tears begging why

Why can’t I trust
Why can’t I have faith
Why must my head do this
Why must I feel so alone

All I want is your reassurance
Yet I can’t even get that
Because I’m too afraid to tell you
About what’s really going on inside

I’m starting to forget what it feels like to be happy
The only time I’m happy now is around one person
But that one person doesn’t acknowledge me like I do them
And it hurts me so bad that I want to scream

I love this person with all my heart
I pray for their safety and well-being
When they don’t answer their phone I get worried
And my paranoia runs rampant

I wish they could see how much they mean to me
If only I was good enough for them
If only I wasn’t so dysfunctional
If only I could be happy all the time

It feels like they don’t know just how I feel
That my feelings for them aren’t true
Or that I just want to use them
But what they don’t see is when they aren’t with me

I crave their presence
I wish for them to be near
I long for their touch
I long for their kiss

I need them
I feel incomplete without them
And it brings nothing but misery
And it’s slowly killing me

I long for the day they finally see me
The one that has loved them through everything
All the good and the bad
Every flaw they have

I hope they see it soon
Cause it’s getting too much to bear
This emptiness I feel
When they don’t acknowledge my love

The pain is always temporary
It will always fade in time
That is what I believe
But you must give it time

Never open old wounds
Because when you do
They begin to fester
And the rot sets in

Once the rot takes hold
It clings fast
And rarely lets go
Until it all collapses

So keep the wound shut
Keep it from getting infected
With more pain and anguish
Though this may be hard

It can be done
And it will be a test
One of great will
And sacrifice

The sorrow
The tears
The constant cries for help
All ignored and brushed away

I’m broken
Beat down by my own mind
Been that way for years
And yet my cries are never heard

I’m pushed away
Tossed around like garbage
No one really wants me around
And who can blame them anyway

My heart aches badly
But I know I can’t fix it
My mind screams loudly
Though I can’t silence it

The end of days is soon upon me
With no help how can one be expected
To continue this miserable existence
When all they get is ignored

I’m a burden on everyone I meet
I don’t deserve to live
Though I try so hard to voice my needs
It always ends in a fight

I no longer have a reason
A reason to exist
My heart is failing fast
I don’t know how much longer I have left

The one person I wanted to help me
The one person I cared about the most
The one person in which I love
Shoved me away to die

With heart shattered
And mind destroyed
I no longer have a reason
To continue this fight

No matter how hard I beg
No matter how hard I try
I can never fix this
Heaven knows I want too

My love runs so deep
That it hurts inside
My heart starts to burn
As pain runs through my chest

I have lost everything
There is nothing left for me here
No joy, happiness or love
Only sorrow and pain

So I wish you the best
Though I always have
For you to live
For the both of us

Cause even though
You ripped out my heart
And stomped it into the ground
I still love you to death

My soul shall remain by your side
For all eternity my love
For you were the only happiness
That I ever had

The flame of love
So contained while it's flourishing
But remove the barriers of love
And the flame turns on you

It sets you ablaze
As the flame turns dark
Causing unbearable pain
As you wish for it to end

You try so hard
To put up a wall
Around this new flame
But to no avail

It burns so hot
You feel like you could melt
Your chest clenched tightly
As every beat pounds

Holding tightly
You ask yourself
What did I do
To deserve this pain

But you hear no response
No whisper to let you know
That the flame that's inside
Is the flame of sorrow

It burns so vibrant
It threatens to burn
Right out of your chest
Leaving you hollow inside

But nothing can help
Only time will tame it
For when this flame burns
All hope feels lost

You beg and plead
For it to stop
But the best you can do
Is calm the sorrow

Do other things
Hang out with friends who care
For they will help you heal
Over this time of torture

Forget about the past
Cause you can't change it
Things happen that's out of our control
And it's okay to feel hurt

But just remember
That burning inside
The flame that seems to never die
Will slowly fade away in time

Tick tick tock,
Are you Grandfather clock?

Drip drip drop,
Are you able to stop?

Water flowing and slowly filling,
Stopping our endless drilling.

No matter how much I think
No matter how many times I try to find it
I can’t seem to come up with the words
To express how much I truly love you

Those three words are just not enough
They don’t express how much you mean to me
How much I crave to be by your side
To walk next to you in this thing we call life

They don’t express the ache I feel
When you are away from me
Or the relief I get when you are beside me
So I hope this poem will do

When I look at you all my worries are gone
There is no troubles I can’t face
Because I know you will be there
Fighting with me side by side

When I look in your eyes
I can see how much you truly care
It makes my soul flourish
Begging for you to hold me

When I caress your face
I fight back tears
Because I’ve never touched anything
More beautiful than you

Your embrace feels magical
I never want it to end
It calms me down
No matter how broken I feel

Your kiss fills me with joy
Knowing that I truly have found
My forever home with you
And I never want that to change

You are wonderful
Exactly what I wished for
Yet so much more than that
You truly are everything to me

And this is truly how I feel
Not a word said is untrue
Because to me those words
Those simple words can never compare

I will always want to see those eyes
Dancing in the moon light as we gaze the stars
Because when I look at you
I don’t see my partner for life

I see the wonder that’s in the world
The magic that’s in the air
The beauty that’s right before me
The one being who completes me

I know you find my staring odd
But you don’t see what I see
Or feel what I feel
When I stare at you and smile

The happiness it brings me
From just looking at you
Instantly puts that smile
Onto my face big and bright

I can’t help but to smile
Because I can see just how wonderful
A person you truly are
To see the beauty in the world

I honestly can’t believe
You chose a person like me
To be the one you walk with
On the path of life

I will go with you wherever you go
And do everything with you
Because with you
I truly am blessed

So the words I love you will never be enough
My feelings run so much deeper than that
And I hope you will see that
My feelings for you run pure and true

Take this glue
And seal my heart
Fix the cracks
Which are leaking black

Save my soul
From rotting away
This pain is becoming
Unbearably real

My love is too strong
To just vanish like you want
It’s like a fire burning
Threatening to turn into ash

Place your hand
Upon my heart
And feel the blaze
That still remains

Growing stronger
With each passing day
I beg my heart
To stop this display

But to my dismay
It doesn’t listen
It does what it wants
Even if it causes pain

I beg and I plead
For this agony to end
For my suffering to stop
But it will never come

I try to distract myself
Distract my heart and mind
Put them on something else
Anything at all

But you always seem
To come crawling in
Setting my heart ablaze
And my mind turns dark

My love for you
Won’t stop growing
No matter how hard I try
My mind can’t stop it

The heart wants what the heart wants
Or at least that’s how the saying goes
But right now it feels like all it wants
Is to destroy itself through endless suffering

With just a simple flutter of a thought
My day could turn from the happiest I’ve had
To the darkest in which I dread
Begging for the end of time

Oh how I miss our talks
I miss waking up to you
I miss you holding me as I fall asleep
Feeling safe from the night terrors that creep

I miss the way you smiled
When you looked my way
The way you joked around
To cheer me up on a rainy day

I miss the comfort you gave me
The laughs we shared
The embraces that kept me warm inside
Warning the darkness to step aside

But now I’m alone
There is no safety
I’m terrified to sleep
And even more so to wake

This feeling inside me
Grows stronger and stronger
I don’t know how much more I can take
Before this life is pushed to the end

When I get excited
I instinctively turn my head
Thinking you are still by my side
But then I see there’s no one there

I stare at the empty spot on my bed
The one that you use to fill
And tears start to fall
As I lose all self control

The tears that burn so much
Like acid drops on my skin
The tightness of my chest
The aching in my heart

I end up in a ball
Crying out to the Gods of old
Pleading for mercy
From this cruel fate

Pleading with all my heart
For just one more chance
To make it right
In exchange for my soul

I am a free spirit
You cannot catch thee
I have no chains
No bounds placed on me

Running around and enjoying
All the scenes and scenery
Beauty is all around us
You just have to wait and see

Look at the moments
That peace are unto thee
The beauty and the sound
Just take a moment

And look to the sky
The clouds they form
Such magical designs
The earth so serene

The flowers they smell so divine
Their beauty and radiance
They can never be unseen
So delicate yet so full of life

Everything that you love
Holds you tightly through the night
Ensuring a peaceful slumber
And a bright new tomorrow

Darkest of nights
Repel this fright
Evil be wiped
From this sacred sight

From deep it dwells
Blood ravage beasts
Thy death be swift
So wings take flight

This hollowed night
We bless to thee
No more torment
From this wretched fright

Thy Goddesses of death and rebirth
I ask of thee to take me in their stead
To be eternal servant hidden in a realm
Far beyond mortal eyes

I ask thee to bless the lives I’ve ruined
I ask thee to take me instead
Keep them from this eternal torment
I can’t bare to see them suffer

They don’t deserve this pain
None of them do
I alone carry that burden
I ask of thee my sweetest love

Thy Karma divine and beautiful
Weaver of death and rebirth
I ask thee on this darkest of night
Take the ones who curse my family

Not the ones who have no reason to suffer
For they are pure of heart
They don’t deserve this torment
I as of thee in unconditional love

My chosen family of purest divine
I make this sacrifice for you to see
My being need suffer eternal solitude
Stripped from soul and body alike

To free their suffering of darkest fright
They hell is in me and not in them
So I ask with solemn want
Please take me in your heart

Leave this family and friends
For I ask of thee I solemnly accept
Your first touch of contact
For this angel of the Earth

The radiance of light
Shining from the sky
Passing down thy judgement divine
Ever vigilant thee be on high

Gazing upon thy blissful soul
Thy Goddess dances thy ballot gold
Graceful movements thou limbs do sway
Casting moonlight of cleansing glow

Ever so brightly thy soul does burn
Brightly shining thy sins depart
Glowing still thy beating heart
For thou hast bared thy final part

Hallowed halls of sovereign hearts
Echoing out the darkest art
Casting shadows and fright
In ancient eyes begin to rot

Seek thee out oh hollowed flame
For thou be swift and come again
Cast thy silhouette over hopes and dreams
For in this night they begin to flee

Run and hide while you can
The screams come swiftly
For in this corridor of lost love
Lurks the greatest pain of all

The ghost of heartache and betrayal
Of misery and agony
Screeching and howling
Pleading for it to stop

But no matter what
The pain stays there
It never heals fully
Always ready to split open again

The heart
Such a confusing thing
Filled with happiness compassion and love
Yet also filled with sadness resent and hate

Once it starts to flutter
The beats can't be stopped
Time needs to flow
For confusion to end

Listen to your heart
At least that's what they say
But why listen to it
When all that comes is uncertainty

To be with one
But also grow to despise
Yet to meet another
And grow to aspire

We meet again
Feelings grow stronger
Yet hearing something from the other
Annoyance and hate only grow wilder

Heart calls out
To the one it's chosen
Yet also hangs on
To the one it starts loathing

Pulling it's strings
It tangles in a web
Hurting itself more
With just a simple beat

Til another kindred heart
Comes by to help
Shedding light
Upon a darkened scene

Finally free
No tangles left clinging
Time to follow it's plea
And chase the one it adores

The heart aches
For the love it craves
Holding fast to the dream
Of one day feeling it's embrace

Hold fast to the passion
The cravings and kindness
The hearts a curious thing
For those who want to listen

Hide in the shadows
It does no good
When the heart wants
There is no running

Embrace the passion
Embrace the love
For if you do
Compassion will be yours

Burn the walls
Turn to ice
Feel the cold
Take the beat

Heart slows down
Steal the last breath
Destroy the love
Of a tender heart

Eat the fragile
Rip the silence
Howling sharply
Echoing to the moon

Listen to the beat
Of the tender hearts song
As it slowly ends
Dying the last time

Ice turns blue
Creating cold fire
Incinerating the heart
To a smoky ash pile

Hear my heart
Listen to the song
Feel the sorrow
Of my love

It burns bright
With the fires of damnation
Hearing the pain
That beats in my soul

Feel the torture
Open the cell
Set ablaze the house of pain
And seek out Nirvana

My love for you is eternal
My heart aches for you
As I stare into your eyes
I see the vacant gaze of my reflection

I hear the pain In my heart
When you say that you love me
But do you really care
Or are you just faking

Is your love really true
Or are you just pulling
Pulling on my fragile
Tender heart strings

Can you sync
Can you feel the beat Can you hear my song
My hear string song

Just open your heart
Let the rhythm flow
Feel it in your soul
And watch glow

Rise up, Rise up
Hear the voices
Of our hearts
As they sing in harmony

Feel the passion in your chest
Let the love flow free
Take my hand
Let me guide you

To the hallowed Grounds
Where our souls reside
Feel the warmth
And let the love fly

Feel it in your soul
We are finally home
Our songs harmonizing
In eternal peace

Thoughts spiraling
Causing tears to fall
Does he want me
Or is it all a facade

Little to no communication
Rarely seeing each other
Hiding things I give him
Spending more time with her than me

These actions speak volumes
And it causes me to wonder
Does he even love me
Does he even want me

Everyday I fight against these thoughts
But the longer this goes on
The more I feel it to be true
And the more heartbroken I become

I’m starting to question
If I should build up walls
Block off my heart again
So it doesn’t hurt as much

But no matter what I do
I can’t seem to shake these thoughts
Thoughts of pain and torture
Wishing for someone to shine a light

I swore to myself
I would never be in this spot again
But here I am again
Prepared to have my heart trampled

I’m honestly ready to snap
Needing to talk with him
But it has to be in person
Because I honestly fear his answer

It will be so much easier
To seal myself away
While he’s standing there in front of me
Than if it were over call or text

I can hide my pain
Not let myself collapse
If what I honestly fear
Is the actual truth

My feelings are never wrong
Which just makes matters worse
I lay there and cry
On countless days and nights

Hoping that he’ll talk to me
Hoping it’s not true
Hoping that he loves me
Hoping he chooses me

Because if this continues
The way it’s going
I will end up losing
My will to even try

My hidden cause
My ego erased
My love poured out
My heart raced

The pain felt
Yet can't be shown
The fear of loss
The chance be blown.

Curling into a ball,
Hiding my swelling heart
Feeling nothing but pain
Wanting only him from the start

As I am pushed away
I fear things are going a stray
Try as I might to hide the pain

I wonder if the jealousy
Is but a game

We go through life
Thinking we are just fine
Then suddenly out of the blue
Our inner demons attack

They drag us down
While smiling those evil grins
Hoping to turn us into
Copies of the tragic past

We long for the days of old
Where our thoughts are pure
The joy of freedom
Without a care in the world

So we struggle against the past
Fighting for a brighter future
One of laughter joy and renewal
Snapping at demons of the past

Ripping and prying ourselves free
From the wickedness of our haunted tragedy
Uncovering new issues that hide underneath
Blasting them away with a new light

Shedding the false skin
That was forced upon you
Finally seeing yourself for the first time
In a glow that feels safe and right

Anger and fury
Uncontrolled emotion
Feeling of regret
Remorse and sorrow

Fearing what happens next
Hoping for a better solution
Depression falls
In agonizing defeat

Tear run dry
Hiding from whats in sight
The pain that spared
The hope of an end

Locked away in a forgotten safe
he long lost
Now discovered once again
The long forgotten safe

I smile
I laugh
I play the part
While none the wiser

It’s easy to hide
The emotions deep inside
After all I’ve done it all my life
It’s second nature to me

You see this happy face
A face full of fun and joy
Nothing could be wrong
..Right?

The facade is perfect
Even my mother who raised me
Could never tell what lurks below
Those shining sky-like eyes

No one sees beyond this guise
Not even the old and wise
For if they did their gaze would change
To one that’s fearful of my path

For below the kind demeanor
There’s nothing there
Emotions driven out
Heart locked tight

To afraid to fight
The bitterness of life
For behind closed doors
All that’s left is silence

Bitter silence
Painful silence
Ears ringing
Head heavy

And that’s then the voices
Come out to play
Sending you deeper
Into the darkness of your mind

Angry voices
Vicious voices
Disgusted and condescending
Hateful and spiteful

Uttering insults
Running scenarios
Warping your mind
Destroying your ability to trust

And there you sit
Broken and numb
Feeling nothing but emptiness
And the bitter snap of true loneliness

Loneliness that destroys you
Leaving you to feel dead inside
You start pulling away
Not telling anyone your truth

Constantly smiling and laughing
Without a care in the world
All while rotting inside
Til you’re nothing but a shell

Your love is strong and stronger still
Though you have left from my sight
Though it was not your choice
How can I know that we were right

Many have tried and yet none are right
So where out there is he
My love for you has grown sibling
And I know not of its return to mate

My soul aches and thrives to love
But who is my match to love
They wander from me to hide their presence
So I am not able to see

Why must they make me hurt
I can't take the pain no longer
To him I must be a disease
To not be shown this life

Upon the night
The shadowed stalk of an early hunt
The glimmer of hope in the laughing darkness
The simple breath of a heart unloved
The heart seeks true want and only finds undying hate

It withers away to nothing as it continues
To seek what will never come
Slowly the heart starts to break
Never wanting to be hurt again
Turning into what has been done to it

A lowly being
Of hurt and despair
Never again to be filled
With happiness and joy
But to be trapped in a world
Of hatred and sorrow

Rabid it went
Chasing the hearts in which it was
And longed to be with
Hurting those like itself

Darkness

Blackest of night
night of day
We cower in fear
Of what they might say

Conform to the norm
As they all would believe
Different is evil
Thats what they perceive

Danger is everywhere
Just open your eyes and see
Imagine that the norm was crushed
And what the world could be

In the darkest pits of my soul
I know what I want will never be
But every time I see your face
I can’t but hope it to be

I continue to hope
That the more time we spend
The stronger your love for me will become
But that’s not the case is it

I’m ****** to live like this
Eternally wanting you by my side
While you urn for another
And are blind to the love you get

I’m stuck in time
Begging for you by my side
To return to what we once had
To what was ripped away before our eyes

It doesn’t matter what I do
All you see is your love for them
I would do anything you tell me to
With a second thought or glance

What must I do to get you to see
The one who loves you is in front of you
The one who would give up everything
Just to be with you

But I now know that will never be
You love her and never me
My love is nothing but misery
And soon will be the end of me

You walk around
Like nothing is wrong
Hiding behind a chiselled mask
With crystal gems as eyes

Going through the motions
Like no one notices
But what you don't realize
There is me

I see the way your soul is damaged
I see the pain you wish to hide
So much pain it boils over
Threatening to burst from your mask

Though you are good at hiding
Though you are good at mending the cracks
I can see right through it
I just wish it would pass

But the more I see
The more pain you endure
I think it's time for me
To come out of hiding

No longer can I watch
As you writhe in agony
I can't let you do this alone
And I am here to help

Although you may think
That I am not able to see
We shared the same pain
So it's clear to me

The pain of self loathing
Of heartache
Of the fear of being alone
Of never finding the one who cares

Yet every time I see your face
I can't help but put on a smile
Because no matter what you say
No matter what you do

To me you are perfect
With all your flaws
All your worries
All your weaknesses

My heart became yours
So many years ago
But now it begs to return
Back to where it belongs

It urns to be by your side
To help you through
All the bad times
And to smile with you during the good

I hope this message
Can get through to you
Cause even if it doesn't
I swear to you

I will not rest
Until I see your face
Beaming so bright
With an authentic smile

The days are getting longer
Starting to blend in with each other
I’m losing track of time
My mind is slowly collapsing

I try so hard to move on
To push past this pain
But there’s a constant reminder
Imprinted in my body

A constant reminder
Of what you called me
I got it cause I wanted to be with you
For the rest of time itself

But now it’s only role
Is to remind me
I lost you forever
And won’t get you back

I can’t bare to look at myself
For every time I see it
My heart dies even more
Pushing back through that hospital door

I need it removed or covered
Or it will be the death of me
For its only now a reminder
Of how much of a fool I am

I loved you unconditionally
Pushed my beliefs aside
Cared for you when you were sick
Held you as you cried

But none of that matters
Not to you at least
Because you went off to her
Just because she was nice

She has the same habits
That you do to destress
But trust me on this
She can’t love you like I do

She won’t do what you like
That’s something hard to find
You threw away something rare
A relationship with perfect sync

You turned lust into obsession
And pushed me away
We lost our entire lives
Because of one mistake you made

But I don’t blame you
I don’t care at all
Material things don’t matter
But you ripped out my soul

I’m in constant pain now
My heart threatening to fail
At every spike in emotion
But honestly I wouldn’t care

As long as I still had you
Standing by my side
I can’t do this alone
I need my wolf back

This little fox is slowly dying
His heart on the brink of failure
He needs his wolf back
By his side even if it’s one last time

For you see my dear wolf
This foxes time is almost up
His heart can’t take much more strain
And it’s only getting worse with time

His heart is failing
But you don’t see it
He’s been hiding it for years
So you didn’t have to worry

But because of a condition
That he has kept secret
He has now signed his death warrant
And it’s only a matter of time

I doubt you will read this
Or even care to help
But not even doctors
Can properly treat this

They can only treat the side effects
Unless they go into surgery
But you know your fox
And how bad that would be

He has resigned to living in pain
Like he has done for years before you
But unlike before he can’t ignore it now
For the one who guarded him from the pain

Is no longer by his side protecting him
He is now all alone
Surrounded by the demons
Who were too afraid to come out

They are free to roam
Attacking without care
Destroying your fox with such veracity
There’s no longer an escape

He swore to you
He would never end his life
But he could never promise
His demons wouldn’t stop his heart

I don’t see how you can act so happy
While I’m barely holding myself together
I am fighting everyday
Not to breakdown and cry

Yet here you are
All hyper and giddy
With your teeth all showing
Like you don’t care that I’m hurting

I break down and try
To act like I’m fine
But all it brings me
Is this deep hatred inside

This hate that I feel
Is more for myself
While I look at you
Pretending everything’s alright

I feel I must hide it all
Or risk angering or annoying you
So I hide my face at night
While I cry myself to sleep

I see no hope
I see no light
For in my future
There is no sight

I can’t take this pain
It burns me so
But what hurts me the most
Is you’re not in pain too

I can’t keep beating myself up
For every lie that you told
You made me so paranoid
I felt like I was going insane

Now you give me freedom
And what’s sad about that
Is that I don’t want the freedom
From your loving hate

So I beg and I plead
For us to give it another shot
But now I know the truth
You’ve been hiding for so long

Your heart has belonged to another
For several months now
And you hide it from everyone
Thinking that it’s nothing

But what you don’t understand
Is the lives that are involved
Are entangled in this sea
Of perpetual sorrow

So please next time you feel this way
Look deep inside yourself
And ask one simple question
Is this really love or just lust

Cause we confuse the two
It’s in our DNA
We are programmed for procreation
So we have to rewrite our brains

Connect it in our hearts
Feel it in our souls
Watch carefully
As the picture unfolds

Seeing the truth
Being set free
Lies that were told
Now in the open

I see now that you lost your love for me
A while ago
You stopped caring about me
I was no longer your number one

I was always second best
To this new person in your heart
Why did I not see it
When it was so plain to see

But that’s what love does
It makes us blind
To the possibility
Of our love betraying us

I thought we would be together
For the rest of our lives
Have a white picket fence
With children running wild

But now I see
That it will never be
You gave up on us
The moment you saw her