I thought I was great
I thought I was worth it
Now all this hate
Has made me uncertain

You keep putting me off
To a later date
That would never come
And you wonder why I hate...
Us

I thought I was great
I thought I was worth it
Now all this hate
Has made me uncertain

You keep tearing me apart
Wouldn't fix me back
Deny all your actions,
And wonder why I'm cracked...
Up

I thought I was great
I thought I was worth it
Now all this hate
Has made me uncertain

You ne'er taught me to love,
When there's no love, there hate
Accuse me of having demons
Your concern for me is fake.

Birthdays are not my things,
I'm not into gift-giving really,
But I'll give this poem to you
Because, Mom, you're special to me.

She hides her feelings behind her soft brown eyes
She hides her ugly truths behind the beautiful lies
She hides her growing disease behind a meaty exterior
She hides her everything, afterall, what are people for?

I have no mouth and

I must scream

I'm going down

It's all a dream


Losing function,

It's ceaseless

Flabbergasted

I'm speechless.

There is a me in you,
There is a you in me.
It is hard, sometimes, to control which one I be

Oh my, so many
My faces,
For different places...

I am a very LOVING person.
Any and everyone I see,
Even before I ever know you,
I love you to the ends of the world,
But.If.You.Dare.Try.To.Abuse.My.Love,
I'll love you to the end of your life.

Someone's knocking at my door
In the middle of the night
From a warm be into the cold
I think I got my first frostbite

As I opened up my door
I saw a ghostly figure on my porch
A lady all dressed in white
With an unlit torch as her light

Her jet black hair was flying wide
She looked so feeble, oh so mild
Her dress was dancing everywhere
And on her face showed fright

She had such a perfect face
And she came from a mixed race
She said,"Please help me,
I'm being followed by a plight."

I led her into my home
She ran away from my statue gnomes
And when I held her hand
It was so cold and tight

Her lips were bleeding, so was her head
On her dress was drops of red
I let her sleep on my bed
And slept on the couch that night

We danced and we pranced
In my dreams
I was awoken
By the sunbeams

I ran to her
For I heard screams
And at her foot
I saw blood and shaving cream

She said that is wasn't what it seamed
It's cherry syrup and whip cream
I thought that she cut herself while taking a shave
I felt so ashamed and naive

N.B.P.
N.B.P.
No Breaking Point
For me?
N.B.P.
N.B.P.
Writing away on a page
Is the only way I can express
What was anger now is rage

They disobeyed,
But I suffer
Did things their own way
Nearly caused a murer
(Me)
Need I say more?
What are my people for?

I put my pen to paper
Fighting against the system
But that's alright
I make my moves when the strings aren't tight
I'm limited
I am still tied
But I know they'll need me later

Need me.
You'll need me later.
Yeah, you need me,
You'll need me later.

I'm not alright
And you'll need me later
And that's not right!

Exploring possibilities,
The future holds so much
A spirit of tranquillity
I'm foreign to its touch

Creating opportunities
Extracting experiences
They've never reached the  twos and threes
Much sacrificial expenses

Deeper darkness,
I hark the harness,
I drown

Sleeping caress
A sinking forest
To out

The darkest darkness
It has no hands to hold
A possibility exists within my mind
Untold

Suffocation
Sweet deprivations
Mutate

A broken nation
A whole, we take one
Our fate

The missing masters
They build their hearts of plaster
Because the nothing matters
We laugh, we laugh

Taciturn trouble
Undergrounded bubble
O’erflow

I am no artist
But I do paint with words
I am not insane
But I hear things unheard
I'm no storyteller
But great tales I can weave
I'n not a comforter
But you can always cry on my sleeve

Do you think I'm an industry plant?

I wish

The only one planting me

Is me

By myself

On my own

No corporation
No big business

I'm nobody!

Speakers distort static matter,
Is it real? Is it a dream?
There are vestiges that I'm after
And they crave nicotine.
I'm offered nicotine,
I've never felt so alone
I am nobody
And nobody's home

I want to draw a ****** smiley face because it hurts
I want to slam my head against a wall 'til my brain works

You all are speaking through me
It undoes me with no care

It's too late to be saved
I must behave
n o   d i s e a s e   h e r e

Stop talking.
The silence hurts less than this.
The loneliness consumes me.
I feel numb, empty.

What have I done?
I should know better.
I didn't think this through.

They won't stop.
I can't stop.
Shut up.
It doesn't matter.

It continues.
I die some more.
Heh.
I probably deserve this.

Please stop.
What about me?

Shut them out.
I can't.
I try.
I fail.

It's not so bad when I close my eyes.
But I can't keep my eyes closed for long.
They'd get worried.

Depressed,
My brain chemicals I can't confess
Distressed,
Large bodies of people I detest.

It only happens when I'm with them.
I never feel this way by myself.
I only feel lonely with them
I can never be alone and lonely.

The noise,
It continues.

My true face hidden by these plastic identities
When they're removed, you shun me
It's a battle I'm always losing,
So I come to the conclusion
"I'm not allowed to cry!"

At least publicly,
You say you never ever want to hear a whimper out of me.
So in the dark in my tears I lie
But when the sun comes up, I got to dry my eyes.

Sometimes it feels
Ever so slightly annoying
Sometimes I just can’t
Be on my best behaviour

Life is a test,
I’m failing my papers
I want me dead
But that is for later

I am obsessed
There isn’t enough evidence
My worthlessness’s
Determined by my intelligence

Days. Weeks months: time
I’ll tell you that I’m feeling fine
My performances are only Fs

I WANNA TEAR EVERY LIGAMENT TO SHREDS
My heart is what broke
I sw**r I wouldn’t do it again
Knives, lemme *******?
Can’t disappoint you if I am dead
"Get lost and never be found."
That’s what she said

It's obvious
So obviously
That I ain't right
You see the real me

It's obvious
But
Not that known
Unending mission to reach home
Unending mission, alone...

Taciturn,
Stoics cannot crack

Crack, there goes our glowsticks
As a unit, we light the lanterns

Our pain is for a purpose,
Though it  may seem to hurt us,
It makes the days seem so long.
Life's course is unforgiven,
Survivors, we're still living,
You got to be strong
(As the hurt goes on).

Sometimes,
I feel
so unforgiven;
My mind
Has freed,
Leaving me killing (self harm, tho).
My sanity, no longer me, but more,
What are my people for?

Scrambled thoughts,
Emotional malfunction.
No more reality,
All I have is perception.
Never wanted to be a source of pain,
Don't want to be the chains.

Two heads are better than one,
But are two voices in my head better than none?
Too many cooks spoil the broth,
I think that I'm spoilt done.

The hardest diamonds
can be broken.

The mutest of tongues
cry out,
they've spoken.

The deafest of ears,
they hear
their tears.

The emotionally numb,
they still...
feel...
pain...

We
feel...
pain...

I
feel...
pain.


T­he hardest diamonds...
the living die out

But I wanna die now
There is no way out

to escape

You lie and lie me down
I'm not safe

Whatever it may be
It wouldn't last

Whatever it's made off,
Eventually, it'll be of the past

Surprised that I distrust myself,
You don't even trust me!
Just living the way I'm raised,
But is that the way to be?

Do not like my different ways,
Say it's okay to be unique!

Your sayings alarm me
Your paradox knocks me,
Your words confuse me,
Your words are, you act so
Confusingly contradictory.

Unrealistic-
Expectations
Sends me ballistic,
I can't function!

Animalistic-
The beast in me won't stay in its grave!

A mental misfit-
Tell me am I too much to save?

These pastel colours are painted on my life pallet:
Love and Laughter,
Rage and Regret
The memories I'm after
The memories I want to forget
The red and blues are abused

These aren't the colours I should see!
How could I tell you?
You never come through-
It is killing me
I'm at the point where it hurts so much I hurt myself
Don't you understand the meaning of 'help'?

Isn't it a lonely world?
Watching from the other side
My life is just passing me by

"You naughty girl,
Questionably feminine,
You know you are a freaking sin!"

Gouge my eyes and watch me scream
Another day
Won't wake up to my dreams
What can I say
When you wouldn't listen?

I don't have your permission

Look into the massive sky
Feeling so inferior
I cry on the interior

"You shameful guy,
Excuse of masculinity."
I'm never allowed to be me

Gouge my eyes and watch me scream
Another day
Won't wake up to my dreams
What can I say
When you wouldn't listen?

I don't have your permission

What can I say,
But dream another day?

When the coconut trees
Dance with me
It gives me sheer delight

And when the beastly wind
Sweeps me of my feet
In the middle of night

When the flying fish flies
Into our sky
Oh what a lovely sight

When a skunk raises it tail at you
Oh what a fright!
Oh what a smell, too

Non-food items I find as my fetish
How can I resist the thought that sooner I will perish?
Objects flavored with tastes to abhor,
I have had enough of my fill,
Yet my taste buds demand more.

Pitter patter-
My tears on these white tiles
I feel the pain but tell myself it will be for a short while
Another person, another person who think of cutting off their life line
I wish I'd live a simple yet satisfying lifetime.

Littler streams running down, running down my face
I want to disappear, don't want to be in this place
Finally could see why suicide is a big 'craze'
I may be alive but not living, I just go with the days.

As I get older, I get better at telling lies
When I was young(er), I was brave, but now I'm painfully shy
Persons around me keep changing for the worst, I don't know why
To make it in their world very hard I try.

I go to bed
I wake up.
Every morning, you're still sleeping.

I watch the night
I keep the day
To keep our nostrils breathing.

The lights are on
Water is flowing
The nurture and nourishment I gave...

I turn over
Every morning
You're still sleeping in your grave!

To it ceased,
My folds increased
I cut the folds
Left me deceased

It's my disease
Makes me a beast
My lines of symmetry
Showed my cemmetry

That's not right-
A polygon,
With too many sides
One for everyone
For their delight.

A side for you,
There's enough so feast
I'll be what you want
The least of these

Porcelain begins to shatter
These dolls we all know to well
Looking past beyond the laughter
There is a story to tell:
Up on our shelves you eye us everyday
You pull us down, you want to play
Our bodies hit the floor
In pieces, you don't want us anymore

Porcelain put back together
You aren't done playing yet
Our skins stained, our clothes rags, tattered
We still can never forget:
In a corner catching dust
You never ever cleaned us up
We're left alone lying, traumatized
Unwanted in your hungry eyes

Porcelain isn't the better
Our shards, they cut your hand
And your feet, you should've never
Played rough, do you understand?
Fragile, you never handled us with care
Our bodies break, our clothes you tear
Now you're the one who bleeding
We're thrown away, defeated

I can't think right,
I can't speak right,
I can't breathe right,
But it's alright
Because  I like

When it doesn't all depend on me.

Let us make sweet music
During out act
We'll carry on
Until the end...
For the peoples

Sometimes I am not myself
They tell me it's me, not them
Neglect me and free themselves
Is it so bad to need their help?

I believed their false words all of the time,
They feed me, poison me with all their lies
They're too ignorant to question why I'm dying.
Once again, they blame it on me, but unlike them, I'm trying.

Sometimes... They tell me... Neglect... It is so bad?
I believe... They feed me poison... They're too ignorant... Once again.

I'm running out of time,
They continue to waste my mind.
At the bottom of their list is me,
Is it wrong to want to be...
PRIORITY?

I saw them, I sw**r
Sometimes they were in line,
Sometimes scattered everywhere

I saw them around me
They were on the ground
Leave them alone and
They'll never make a sound

Touch them the wrong way
And if they’re close, they’ll crumble
In their downfall
In the end, they'll always lose their humble

I can’t see the difference
Is it just me or they are all the same
They’re just clones of each other
I can feel their pain

I couldn’t tell them apart
Without my fingertips
They’re all duplicates
A species of a looped never-ending clips

What if
I am just as bare,
Another domino
I can’t recognise my own reflection
So I guess I’ll never know.

I’ll help you find you way;
Live to see brighter days,

When you’re feeling imprisoned,
I’m the key to your cage.

When you’re lost I will find you,
In fogs I’ll always shine through.

When you’ve lost, it’s a gain;
I’ll protect you from pain.

You know
We're good
We both know
How to hold back

Killing machines,
On command, we can attack

Our defences
Sometimes found offensive
Do the crime, pay the time
Pay for your offences

Drip drap drop my blood on these white tiles
I feel the pain but it would be for a short while
Another person who cut of their life line
Nobody can say that I would live for a lifetime

Hahaha! I wonder if I'll finally die. Every single time I ever tried I failed and did it miserably. Is it wrong to have suicidal tendencies? NOPE!!! My family says that there is nothing wrong with me. To believe or not to believe who cares? Well certainly not me. It is said that thinking that you have a mental disorder when you don't is a mental disorder. How can it be? Humans are very peculiar; they are not understandable.

Red river coming out of my body
I guess I'm just another person to bury
If there was anyone who really cared about me
They would suffer bad when me they'd see

Already seeing the white light.
I never thought that it would be so bright.
I never thought that's so much it would shine.
Numbness now coming from my wound site.

Hope it was my destined time to die.
Can't really breathe, on my knees, clutching to my side.
The red streams are so dark; they make me start to cry.
Is there another way other than suicide?

***** blood on the toilet seat
Wish somebody would come here and rescue me
That somebody would most likely not be real
My fingers and toes I cannot feel.

Gurgle, gurgle
My life I just burgled
Wish people wouldn't say that I looked like a gerbil
I wouldn't have to face the fact that I am in trouble

Blarh, blarh!
A black crow at me cawed
I barely see I'm encircled by blurry vultures
My eyes closed, my last breath I draw.

Please stand by, we're having some technical difficulties
We are dealing with the static disturbance
The colourbars are staring right back at me
What a horrible turn of events

Maybe it's time to cut the act
Everything is ruined in moments
I always infect and ruin everything
No matter the type of event

What if I do them a final favour
And just **** myself?
Let me
Put them out of their misery

My problematic existence has always been a waste
I can never get anything right
This worthless circus monster should be rid of with haste
I can't even do that right

Let me
Put you out of your misery
And end it all
It shouldn't be hard to build you up
By having an eternal fall

I'm sorry, it's my fault
I should cut off my tongue
My skull should be bashed in
My neck should be rung

Let me
Put you out of your misery
Can't tell you I'm falling apart
I am worthless, my opinion doesn't matter
Just hurry up and put a knife through my heart

Thinking of all their time that's been wasted because of me
It's a shame their efforts are for naught
Considering that I'll never amount to anything good enough
I was woth it, back then I thought

I'm fading
Ripping myself apart
To put work together
They don't know how it's hard
They have it so much better

They were built for this
Their ignorance is bliss
My brain neurons blistered
Might fire this pis-
Tol

Boom, Splat
Well won't you look that
So sad I have to go like this
Because of all the things you wouldn't notice,
Your ignornce is purely bliss

Why are you not working
Do you want to get fired?
Run amuck, berzerking
You shouldn't play with fire.

Are we pyromaniacs?
Yes, we arson.
They keep saying that
We're gonna get burn.

What cause have I to feel glad?
I've built my life on judgement and feeling pain.
I don't know those eyes I see in the bloodstained chrome.

Now everything that I've had
and everything I've known have been thrown away.
And with time I've come to find this isn't my home.
I've stoked the fire, seen more pain that you can know.
The tears of the broken have washed away my soul.
Pushed by their desire to change the way my stream will flow,
Disease awoken, and it's taking back control.
I try my best to ignore my screams,
They keep haunting me in my dreams.

Please break my shackles?
I want it to stop?

I man this wretched machine.
Day in, day out, the grinding wears on my brain.
Undermining my sanity,
Making me question what's "reality."
"Life" is not as it seems.
Should I take a chance of freedom or throw it all down the drain?
I've been imprisoned,
Please burn my transgressions away?

I'm sick of hurting, sick of thinking it's all I do.
Broken by those around me, spared very few.
The bright moon is burning, and my thoughts are ever blue.
Darkness surround me, am I becoming a part of you?

We wanna Jo to have more friends
Not hidden in shadows to drive Jo wild.

Jo try so hard to make Jo dead
Jo pain, is yours kind of pleasure? Chld?


It's we
We know Jo can hear us

We're broken. There can be way

Believe
We are all in Jo head
Lies Jo tell selves each day

Memory always been rotten?
Bitter old times cannot forgotten
Silent screams, misunderstandings,
Can you bring Jo better ending?

Tears of fear shows Jo despair
Real humans are never there
Happiness can't last forever
Jo try to fix selves together

Watch out...
...Disease draws closer
As it killing Jo mind...

...Find calm...
...It cannot be over?...
...Lies of truth lie behind...

My chemical imbalances
Make me unstable
Releasing pieces of my mind
So I'll become stable
Still calculating the halflife
Of my sanity
Alpha, beta or gammma,
Would not catorize me

Grasping for the air in my gasp,
Uneverlasting, all good things come to an end
Water too deep, I cannot reach
I must be glad, for I won't last.

Clinging to the air in my lungs,
With last breath singing, life or death do not belong
Much oxygen, won't come within,
I'm somewhat mad, won't let me last.

Chasing the things unreachable
I'm never changing, yet rearrangeable,
Barrier so thick, can't feel your hits,
I'm good you're sad, won't see me last.

Falling, hoping that it's to soar
Cranium hawling, I don't like, but get more
Air rush through crease, my wings released
Falling to death, can't **** me, yet.

The truth serves no purpose anymore,
Everyday's the same dream
Mindless, lifeless, happiness-poor,
The world isn't as it seems.

Days, weeks, months, years, feeling stranger,
By my trauma strangled,
Too ungreat to bring 'bout changes,
In your lies I'm tangled

School's all that matters,
Not eduction
No one cares about effort,
Just router perfection.

Blue eyes
Black hair
You cried
I stared
I laughed
You left
Blue eyes
Come back.